• Member Since 30th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Saturday

Hopelight


A brony to the core

Comments ( 104 )

Just to clarify before I start which Jason is this? Arkham Knight Jason or Under the Red Hood Jason?

This is great, love all of your stories by the way

Hmmmmm... Pretty well done here but... I'm not sure. There's just something about this that I don't like. Don't get me wrong, it's good, by all means continue, but I just don't know. Hell if I know, right? Anyways, keep doing your thing. Sorry for the wishy washy response but, again, I don't know what it is that's putting me off about this.

Are you ever going to finsh any of the Assassinverse series? Otherwise it would be annoying to find that this story has a great start and then it is never finished :/

Very good start, Joker, m' dear, and I eagerly await more!

Just one caveat with this chapter, though, and it's a small one. This:

said Gallant. I never should’ve agreed to this… but, he threatened my baby brother, what else was I supposed to do? thought Gladius before something crashed behind him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

It's Gallant talking and thinking, but you put his baby brother's as the one thinking.

Other than that, excellent start.

On ANOTHER note: 8250437

Are you ever going to finsh any of the Assassinverse series? Otherwise it would be annoying to find that this story has a great start and then it is never finished :/

that's kinda what I'M wondering, too, I'm afraid, as this is like, what, the sixth (or thereabouts) of these that you've started and not continued/finished.

First, kudos for doing a Red Hood story.
Second, do i need knowledge from any previous fic? if yes where do i start?

This story's description:

Princess Twilight Elise Sparkle is dead, slain in her sleep by Traditionalists who were too afraid to accept the radical changes she’d proposed to Equestria, such as allowing the common folk to have a say in the government, to have the power and influence the nobles had for centuries be sripped away, to have Equestria’s magical lifestyle be replaced with a more technological one, and to allow couples of two different spiecies to get married.

Shadows In The Moonlight's description:

Princess Twilight Elise Sparkle is dead, slain in her sleep by Traditionalists who were too afraid to accept the radical changes she’d proposed to Equestria, such as allowing the common folk to have a say in the government, to have the power and influence the nobles had for centuries be sripped away, to have Equestria’s magical lifestyle be replaced with a more technological one, and to allow couples of two different species to get married.

Huh?

Another Assassinverse story? Joker, I think you may have a problem.

A anthro unicorn stallion with a sleek blonde mane and tail wearing a black tuxedo with a red rose in the buttonhole threw open the door leading to the roof of the theatre, a terrified look on his face and he took to the stairs two at a time, constantly looking over his shoulder, as though he was being chased by something that was hot on his heels.

RED FLAG NUMBAH ONE!

If the character is an anthro, DO NOT SAY IT OUTRIGHT. I've never come across this issue, and I hope to never see it again.

RED FLAG NUMBAH TWO!

This descriptive sentence is WAY TOO LONG. Find a way to space out the details.

EXAMPLE

The door to the theatre's roof was thrown open by a unicorn stallion, a look of terror adorning his face. As he climbed the stairs two at a time, he frequently looked back over his shoulder, his blonde mane whipping about as he did so. His tuxedo was not the best clothing to run in, and the red corsage in his lapel frequently poked through to his chest.

Still looks interesting.

8250530
Can we also take a second to admire the blatant copy-and-paste description?

8250545
All right, all right, I'll change the damn description!

Skipped a good chunk of it since I've seen it before.

Could you check out my idea for an Assassinverse story? It involves the Taken King.

Here's the link: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/203722/assassinverse/thread/323663/story-idea-rise-of-a-taken-king

Would you kindly look at it please?

8250567
Not quite?

Twilight Sparkle, newly minted alicorn Princess of Equestria, has been slain in her sleep by four of her own bodyguards who were on the payroll of Traditionalists who were against the reforms Twilight was attempting to bring about. Reforms that would've seen the power and influence of several Nobles houses had had for centuries stripped away as the common folk were allowed to have a say in the Equestrian Parliament and were allowed to marry non-ponies. As a result, tensions between the Progressives who supported Twilight and the Traditionalists have become increasingly strained and are dangerously close to the breaking point.

Sure, it's no longer one sentence, but it still seems junky and cluttered. The first sentence is a good opener, but the second sentence could use revision. Personally, I like the fact that you explain that these reforms would strip away power from the noble houses. That's good. What I don't like is how you then casually list some of them. That part ought to be reserved for the actual story itself. Specifics like that are not what you want to have in a description.

It also doesn't help that the structure is weird. Sadly, I can't place it, since it's super nuanced, but the way the words flow feels rather "stuffy." By that, it's like you wanted to stuff together all the words in long sentences to get the most amount of information out for the least amount of periods. That's what you want to do for description, yes, but the way you do it feels rough and unfurnished. You've got the basic craft structure idea down, but the execution and end product is still flawed.

This is awesome! I can't wait to see Red Hood kill Blueblood's piece of shit father who organized this whole thing. and maybe his baby daughter he was grooming to take control if he'll break his code just once.

These stories you're making for the Assissinverse are all cool with interesting concepts, but do you think you have enough time to work on them all? I'm not being sarcastic or anything I am honestly asking if you'll have time to do them all, since not a lot of them have updated recently.

Was rooting for this version of Red Hood until he hypocritically killed Gallant even after learning about his brother, the threat, etc.

I was SO hoping this would be a real Red hood story that wasn't another displaced, but this is just another disappointment.

This is pretty good. Will you add some moments between the RedHood and Spike? Maybe some secret training or something?

DUDE....:rainbowderp:

SLOW DOWN!

I cannot see any way how you would have enough time to work on so many fics:applejackconfused:

I mean... you already have like... at least 10 other fics to write. Maybe more?
The only way i could see you be able to work on all these fics, is if you don't have a fucking life:twilightoops:

And i very highly doubt that that would be the case:unsuresweetie:

Bu~ut.... if you have somekinda time manipulation powers you're not telling us, you would be able to work on all the fics... you sure you're not hiding anything like that from us?:trixieshiftright:

8251344
Well, all I have is a part-time job, so... yeah, I don't really have a life outside of entertaining you guys.

8251685
Damn.... that was... quite an unexpected answer:rainbowderp:

I myself don't even have a job (though i think that is to be expected since i only graduated from college earlier this month...:unsuresweetie: All i do is either play on my console, be on my PC, listen music, read a book, read on fimfic, some times go cycling, maybe meet a friend that lives in the same area as i do (keep in mind that those are very limited as most live in a another country or another city...you know... internet)...
That's about it i think.... might have forgotten something... anyways....

I honestly though you had a more busy life:twilightoops:

8250969
You assume too much. You should check out my new blog post.

Very interesting; I really liked how the long description hinted at how intense/action-packed things could end up getting the future. You have my full support, Joker! :scootangel:

8250799
Gallant still participated in murder and clearly would have kept at it if it meant having his own brother spared so yeah, no, he needed to be put down. Plus I never really cared for his excuse. So because his family was threatened he decided to kill someone he was meant to protect, who was also a PRINCESS? Yeah fuck you Gallant.

8253312

Okay, then:

Gallant: {Refuses.}

Traditionalists: {Make good on their threat against his brother.}

Not black-and-white in ^this^ case -- especially since Red Hood's likely just going to make an enemy out of an otherwise-innocent brother now.

Canon!RH -- while definitely not the nicest guy -- at least understands issues like family and grayness; this RH is just a one-size-fits-all hypocrite.

Hence my downvote -- too OOC.

8253392
He could've sent a hidden note or warning of some kind instead of just being a dumb ass and going straight to them.

8253397

Gallant: {Sends hidden warning.}

Traditionalists: {Somehow find out about it.}

Brother: {R.I.P.}

8253411
Keyphrase. SOMEHOW FIND OUT. Meaning that you have to reach to find a reason to justify his treason and cowardice.

8253416

Don't put words into my mouth; I'm not "justifying" anything, only explaining it.

Regardless, RH's response was too hypocritical ("Yeah, sorry for your loss, Spike; but f*** you, Gallant's brother!") and OOC.

End of discussion.

8253431
Of course we can forget how he didn't even try to warn anyone and that he in the end chose his family over the safety of his entire nation and contributed to starting a fucking Civil War. Naturally. He's just as selfish and would have died anyways so please do yourself a favor drop the high and mighty attitude because Gallant decided his family mattered more then his own nation and likely would still cause his family to die. Congratulations on defending a worthless piece of shit like him.

Before I read this, what is the Gore, and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

p.s. Why Sex tag ?

You killed poor Rainbow.:ajbemused:
You killed my second fave pony among the Mane 6.:ajbemused::facehoof:
Seriously, buck you.:twilightangry2:

I think I even have a hunch as to just WHO the filth is that killed her, though.
I hope that Red Hood rips the stupid bitch apart when he finds her.

Well, on another note, at least maybe now she and Twi can make up again in the afterlife.

On ANOTHER note, PLEASE don't let Gilda get blamed for Dash's death.

KO awesome chapter, sad that Rainbow Dash died but she will avenge by Red Hood and he will stop Sundancer's plan before things get worse. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2:

That moment when the description still remains unedited and rough. That moment when you realize your advice is going on ignored. That moment when you're tempted to call it quits even though you really, really want to help but can't help but feel that you aren't wanted.

That's quite the moment.

Spike better have a big roll in the story and if he does then that would be AWSOME ok I leave by bye

8260233
Nope. The sexual content will be strictly T-rated. The gore is why the Mature rating is there.

Whoever killed Rainbow Dash has just signed her death warrant.

For the hands of death will be coming for her or him very soon..

Here's what I wish would happen to the Traditionalists:

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