• Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

SGTBRONY


T

My O.C. is caught in the epicenter of a nuclear blast and miraculously survives, now in Equestria he must confront demons new and old, from without and within....

Chapters (18)
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Comments ( 83 )

First fic everypony, if you all would be kind enough to critique it for me I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't really care if it's harsh either, I know there's gaps in my writing style that need filling. That said I truly hope you enjoy it.

moar coming, right?

your writing style is decent, and I enjoy reading this. Kinda curious as to his role in equestria, i mean, is he gonna fight for them, etc

tracking and waiting for new chapter

I've actually got about 3 more chapters on my computer ready to go, but where I work I'm without Internet, expect those chapters to be up on Sunday without fail. I appreciate the feedback as well

hmmm... well, the only things I can say is

MOAR!

you had me laughing with the lyra and bon bon part i need more

Ask and ye shall receive, I'll have 5 and hopefully 6 up in the next 12 hours

On a little side note, how'd you guys like my fragment style dream sequence? Immersive or no?

hmm good chapter with the whole "talking ponis is an evryday thing"shit not may readers take that aproch,and also I like how celestia isan't a xeophobic bigot when she know's about humans.keep it up.:ajsmug::ajsmug::ajsmug:

woot woot woot i see a relation ship coming or not ethier way tis is a good story.

about that chapter 5 and 6 4 weeks ago :P

I apologize buddy, life got in the way (had to pack up and move across the country) plus my pc died, bottom line the new chapters will be up in the next few days, scouts honor.

Keep up the good work little mortal!

that was the longest 12 hours ever in history but yes a update

1260641 SHEOGORATH GET BACK TO THE SHIVERING ISLES.

seriously its jyggalug. HES ON OUR FRINGE AGAIN

also i wonder how twilight will react when she relises cigs are bad..... unless she allready knows and ive just forgotten that part of the story due to sleepyness:facehoof:

dude this is great keep em coming

Cant wait to see what happens now

nice chapter you have me hooked

spike you dirty dragon no peeking on twilight:trollestia:

Whoops! Thanks for spotting that, I'll correct it posthaste, I was still thinking Twilights magic purple aura and it was late :facehoof:

I like this, it's very underrated :P and I'm not just saying that, many people are deterred because this is a HiE and has a soldier in it, I usually don't read the typical 'Shoot em up, slashy, stabby, only kills kills kills' (Unless it's a good Halo one hehe) fics, this contains the right amount of accuracy without being too over the top, I do like it. :ajsmug:

Thanks buddy, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm trying to get back into writing with this fic and blow out some of the cobwebs, bottom line: if you keep reading, I'll keep writing!

Rog', chapter 9 is half done and I hope to have it done and posted by tomorrow evening

More. Tracking. :rainbowkiss: Loving this story so far.

this is great only bad thing is one chapter a month

I see your comment and raise you a chapter in the same week! Bahaha!:pinkiecrazy:

I have need of you.
-Celestia

well i smell a shit storm coming

Ok, let’s get right into this-

"I guess this is it huh LT", Ryan cast me a baleful look, "People are gonna know what you did here Mike" I smiled as I leaned against the truck, "Somehow Ry I don't think so"…..

OH GOS
MY EYES
What this little snippet should look like:

“I guess this is it, huh, LT?”
Ryan cast me a baleful look. “People are gonna know what you did here, Mike.”
I smiled as I leaned against the truck. “Somehow, Ry, I don’t think so...”

4 years ago…
1425 Hours
Coronado, California
NSW Training Depot
BUD/S class 285
Hell Week

Bold or italics

"C'MON BOY! I KNOW YOU WANNA QUIT"

Comma after “quit”.

She was anything and everything I could've asked for in a woman and many a night I sat awake wondering what an angel like her was doing with someone like me. One morning about 3 weeks after I had proposed she called me from work and asked if I would meet her for lunch, that there was something we needed to talk about.

Again, it should look like:

She was anything and everything I could’ve asked for in a woman, and many a night I sat awake wondering what an angel like her was doing with someone like me. One morning, about three weeks after I proposed, she called me from work and asked if I would meet her for luch. She said there was something we needed to talk about.

A few months later I was kissing her goodbye as she boarded a plane headed for Afghanistan, She was part of a Medevac aircrew stationed out of Bagram AFB. For months her wing conducted operations supporting various combat missions, I won't say I wasn't a wreck the whole time but the happiness in her voice every time she called, joy at doing something that really mattered, overrode most of my fears.

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28853689.jpg
“She’s dead, Jim.”

Present day minus 20 minutes

Bold or italics.




-Regidar, top commenter, signing off.

well shit didnt see that coming:derpyderp2:. ha but i have to give credit to you its original, also first comment

2034029 Thanks man, that's actually what I was aiming for. It's more of a love story than a war story, I feel like a lot of these stories blur the lines between Earth and Equestria. My goal was to have those lines clearly defined from the get-go, with a little violence (namely the Diamond Dog scene) to keep our heroe's dual nature in the back of your mind. Here's a guy who's highly trained, dedicated and lethal, but also a regular guy (hopes, dreams, etc.). He's lost one woman now he's set to lose a mare, how far will he go to get her back, things like that.

nice i liked the flash back

wow.

yes action!! :pinkiehappy:

This is really good, but you used commas where you needed periods a few times.

Ex:

I felt grass tickling the side of my face, I cracked one eye and saw brilliant sunlight, I wiggled my fingers and toes almost afraid to try and assess the damage, nope all accounted for.

It should look more like this;

I felt grass tickling the side of my face. I cracked one eye and saw brilliant sunlight.or 'and' I wiggled my fingers and toes(comma) almost afraid to try and assess the damage, nope all accounted for.

Though overall this is very well written.

nice.

short, but nice

2100443 Thank you for the critique my friend, punctuation has always been a shortcoming of mine. I appreciate the compliment as well, I'm trying to keep the story very simple and focused which is why we didn't see much of the Mane Six. I have another story on the rolls once this is completed that will be much broader in scope and depth. No spoilers but its going to have a lot to do with the Princessess. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by SGTBRONY deleted Feb 11th, 2013

Good job man:twilightsmile: I have to say you have got my attention with the first chapter. Im going to keep going and see where this goes:twilightsmile:

Holy shit, I am crying. Im not crying as bad as I did on my little dashie but im crying all the same:raritydespair::applecry::fluttershysad::pinkiesad2:

Arghh, you sonofabitch:rainbowhuh: why you have to leave me on a cliff hanger:applecry: Im so interested on what is happening now and now I have to wait:fluttercry: I await the next chapter to this great love story with unprecedented amounts of impatience's (but take your time I don't want you to rush anything) Very good story man and keep it up:twilightsmile:

2232481 High praise my friend, I'm glad you're enjoying the ride. I won't keep you waiting too much longer. Wow.. Made you cry huh? I'm glad that this story can invoke that kinda reaction, guess I'm doin my job lol. Till next time buddy.

./trollface chapter

2233115 Yea, I have always been into these kind of storys. Have a sense of action and violence but also heartwarming moments that trigger emotions. (I get the impression that you are a military Brony, so if you are I would like to say that I have a great amount of respect for those in the armed services, so I salute you for your service and thank you for answering the call of duty to defending the country) BROHOOF!! /)

2234406 (\ brohoof to you as well man. I was in the Army for about a year before I was medically discharged (non-service connected), now I work security.

Awesome new chapter. Now to wait for the next one to see what happens........

this story is very good. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

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