Lusciousness

Cudket

Cudket #1 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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Ok.

Oneyearwarpilot

Oneyearwarpilot #2 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · 1 · ·

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8251406
What in the five Daves was I looking at?

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #3 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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8251398
Is there something wrong?

Shocks

Shocks #4 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · 1 · ·

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Nearly all of this story is similes and metaphors.

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #5 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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8251678
okay, well how should it be written then?

Because apparently, any type of prose I use is wrong.

karikamiya

karikamiya #6 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · 1 · ·

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4.7/5

Short and to the point, which is not nessisarly bad. Your visual imagery is very good, but the whole "hi I just met you, let's fuck" is unbelievable. Maybe a date first, at least a chapter break.

Estrus Season

Estrus Season #7 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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Just a suggestion but maybe you should try challenging yourself, write something you normally wouldn't, experiment a little, and maybe take a break from sex for the moment and comeback to it later.

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #8 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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8251850
like what? everything ive tried fails.

BlazeBlue42

BlazeBlue42 #9 · Jun 23rd, 2017 · · ·

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8251447
its a list of things that piss me off

Estrus Season

Estrus Season #10 · Jun 24th, 2017 · · ·

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8252012
Man take it easy. You're being too hard on yourself. Maybe you're just overthinking and trying too hard. Writing should be enjoyable not a chore.

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #11 · Jun 24th, 2017 · · 1 ·

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8252692
if it was enjoyable, then I wouldn't get comments telling me my stories are bad.

BadTouch

BadTouch #12 · Jun 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

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I think the complaints about your writing are revolving around your overuse of purple prose. There are few hard rules about writing style, so it's hard to define in review. 5-senses description is good and describing how your character feels from his point of view is always superior to saying "he was upset". You can, however, have too much of that description compared to things actually happening. I think that's what's occurring here. Try focusing on plot advancement and using your talent for description to flesh it out. The balance in this story was more like "descriptions briefly interrupted by events." It's a better problem to have compared to lacking any description to engage your readers' emotions.

8251406
I have never seen an image that induced more rage than that one right there.
So thanks for that.

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #13 · Jun 25th, 2017 · · ·

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8255663
so what should I do? Too much description, not enough description? How do I do the fine line that people like?

BadTouch

BadTouch #14 · Jun 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

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8256003
Obviously I can't give you an exact X:Y ratio. Ultimately, I can only suggest that you read a lot and learn by osmosis. Pick a couple of your favorite tags in the FimFiction search engine, sort by Rating, and start at the top. Adventure and Romance should be good as far as pacing goes. Avoid clopfics, since they start out with a goal and usually skip to it as fast as possible. They also skew the rating system badly in their favor, so they get rated higher than objectively better stories.

Here's a good start:
Actually a pretty good reading list.

As you read, try to take a mental step back and note how the authors balance detail and action. Pay attention to where they use extensive florid description verses short and simple descriptions purely to move things forwards.

Good prose builds on how much experience the author has with prose, both as a purveyor and a consumer. Still, the earlier comment about enjoying yourself holds true. Write what you know and what you most enjoy. Your quality will improve when it's meaningful to you.
So thanks for that.

Quasar4000