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Rarity meets the stallion of her dreams, a soldier unicorn from Canterlot, but he just isn't into her. Instead, he seems to have an eagle eye out for cute stallions, so Rarity decides to take a few desperate measures.
Written for a fic exchange among the Equestria Daily pre-readers. My prompt was "Rarity meets the stallion of her dreams, but he just isn't into her." Banned from posting on Equestria Daily for entirely justified reasons.
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W00t new story!
Edit: ok, that was pretty funny. I had a riot when she was talking to twilight, and the little jokes made the scenes. Nice one as always!
Also, FIRST!
Lol wat.
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/491/dafuq.jpg
No
That. was. amazinnng.
This should be called Rophies in equestria
And why not give him a break and make the spell break before he wakes up, make him unaware that eh was the one fucked.
YES
“Sorry. In short: because shut up.”
After that, it was all downhill, sorry. Still, that one line was worth it! XD
This is so disturbing! Rarity probably could've gotten what she wanted without slipping him that mickey, but it certainly was an entertaining story :D
he seems to have an eagle eye out
Oh you.
Oh.
Ooohhhh..
OOOOOHHHHHH.
nice story
Ah pony date rape...
lol funny new chapter plz
Now, if that was an illusion, why does his rear hurt? Does Rarity shop at "The Crop"?
Anyway, Rarity gets what Rarity wants.
Lets hope she also gets what she deserves, which is a pair of hoofcuffs and a few years in a really unfabulous convict's suit. DFSA is no laughing matter.
Lol. Not again.
Handing out roofies to unsuspecting stallions doesn't quite equate to generosity, Rarity
.
Oh Vimbert.
Wow, this actually puts a lot of backstory for Eagle Eye into a very disturbing light.
, but when you played the whole story straight.... Not cool.
Still, it was technically sound, as always.
Now I was laughing my ass off, expecting a nice
Really when you break it down, the story sums up to Rarity slipping another pony a date rape drug and going forth with it afterwards, something that in germany would be, if convicted, a minimum of two years in prison. Think about it!
Many people are gonna take this story the wrong way, so be prepared for the fallout.
Edit: Spelling and minor phrasing fixes.
YEEAAHHHH! NEW VIMBERT STORY!
900857
If you care to elaborate, I like negative feedback. I strive to learn.
901030
Well, this was written in a short span of time for a prompt, so at least that much was good.
901086
901368
Totally agreed. Still, I feel nothing should be sacred where comedy is concerned, so I threw caution to the wind.
901445
I was prepared the moment I hit Submit.
Disturbing as always.
did anyone notice the "Not again" at the end?
Love Vimbert stories so much. Even laughed out loud at points
901563
Well, then carry on.
With that out of the way, the story was funny as hell and your stance, that nothing is sacred before comedy, is the right one.
Hell we make jokes about the Nazis (Yes, those Nazis), because how can something scare you or hold power over you, if you just laugh it in the face.
901563
I just reread "Playing Hard to Get", you didn't use such ... desperate measures for comedy's sake there, and it was still quite funny.
I can't help but be a little disappointed that you did it for this story. Ah well, I'm not gonna throw you a "rape culture" hissy fit over this, I smiled at Rarity's and Twilight's scene, so it's not all bad.
Maybe you'll write a second chapter so Rarity has to face some consequences? Even if it's only the realization that Eagle is well known in Canterlot for his orientaion.
901583
You might want to read Distorted Perspective and Playing Hard to Get.
901563 Oh, so this was like a 30 minute or 60 minute thingy? OHHHHHhhhhh.
...
XD Okay, I am more impressed with this then! XD
That was gay.
Like, literally gay.
Continue.
901656
that makes a lot more sense now...
hadnt read them since they are put as seperate stories...
author: your good at writing. Id say kinda start making a shift from him being a coltcuddler to straight, mabye a sequal to this were the magic rarity wears off.
What is it with you and gender benders? They're all excellent stories, so I'm not complaining, and I don't really know where I'm going with this. Anyway, I love the idea of Rarity being a date rapist. awesome story man.
902131
Actually ... I think that would be boring.
Those stories are funny because Eagle is so insecure in his orientation. In "Playing hard to get" he tries several times to play the hetero but fails. In this story he completely ignores Rarity and only has eyes for Caramel's plot and later "Elusive".
Having him realize that he spent the night with a mare would throw him a new curve ball and keep the character interesting.
I'm so glad you finally wrote a fic about the best pony.
901634
Wow! That's great that folks can use humor to deal with that. Over here in the States, some stuff in our own past (like the treatment of the Native Americans, some of our warhawkish nature, etc) isn't quite so dealt with. I wish we could follow that example.
901650
Hmm... I can certainly understand your concern. This prompt was extremely difficult for me to write, since I dislike Rarity, so I felt hard-pressed at points to hold the story together. I don't work well under deadlines, either, so if this feels rushed, it was. Thanks for the clear point: I often go a little too far sometimes, although I'm of the opinion that subtle comedy is best.
901687
Actually, we had a week, but for me, it was five days of "AUGH I CAN'T WRITE RARITY" and a few hours on the last two days of "OKAY LET'S DO DIS"
902131
Writing about this OC is something I love to do, and he's actually going to start thinking more seriously about his sexuality in the next story. I usually roll him out to get abused for the purpose of comedy, but he's going to have his finest hour in the next story he's in, a little like Scott Pilgrim finally getting his shit together.
902352
The thought made me laugh too much, so I had to do it.
As for gender benders, well... on a more serious note, I find Equestria's gender politics fascinating; they are more or less the opposite of ours (at least from my U.S. perspective). On a more funny note, I think gender bending is great because it doesn't make any goddamned sense and lends a nice sort of craziness to anything.
902418
As I mentioned earlier in this mega-reply, he'll be thinking more seriously about things in his next tale, and he actually will be sort of matchmakered up with a mare, causing him to reconsider many of his attitudes. It's a story I'm very much looking forward to writing, although I'm a touch nervous since folks seem to expect comedy from me, if the view counts/favs/etc on my stories are any indication.
Ah, to hell with what the public wants. I'll just keep writing what I want to.
902616
I've written about Twilight Sparkle before, Daff.
902682
And everyone tries to guilttrip us about it, when there have been dictators who killed more and in crueler ways (Mao and Stalin respectively), my generation has simply gotten sick of it (To be fair this does not excuse those crimes, but hear me out).
I wish it was that easy, basically everyone age 55+ is still a litle uneasy with it, and there are the odd individuals in lower age ranges, who think that we are still responsible for the stuff that our great-great-grandparents did.
To put things into perspective: The Nazis were idiots with an agenda. I mean they had a 5 year technological lead on everyone, they had the best scientific lineup in the world (I mean it, just look at the scientists the drove to exile, especially that ex-swiss-patent-clerk
), to say nothing about a whole lot of other stuff they had going. 
If they had not attacked russia, they would have won the war in europe, they had effectively won it in 1941.
Someone so incompetent deserves nothing, but ridicule of the worst kind. Hell they murdered a whole lot of productive members of society, ordinary people like you and me, among them were some of the most brilliant minds of the time.
But this is just my opinion and I view (systematic) idiocy in a position of power as one of the worst crimes committable, as you not only cause harm to yoursef and your generation, but also those of future generations.
...
Whow, this got offtrack quite a bit, but as an excuse I'm also kinda drunk, so please excuse the grammatical errors.
902981
Hey, it's alright. Makes sense, if I'm remembering my history correctly.
902988
8 consecutive years of history classes have to account for something, right?
Have yet to read, but to be a sorta dick, doesn't the name not do its job?
"A night he won't rememeber" makes sense, but "A night he remember" iz grammar failure. Since the brackets are supposed to give an alternative reading of the line, or something, it just seems off...
If it were "A night to (not) remember" than both reading with and without brackets work. Anyway, that's my qouta of "poke V" now to read Eagle's politically incorrect misadventures. Yay you for drastically gay ponies.
903034
Eh, it's intended more as an aside within the title... still, you've got a point.
Man, I hate titles.
902682
No, Mr Vimbert, we expect you to die.
Ah... That came out wrong.
While I have not yet read everything you have posted on this site (what I intend to do, eventually) I have not been disappointed yet, either.
So just write away, you have earned some benefit of the doubt, at least with me.
Because rape is not at all serious and good ol' comedy when its girl(?) on guy.
Also, aren't roofies unnecssary....I mean, we know the kind of colt Eagle Eye is...suppose Rarity doesn't, but it seems odd she'd resort to plan B before even attempting plan A, and considering her charm, Plan A woulda been pretty much a guranteed success. Of course, there's the bit about recognition afterwards, except she already had a handy lie setup.... huh. I'm reading way too much into this.
Moar Eagle Eye Shenanigans!!
903095
Thanks for giving me a shot! Hopefully you'll find more to your liking in my other stuff.
903096
This wasn't too planned out. Can you tell?
...Of course you can.
Not... horrible. And I understand that time constraints affected it, but damn this was fast paced. It felt like I was only hopping into scenes for a few moments and then moving on.
haha, "abused"... interesting word choice.
I think it would be funny to throw one in with luna, luna learning of his and celestias time at the end.
Um. not sure what to make of this sorry....
The word "perfect" is used three times in the first paragraph. Not sure if want...
Hah. Rarity has to check Eagle Eye's "indecent places."
I just realized that the vacation fits into Eagle Eye canon. Oh fuck... there IS an Eagle Eye canon by this point. Eagle-Eye-Verse? Does the Anti-Monitor try to take it over while wearing a scarf? F'naaa
Things are moving kind of fast here...
Goddammit. Twilight's Twilestia thread is actually interesting. Move us a little in that direction, fic. Come on--awwww...
"Because shut up" ? Doesn't seem like something Twilight would say. But then again, this fic is shaping up to be rather zany.
Pfftt--Wait, wat? The mirror is a reverse-gender deus ex machina? Blessed Nietzsche, man. Were you drunk when you wrote this, or simply trying to speed your way through a Rarity fic? XD
LuLz. Gawd. I was wondering how Rarity would handle the sudden sex change backfire. Eagle Eye's no idiot.
Oh for the love of--She's gonna drug him? God, what did I sign myself up for?
There are no words to describe the extent to which I am palming my face right now. But at least I'm smiling.
Oh boy. Ohhhhhhhh boy this fanfic. Ohhhh-hoooo boy. Ahem. So, what can I say, man? I feel like Distorted Perspective was "Shaun of the Dead," Playing Hard to Get was "Hot Fuzz," and right now I just sat down to "Paul." I suppose this *could* fall within the continuum that is the Eagle Eye Chronicles, but holy hell. What did I just read? XD
Let's look at the tags again. "Romance:" Well, it had infatuation at first sight and date rape, so I dunno. "Comedy:" stuff is funny so long as there's an anchor to reality, yes? It's possible to go so far off the beaten path that you abandon the marathon altogether. "Random:" Hmmm. Yup. Let's go with this.
It's not like this fic hasn't amused me. Hell, it made me smile and snicker at several occasions. But, good God man, Rarity falls head over heels for a random stallion--an effeminate one at that--with the meager excuse of him possibly getting her more connections to the Canterlot scene, something which can only be accomplished by kidnapping him and taking advantage of his comatose form. This quest of hers is so important that she's willing to go a magical/physical body transformation. Then she completely and utterly loses the logical center of her brain that would tell her how stupid it would be to change appearance before and after making a last-minute date adnfajflkajfkljafkl;jaf
You know what? I'm betting this is a troll fic. If so, then consider me effectively trolled. I know you hate Rarity. I know you'd rather stab yourself in the pancreas than dedicate a long and involved fic with her. I know that this was quite obviously the project of a competitive literary endeavor that was thrust upon your lap with the fury of Caramel on amphetamines. But gosh dang. This story could have had so much potential, if only it was--like--twelve thousand words instead of two thousand. I quite like the potential for Rarity to have tried getting the attention of a stallion who doesn't know she exists, and so she tries to do a gender-changing spell, but then it backfires and she's stuck and she has to re-analyze herself as a sexual creature and... rrrghh...
To this fic's benefit, it moved quickly. Like, lightning-fucking-we-don't-need-no-roads-time-travel-quickly. But I can't shake the feeling that it exists simply to do just that. To exist: as a joke, as a glitch in the system, as a means of poking fun at Rarity's two-dimensional faults while driving us insane with absurdism and out-of-character madness. If that was the accomplishment, than bravo. And if I suspected that while going in, I wouldn't be suffering an aneurysm right now. Just... f'naaaaaaa.
I really lurve your other Eagle Eye fics. I like how they had a lot of tongue-and-cheek quirks in the narrative, a solid progression of character development, and a flimsy albeit digestible anchor in the show. It's okay to have Celestia turn into a big pink ghei stallion, so long as you use it to analyze her relationship to mortals like Twilight in some post-modernist fashion. It's okay to have Eagle Eye constantly bump into barriers of social awkwardness, so that you can set us up for the emotional tragedy of his predicament with a changeling. But... but... Rarity resorting to date rape?!?!
Meh. I'm not one to talk. If you follow my stuff at all, Vimbert, you're going to see some things from me in the next two or three weeks that will make you facepalm and rage far more than you ever did with "I Remember Rainbow Dash." You've forgiven me, and I really have no reason to be so steamed over this. It was amusing, to say the least. I lurved the physical image of Rarity kicking doors open and laboring to carry Eagle Eye home to a night of steamy wtf-ness. It had the speed and insanity of a Looney Tunes short, and perhaps it was best that way. Still, I can't help but feel like I've just watched Turkish Star Wars, while the plot for this was laying out the groundwork for the Empire Strikes back.
To each his own, right?
Plzzzzzz give us more Eagle Eye, Vimbert, next time without ponies you hate acting out of character and drugging stallions at bars.
-SS&E
902682 You do the gender benders tastefully and hilariously, which is something most professional comedians can't do. And yes it does, yes it does. Keep on writing.
911063
You've more or less hit it on the head. A pre-reader told me to write Rarity, so I said to myself, "Fine. You want Rarity? Oh, you'll get Rarity."
He was both horrified and amused at the results.
Trust me, I've no intention of making this trainwreck my normal style. I went back and forth about even posting it, but figured a few people might get a laugh out of it. And hey, if it made you chuckle and get a little miffed, it did its job.
You know what this needs?
A cover picture of Elusive in Rarity's "bend over" pose.
she DATERAPED him?!?!!?!?!??!
wouldve spied on them she would have had a shock!
if only sweetie
she shouldve taken off the spell and set up a camera so while she raped him she couldve made it look like he was willing and mabe even going a bit hard for her
poor spike if he knew!
She ROOFIED him. As someone who has been roofied twice in his life, I can say with certainty that drugs suck and are unnecessary. You know what I think? I think it was an excuse so you wouldn't have to make the bar scene go on longer and you could just speed along to the punchline. Winners never quit, and quitters never do drugs. Or something.
This isn't very good, is what I'm saying.