A tough decision tears overprotective parent Berry Punch from her daughter Ruby Pinch. Celestia can offer no more than sympathies, as she has time and again.
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- Member Since 4th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Dec 13th, 2011
cydoniia
You might know me from ff.net. I'll be uploading most of my work here, but I will likely update my ff.net account with greater frequency. :)
cydoniia
Joined 4th Dec, 2011 ·
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Oh God, I feel feelings.
50705
Then I have done my job here. :)
It's very nice, but i feel there is much missing...
you show us a glimpse at Berry punches sorrow but only a glimpse. You leave us with little to hint the reason for Rubies untimely demise, and i think you could make it better if you give us insight into how she died. And how that is a contradiction to what Celestia said that day, and what Berry said .I like the fact that you say there is a element in every pony, even magic but i'm not sure that Celestia would take on more than one personal student. I liked it but i feel there is much you could revise...
but otherwise i liked it...
50708
Thanks for the comment. :)
What I was aiming for with this fic was ambiguity. I didn't want to outline how Ruby Pinch did die, because I felt that it would detract from the story as a whole (and I'd likely get sidetracked with an entire novel about the young filly). I feel that Celestia would try her very best to help, but sometimes even she is powerless, and that's where I wanted the true sadness of the story to come from - the fact that Celestia is immortal, so powerful, and yet she couldn't do anything to save Ruby or Berry. On the subject of Celestia having more than one student, I see where you're coming from. My idea was that if something happened to Twilight Sparkle, for instance, and they desperately needed someone in a position to use the elements, they'd have nothing.
Thanks a lot for the constructive criticism, I'll certainly be taking it into account if I do write more in this arc. It's a possibility, but I haven't planned anything solid out yet.
50710 I see how you would want to shy away from her death, and how it would take away from your real goal.... but maybe you could use it to emphasize that point...
i'd love to see what changes you make if you do...
50769
That is a very interesting idea. :)
I'll certainly let you know if I do something with it!
Thanks for the helpful comment. :)
... whut?
Hey there! I've been asking some other Sad writers about this, but I was wondering if you could check out my story Letters, and give me some advice. I would appreciate it.
Nice work on the story. I feel. But one thing. How would Berry Punch shake her hand? I'm assuming that you meant her head?