An Elusive Mark
Rarity hummed to herself as she continued to tidy up the Boutique's interior. Everything had to be perfect for today. She wasn't quite sure why, aside from her normal desire to have everything as perfect and prim as ever, but for some reason, her intuition was telling her that everything had to be perfect on this day of all days.
She had just finished up a large order not too long ago, so as usual, her efforts had left the shop a mess. It had taken her most of the day to get things in order, but finally, her storefront was perfect.
Just then, a purple unicorn peeked in, looking lost. Rarity was just getting ready to close up, but she figured one more customer couldn't hurt anything. “Hello, and welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is sleek, chic, and magnifique! I am Rarity, and how can I make your life more fabulous today?” She moved closer to get a better look at her visitor.
The unicorn resembled Twilight, in an odd way. He—Rarity couldn't quite be sure without checking in indecent places, but he looked more like a stallion than a mare, despite his feminine jawline—had a purple coat, a matching mane, and overall looked like something of a clone of Twilight. Except male. Rarity also noted he had a spyglass cutie mark; what that could mean, she wasn't quite sure.
“Er...” he said.
“Oh, terribly sorry! I just haven't seen you around town before. Did you just move to Ponyville?”
“No, no, I'm just visiting,” he said, moving further into the shop and taking all her expertly arranged scenery in. “Nice place.”
“Thank you! Shopping for something in particular? I must admit, I rarely have the chance to make anything for stallions...” It truly was a shame. Even the most eligible bachelors in Ponyville hardly paid any attention to fashion. Rarity certainly would not have minded seeing, say, Big Macintosh in a nice tuxedo, but that wasn't liable to happen soon. Truly a pity.
He chuckled, his eyes darting about nervously. “Oh, no. I'm... actually a little lost.”
Rarity sagged. Just another window shopper. “What a shame. At least have a look around, will you?” She gave him her very best pouty face.
He drew back slightly. “I... all right.” To Rarity's amusement, he went directly over to the mare's dresses and went through a few, only to shake his head and move on, muttering something to himself.
“So, what brings you to Ponyville...”
“Eagle Eye,” he supplied. “I'm just on vacation from the Guard, and...”
Rarity zoomed over, getting right in his face. “You're in the Royal Guard?! In Canterlot?!”
Eagle drew back, unused to such behavior. “Er... yes.”
“Oh, you must tell me all about it!” Rarity cried, putting a foreleg around him. She could never help herself around a pony in uniform. Or out of uniform, as the case was.
“Er, well, I don't know how much there is to tell,” he said, pulling away from her. “My job with the Guard isn't that exciting...”
“Oh, such modesty!” Rarity cried. “Why, you are just the very picture of the humble hero.”
“Shucks.” He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head with a hoof. “Really, I haven't done anything important.”
Rarity felt rather foolish. She never did things like this. “Why don't we get a little better acquainted?” she said, sidling up against him. “There's a nice little bar, The Watering Hole, that you could tell me all about Canterlot at.”
For a moment, his face contorted into an expression of pure horror, then he recovered and said, “I... yes, sure. Why not? I'm in town for a few days.”
Rarity smiled, her mind already turning with plans.
Just then, Caramel walked in. “Rarity, I'm dropping off those supplies you're borrowing from Applejack!” he said.
Not taking her eyes off of Eagle, Rarity replied, “Oh, yes. Just leave them over there.” She gestured vaguely with a hoof.
To her surprise, Eagle Eye was eyeing Caramel with an almost naked lust. Rarity had read enough romance novels to recognize that intense gaze for what it was. “Drat, have I fallen for a coltcuddler?” she whispered. She watched, helpless, as Eagle clearly undressed the already naked and clueless Caramel with his eyes. That pony never had been too observant.
Caramel nodded and left.
Rarity noted Eagle's eyes never left Caramel's backside; she huffed silently. Caramel wasn't that good-looking of a stallion. She nudged Eagle in the side. “So I'll meet you there?”
“Huh?” He looked around, as though coming out of a trance. “Oh! Right! Drinking! Yes. Yes you will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take care of a... thing. Yes. A... a thing.” He wandered out the door after Caramel, his eyes clearly seeking that swishing tail. Or perhaps what lied beneath.
Rarity was furious. Such a kind gentlepony, a member of the Royal Guard, and somepony who could maybe help her make some inroads into Canterlot... and he had to prefer gentlecolts. Well. She knew just the thing for that.
Rarity burst into Twilight's library. “Twilight! I most dearly need your help!” She skidded to a stop, just short of a large pile of books in the middle of the library.
Twilight looked over from the book she had been reading. “Oh my gosh, Rarity, what is it?”
Rarity was quite aware that she probably looked a mess; she had been working hard all day, and she could feel her mane hanging positively limply about her face. It was a wonder that charming stallion had paid attention to her at all. Then again, some ponies enjoyed a wet mane every once in a while. Rarity filed the information away in her “How to Manipulate Ponies” section of her mind.
“Well you see, Twilight, it's simply horrible.” Rarity put a hoof to her forehead in despair.
“Yes?” Twilight asked, drawing nearer as her eyes shined with concern.
“Out of all the things that could happen...” Rarity lit up her horn in preparation.
Twilight's face fell into an unamused frown. “It's the 'worst possible thing', right?”
Rarity huffed in disappointment. “Well, yes.” She canceled her “summon chaise lounge” spell. “I assure you, dramatics aside, this is something that is most grave, Twilight.”
“Why, what's wrong?” Twilight's eyes again took on their determined, yet compassionate sheen that Rarity admired so.
“I...” Rarity paused. How could she even put such an absurd request into words? It defied logic. It defied sense. And yet... “I want you to make me a stallion!”
Twilight stepped back, taken aback. “Are... you all right, Rarity?”
“Am I all right? Am I all right? No, I am most certainly not all right.” Rarity leaned forward and draped her forelegs around Twilight's neck in an awkward embrace. “Twilight, you see, something very important was made quite clear to me today...”
Twilight shushed her with a gentle hoof on her lips. Understanding shimmered in her wide, expressive eyes. “You don't feel comfortable in your own skin? Oh, Rarity, it's okay. I'm here for you.” Twilight embraced a confused Rarity back. “I know the feeling. For the longest time, I envied pegasi, and I would spend hours and hours when I was a young filly asking Princess Celestia how I could get big, feathery, long wings just like hers...” Twilight shuddered. “She wrapped me in those wings once, do you know that? Just feeling all those feathers tickling you, yet I felt so safe, like I never wanted to leave. I was too young to understand the feeling then, but looking back, I think I was in lo—“
“Yes, yes, that's very fascinating, Twilight,” Rarity said, eager to return to focus of the conversation to her, “but let's focus, shall we?” Ignoring her friend's annoyed stare, she went on, “You see, I've met a charming young stallion come from Canterlot, and I simply must get to know him better, but he seems to have eyes more for the colts than the fillies. Do you know what I mean?”
“Oooooh.” Twilight flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn't mean—“
“Oh, it's quite all right. So then, do you know of any spells?”
Twilight glanced at her with narrowed eyes. “But... turning yourself into a stallion? Are you sure? This seems a little extreme.”
“Oh, he's worth it,” Rarity replied, licking her lips.
Twilight chuckled. “If you say so. Still, a spell like that—if I could even find one—would be tricky to pull off and trickier still to reverse if you ever changed your mind.” She pulled a book from a shelf with magic. “What if I just make you look like a stallion for 24 hours?”
Rarity started. “Well, I suppose that would do... don't the illusion spells you know require constant focus, though? It would look a bit suspicious to have you following me around all night with your horn all aglow.”
She grinned. “Oh, I figured out a neat little workaround.” She flipped to a page and pointed at a section, filled with highly complex spellcraft Rarity couldn't have understood if her life depended on it. “It's pretty complicated, but all it comes down to in essence is I just enchant your coat rather than projecting a continuous image or transmogrifying your—“
“Twilight, please. This is important to me. I'm supposed to be meeting him soon!”
“Oh, right. Well, I'll just get started then... but be warned, anypony who knows you well enough will see right through the illusion.”
“Why's that?”
“Well, it's due to the harmonic interference effect caused by the interaction of personal—“
“Twilight!” Rarity did not have time to listen to magibabble.
“Sorry. In short: because shut up.” Without any further babbling, Twilight focused on the page and lit up her horn. Rarity felt the sheer power of Twilight's magic lift her into the air and wrap around her. Having Twilight work on one with her magic was something of an experience; the talented little thing was the Element of Magic for a reason. After only a few moments, the power surrounding her faded, and Rarity gently dropped to the floor.
“Did it work?” she asked anxiously.
“Take a look!” Twilight said, dragging a mirror over.
Rarity examined herself. Her muzzle was now much more squared, and while her mane looked the same, she clearly appeared to have a lot more size to her. “Dear, do you really think I'd look so brutish?” Rarity blinked. “Wait, if the illusion doesn't work on those I know well, then why do I see myself as a stallion?”
Twilight rolled the mirror off and chuckled. “Well, you see, this mirror actually shows everypony as the opposite gender. I've been studying it on behalf of Princess Celestia, although I don't know why. Apparently, it was discovered in her chambers not long after the Discord incident, and I'm to make sure it doesn't have any dangerous magic.”
“How curious. Anyway, I must be off. Thank you again, Twilight!” Rarity called as she ran out the door. She just needed to make a quick stop at home before she went to the bar.
In mere minutes, the magicked mare materialized outside the bar, having trotted the entire way there. “Okay Rarity, no need to panic. You're only impersonating a stallion for the sake of possibly seducing a coltcuddler.” She let out a quiet “hmph” and rearranged her mane. “With any luck, stallion me will look like just his type.”
She stepped in through the swinging doors, only to see a most uncouth band of ruffians patronizing the place. “This is why I don't come into these sorts of places,” she muttered, eyeing the drunken sods. The interior decoration wasn't bad—largely reminiscent of Appleloosa and other frontier towns—but the clientele left something to be desired. Ponyville could be so unrefined at times.
Across the room, Eagle Eye waved at Rarity, who moved over and sat down with a smile.
“Hello, Eagle Eye,” Rarity said, trying to make her voice sound deeper.
“Hi there, Rari...” He rubbed his eyes. “Wait, who are you?”
“Oh...” Rarity coughed. She hadn't thought of how to explain “his” sudden presence. “I'm... Rarity's brother. She sent me over here to let you know she couldn't make it.”
“I-I see.” His eyes traveled along her body as she sat down at the booth, joining him. “Wow, you even have the same cutie mark.”
“Yes, we're uh... twins.” Drat. She hadn't even considered having Twilight give her illusory coat a different cutie mark.
He nodded, although his cocked head made it clear he didn't quite follow. “Well, I guess since I'm here, I may as well grab something...” He glanced at her with half-lidded, sultry eyes. “Don't suppose you'd mind filling in for your sister?”
Feeling giddy, Rarity replied, “Oh, I'm very good at... filling.”
He grinned and enthusiastically called for two drinks. When they arrived, Rarity took advantage of him being distracted by the smarmy, grey-coated colt who brought the drinks to slip the tablet she had brought from home into Eagle Eye's drink. “And now, I play the waiting game...” she murmured as she watched it dissolve almost instantly.
“What did you say?” Eagle Eye gave her a hungry look.
“Oh, nothing, nothing.”
“You're a very mysterious pony. A little elusive, even.” He paused. “Come to think of it, what is your name?”
Rarity chuckled nervously; she had failed once again at planning. “W-well, funny you should say that! My... my name is Elusive.”
He smiled a goofy grin. “Well, how about that. Here's to my awesome guessing skills, Elusive!” He grabbed his glass with magic and raised it aloft.
“I'll drink to that,” she replied, raising her own glass to respond. She watched carefully as they clinked together. It wouldn't do to have any of his drink get into hers. Oh no. She had to be sure he swallowed all of her gift to him. Her eyes glittered as she sipped from the sweet-smelling drink he had ordered. Tonight was going to be a night to remember. For her, at least.
A few minutes later, Eagle Eye was in the middle of saying something funny about his boss in the Guard, only for him to pass out on the table mid-sentence. Rarity concealed her grin as the ponies nearby gasped. “Don't worry, don't worry, everypony. I'll take him home,” Rarity said. With luck, none of the ponies present knew her well enough to see through her disguise.
She grabbed Eagle with her magic and carefully dragged him to the door. A thin line of drool dribbled onto the floor as he floated along. She stopped at the bar and slipped the bartender fifty bits. “You didn't see anything,” she whispered.
The colt with the messy, black mane nodded and snatched the bit coin off the wooden counter with his mouth.
Rarity felt a twang of regret. Poor earth ponies, always having to use their mouths for everything. “I'll make sure he gets home,” she said a bit more loudly.
“Make sure he's okay. He's like a brother to me,” the suddenly teary-eyed colt manning the bar said, placing a hoof on Rarity's shoulder. He winked slyly at her.
Rarity nodded solemnly, glad for her sudden accomplice's complicity. “I will.”
She exited the bar without incident and had to restrain herself from giggling. Her prize was all hers.
A short trot later, she and her perfect stallion had returned to the shop. She threw open the door, cackling like a madmare, only to see her sister, looking up from a drawing she was working on.
“Rarity, what are you doing?” Sweetie Belle asked, her eyes wide.
Rarity looked down at her sweaty body, the unconscious, girly-looking colt she was carrying, and said, “I'll tell you when you're older, Sweetie Belle.”
“Aw, but what if whatever you're doing holds the secret to getting my cutie mark?!” Sweetie Belle bounded to her hooves, full of youthful enthusiasm for learning about all of life's secrets.
Rarity's left eyebrow twitched. “No, no, a thousand times, no!” Ignoring her sister's heartfelt “aww” at once again being left out of adult matters, she floated over a generous handful of bits. “Here, go have some fun with your friends.”
Sweetie looked, open-mouthed, at the ridiculous amount of bits her sister was giving her. “A-are you sure, Rarity?” She didn't bother to wait for a response. “Wow! Thanks!” She sprinted out the door.
Rarity exhaled a sigh of relief. So what if she'd just handed over most of today's profits? She had come this far, and she deserved to be able to enjoy herself.
She kicked open the door to her bedroom and set Eagle Eye down on his back. She panted, suddenly overcome by exhaustion. She wasn't used to carrying much more than a bolt of cloth, and she was amazed she had kept him off the ground the entire way over to the Boutique. Still, she had to be able to enjoy her reward...
Rarity cackled as the door swung shut, trapping her with her comatose prize.
Eagle Eye opened his eyes with a hiss of pain, raising a foreleg to block the sun's rays. “What did I do last night?” he mumbled, noting his sore rear. Suddenly growing aware of a weight on his chest, he looked over to see the studly unicorn colt he'd gone out drinking with in bed next to him. A foreleg was draped protectively over Eagle. “Oh, Luna damn it, not again,” he whined.
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W00t new story!
Edit: ok, that was pretty funny. I had a riot when she was talking to twilight, and the little jokes made the scenes. Nice one as always!
Also, FIRST!
Lol wat.
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/491/dafuq.jpg
No
That. was. amazinnng.
This should be called Rophies in equestria
And why not give him a break and make the spell break before he wakes up, make him unaware that eh was the one fucked.
YES
“Sorry. In short: because shut up.”
After that, it was all downhill, sorry. Still, that one line was worth it! XD
This is so disturbing! Rarity probably could've gotten what she wanted without slipping him that mickey, but it certainly was an entertaining story :D
he seems to have an eagle eye out
Oh you.
Oh.
Ooohhhh..
OOOOOHHHHHH.
nice story
Ah pony date rape...
lol funny new chapter plz
Now, if that was an illusion, why does his rear hurt? Does Rarity shop at "The Crop"?
Anyway, Rarity gets what Rarity wants.
Lets hope she also gets what she deserves, which is a pair of hoofcuffs and a few years in a really unfabulous convict's suit. DFSA is no laughing matter.
Lol. Not again.
Handing out roofies to unsuspecting stallions doesn't quite equate to generosity, Rarity
.
Oh Vimbert.
Wow, this actually puts a lot of backstory for Eagle Eye into a very disturbing light.
, but when you played the whole story straight.... Not cool.
Still, it was technically sound, as always.
Now I was laughing my ass off, expecting a nice
Really when you break it down, the story sums up to Rarity slipping another pony a date rape drug and going forth with it afterwards, something that in germany would be, if convicted, a minimum of two years in prison. Think about it!
Many people are gonna take this story the wrong way, so be prepared for the fallout.
Edit: Spelling and minor phrasing fixes.
YEEAAHHHH! NEW VIMBERT STORY!
900857
If you care to elaborate, I like negative feedback. I strive to learn.
901030
Well, this was written in a short span of time for a prompt, so at least that much was good.
901086
901368
Totally agreed. Still, I feel nothing should be sacred where comedy is concerned, so I threw caution to the wind.
901445
I was prepared the moment I hit Submit.
Disturbing as always.
did anyone notice the "Not again" at the end?
Love Vimbert stories so much. Even laughed out loud at points
901563
Well, then carry on.
With that out of the way, the story was funny as hell and your stance, that nothing is sacred before comedy, is the right one.
Hell we make jokes about the Nazis (Yes, those Nazis), because how can something scare you or hold power over you, if you just laugh it in the face.
901563
I just reread "Playing Hard to Get", you didn't use such ... desperate measures for comedy's sake there, and it was still quite funny.
I can't help but be a little disappointed that you did it for this story. Ah well, I'm not gonna throw you a "rape culture" hissy fit over this, I smiled at Rarity's and Twilight's scene, so it's not all bad.
Maybe you'll write a second chapter so Rarity has to face some consequences? Even if it's only the realization that Eagle is well known in Canterlot for his orientaion.
901583
You might want to read Distorted Perspective and Playing Hard to Get.
901563 Oh, so this was like a 30 minute or 60 minute thingy? OHHHHHhhhhh.
...
XD Okay, I am more impressed with this then! XD
That was gay.
Like, literally gay.
Continue.
901656
that makes a lot more sense now...
hadnt read them since they are put as seperate stories...
author: your good at writing. Id say kinda start making a shift from him being a coltcuddler to straight, mabye a sequal to this were the magic rarity wears off.
What is it with you and gender benders? They're all excellent stories, so I'm not complaining, and I don't really know where I'm going with this. Anyway, I love the idea of Rarity being a date rapist. awesome story man.
902131
Actually ... I think that would be boring.
Those stories are funny because Eagle is so insecure in his orientation. In "Playing hard to get" he tries several times to play the hetero but fails. In this story he completely ignores Rarity and only has eyes for Caramel's plot and later "Elusive".
Having him realize that he spent the night with a mare would throw him a new curve ball and keep the character interesting.
I'm so glad you finally wrote a fic about the best pony.
901634
Wow! That's great that folks can use humor to deal with that. Over here in the States, some stuff in our own past (like the treatment of the Native Americans, some of our warhawkish nature, etc) isn't quite so dealt with. I wish we could follow that example.
901650
Hmm... I can certainly understand your concern. This prompt was extremely difficult for me to write, since I dislike Rarity, so I felt hard-pressed at points to hold the story together. I don't work well under deadlines, either, so if this feels rushed, it was. Thanks for the clear point: I often go a little too far sometimes, although I'm of the opinion that subtle comedy is best.
901687
Actually, we had a week, but for me, it was five days of "AUGH I CAN'T WRITE RARITY" and a few hours on the last two days of "OKAY LET'S DO DIS"
902131
Writing about this OC is something I love to do, and he's actually going to start thinking more seriously about his sexuality in the next story. I usually roll him out to get abused for the purpose of comedy, but he's going to have his finest hour in the next story he's in, a little like Scott Pilgrim finally getting his shit together.
902352
The thought made me laugh too much, so I had to do it.
As for gender benders, well... on a more serious note, I find Equestria's gender politics fascinating; they are more or less the opposite of ours (at least from my U.S. perspective). On a more funny note, I think gender bending is great because it doesn't make any goddamned sense and lends a nice sort of craziness to anything.
902418
As I mentioned earlier in this mega-reply, he'll be thinking more seriously about things in his next tale, and he actually will be sort of matchmakered up with a mare, causing him to reconsider many of his attitudes. It's a story I'm very much looking forward to writing, although I'm a touch nervous since folks seem to expect comedy from me, if the view counts/favs/etc on my stories are any indication.
Ah, to hell with what the public wants. I'll just keep writing what I want to.
902616
I've written about Twilight Sparkle before, Daff.
902682
And everyone tries to guilttrip us about it, when there have been dictators who killed more and in crueler ways (Mao and Stalin respectively), my generation has simply gotten sick of it (To be fair this does not excuse those crimes, but hear me out).
I wish it was that easy, basically everyone age 55+ is still a litle uneasy with it, and there are the odd individuals in lower age ranges, who think that we are still responsible for the stuff that our great-great-grandparents did.
To put things into perspective: The Nazis were idiots with an agenda. I mean they had a 5 year technological lead on everyone, they had the best scientific lineup in the world (I mean it, just look at the scientists the drove to exile, especially that ex-swiss-patent-clerk
), to say nothing about a whole lot of other stuff they had going. 
If they had not attacked russia, they would have won the war in europe, they had effectively won it in 1941.
Someone so incompetent deserves nothing, but ridicule of the worst kind. Hell they murdered a whole lot of productive members of society, ordinary people like you and me, among them were some of the most brilliant minds of the time.
But this is just my opinion and I view (systematic) idiocy in a position of power as one of the worst crimes committable, as you not only cause harm to yoursef and your generation, but also those of future generations.
...
Whow, this got offtrack quite a bit, but as an excuse I'm also kinda drunk, so please excuse the grammatical errors.
902981
Hey, it's alright. Makes sense, if I'm remembering my history correctly.
902988
8 consecutive years of history classes have to account for something, right?
Have yet to read, but to be a sorta dick, doesn't the name not do its job?
"A night he won't rememeber" makes sense, but "A night he remember" iz grammar failure. Since the brackets are supposed to give an alternative reading of the line, or something, it just seems off...
If it were "A night to (not) remember" than both reading with and without brackets work. Anyway, that's my qouta of "poke V" now to read Eagle's politically incorrect misadventures. Yay you for drastically gay ponies.
903034
Eh, it's intended more as an aside within the title... still, you've got a point.
Man, I hate titles.
902682
No, Mr Vimbert, we expect you to die.
Ah... That came out wrong.
While I have not yet read everything you have posted on this site (what I intend to do, eventually) I have not been disappointed yet, either.
So just write away, you have earned some benefit of the doubt, at least with me.
Because rape is not at all serious and good ol' comedy when its girl(?) on guy.
Also, aren't roofies unnecssary....I mean, we know the kind of colt Eagle Eye is...suppose Rarity doesn't, but it seems odd she'd resort to plan B before even attempting plan A, and considering her charm, Plan A woulda been pretty much a guranteed success. Of course, there's the bit about recognition afterwards, except she already had a handy lie setup.... huh. I'm reading way too much into this.
Moar Eagle Eye Shenanigans!!
903095
Thanks for giving me a shot! Hopefully you'll find more to your liking in my other stuff.
903096
This wasn't too planned out. Can you tell?
...Of course you can.
Not... horrible. And I understand that time constraints affected it, but damn this was fast paced. It felt like I was only hopping into scenes for a few moments and then moving on.
haha, "abused"... interesting word choice.
I think it would be funny to throw one in with luna, luna learning of his and celestias time at the end.
Um. not sure what to make of this sorry....
The word "perfect" is used three times in the first paragraph. Not sure if want...
Hah. Rarity has to check Eagle Eye's "indecent places."
I just realized that the vacation fits into Eagle Eye canon. Oh fuck... there IS an Eagle Eye canon by this point. Eagle-Eye-Verse? Does the Anti-Monitor try to take it over while wearing a scarf? F'naaa
Things are moving kind of fast here...
Goddammit. Twilight's Twilestia thread is actually interesting. Move us a little in that direction, fic. Come on--awwww...
"Because shut up" ? Doesn't seem like something Twilight would say. But then again, this fic is shaping up to be rather zany.
Pfftt--Wait, wat? The mirror is a reverse-gender deus ex machina? Blessed Nietzsche, man. Were you drunk when you wrote this, or simply trying to speed your way through a Rarity fic? XD
LuLz. Gawd. I was wondering how Rarity would handle the sudden sex change backfire. Eagle Eye's no idiot.
Oh for the love of--She's gonna drug him? God, what did I sign myself up for?
There are no words to describe the extent to which I am palming my face right now. But at least I'm smiling.
Oh boy. Ohhhhhhhh boy this fanfic. Ohhhh-hoooo boy. Ahem. So, what can I say, man? I feel like Distorted Perspective was "Shaun of the Dead," Playing Hard to Get was "Hot Fuzz," and right now I just sat down to "Paul." I suppose this *could* fall within the continuum that is the Eagle Eye Chronicles, but holy hell. What did I just read? XD
Let's look at the tags again. "Romance:" Well, it had infatuation at first sight and date rape, so I dunno. "Comedy:" stuff is funny so long as there's an anchor to reality, yes? It's possible to go so far off the beaten path that you abandon the marathon altogether. "Random:" Hmmm. Yup. Let's go with this.
It's not like this fic hasn't amused me. Hell, it made me smile and snicker at several occasions. But, good God man, Rarity falls head over heels for a random stallion--an effeminate one at that--with the meager excuse of him possibly getting her more connections to the Canterlot scene, something which can only be accomplished by kidnapping him and taking advantage of his comatose form. This quest of hers is so important that she's willing to go a magical/physical body transformation. Then she completely and utterly loses the logical center of her brain that would tell her how stupid it would be to change appearance before and after making a last-minute date adnfajflkajfkljafkl;jaf
You know what? I'm betting this is a troll fic. If so, then consider me effectively trolled. I know you hate Rarity. I know you'd rather stab yourself in the pancreas than dedicate a long and involved fic with her. I know that this was quite obviously the project of a competitive literary endeavor that was thrust upon your lap with the fury of Caramel on amphetamines. But gosh dang. This story could have had so much potential, if only it was--like--twelve thousand words instead of two thousand. I quite like the potential for Rarity to have tried getting the attention of a stallion who doesn't know she exists, and so she tries to do a gender-changing spell, but then it backfires and she's stuck and she has to re-analyze herself as a sexual creature and... rrrghh...
To this fic's benefit, it moved quickly. Like, lightning-fucking-we-don't-need-no-roads-time-travel-quickly. But I can't shake the feeling that it exists simply to do just that. To exist: as a joke, as a glitch in the system, as a means of poking fun at Rarity's two-dimensional faults while driving us insane with absurdism and out-of-character madness. If that was the accomplishment, than bravo. And if I suspected that while going in, I wouldn't be suffering an aneurysm right now. Just... f'naaaaaaa.
I really lurve your other Eagle Eye fics. I like how they had a lot of tongue-and-cheek quirks in the narrative, a solid progression of character development, and a flimsy albeit digestible anchor in the show. It's okay to have Celestia turn into a big pink ghei stallion, so long as you use it to analyze her relationship to mortals like Twilight in some post-modernist fashion. It's okay to have Eagle Eye constantly bump into barriers of social awkwardness, so that you can set us up for the emotional tragedy of his predicament with a changeling. But... but... Rarity resorting to date rape?!?!
Meh. I'm not one to talk. If you follow my stuff at all, Vimbert, you're going to see some things from me in the next two or three weeks that will make you facepalm and rage far more than you ever did with "I Remember Rainbow Dash." You've forgiven me, and I really have no reason to be so steamed over this. It was amusing, to say the least. I lurved the physical image of Rarity kicking doors open and laboring to carry Eagle Eye home to a night of steamy wtf-ness. It had the speed and insanity of a Looney Tunes short, and perhaps it was best that way. Still, I can't help but feel like I've just watched Turkish Star Wars, while the plot for this was laying out the groundwork for the Empire Strikes back.
To each his own, right?
Plzzzzzz give us more Eagle Eye, Vimbert, next time without ponies you hate acting out of character and drugging stallions at bars.
-SS&E
902682 You do the gender benders tastefully and hilariously, which is something most professional comedians can't do. And yes it does, yes it does. Keep on writing.
911063
You've more or less hit it on the head. A pre-reader told me to write Rarity, so I said to myself, "Fine. You want Rarity? Oh, you'll get Rarity."
He was both horrified and amused at the results.
Trust me, I've no intention of making this trainwreck my normal style. I went back and forth about even posting it, but figured a few people might get a laugh out of it. And hey, if it made you chuckle and get a little miffed, it did its job.
You know what this needs?
A cover picture of Elusive in Rarity's "bend over" pose.
she DATERAPED him?!?!!?!?!??!
wouldve spied on them she would have had a shock!
if only sweetie
she shouldve taken off the spell and set up a camera so while she raped him she couldve made it look like he was willing and mabe even going a bit hard for her
poor spike if he knew!
She ROOFIED him. As someone who has been roofied twice in his life, I can say with certainty that drugs suck and are unnecessary. You know what I think? I think it was an excuse so you wouldn't have to make the bar scene go on longer and you could just speed along to the punchline. Winners never quit, and quitters never do drugs. Or something.
This isn't very good, is what I'm saying.