A fleet of sinking ships
Alex Warlorn 1
I've realized that I need to get this out of my system if I want to start writing the finale again. So here we go. I intend this to be an experience in my attempt at black comedy. Anyone and everyone is free to write what comes next in the comments (will be copied and pasted), in fact, I kinda encourage it. Just try to keep things at least superficially character driven.
I kinda wanted this to be part of the Ponies and Dragons Continuity, and I wanted to put this off as long as I could, but I couldn't take it anymore and had to write this.
Spoilers for the episode "Hard to Say Anything". You have been warned.
I've realized that I need this. THIS IS INTENDED AS BLACK COMEDY! http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlackComedy
---
The Cutie Mark Crusaders entered the school room after class, to find their teacher, Miss Cheerilee, standing on her desk. She was happily humming to herself, and had a smile on her face. She also had a noose around her neck, with the other end tied to a big rock.
"Hello girls! You're just in time!" She greeted in her normal voice. "I have a special after-school assignment for you. Can you please help me get this rock over one of the classroom's support beams?"
+++
"Lulu, you're late for breakfast, are you-" Princess Celestia's voice died in her throat.
Princess Luna stood on her hind legs, her back stretched out, and her head leaning back dramatically and her wings spread out. She stood at her desk. Two of her night guards with neutral expressions threw rose petals behind her. A series of pillows laid out behind her. Several royal documents and legal matters signed and organized on her desk. Also, clutched in Luna's hooves was a wavy-bladed dagger pointed at her chest.
"To be, or not to be? That is the question—
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And, by opposing, end them? To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to—’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished! To die, to sleep.
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life."
Princess Luna quoted.
+++
"Okay sister, let's me see if I got everything on your list," Maud Pie said in her typical monotone. "One cockatrice, a red fully body ribbon, a giant tag in troll that reads 'Yum-yum!'. And a map leading to the nearest cave of a rock eating troll."
"Thank you big sister, you're the best." Marble Pie said with a larger smile than Maud ever remembered being on her face, a thousand yard stare.
+++
"Party Favor... what are you doing?" Double Diamond asked his friend.
"Making stuff with balloons."
"I can see that... but any reason it looks like a party balloon Sokushinbutsu box?"
"I intend to immortalize myself, leaving behind all earthly connections, like mares who make muffins, so I may be a living party spirit bringing cheer to ponies for eternity," Party Favor said with a twitch in his eye. "Can you help bury me?"
+++
In the human world, the young teacher Cheerilee stood on the top of the school, hanging onto one of the flag poles. Joyful sparkles in her eyes, and a smile peaceful smile on her face.
"Uh, Miss Cheerilee, you remember you can't fly right?" The human Rainbow Dash called up to her.
"I'm going to leave this body and all my worldly troubles behind," she said in the most friendly normal voice you can imagine.
+++
In the pony world, the pegasus Rainbow Dash sighed "At least you haven't gone nuts over Big Mac, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy tilted her head. "Why thank you. But who is Big Mac again?"
Discord floated next to her whistling and twiddling his thumbs, the book 'Professor X And Removing Emotionally Traumatic Memories' behind his back.
+++
"Come on! Let me go! I wanna end it! I want to see if I do better in my next life!" Fleetfoot struggled, having been tied to a chair after she leap off of Wonderbolt Academy keeping her wings closed and head straight down. Thankfully the others caught her. She simply began to hop away towards the ledge to try again. Thought better of it, and used a wing blade technique to free herself and began rummaging in the fireworks locker to go out with a blaze of glory instead.
+++
"Nice tea Tealove, can I have some?" Lily asked.
"OH! NO! This tea is exclusively for me! It has almonds, chocolate, and cyanide. Please be sure to clean up the tea set after I'm done. My will is over there in the cupboard. I've left the teashop to you Lily, congratulations." Tealove said like it was a typical chat they were having.
+++
Trixie rushed into Crystal Friendship Castle, "TWILIGHT! Half the mares in town are going crazy! And---"
Trixie behind Princess Twilight standing in front of the business end of a giant ray gun that took up half the space of the room.
"Hi Trixie!" Twilight waved in her typical welcoming attitude. "Could you please stand over there and pull the lever? I'm trying to see if this ray gun can vaporize an Alicorn."
"You were in love with Big Mac too?!" Trixie's eyes bulged.
"What? No! Well, not a lot! I just found out Flash Sentry broke up with me by proxy though."
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Celestia looked at her sister with a deadpan expression.
"Luna don't you think your being a little overdramatic about this. After all I would never act like that over a stallion."
A few years earlier
"WHY WON'T THIS WORK!!!"
Celestia said while the knife broke as soon as she tried to stab herself. She was surrounded by several broken swords, maces, arrows, and other kinds of weapons. It was clear to see she didn't take being seperated from the alternate Sombra too well.
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"BWA-AHAHAHA! I love it! I wish I could record it and watch it again later!"
Chrysalis was sitting back in her hidden lair (a run-down castle so decrepit the local rats turned up their noses at it) laughing her exoskeleton off at the images in the viewing crystal she'd connected to Ponyville and Canterlot.
Beside her, her remaining Changelings were staring in horrified fascination. Vordul was munching away on a bag filled with -- something; and Imago was stuffing one claw over her mouth and turning an even more livid shade of green.
"See, kids?" Chrysalis hugged her two oldest spawn. "THIS is why Mommy never, ever, wants to fall in love!" She turned back to the screen, fangs bared in a grin and tears running down her cheeks. "Ha-ha! If I'd know it was THIS easy, I'd have transformed and broken their puny little hearts long ago!"
Mtangalion 4
With the help of Princess Celestia, Big Mac had rounded up all the lovesick mares and brought them to the Friendship Castle… Luna, Sugar Belle, Marble, Fleetfoot, Tealove, and two Cheerilees. The human Cheerilee, currently a pony, seemed torn between sighing over Big Mac the pony and reading every book in Princess Twilight’s library. Princess Twilight, meanwhile, was tied to a chair to keep her from rushing to the human world and going Midnight Sparkle on her possibly former coltfriend.
Big Mac himself paced before them with a formidable scowl. His great hooves actually struck sparks on the crystal floor when he turned. “Ah have a couple things to say to all of y’all,” he bellowed. “Firstly… what the Tartarus were ya’ll thinking?!” He stamped past the lined-up mares again, glaring at each one in turn. “Even if Ah was the handsomest, most desirable stallion in all of Equestria…”
“You are,” deadpanned Applejack, standing in the group that had come to watch the fireworks. “Ah did the math.”
“Throwin’ your life away over a stallion… any stallion, is just plain stupid!” Big Mac snorted. “And think about the pressure Ah’ve been under! Feelin’ like Ah gotta choose, but Ah can’t ever choose cause of horseapples like this! Ah went all the way to Our Town for a date, so mares wouldn’t hear about it and start throwing themselves off roofs and in front of tractors, and still… still!
“Frankly, Ah’m more pent up than Pinkie Pie at a Frown-Off, so the second thing Ah have to say is that Ah’m officially starting a herd with me as herd stallion.” Big Mac pointed his hoof down the line. “And Ah’m marrying all of y’all.” Half of the mares immediately swooned. “That’s right, you all get me, but ya gotta share.”
Princess Twilight would have raised a hoof, if she hadn't been tied up. “Actually, I’m not sure herds are still legal.”
Princess Luna cackled, donning a black hooded cloak. “We shall make it legal!”
“So tempting,” breathed Windy Whisper.
Rainbow Dash nudged Windy, grinning. “I thought you were more into guys like Redpaw!” Windy thwaped her with a wing.
Gilda snickered. “I just want to say that I’m a female with a pulse, and I’m in no way attracted to Big Mac! I mean, he’s big and strong and all, and hens appreciate that, but he’s no griffon.”
“Thanks for that, sugarcube,” said Big Mac, giving her brief nuzzle.
Gilda’s wings fluffed out. “I could warm up to him though… ack! What have you done?!"
Cheerilee the pony stepped forward, clearing her throat. “After we’re all in a herd… who gets Big Mac first?”
Big Mac grinned slyly. “We’ll do what we always do. Play a game to decide.”
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"No Fleetfoot, the game can't be 'Lightning Death Battle!' " Twilight admonished.
"But it's the sacred traditional way to settle mating disputes for pegasi!"
"And it's been illegal for 200 years!"
"Technically Cloudsdale herself never signed that bill."
"And most of these mares aren't pegasi!"
"I fail to see how that's a negative for me."
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"No Marble Pie, no rock eating contest."
"That's not fair! It's a sacred Pie tradition!"
"So Big Mac has to do it too?"
"NO! I mean, of course not."
Mtangalion 7
Princess Luna flexed, eyes gleaming ominously. “Perhaps it should be a contest of strength!”
“A baking contest!” Sugar Belle suggested.
“Trivia challenge!” suggested both Cheerilees together.
Fluttershy came galloping in, catching Spike with the heavy crystal door. “Big Mac! I remember now! Big Mac, I love… you?” All of the arguing mares had turned to glare at her. “Oh! Um, so, you were all here first? I guess…” She blinked, and stamped her hoof gently. “No, I won’t back down. I love Big Mac too!”
Twilight groaned. “Girls, you’re sharing him, remember? Just let me draw up a fair and equitable schedule for you all.” Nopony was listening. “Ugh! Gilda, how would griffons handle this?”
Gilda glanced over from the popcorn she was munching. “Eh? Oh, that’s easy. If more than one hen wants a griff, they fight it out.”
Fluttershy gasped. “They fight? But what about… um, what the griff wants?”
Gilda grinned. “The griff watches the fight to decide which of them HE wants to battle.”
Fluttershy turned even paler. “Griffons who want to date... beat each other up?! That sounds awful!”
Gilda munched another clawful of popcorn, swallowing most of it before she spoke again. “Nah. The best match for a hen is a griff who’s just as tough as she is. Now, if a griff tried to pick two hens, that would be super-gutsy, because he’d be saying he’s as tough as both of them put together. He’d have to fight them both at once.”
Tempers were flaring… Luna and Marble had just smashed crystal chairs over each other’s heads, and they were growling and grabbing for more chairs while Big Mac tried to separate them.
“It’s funny,” said Gilda. “I used to think you ponies were giant wusses who didn’t know anything about real romance.” She gestured towards the renewed battle. “But there you go.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Hey! Put Rarity’s throne down, NOW.”
Ardashir 8
Cheerilee walked into the room, wearing a suit of ancient Earth pony barding and with a spiked flail hanging at her side.
"How about we settle this the really old-fashioned way -- we mares fight it out over Big Mac, and the survivor, er, I mean winner gets to keep him."
"What!" Twilight gaped. "Cheerilee, you can't do that! I mean, mares used to do it, but it'd been illegal in Equestria for centuries. Hasn't it?" She gave Princess Luna a pleading look.
"Hmmm," Luna scratched her chin with one hoof as she teleported the current edition of the Equestrian law code into her magical grip. She leafed through it and looked up with a smile.
"A-ha!" Luna's horn flashed and a second later she wore her own barding. "'Tis one of many laws forgotten by the politicians! Therefor, it is still indeed legal!" Luna looked at the other mares, some of them looking downright dubious. Big Mac looked ready to faint. Cheerilee tossed her mane, defiant, stomping one forehoof impatiently as Luna said, "To be fair, I shall arm and armor all the mares that wish to participate. It truly does gladden my royal heart to see that not all the proud traditions of pony warriors have been forgotten!"
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'At least this is taking Twilight's mind off of Flash Sentry.' Spike thought, least Twilight overhear him and go into 'overemotional human teenage girl' mode again.
Alex Warlorn 10
"Oh no you don't!" Discord popped in, and snapped his fingers, he and Fluttershy disappeared, leaving behind a note among the chaos.
Twilight dimly read it, 'Off on a year long 'get to know you' with Fluttershy cruise around the universe and maybe some alt realities. Time distortion means we'll back in fifteen minutes for you. You focus on the rest Twilight Sparkle. Oh, and Sunset Shimmer was never technically pardoned for treason, so if you want revenge for her convincing Flash Sentry-" Spike promptly grabbed and ate the letter before Twilight could read the rest.
-
Night glider meanwhile thought, 'Well, one good thing came of this, I caught Party Favor on the rebound.'
Jarkes 11
Starlight and Sunburst watched the chaos unfold with rather bemused expressions.
"Seems a bit excessive, don't you think, Star?" Sunburst asked.
"No kidding..." Starlight replied. "Double Diamond didn't react NEARLY this badly when we told him that we were dating..."
*Several months earlier*
Double Diamond was giving Starlight and Sunburst a "Our Town pre-Starlight's-reformation" fake smile as they told him the big news. "That's totally great!" he said with all the false cheerfulness that he had had much practice with. "I'm totally happy for you! ...Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go drown my sorrows in Haagen-Daaz."
*Present day*
"You know, come to think of it, he DID get rather close to my flank when I apologized over my actions..." Starlight said.
Mtangalion 12
“This is fun to watch,” mused Starlight, “but we really ought to do something before Luna and Marble demolish the castle.” She sighed, pacing. “Big Mac just isn’t assertive enough to be a herd stallion. Say, what if we got him some expert coaching?” She summoned a crystal, then infused it with magic until it floated and spun in its own field. “This is Starlight Glimmer calling Starshine Glamour. Are you receiving?”
“You actually made a…” Princess Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not serious.”
Starlight shushed her. “Our Big Macintosh is having major mare troubles. Can we borrow your Blitz and Guilder again?”
A voice spoke out of the crystal, eerily familiar and yet not. “I don’t think they’ll want to go anywhere near that Zephyr Breeze character again anytime soon, but there’s someone else who might want to help.”
“Greetings, otherworldly ponies!” bellowed a stallion on the other end of the connection, loud enough to make Twilight and Starlight both fold their ears. “Fear not, I will come to thine aid!”
Twilight frowned, starting to realize who it was, but before she could object, a portal boomed open, and a heavy night blue hoof shod in silver stepped out. The portal rippled further, and an armored *male* Alicorn emerged.
Poor Twilight’s jaw dropped, and her wings fluffed out. Starlight Glimmer waved a hoof in front of her face for a good six seconds before she blinked. “Is that… Luna?” The fighting died down as more mares turned and stared breathlessly.
“Nay,” boomed the Alicorn stallion in that deep, rumbling voice. He marched right over to Big Mac and looked directly into the astonished earth pony’s eyes. “I see. The poor colt, he’s just like our Butterscotch was, a rope caught in a tug-of-war. Fear not! Come away with me.” He put a hoof to his chest. “Prince Artemis himself shall teach ye to take charge and truly rule a herd!”
Gilda poked Rainbow Dash. “Uh... Your new friend is weird. What’s her deal?”
“Huh?” Dash followed the pointing talon and tensed, seeing Windy Whisper grinning maniacally and scribbling down all the story ideas that Prince Artemis was inspiring her with. “She’s… uh… taking bets! On how big a train wreck this’ll be!”
Applejack raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment.
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"What human world Cheerilee doing here anyway? How fighting in all this gonna fix up her feelings for her Big Mac?" Spike asked.
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No one bothered to answer Spike. "Well, at least they've forgotten about jumping off cliffs over Big Mac."
-
Principle Celestia on the phone said, "Yes Cherry Blossom, I promise, I called a psychologist for your sister to see."
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"Maybe we should use the Mirror Pool?" Spike asked.
"NO! NO MIRROR POOL! Remember last time?! NOT AGAIN!" Twilight shouted.
Alex Warlorn, Ardashir, Mtangalion 16
Twilight winced and hoped her yell hadn't been heard.
"YES!" Luna, Marble, Fleetfoot, Tealove, and Cheerilee all cried at once. "Let's use the Mirror Pool! Then we can all marry the stallion of our dreams and no more will be left out."
"Make one more for me, too!" Sweetcream Scoops yelled from the window. She batted her eyes at Big Mac, who gulped and shivered. "I deserve a stud of my very own, too!"
"I AM NOT CREATING POSSIBLY SAPIENT CREATURES JUST SO YOU CAN MARRY THEM! ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS NO LONGER ENCOURAGED IN EQUESTRIA! And... if they're not sapient, then you'd just marry empty shells."
Cheerilee, Marble, Luna and the rest of the mares looked abashed at Twilight's words.
All save one.
"So what if the copy's not sapient?" Sweetcream flirted her tail and fluttered her eyelashes at the increasingly nervous Big Mac. "His brain isn't the organ I'm interested in, anyway."
"GET THIS MARE OUT OF MY CASTLE!" Princess Twilight Sparkle pointed at Sweetcream.
Prince Blueblood sprang out from behind a crystal pillar. "Aha! Now you want castle guards!" He glanced left and right. "Has Macintosh already gone?" he asked Rarity. "I was going to teach him how to purposely offend ponies that he doesn't want to associate with."
"Your Highness? Pardon me, but I'm over here." Rarity waved a hoof cheerfully... another Rarity, clear across the room.
Blueblood looked at the Rarity standing next to him, and she grinned broadly, showing off sharp fangs. "Oh my. I hate to dash, but I have romantic troubles of my own. Sort of. Maybe. It's complicated!"
"Tell us about it," said all of Big Mac's unamused suitors.
Spike meanwhile, successfully tossed Sweetcream out the front door.
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-A While Later-
"Well... Sunset says she got their Cheerilee professional help... " Twilight said reading the journal. "And Princess Luna seems to have pulled every forgotten law never officially taken off the books to arrange a polygami relationship."
Discord said proudly, "And I enter Fluttershy's mind and fought her mental manifestation of Big Mac to the bitter end in single combat, and have become her crush... (and I might have eliminated a few other rivals while I was in there)."
"Discord, I'd love to go on a date with you, and we can bring along Tree Hugger, my totally platonic and never had any sort of girl crush on." Fluttershy said with a smile.
"Starlight!" Twilight snapped.
"He said he was asking a FRIEND to have me help! How could I say no?!"
Mtangalion 18
A few years later…
The Royal Nursery was always a busy place. Even Princess Luna took shifts watching over their herd’s little ones.
As she watched, a dusky red Alicorn filly squirmed out of the pile of sleeping foals, spread fluffy wings, and flapped her way over, trailing stardust as she did loops around mommy’s head. “Ba! Be boo ba brrr!”
Luna smiled warmly, then gasped, getting a premonition. “Macintosh! Come thee at once, love! I believe that Cranberry is about to say her first word!”
Princess Cranberry sucked on her hoof thoughtfully, then beamed up at mommy and daddy. “Apples!”
Luna gave Prince Macintosh a look. “Is this common in thy family?”
Big Mac chuckled. “Eeyup.”
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"And how are you doing Twilight?" Spike asked.
"Well, the gods have obviously gone to a lot of trouble to terminate any meaningful connection between our world and Sunset's world, but since they seem obsessed with making sure I never have a colt friend, that means I can do whatever I want regarding that since there are no underlying principles for me to break regarding having one."
"Okay... can you stop trying to strangle Sunset Shimmer now?"
"No I wasn't."
"Ack! Air!"
"I was just giving her a friendship hug around her neck! ... And maybe give a friendship lesson about 'meddling in other ponies' relationships 'for their own good'' is bad."
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Sunset quickly shoved Twilight off of her.
"You do realize I never forced Flash to give you up without even talking to you. Right? That was his own dicision he made out of his own free will."
Twilight began calming down to Sunset's relief.
"I mean I didn't even take up his offer to get back together with him."
Suddenly there was a loud shout that would make Princess Luna blush breaking all the windows in Ponyville and even in Canterlot.
"HE DID WHAT!!!!!!"
Twilight burst into a raging flame, walking towards a trembling Sunset who was trembling.
"Please! No more friendship lessons!!!" Sunset shrieked.
Twilight than walked passed her and went towards the portal to the human world.
"OH I'M GONNA HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ALRIGHT!!!!!"
The enraged alicorn went into the portal with a terffied Sunset and Spike left in the room.
"Do you think we should stop her?", Spike worriedly asked.
Sunset responded, "Spike, I don't think any force on Equestria can stop her right now."
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---15 minutes later---
"I SAID I JUST WANTED TO START OVER AS FRIENDS! I SWEAR!!" Flash shouted defensively as he backed away from the enraged Princess with flaming hair. "I mean, I didn't even know how the portal worked! Let alone how to contact you!"
"AND USING SUNSET'S BOOK NEVER CROSSED YOUR MIND!?" Twilight retorted, magic swirling around her body as she slowly transformed into her Midnight Sparkle form.
Flash blinked at this. "Wait, she had a book to contact you?"
The enraged Princess breifly calmed down upon hearing this. "You... you didn't know?"
Flash rapidly shook his head.
"Well... I'll have to fix that.... or..." Midnight glanced down at him and licked her lips and lifted him up with her magic. "I've got a better idea..." She said as she walked back towards the portal.
"Wait... where are you taking me?"
"Back to my Castle to get you prepared for your new... "job"...." Midnight chuckled as she gave him a seductive smile. "I need a royal consort, and you more the qualify..."
"Wait, WHAT!?"
From safe distance, Sci-Twi and the rest of the Humane Six could only stare at the situation in belief.
"Uh.... should we do something?" Sci-Twi asked.
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Rainbow Dash asked. "So now that we've had a music video competition, helped make a movie and got to be extras and even appear on the cover, and then ... got sucker punched by a spoiled bitter self important teenage brat, no offense-"
"None taken," Juniper Montage said.
"-to be saved by Princess Twilight's apprentice... think it's time to see how Flash Sentry is doing?"
"That's what I've been saying!" Sic-Twilight said. "Uh, not to be rude or anything!"
"Anyone else worried about the obvious time distillation between worlds is acting up again?" Rarity asked.
"So 18 months past on Equestria since Princess Twilight's last visit when it's been only three months for us, so?" Pinkie Pie shrugged. "Nothing to worry about."
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"Uh, Twilight, aren't you worried about me being gone from home for so long? Wasn't there some 'balance of the worlds' or something?"
"Oh don't worry Flash, due to the time distillation between worlds, we have years before your vacation is over in your world."
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"Pst. Money says that if Twilight-with-glasses goes to the pony world, she gets a crush on Pony Flash Sentry," Pinkie Pie whispered.
"You're on!" Rainbow Dash said.
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The Twilight Sparkle from the human realm was in a tizzy, to put it mildly. She’d been in Equestria for a few minutes, and she was already flapping in loops around Princess Twilight’s library like a baby hummingbird.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” she squealed. “I’m flying under my own power, without magic! How this possible? These wings can’t possibly generate enough lift, but here I am! It’s not possible! I’m not possible! Therefore, it must be magic!”
Her horn glowed, levitating a half-dozen volumes off their shelves. “There must be a book that explains it here somewhere!” Pages magically flipped themselves. “Books about magical cooking… magical crystals… magical creatures…”
A orange pegasus in Guard armor stared, open-mouthed and wings spread. “She’s… she’s beautiful!”
Rainbow Dash nudged Flash Sentry, waggling her eyebrows. “Those glasses really do it for ya, huh? Go on, tiger, go say hi!”
Flash hesitated. “You know, I wasn’t aware that Princess Twilight had a sister… who also happens to be an Alicorn. This wouldn’t have anything to do with those rumors about that mirror back in the Crystal Empire, would it?”
Twilight’s delighted squeal interrupted them. “Books, books, so many books! I want to pitch a tent and live here!”
Pinkie Pie used a pogo stick to bounce high enough to get her attention. “You should ask… our book expert… right over there!” She pointed a hoof.
Twilight swooped in on Flash before he could object. “It’s taking forever to find anything. Where’s your digital editions?” She blinked, then squinted at Flash, adjusting her glasses. “Say, you look familiar…”
Flash coughed, blushing. “Digital! It’s right over… er, what?”
“Just tell me where your computers are!”
“Com… pew… ter?”
Twilight smacked her forehead with a hoof. “Ouch! Yes, com… pu… ter!”
“Com… pew… ter… Computer!”
“Yes, yes! Computer!”
“Yes, yes!” echoed Flash brightly. He leaned and whispered to Rainbow, “I still don’t know what that is!”
But Twilight had already found Princess Twilight’s computers herself. “These look just like human computers. Wait… these *are* human computers! And… oh look, you have World of Horsecraft installed on them.” She started twitching. “Of course, it’s only logical. You’re magical ponies… playing a game where you roleplay as magical ponies. Okay, mind… blown.” She flung her hooves wide. “Bwooosh!”
Flash mouthed ‘buck it,’ then trotted over alongside Twilight. “You know, I think *you’re* pretty mind blowing.” He kissed Twilight’s cheek.
Twilight looked at Flash, really looked at him finally, peering red-faced over glasses that had completely fogged up, then practically dove at the pegasus stallion, kissing him back.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” Princess Twilight conjured a pair of phantom hands to grab Rainbow and Pinkie by the ears and give them a good yank. “No, no! More cross-dimensional romance?”
The originally human Flash nuzzled Princess Twilight, and draped a wing across her back, looking thoroughly amused by the antics of human Twilight and pony Flash. “Hey, if it’s good for us…”
Princess Twilight shook her head. “You don’t understand. I have to pair up all the loose ends now, before even more ponies fall in love with ponies from the wrong universe. Starting with you.” Twilight gave Rainbow a disturbing grin. “Thanks to Starlight, I know the perfect spell! I’ll just make it so you were always a male griffon, and irresistible to Gilda. That’ll take care of two loose ends!”
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"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" NORMALLY human Pinkie Pie waved her hooves. "WAIT! Our World's Twilight has Timber Spruce! This with Pony Flash will be just a nice friendly crush! ... Unless you think you should go romance a random stallion you've never met before because someone with your face did with someone who looks like him... Wow. This whole things sounds a lot more messed up when you say it like that."
"Wait... so did Princess Twilight manage to get OUR Flash Sentry... that's a sort amount of time." Rainbow said. "We kinda came here to rescue you from 'gone crazy Princess Twilight.' "
"Actually a long amount of time, time distillation between worlds." Princess Twilight said. "So we had a while to work things out."
"Oh."
"So is school vacation just about over?" Flash Sentry asked.
"Good thing about being an immortal Alicorn, it doesn't matter how long I need to wait in the mean time."
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"Okay, let's check here," Rainbow Dash said, still a mare, and still a pegasus. "You haven't zapped anypony else have you?"
"No." Princess Twilight Pinkie Pie Swore.
"And you and Flash Sentry are happy with visiting each other once in a while and actually SEE if you two work well together."
Yes."
"And Big Mac now has a friggin' herd... since those laws apparently never went off the books, and Luna is gonna veto any attempts to get them changed."
"Yes."
"And human you is actually think about whether Pony Flash Sentry is a nice guy, or she wants to stay with Spruce.. got it. So... that wraps up everything, and we can go back to playing table top RPGs between solving the world's friendship problems and zapping this flavor of the month's 'feeds on bad feelings' super villain!"
"Pretty much. And we got Human Cheerilee some professional help. Except for one detail."
"What's that?"
"Aria and Sonata brought Adagio through the portal, they say she's been having bad thoughts lately, and they heard what a great job I did with all those mares feeling like they'd lost the will to live, so I thought I'd help her too!"
"Right, we're such nice guys we help our worse enemies."
"It worked with Discord."
"After Tirek stabbed him in the back."
"Well, point is, no pony should ever just give up on everything. Where there's life, there's hope."
Rainbow Dash thought of her friendship with Gilda, "Yeah I guess you're right."
"Rainbow, I just want to say... I'm sorry for calling Gilda a 'false friend'. She's FLAWED, and SELFISH, but she's really your friend."
"No prob, heck, I THOUGHT our friendship was bogus before... I guess sometimes you need a outside perspective of things... and some times, and being in mortal danger that inspires them to remember how you became friends to begin with... I'm sounding like Pinkie Pie aren't I?"
"Sort of. Wanna play Ogres and Oubliettes?"
"Sure!"
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I'm flattered. But also occasionally a contrarian, so you know. It's a coin flip as to whether or not I'm bothered to do one.
This is a very good story. But, Prince Artemis' arrival was my favorite part.
8258884
That was one of the weirder parts for me.
Those ships weren't really sunk, just ignored because the writers wanted to claim this Bootleg Pinkie Pie is Big Mac's first crush of all time ever ever ever. Ignoring Cheerilee, Marble, etc.
It's about as likely to be canon as that episode where Fluttershy decided her dream was to run an animal shelter, even though her house has BEEN an animal shelter since episode one.
Quite a lot of fun. I was hoping they would end up marrying those mirror clones though. Or getting new good-guy changlings to cover for Mac.
8260633
That would have felt too much like a cheat to me, happy i entrained you.
8260719 Fair enough, it was still a great story.
...................Well....................It's official. You and the others have a disturbing sense of humor. It takes a particularly loony person to appreciate black comedy. I'm one of them.
8269895
I normally don't write black comedy, happy this worked dude.
8257938
They still wait.
8269899
As can I. As I said, contrarian.
Well i for the most part i loved this myself, the Black comady was great, as was the chaos that came from Big Mac and the others trying to stop the madness, and of course Discord's ways of keeping Fluttershy out of the madness the other's where following, the main thing i didn't like was all the Flash Sentry based stuff, don't get me wrong Twilight's laser plan and her confronting him in the human world while on Fire was great, but the rest of the stuff with Flash Sentry was not enjoyable, but that mainly steams from my
Hate, i mean Great Dislike of Flash Sentry and the whole Flashlight parring.8413878
Thank you for the compliment.
I just feel that if you're going to sink a ship, for God's sake do it with dignity. Being told to stop loving someone by proxy instead of them deciding face to face that they won't work out was lazy writing.
8413940
Your welcome
And i can agree with that, and can see your point on this, it is strange that throughout the show and comics Bigmac has gotten Ship tease with a number of different Mares but ended up with someone completely different with no real Resolution to many of the others, so i can agree with using this story to wrap things up.
Found a typo
8457596
Fixed. Now what did you think of the story?
8457611
Very amusing
Of course, another thing to add to the list for the butthurt people who refuse to grow up about this (not the authors here. I hope).
Is that none of the mares here have ever actually shown any reaction to Big Mac now having a special somepony. At least not yet (its coming for at least one soon.)
I do have to say that Hasbro should have put more effort into doing a lead up to it. But that's it.
8772827
I find it insane that they HAD foreshadow and lead up with two different parents and just random have him fall for a third? Bad writing!!!
Well. That was roughly as insane as the canon pairing. Though I do have to note that the term is time dilation. Time distillation would presumably be the other way around. And possibly involving time fermentation, and at that point, we're getting into Discord's liquor cabinet.
8860560
I was aiming to make this as twisted amusingly insane as I could. And that sounds about right for Discord!!!! And time being messed up on the Equestria Girls side is a favorite of mine.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS!
Gonna read this again. Nothing else to do at the moment. Plus, a play-by-play was promised. Might as well give it a crack and see how it goes.
As someone who appreciates black comedy, lets see how you do.
SNRK! That got a laugh out of me.
It seems she gives Rarity a run for the money when it comes to drama performance.
O.O Ooookay. Somepony seems to have a thing for vore.
No sh
t Rainbow, what the hell do you think she's trying to do?
Discord, you son of a Diamond Dog.
Josh would have fried you if he heard this pun.
....who's Tealove, and how is that shipping a thing?
Oh...Sunset is gonna get in serious trouble now.
I just said that many paragraphs up.
That's how I feel.
Nerd.
That would not be a good thing.
When?!
So that's why. You smart Alec.
Big Mac, what have you done?
So why are you here?
*Shivers* it sounds fruity when a guy says that. Then again, he is an apple...
...moving on.
Oh boy.
Of course you wouldn't. 🙄
Gave yourself away, didn't ya?
😣 Ouch.
Late to the party Flutters.
I'm scared to ask how angry sex looks like in Griffonstone.
Jeez, those two are hard-headed.
HA!
No! Don't ask Luna that question you moron!
Luna, you stereotypical blood knight.
That would not be a good thing.
Huh. That was very helpful of Disc-
👍 I ship it.
Poor chap.
Oh geez. Rule 63 is about to be invoked.
Zephyr Breeze? Do I want to know what happened?
....I like him.
That's a good question. Why is she here?
That's too bad. Those were the funniest moments.
ARE YOU NUTS?!
Even Twilight agrees with me.
....who's she?
O.O ...........Quite forward ain't she?
I feel that I'm missing something. Who's the vampire Rarity?
I guess everything is working out.
Um, what did Starlight do?
Big Mac sure has been busy.
Wouldn't expect less.
I don't think it works that way.
Or does it?
I should not be surprised that Twilight can get a wee-bit vengeful.
Bravo Sunset, you have good de-escalating skills.
I take back my previous compliment.
Flash's goose is cooked right now. I hope he can run in a flash, as his name suggests.
Uh oh.
O.O........this is gonna get hot real fast, if you know what I mean.
Good luck Flash. You're gonna need it.
🙄
You mean you waited all this time before you went out to help Flash?!
Should habe been more assertive Twi.
I'm getting a head-ache from overthinking this.
Hope you pay up Pinkie.
The mental image of that is humorous.
Ah crap.
Whoa, hold your horses!
I don't blame you.
Dude, buy her dinner first!
Dammit. *hands Pinkie the money.*
waitwaitwaitwait what?!
Purty much.
How convenient.
HA! So true.
*Phew* I need a drink after this.
9565119
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sokushinbutsu
9565119
Who?
9565119
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Tealove
9565119
Well, a frowning contest and Pinkie Pie wouldn't mix well, she'd have to keep everything in.
9565119
To watch the fun and games.
Went with the Tenchi Muyo solution.
Button Mash would say, "I don't get it."
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Sweetcream_Scoops
She also ran a kissing booth in Big Mac's solo adventure, on the 'follow the dotted line' splash page, with a big NOPE! near it, heavily implying she tried to charm Big Mac. And her fandom persona is Ponyville's resident pervert.
What? You got something against clones?
Mtangalion's OC race 'Diamond Wolves', and her OC that dresses up in costumes of everyone.
Mental suggestion?
Fixing up hole in the timeline.
GTG, work. **hugs*
9565119
I hope it was entertaining.
9565485
Josh Scorcher, or the Fiery Joker as he is well known. Famous for producing "Taking My Little Pony Too Seriously" on youtube.
9565483
*Looks on with a horrified face* Oh God no.
9565488
She looks like green Pinkie Pie...I just realized how strange that sounds.
9565493
That would be awkward and funny to see.
9565525
Figures.
I'll have to see what that is about later.
*Snrk* I'll leave him guessing.
I so gotta read that comic. It sounds really interesting.
I don't know what you talking about? *Looks away innocently*
Oh, she's a wolf? I'm gonna go and see what this is about.
I'll go with that.
That doesn't make any sense! I probably gonna have to read that ponies and dragon you wrote.
*Returns hug* Keep working hard.
9565927
Yes it was.
It seems Twilight was right when she said all ponies in Ponyville are crazy.
11663806
Heh. Thank you very much! And nice someone remembers that.