The Daughter Doo: Honorary Cutie Mark Crusader

by Ponky

3 - The Best Mushroom

Chapter Three
The Best Mushroom

The island may have been enormous, or it may have been miniscule. It was somehow impossible to tell. The sky, lit simultaneously by a Sun and a Moon unfamiliar to Equestria, shuddered as if constantly preparing for a storm to brew. The landscape itself was a mess of exotic topography, geology, and bathymetry, whipped together in a veritable omelet of dizzying landscape.

And yet, overlooking the nearest forests and crags from their spot on a central hill, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their honorary member noted not the bizarre amalgamation of tundras, deserts, caves, and jungles, but rather remarked on the suitably remarkable organization of the landscape into perfect squares.

“Where. Did you. Just take us?” asked Scootaloo in a particularly raspy voice.

“I didn’t do it,” said Dinky with an enormous smile. “It was just here.”

“Golly, y’all,” breathed Apple Bloom. “Is this someplace in Equestria?”

“You don’t think… this is where Discord lives,” asked Scootaloo with a gulp, “do you?”

“It’s wonky enough,” said Apple Bloom, gazing over an orchard in the distance. Instead of apples, each branch was sprouting more full-grown trees. Gravity didn’t seem to mind.

“Uh, girls?” Sweetie Belle squeaked. She was faced the other way, pointing above and behind them. “What is that?”

Directly behind the four little fillies was a floating shape, identical to the mirror they had just passed through. Beyond that empty portal, towering above the entire island, was a gigantic pedestal of sorts: its base, though massive, was much thinner than the disk it supported. The entire thing appeared to be made of marble. Strange creatures in immaculate detail were carved into the base, while the top had a stone sail poking higher from its surface.

“I think that’s one of them old ways o’ tellin’ time by where the Sun’s at in the sky,” said Apple Bloom, squinting. “A sundial, right? A ridiculously huge sundial.”

“What is it doing here?” asked Scootaloo. “What is any of this doing here? What are we doing here?”

“We’re trying to escape that diamond dog, or didja forget already?” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Look, this is weird, I think can all agree on that. But it’s far from the craziest thing my sister’s ever seen, I guarantee it.”

“Well, then, let’s just pull Applejack through the mirror, why don’t we?” Scootaloo guffawed. “I don’t care if Twilight and her friends have seen nuttier, I’m the one stuck here right now.” She pulled a face and dove for the portal. “What if we can’t get out? What if I never see Rainbow Dash again?”

Only then did Dinky’s smile falter. “What if I never see my mommy again?”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Dinky!” Sweetie Belle said. She rushed toward the little filly, smacking Scootaloo upside the head on her way. She caressed Dinky’s cheek as she said, “We’ll find a way out of here. The Cutie Mark Crusaders always find a way out.” She smiled too widely at her friends. “Right, girls?”

“So far, sure!” chimed Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo groaned and slammed her hooves against the floating shape. “Well, we can’t get back through here. Not that I’d really want to, to be honest.”

“You reckon the diamond dog knows about this place?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Psshh. No way.” Scootaloo tapped the black mirror again for good measure. “If that furrball had more than twelve brain cells, he would have sold the mirror ages ago. I’m sure somepony actually knows how to use it right.”

“I don’t think it was… that mirror,” Dinky spoke up.

Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think there was anything special about that particular mirror,” said Dinky. “Maybe this place has lots of ways in and out.”

“Hmm… that’d make sense.” Apple Bloom’s eyes followed the black, spiraling stripe that coiled around the sundial’s cream-colored hill. “I mean, it had to have been made by somepony, right? Sundials and spirals don’t just grow out of the ground.”

A few yards further down the hill, three tiny sundials popped out of the ground like mushrooms.

“Aaaah!” yelled Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle together. Scootaloo immediately tried to pretend she hadn’t been involved.

Sweetie thrust a jiggling hoof at the chronological fungi. “Where did those come from?”

“They grew out of the ground because you didn’t think they could,” said a disembodied voice from somewhere down the hill.

Sweetie Belle pulled back her hoof and stared at the tiny sundials with pinprick pupils. “Ummm… did those mushrooms just talk about themselves in the third person?”

The low voice laughed merrily. “Ohh-ho-ho! What a funny idea. I’d say a guess like that either means you’re stupid or you’re a writer.”

Sweetie half-smiled. “Well, thanks, I guess!”

Apple Bloom punched her in the shoulder. “Excuse me, yoohoo! Mysterious voice? Could you please tell us where we all are, exactly?”

“I’m here, behind the tiny sundials you ushered out of the ground with your doubt.” He chuckled. “You’re there, beside your unicorn friend, who is in turn beside you. The small one is in front of you by some ways, inching toward me, and the orange one is behind you trying in vain to re-open the looking-glass.”

Scootaloo spun around, frozen in place with one hoof mid-scrape along the portal’s surface. Her face took on a tougher expression as she marched down toward the voice. “Excuse me, Mister Literal, but we just wanna go home! If you’re so sure the mirror isn’t gonna open back up, is it possible you could be helpful and tell us how to get out of here?” Her eye twitched. “And also show yourself!?”

“Oooh, a feisty pony. I like it.” The voice cleared its throat. “I’m not sure you want to see me, little friend. For all you know, I could be the diamond dog you insulted a moment ago.”

Scootaloo grit her teeth. “I’d still rather see your ugly mug than talk to empty space. It’s creeping me out.”

The voice chuckled again. “I must agree with you on one thing: dogs do have the ugliest of mugs.” A light brown cat materialized in an instant, balancing on one of the small sundials, grimacing as though he were smelling something awful. “Not to mention, their breath is atrocious.”

Sweetie Belle’s face morphed in a millisecond from nervous to madly-in-love. “Awwww! A talking kitty!”

Dinky’s beam returned as well. “Wow! I’ve never seen a cat talk before!”

“Yeah, well, I’d never seen a dragon before Spike came to town, and he’s lame!” Scootaloo trotted closer to the cat. “What’s your game, huh? You trying to scare us or something?”

“Contrariwise,” the cat began, “I’m trying to be of assistance. No, you see, if I was trying to scare you, I would have looked something like this.”

The small, brown cat bubbled and oozed, growing rapidly into a ferocious monster dripping with pus and saliva from a hundred different mouths spread over its flaking body.

All four fillies screamed and leapt together into a terrified embrace.

A moment later, the cat was innocuous again, pacing around the tiny sundials with a look of disinterest, as cats are wont to do.

“There now,” he said, shooting a mild glance at Scootaloo. “Trust me yet?”

“NO!” Scootaloo screamed. She slid forward, standing on her back two legs and spreading herself wide in an effort to shield her cowering friends from the unpredictable feline. “Get out of here, scram! Don’t you know better than to go around scaring little girls?”

“You don’t seem very scared,” the cat purred. “Anymore.”

Scootaloo blinked and glanced down at herself. With a steely face, she glared at the cat and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right! I’m not. So get out of here, furball!”

“To escape the Wabe and find your heroes, you must remove the Red King.”

Sweetie Belle peeked out from behind Scootaloo’s waist. “Huh?”

“To escape the Wabe and find your heroes,” the cat said again, fading into nothingness with a leering smile, “you must remove the Red King.”

“Who’s the Red King?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Uh, where’s the Red King?” Scootaloo shouted.

The cat’s floating face winked, and then vanished in a puff of sound.

“Bye, Mister Kitty!” Dinky said, waving down the hill. Sweetie Belle grinned and waved, too.

Scootaloo dropped to all four of her hooves and gave Apple Bloom a lethargic look. “Well, this sucks.”

“Maybe it’s still here,” Apple Bloom guessed, “but invisible again!”

She and Scootaloo began waving their hooves in front of them, searching the open air for any tufts of fur.

“Come on, girls!” Dinky bounded down the hill, passing the tiny sundials at full speed. “Let’s go find the Red King!”

“Oh, Dinky!” Sweetie hurried after her. “I don’t think you should go running off on your own around here!”

Apple Bloom squinted at Scootaloo. “Didn’t that cat say to ‘remove’ the Red King?”

“Yeah.” Scootaloo gulped. “Do you think that means, like… we have to kill him?”

Apple Bloom grimaced. “Jeez louise, I sure hope not! I swear, Scoots, you got somethin’ wrong with the part o’ yer brain that jumps to conclusions.” She trotted past Scootaloo on her way to join Dinky and Sweetie Belle at the edge of the forest below.

Scootaloo sighed. “I wish I had my freakin’ scooter…” she grumbled. Her eyes suddenly widened. “Gah! I left my scooter!”

“Huh?” Apple Bloom turned around.

Scootaloo dove for the mirror-portal one more time, smacking and scratching its surface with all her panicked might. “My scooter! It’s back there in the dog’s stupid cave! Dang it! Dang it, dang it, dang it!”

“Scootaloo, it’s okay!” said Apple Bloom. “We’ll get it back somehow, I promise.”

“Hooow?” Scootaloo spun around with a wild, red look in her eyes. “It’s gone, Apple Bloom! My scooter’s gone forever!” She wailed and dropped forward, slamming her face into the pale grass of the hill. She sat up suddenly, licking her lips. “Mmmm… butterscotch.”

“We’ll find you a new one, then,” Apple Bloom said. She beckoned with a sweeping hoof. “Come on, Scoots, we gotta get a move on. Who knows how long it’ll take to get outta here? The sooner we start, the better.”

Moaning, Scootaloo got to her hooves and trudged forward. She stopped for a moment at the sundial mushrooms. Curiously, she tried to pluck one out of the ground. It popped up in her hoof with a sound like a ticking clock. She stumbled a bit, surprised at its ease of harvest. With a meager half-smile, Scootaloo grabbed the other two mushrooms and carried them with her down the hill.

{-DD-}

“Do you even know where you’re going, Dinky?” asked Scootaloo in a harsh tone. She pushed through an overgrown fern growing next to a palm tree and shivered due to the lightly falling snow.

“Hey, be nice!” Sweetie snapped back over her shoudler. “At least she’s trying to find the Red King.”

Apple Bloom sighed loudly before they could keep fighting. “She’s got a point, though, Sweetie Belle. Dinky, do you have a plan here or are we just wanderin’ around?”

“A little bit of both,” said Dinky. Her expression balanced between embarrassed and hopeful. “I thought maybe if we walked for long enough, we’d see something red. This place seems so colorful, I thought maybe the Red King would live in a red place.”

“Awww! That’s a great idea, Dinky.” Sweetie Belle scooped her up in an impromptu hug. “See? She’s thinking this through!”

“Barely.” Scootaloo stopped in the middle of the snowy jungle and sat on her haunches. “Okay, look, I have a very-different-but-not-necessarily-better idea that I’d like to bring to everypony’s attention.”

Apple Bloom chuckled. “What’s with the formality?”

“I don’t know, I’m kinda freakin’ out here!” Scootaloo cleared her throat and presented the three sundial mushrooms she had been carrying. “These were the easiest things ever to pick out of the ground. I think maybe the cat wanted us to have them.”

“Oh, so you’re trusting the cat now?” asked Sweetie Belle.

Aside from a dirty look, Scootaloo ignored her. “Maybe they’ll help us somehow if we… I dunno, eat them.”

“Eat ‘em?” Apple Bloom cocked an eyebrow. “Scootaloo, you do know that mushrooms can be super dangerous, right?”

“Not to mention poisonous!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, her voice cracking.

“Yeah, but they can also be awesome, right?” Scootaloo smiled a little. “Like, can’t mushrooms make you grow twice your size and smash bricks over your head?”

Apple Bloom’s eyes spun. “Whaaat? What are you talkin’ about, Scootaloo?”

“I don’t know.” Scootaloo lowered the hoof holding up the mushrooms. “I think I saw that somewhere.”

“Has anypony else noticed that the snow tastes like marshmallows?” Sweetie Belle asked, sticking her tongue out at the sky.

“Really?” Apple Bloom copied her.

Scootaloo lifted the mushrooms again. “Yeah, and the grass back by the portal tasted like butterscotch! Look, girls, I know it might be dangerous, but… I’m gonna eat one of these. Maybe everything in this wacky place can be eaten.”

“No, Scootaloo, don’t!” cried Sweetie Belle.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Scoots!”

Nevertheless, Scootaloo popped one whole mushroom in her mouth, chewed for several seconds, and swallowed the strange food. She shuddered and blanched. “Whoa. That tastes weird.”

“What did it taste like?” asked Dinky, wide-eyed.

“Uhh… metal?” Scootaloo’s lips curved into a smile. “Metal and victory.”

“What the heck is victory supposed to taste li-i-i-AAAAHHH!” Apple Bloom jumped back as a bright light shone around Scootaloo.

“What’s happening?” asked Sweetie Belle. “What’s going on?”

“Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom shouted into the blinding brilliance. “Scootaloo, talk to me! Are you okay in there?”

The light faded, and Dinky was the first to say, “Woooow!”

Scootaloo emerged from her transformation fully clad in glittering plates of silver armor. The left side of her shining suit was equipped with a long jousting pole attached to her body. Her face was covered by a well-fitting helmet, and she reached up to pull back the visor. A dashing smile lay beneath it, complete with a cheesy pun.

“Forsooth, ‘twas certain its consumption was the knight choice,” Scootaloo said with an aimless wink.

Apple Bloom immediately frowned. “Okay, give me one of them mushrooms.”

“Me, too!” squealed Sweetie Belle.

“Hold on, hold on!” Scootaloo shielded the fungi with her armored body. “I only have two left. Who’s not gonna get one?”

“Me,” said Dinky, holding up her hoof. She was smiling. “I just want to watch.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Apple Bloom said, “just in case, uh… somethin’ goes wrong.”

“Agreed,” said Scootaloo. “We wouldn’t wanna have to explain to Ditzy how her daughter grew a second horn.”

Sweetie Belle bent down a little. “Are you sure you don’t mind, Dinky?”

“Not at all!” she said. “I don’t really like mushrooms, anyway.”

Sweetie Belle rubbed the filly’s little head and squealed with delight. Apple Bloom snatched one of the sundial mushrooms out of Scootaloo’s armored grip, and Sweetie Belle took the last.

“Ready?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Ready!” Sweetie Belle stuffed the whole thing in her mouth.

Apple Bloom sniffed at it and took a tiny bite.

Blinding light engulfed both of them separately. Dinky shielded her eyes with a foreleg while Scootaloo lowered her visor. Within seconds, the light dissipated, and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle observed each other’s transformation.

“What the hay are you supposed to be?” asked Apple Bloom.

Sweetie Belle adjusted a tall, precariously balanced mitre on top of her head, struggling to lift her hooves high enough beneath decorated white robes. She snickered at Apple Bloom and pointed an accusing hoof. “You’re one to talk!”

Apple Bloom looked down at herself, immediately embarrassed by the brick-tower costume adorning her front half. It draped down over her front hooves and featured a small hole in the tower’s side for her face.

Scootaloo burst out laughing. “Verily, the best mushroom hath been mine!”

“What in tarnation is this even s’posed to be?” asked Apple Bloom, spinning a circle in an effort to see her tail. The fabric around her face blocked her vision and prevented her from turning her head left or right.

“I think… you’re a rook!” Dinky exclaimed.

Apple Bloom made a scrunched face, exaggerated by the confines of her costume. “Huh?”

“Oh my gosh! You’re right, Dinky!” Sweetie Belle clapped her hooves together in front of a small necklace bearing the emblem of a sun. “Apple Bloom’s a rook, Scootaloo’s a knight, and I must be a bishop!”

Apple Bloom frowned deeply. “A rook? Will somepony start talkin’ sense?”

“‘Twas fate that I should be the knight!” Scootaloo said loudly, puffing out her chest. “Therefore, each with her appointed roll, onward! For the Red King awaits a dastardly fate of his own!” She rushed forward two steps, only to suddenly flop over on her side. “Oof! Yet what is this sorcery? Good Bishop Belle! Do release whatever strange curse hath rendered me unstable!”

Sweetie Belle giggled and helped Scootaloo to her hooves. “Ahem… yes, indeedeth, fair Scootaloo! Er, Sir Scootaloo! Lady Scootaloo? She tilted her head; her mitre nearly slid off her mane.

“Didst thou not hear me? Some devilish power pulled me to the earth after nought but a short gallop!” She knelt before Sweetie Belle. “Exorcise the fiend at once, for my duties are not to be stifled by such a paltry demon!”

“Uhhh… what?” Sweetie Belle blinked. “I don’t think there’s time to exercise right now, Scootaloo.”

Apple Bloom stomped her front hooves awkwardly behind her lengthy get-up. “What is goin’ on here? Why’s Scootaloo talkin’ funny?”

A low, familiar chuckle filled the air around them. The sound gathered and concentrated on the branch of a nearby tree, followed by a voice. “My, my. It’s been too long since the Tulgey Wood had such lively inhabitants.”

“Mister Cat!” said Sweetie Belle, staring at the empty branch. “What happened to us? Were we supposed to eat those mushrooms?”

A glowing smile appeared above the branch. The floating mouth moved with the feline’s next words. “You must remove the Red King,” he said. “The details are partly up to your choices, and mostly up to the whims of the Wabe.”

“Mister Kitty?” Dinky asked, stepping closer to the trunk of the tree. “I know that some of this is funny, but… I’m scared. I really want to see my mommy and get back home.” Her eyes shone as she asked, “Could you be a bit more clear about what we have to do? Are my friends going to be all right?”

The cat’s smile softened, and pair of concerned eyes materialized above it. “Oh, dear child… you needn’t be scared. The Wabe knows your kind, and will go to great lengths to protect you.” A tail appeared and gestured to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Your friends’ new powers are evidence of that.”

“New powers?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Apple Bloom sighed heavily. “What kinda powers come with bein’ a brick tube?”

The cat’s wide smile returned in full force. “You shall see, little pony. You shall all soon see.”

And with that, the cat-pieces vanished again, and the Crusaders were left to their confused devices.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

The title and the mushrooms reminded me of the mario games

[FanOfMostEverything]

Why do I get the feeling these four failed to properly shun a frumious bandersnatch?

In any case, I hope Dinky can play chess well. Otherwise the fillies may be here for a while.

[Booster Spice]

Hope Dinky doesnt have to play The Potter Game.

[terrycloth]

8345044 At least chess pieces only get captured.

[EchoWing]

Clearly the Cutie Mark Crusaders have yet to attempt to earn their Chessmaster cutie marks.

[shortskirtsandexplosions]

Chapter Three

==Goddam. The Wabe is always INSTANTLY better under your pen.

>>“You don’t think… this is where Discord lives,” asked Scootaloo with a gulp, “do you?”

I just considered something. Is BackgroundPony!Lyra still canon in Sisters Doo universe? If so, then everything happening right now should be Pre S2... and yet the Pie twins are alive and kicking and... meh... forget it. Moving right along.

>>The small, brown cat bubbled and oozed, growing rapidly into a ferocious monster dripping with pus and saliva from a hundred different mouths spread over its flaking body.

Jeebus. Are you channeling Carroll or Courage the Cowardly Dog?

>>Scootaloo dropped to all four of her hooves and gave Apple Bloom a lethargic look. “Well, this sucks.”

I'm warming up to your Scootaloo.

==Scootaloo insisting on eating the mushroom seems... a bit random, impulsive, and forced to me. F'naaaa. Ah well.

==Does Sweetie Belle play Dark Souls?

[Fervidor]

What kind of drugs are these kids on, and where can I get some?

“‘Twas fate that I should be the knight!” Scootaloo said loudly, puffing out her chest. “Therefore, each with her appointed roll, onward! For the Red King awaits a dastardly fate of his own!” She rushed forward two steps, only to suddenly flop over on her side. “Oof! Yet what is this sorcery? Good Bishop Belle! Do release whatever strange curse hath rendered me unstable!”

Seems somepony has been hanging out with Luna a bit too much.