Literally
Rainbow Dash Comes Out of the Closet
Saturday afternoon, Big Mac’s bedroom...
Big Mac’s and Rainbow Dash’s tongues danced together for a long time, before they pulled back. Separated for just a moment, they again entered into another long passionate kiss, even better than the last one. Big Mac ran a hoof through her mane, while Rainbow reached with her wing and softly caressed his back.
Breaking off the kiss, Rainbow Dash said, “I love you.”
“Eeyup,” he replied, his familiar reply earning a smile from her.
Again they embraced, their mouths interlocking –
A noise came from downstairs. The two ponies stopped, straining their ears for any more sounds. After a moment, they heard the distinct voice of Granny Smith, followed by Applejack and finally a boisterous Apple Bloom.
“I thought they weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” whispered Rainbow Dash.
“That’s what they told me,” replied Big Mac.
“I gotta get out of here.” Suddenly they froze as the sound of creaking stairs alerted them to the approaching danger. “I’ll go out the window,” she said as she climbed off the bed.
“No, the window’s stuck.”
“What!?” replied a horrified Rainbow Dash.
The sounds of hoofsteps climbing the stairs were replaced by the sounds of hoofsteps coming down the hall.
“Quick!” Big Mac whispered. “Into the closet!”
“Are you nuts?” she retorted.
“Just do it,” he directed.
Rainbow Dash bolted to the closet and closed the door behind her just as the door to Big Mac’s bedroom opened. Applejack stood in the doorframe. “Ah thought ya’d be out workin’,” she said.
“Eeyup. Ah mean, Ah was tired so I came in here for a nap.” Big Mac felt a sense of pride for his thinking on the fly, his lie easily explaining why he was in his darkened bedroom, alone in the house. Quickly changing the subject, he asked, “So, why are ya home so soon?”
Applejack walked into the room and sat down next to him. “Well, you know how it is. We was havin’ such a nice visit. But then somepony had to bring up politics.” Big Mac groaned. “It got real heated, hotter than the western salt flats on a summer day. They started arguing over the southern border wall, an taxes, an the health care system, an how Princess Celestia is doin’ with the foreign relations. All the while I’m the rodeo clown, trying to distract the two sides. Finally, Granny got so mad we left early.”
Oh shut up and leave AJ! thought Rainbow Dash.
“Eeyup. So now what?” he asked.
“Well, since we’re back, guess we need ta figure out somethin’ fer dinner. Unless yer makin’ somethin’,” teased Applejack.
“Nnope.” Thinking to the mare hiding in the closet in need of an egress route, he suggested, “Maybe we should go out to eat.”
“We just got home,” said an exasperated Applejack. “Granny’s makin’ dinner. In the mood for apple hash?”
“Eeyup.”
“Good. I’ll go tell her.” Applejack got up and walked out of the bedroom.
As soon as she shut the bedroom door, the closet door creaked open. “Is it safe to come out?” whispered Rainbow Dash.
“Eeyup.”
Rainbow Dash came out of the closet and sat down next to Big Mac. “What are we gonna do?” she asked.
“Just ’ave to wait ’til everypony’s asleep.”
“Are you nuts? That’ll be hours!”
“Eeyup.”
“ ‘Eeyup’ as in your nuts, or ‘eeyup’ as in that’ll be hours?”
“Eeyup.” Rainbow gave him a playful punch and Big Mac leaned over to kiss his marefriend. They were interrupted by the sounds of approaching hoofsteps. “Quick! The closet.”
Rainbow dashed back into the closet, softly closing the door behind her. Big Mac let out a sigh of relief as the hoofsteps continued down the hall to Apple Bloom’s room. “Rainbow,” he whispered.
The door slowly cracked, “Yeah?”
“False alarm, that must –”
He stopped as he heard hoofsteps approaching. Rainbow shut the closet door just as it opened to reveal Apple Bloom. “Who ya talkin’ to Big Mac?” asked his youngest sister.
“Uh – maself?”
“Really?” asked a suspicious Apple Bloom.
“Eeyup,” he said with more force and confidence, silently praying that she would buy his little lie.
Apparently taking her brother’s assertion, she continued, “Did Scootaloo come by and drop off the new Daring Do book she was gonna let me borrow?”
“Eeyup,” he replied.
“She did? I didn’t see it in my room,” she observed.
“Eeyup.”
“Well, where is it?” asked a confused Apple Bloom.
Smiling, Big Mac opened the drawer on his nightstand and pulled out a copy of Daring Do and the Lost City of Zebra. He passed it off to Apple Bloom, who looked up and asked, “You had it?”
“Eeyup.”
“You’ve been reading it?” questioned a surprised Apple Bloom.
“Eeyup.”
“Is it any good?”
“Eeyup.”
“I think I’ll start reading it,” she said, stepping towards the door.
“Eeyup,” gently prodding his sister out the door.
As soon as the door closed, the closet door slowly opened. “So, Daring Do and the Lost City of Zebra?” asked Rainbow Dash, with a knowing smile on her face.
“Eeyup.”
“I really liked how when she was in the Temple of Zimba and–”
“Dash?”
“–she found the Mask of Zarra–”
“Dash?”
“– and used its power to break the Curse of Zyla.”
“Dash?”
“Yes?”
“Ah ain’t ’ad time ta finish the book.”
“Oh,” giving him a sheepish look, “sorry about that. When did you start reading Daring Do?”
Smiling back, “Figured id’be somethin’ we could talk about.”
“Sorry I ruined the ending.”
“That’s okay. Ah still have the other books in the series ta read. Know who would loan me their copies?”
“Maybe.... But right now, I could use a Daring Do escape to get out of here.”
“My closet ain’t that bad, is it?”
“No, there’s plenty of room – not like you have a bunch of clothes in here anyways.”
“Nnope.”
“Now Rarity’s closet, it’s so crammed you can’t even walk in it, even though it’s a walkin closet.”
“Which one?”
Rainbow let out a slightly louder laugh, which quickly stopped as she heard the hoofsteps coming down the hall. She closed the door, and a moment later the bedroom door opened. Applejack walked in and asked, “You doing alright Big Mac?”
“Eeyup?”
“I heard you laugh, but it sounded kind of weird.”
“Uh – ”
“Maybe you’re getting sick.” She walked over and placed a hoof on his head. “You feel warm – you should just rest in here sugarcube.” She got up and approached the closet. “Let me get you an extra blanket from the closet.”
Rainbow Dash held her breath.
As she reached for the doorknob, Big Mac replied, “Nnope.”
“No?”
“Ah’m not sick – just tired from workin’ this mornin’.”
Applejack shook her head, “Stallions never want to admit when their sick.”
“Ah’m fine.”
“If’n ya say so. I better go help Granny with the hash.” She walked out the door, closing it behind her.
Waiting a minute to make sure the coast was clear, the closet door creaked opened. “That was close.”
“Eeyup.”
“Way to close.”
“Nothin’ my marefriend couldn’t handle.”
“Really?”
“The most awesome pony in all of Equestria?”
“You know it!” Pausing for a moment, she asked, “What about you?”
“What do ya mean?”
“Bet you were about to freak out.”
“Pffft, nnope,” dismissed Big Mac.
“Liar.”
“Nnope.”
“For being the brother of the Element of Honesty, you sure can lie.”
“Little harmless lies. Unless of course you want to tell Applejack the truth.”
“No! I mean, we’ve talked about this. Things would get weird with AJ. And you definitely aren’t ready to meet my parents yet.”
“Nnope.”
“So we’ve got to keep it a secret.”
“Until?”
“Until when?”
“Eeyup.”
“What are you going at?”
“When will we tell them ’bout us?”
“I don’t know, when it gets more serious.”
“We were makin’ out in ma bedroom. Sounds serious to me.”
“Yeah, I’m just not ready.”
“Ah’ll be right there with’ya.”
Rainbow Dash smiled. “I know.”
The sound of hoofsteps coming down the hall forced Rainbow Dash to shut the closet door again. Applejack opened the door and came inside. “Granny decided to make stew instead of hash. Is that good with you?”
“Eeyup.”
“So a lot of the members of the family were asking ’bout you.”
Come on AJ, get out! thought Rainbow Dash.
“And?”
“There were wondering ’bout you and Cheerilee.”
What!?
“What?”
“They all wanted to know how you were doin’ with your special somepony.”
That nag?
“She ain’t my special somepony.”
Applejack chuckled, “That’s what Ah told them. Even though you were under a love potion, they still thought you were perfect.”
Mac and Cheerilee?
Applejack gave Mac a sly look, “You know, Ah could arrange a date between you and Cheerilee.”
What the hell AJ!?
“Nnope.”
Damn straight Mac!
“Ah figured. It would probably be really awkward. Besides, Ah know somepony that would be perfect for you – Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy!?
“Fluttershy?”
“Yeah, she’s really nice an’ carin’. An’ she’s great wit animals,” explained Applejack.
You can’t be serious!
“She’s quiet. Might not be the best ta put two ponies who hardly say a thing together.”
“You’re probably right. Well, now that Ah think ’bout it, Twilight is more your type.”
Twilight!
“Twilight?”
“You like to read an’ she’s the head of the Ponyville Library. An’ she’s single.”
“Nnope.”
“No?”
“Nnope.”
“Well, Ah do ’ave one other friend that Ah could set you up with.”
Rainbow Dash pressed her ear against the door. Could it be?
“Eeyup?” pressed Big Mac.
“Rarity.”
Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. Rarity!? Rarity!?
“Rarity?” asked Big Mac.
“Yeah. Just think. You an’ Rarity spend a lot of time together in the Ponytones. She could take ya to parties an show ya ’round, and you could keep her grounded an make her less fussy.”
No way my coltfriend is dating Rarity!
“Nnope.”
You tell her Mac!
“Hmm. I’m not sure who else Ah could set ya up with. Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie might be our cousins, so that won’t work. Starlight Glimmer might be single, but Ah think she has her eye on Sunburst. Maybe Trixie – ”
“What ’bout yer friend Rainbow Dash?”
“RD? Well, she’s a Wonderbolt, so she’s busier than a me doin’ applebuck season all by maself. And, Ah really don’t think ya want to date her.”
“Why?”
Yeah why, my so-called ‘best friend’?
“Well, Ah don’t know if ya noticed, but she’s kinda full of herself.”
What the f@#$ AJ!?
“What?” asked a shocked Big Mac.
“Well, she brags all the time, sayin’ how awesome she is. All she cares ’bout is herself. Ah won’t have ma brother date somepony like that.”
We are so not friends anymore!
“Ah think she looks pretty. An’ she is pretty awesome. Youngest Wonderbolt in Equestria’s history. First pony in a thousand years to do a sonic rainboom. An’ if’n Ah’m not mistaken, wasn’t she responsible for you getting ya cutie mark?”
That’s my colt friend! You tell her Mac!
“You sure know a lot ’bout Rainbow Dash.”
“Eeyup. Ah mean, Scootaloo came by to give Bloom a book. She is the head of the Rainbow Dash Fan Club.”
Getting up, she remarked, “Well, we’ll find a nice earth pony for ya. There’s plenty in town. Oh Mac?”
“Eeyup.”
“Ah’ll set an extra place at the dinner table.” Big Mac gave her a confused look. Applejack smiled, “Rainbow Dash is joining us fer supper. Or will she still be hidin’ out in yer closet?”
“What?”
The closet door opened. “You knew!?” shouted Rainbow Dash. “You knew this whole time!?”
“Ah ain’t blind. Ah’ve seen how you look at each other. Besides, a little birdie told me that you would be getting’ together while we were away.”
“Who?” demanded Rainbow Dash.
“Ah can’t lie. The little birdie told Fluttershy, who told me. Now, do you two want to come down and join the rest of the family, or do you want to be alone for a while?”
My twentieth story!
Just something that occurred to me yesterday. I've been working on several other stories (including two new The Secret Life of... stories), but hit a wall. I took a break by writing this fun comedy one-shot. Though now that I think of it, maybe it deserves a sequel... with Rainbow Dash's parents!
Dreadnought
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Simple, cute, and in character all around. Loved it.
You have my undivided attention...
Nice 'coming out of the closet' story.
Who dares downvote this without leaving a comment? Well I upvoted, ha that'll show em'!
And I'd like a sequel, sir/ma'am.
Well... that was interesting...
One sharp kick to AJ's flank later....
RD: "Full of myself huh?"
8258406
You know AJ was just messing with them, right?
Dreadnought
8258367
Interesting in a good way, or bad way?
Dreadnought
8258652
Interesting as in "Okay... that was interesting...?"
Not good or bad, just... weird... I'm sorry, I'm really trying to think of a way to explain it...
8258655
Just not what you were expecting?
Dreadnought
8258663
I expected something ridiculous, I'm used to seeing this type of stuff on FiM... what I didn't expect was... let's say 75% of what I just read...
That was so stupid, I loved it!
8258649
Yeah, it just seems like something RD would do if she hadn't found out.
Ah, the infamous stool pigeon. Breaker of confidences and sinker of ships with its loose lips.
This was a fun little one-shot. You're pretty good at writing dialogue, and I never lost track of who said what. You'd be surprised how many writers can't keep their characters' dialogue straight.
Now I'm imagining Fluttershy with a secret spy network of birds all over Equestria, bringing her tidbits of information to squirrel away until the time is right...
DEFINITELY NOT!!
Me when my friends tease men the 5 mins later..
"Hey have you heard....."
The actual hell?!
"CELESTIA DAMNIT MAC!! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE THE PERFECT SPOT!! F@$# YOU AJ!!
"
"We would rather be alone first AJ. Cuz Imma F#$@ your brother silly
"
8258835
So.... Did you enjoy the story?
Dreadnought
8258874
Simply say I put it on my faves list 
and the fact that this is a MacDash story... and I'm a SoarinDash shipper... great job
I enjoyed it sooo much J added it to my "Awesome stories aproved my Rainbow Dash"... or something
This was amusing and good chapter. Thumbs up.
I love the idea of AJ teasing Dash like this XD
Well, that got a very brief chuckle/smile out of me, like not even one seconds worth, but still got me to do it, for some reason. I think it's b/c the set up was just very well written and so was the delivery as well. I don't know what could be added to this to make it better, as it seems pretty solid, though I'm not so sure Random should be tag you should use b/c of how solid it is.
Just a note to people who inevitable down vote this comment. Let it be known it's not against any rules to promote other stories in the comments of other stories, at least not any that I'm aware of. If I somehow missed it, please let me know. That aside the author of this story is free to take out my comment if he/she so chooses. Also I don't see how promoting a short comedy story in the comments of another short comedy story is such a bad thing. I mean Short comedy stories specifically are made to get people to laugh, I would assume so at least. Their short and one-off nature make them the perfect kind of stories to promote in the comments of other stories to people who're looking for a laugh.
Feel free to check out my own short Comedy story. I've been told it's funny, but it also got at least one dislike for promoting it like I am right now :) Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo Make an Abomination HUR-RAY for shameless self-promotion. P.S. I only made it for laughs, and after self-promoting it once I got so many suspicious dislikes(down votes) that I figured I might as well get it riddled with more holes as that's what people who dislike(down vote) stories do. I don't dislike(down vote) any story as I believe they can always be improved upon and I also don't like spitting on other peoples work.
8259697
I don't believe in deleting user comments - unless they're super offensive. Otherwise, it's up to the poster to delete their comment.
That being said, I'm glad you enjoyed the story - if only for moment. You might also enjoy some of my other comedy stories, especially The Secret Life of... one-shots.
Dreadnought
8259697
I actually don't have a problem. After seeing your comment about downvotes I just had to downvote,
Oh, another pony is gay story.
Okay then.
8259697
I downvoted because everyone was doing it and I wanted to be popular too.
Very cute story. Very much in character all around. Celestia Trump in there I see
8259897
Well...
This was unexpected and cute. Bravo
I thought Big Mac was with Sugar Belle.
Well, this was just a funny one-shot that occurred to me the other day. I didn't expect so many reads nor did I expect it to make it as a Featured (my second after Pinkie Pie Has THE BOMB). Thank you everyone for making this such a popular story!
Dreadnought
Wow, I really liked this! It's a good story and I love the end, though to be perfectly honest, I was a bit worried there for a moment. Well hopefully without given anything away, I was a bit concealed about Applejack's opinions and the choices she mentioned. I was afraid somepony's feeling might have gotten hurt, but then with that ending it made everything perfect. I felt that everypony was in character and I can totally see that kind of interaction happening in the actually show. I also liked how you mention politics without getting political. Well great work!
Woah, I didn't expect this to suddenly become so popular, considering I read it when it only had 2 views! Congrats for the feature, anyways.
8260240 Fake story. Very sad. Must be working for CNN.
Story is the suxx0rz cuz everyone knows Dash has the hots for interspecies sexx0rz with griffons.
And she's into vore.
She's weird.
8261161
Actually, I feel Applejack's pain. With half my family Democrats, and half Republican, I often have to play peacemaker at Thanksgiving, Christmas, family reunions, etc. Honestly, I feel I should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Dreadnought
MOAR!!
Also this was a lot of fun, ESPECIALLY with AJ teasing Rd there at the end <3
I never took AJ for such a troll. That was brilliant!
8260544
Whoa, wait a second...
You're not the person who wrote a story some years ago about Roseluck going back in time to save a dying sister, but gets caught up n a web of morality questioning when faced with the consequences that arise should she change events and let her sister live, are you?
If you are, that was a beautiful story you wrote, man. Why did you delete it?
If you're not...well, I like your avatar, dude.
Either way you get a Follow and a Like.
8262025
Thank you for the complement. However, I did not write the story you reference. All of my stories are still up on the site.
Dreadnought
8262050
Er, what the hell are you doing? Did you not see I was asking DOKTOR WUNDERBAR if he wrote the story I was asking about? I'm sorry but I've never heard of you. DOKTOR WUNDERBAR's name is one I believe I have seen before, and thus why I asked him if he wrote the story in question. You're just another person in the Featured Box. I apologize immensely and a thousand times over if you take this comment as an insult or as rude, but that's just how it is.
I don't suppose you know the person who wrote the story I'm looking for though, would you? It was a very good story and I always wanted to find the person who wrote it. I wanted to know why it was taken down.
8262390
Ah, I didn't realize the whole comment was for Doktor Wunderbar. But in regards to the story, I did a search but couldn't find it. It sounds really interesting though.
Dreadnought
8262658
Nice job on the feature!
8262658
It got taken down a couple of years ago. I'm hoping I would find the author of the story. I remember his avatar looks a bit like Wunderbar's profile image.
I'd love to read the story again. It was so good. It's probably the only story on this site that genuinely made me cry. It was how the author wrote the part where Roseluck had to decide whether to save her sister from dying and risk a doomed future, or leave her sister to her fate and allow a good outcome in the future.
It's really upsetting when she makes her choice. I tell you; that scene in the story was one of the best moments in ANY fanfic ever written on this site. You must understand why I want to find the author; it's such a good moment, so why was she forced to take it down?
People still write these kinds of fics?
8262025
That is kind of you, but I've not submitted any story here. What made you think so? The name or the avatar?
Now this was highly amusing to read. AJ teasing RD like that and Rainbow's thoughts were a riot.
Sequel:
Applebloom and Scootaloo suddenly burst into Big Mac's room, both of them squeeling: "BIG MAC AND RAINBOW DASH GETTING MARRIED! *squee*
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
By th' way, thanks to you two, Canterlot's been destroyed.
"
"
"
"
"
Rainbow and Big Mac: "WHAT!?
Applejack: "Oh, yeah. That reminds me.
Rainbow: "Who told you about us, Squirt!?
Scootaloo: "Sweetie Belle. After her sister, Rarity, told her.
Applejack: "Yeah. Rarity was with me when Fluttershy told me.
Rainbow: "Oh, that's just GREAT! The whole town probably knows by now!
Big Mac; "This cain't get any worse!
Applejack: "Oh, yes it can. Twilight was with us when Fluttershy told us.
Rainbow and Big Mac; "WHAT!?
Applejack: "Yeah. Naturally, Twilight told Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, 'n Princess Cadance. 'N they're all still fighting over who's gona officiate over yer wedding.
Granny Smith from the dining room: "Ooooh! There goes th' north tower!
Rainbow Dash and Big Mac: "
Rod Serling: "Wow. That escalated quickly."
8263497
Could be worse.
The comics suggest Luna might have a thing for Big Mac. It could have been Luna charging down to fight Rainbow over him.
8263116
The avatar. It looked familiar and in my mind something clicked and I assumed you might have been the person who wrote the story I'm looking for. I apologize for the case of mistaken identity. Friends?
8263497
Hey, isn't Sugar Belle another addition to the roster of Big Mac lovers?
8263654
Hmm...I don't recall Sugar Belle. I do remember Sweaty Belle, who along with Smutaloo and Appleblood make up the Other CMC when they unexpectly popped into my Weirder Than Normal story once. ♪♫