Pinkie Pie and Gilda Save Equestria from Alien Invaders

by Amit

Arrival

Pinkie Pie rubbed her head and blinked her eyes. As far as she could tell, she was somewhere red and shiny; a tiny, darkish room only about two times taller than her, a huge hole gaping out into the strangely bluish-tinged maw of space in front of her.

“Oooh. That was so fun,” she said to no one in particular as she put a hoof up on an enormous dangling cable to pull herself up onto her feet. “But it hurt so bad.”

“Not as much as I'm gonna hurt you.”

A series of claws struck out from behind her and smashed into the floor, metal shrieking as she carved it.

“Oh, hey, Gilda!” Pinkie said, leaning on her back and hanging a hoof over her shoulder, quickly back in top form. “We're alive! Funny how that works, right? I mean, you'd think going at es—”

Gilda swiped around and tried to stab Pinkie, managing to lacerate her shoulder quite thoroughly. “Stand still so I can cut you, dweeb!”

Pinkie stood still in front of her, looking up and thinking to herself. “Ooh! Like a hacksaw? Why do they call it a hacksaw if you don't hack with it?”

“You're not even—” Gilda swiped out, leaving several scratches on a black and blue spot, “—quoting the movie—” She cut a hole in a cable, sending severed wires flying, “—right!”

And with that, she slammed her claws at full force into something very important, and quite suddenly she found her face filled with a vision of Pinkie Pie's flank.

The pain came about a second later.

“Whoa, Gilda, how'd you make gravity turn that way? I didn't think even I could do that!”

She only screamed in response.

—

Lyra and Bon-Bon laid underneath the clear day sky on a grassy plain; they were close enough to the Everfree to see the beauty of the uncontrolled clouds, the usual overseer of their weekly jaunts.

“So,” Bon-Bon said carefully, shaking her head very slightly, “You honestly think humans exist?”

Lyra grinned. “Uh-huh! They're flying in space with their spaceships spreading science and progress!”

“Look, Lyra, I'm your best friend, and I'm okay with you being a broman—”

Lyra jumped up, shaking her head. “I'm not a broman, silly. I'm an afrosister!”

“You can't even jump that hi—” Bon-Bon interrupted herself, putting her hoof up to her head once more. “Look, look. I'm your friend, and I'm okay with you being an afrosister, but you've got to understand that humans aren't real.”

“But Merry Curie is my waifu!” She put her hooves on Bon-Bon's shoulders, shaking her violently. “If she doesn't exist, I have no reason to live!”

The shaking put Bon-Bon's eyes into a holding pattern over her superior orbital fissures; she shook her head and forced a sphenosteoynchronous orbit before raising an eyebrow. “Wasn't Flowers Nightingale your 'waifu' last week?”

“No, silly, that was Richie Nyx.”

Bon-Bon would have replied if not for the fact that her eardrums had just done the courtesy of filtering out a the sound of an enormous hunk of metal trying to compensate for a decaying orbit, engines billowing streams of fire.

As the enormous thing came slowly down towards them, she leaned over and hugged Lyra tight, pressing herself up against her as close as possible. She could see Lyra's lips moving excitedly, and she pushed her ear up against her lips.

“This is just like one of my fanfics!”

Bon-Bon'd never felt quite so much regret for an action in her entire life.

—

As gravity finished its civil dialogue with momentum and reasserted its authority, Pinkie Pie found herself falling from the prone Gilda and roughly down the hole she had created, hearing Gilda slam into the metal behind her; she landed in a heap on the gentle grass, a few metres away from the charred and broken earth besides her.

Pinkie looked up to see a terrified earth pony and a breathtaken unicorn, neither very far from relieving themselves.

“Oh hi, girls!”

Bon-Bon, being an earth pony, had the misfortune of recovering first. “Did Lyra ask you to get this thing down here, Pinkie?”

“Of course not! Don't be a silly filly. I mean, Lyra would never want me to put thousands of ponies' lives in danger just to fulfil her childish fantasy of possibly meeting the creatures of her disturbingly detailed fantasies that she tells everyone about all the time, would she?” Pinkie grinned widely.

Lyra, by then, was running her hooves all over the metal hull. “Oh, Celestia! You got a human spaceship! Look! There's human words and everything! This is the greatest thing you've ever done, Pinkie Pie!”

Bon-Bon shook her head, looking over to the rather enormous thing; “What is it, Pinkie?”

“I have nooo idea!”

Lyra squeed in delight “Humans! Look, Bon-Bon! I told you they were real!”

Bon-Bon managed to turn around just as she heard the very sudden and very loud sound of gunfire, seeing things that looked vaguely like Lyra's objects of admiration holding what looked like long, thick black sticks pointing up into the air.

“Ooh! Look, they've got muskets! They must be protecting Prince Richie!” She took a deep breath, seeming almost to faint at the thought. “What if Prince Richie's here?”

Bon-Bon stepped back a bit.

Pinkie hopped in place. “Oooh! It's a whole new species! I wonder if they like cake? Don't be silly, Pinkie, of course they like cake! Who doesn't like cake?” She promptly began to hop towards them and promptly was filled with holes.

Bon-Bon screamed in terror. “Pinkie!”

Lyra took a deep breath, standing up on two legs and shoving her hooves clumsily over her mouth. “Oh, dear sweet Richie Nyx! This isn't just like one of my fics, it's like a darkfic! I'm downvoting this!” She seemed to search physically for a downvote button, tapping furiously at the edges of her ambit.

“Come on!” Bon-Bon said, tugging at Lyra's hoof, dragging her away as the men drew closer.

“Yeah,” Pinkie said, hopping besides them, “We've gotta hurry and warn Ponyville before they hurt everypony!”

Bon-Bon nodded. “Just what I was thinking, Pinkie.”

She stopped in her tracks—Lyra toppling over her face and into the grass—and looked to her side to see a grinning pink mare. “Wait. Pinkie?”

Pinkie bounded ahead. “Hurry up!”

A series of convenient gunshots split the air; Bon-Bon quickly picked Lyra back up and began to canter.

She'd deal with it later.

—

Gilda shook her head and moaned in pain as she forced herself to her feet; the hole was certainly big enough for her to come in, but clearly not big enough for her to get out.

“When I get my claws on that little dweeb, I swear—”

A heavily-accented, almost-incomprehensible voice came over the loudspeakers; Equestrian, definitely, but far from it. “You are to have of more big things for doing, gryphon.”

Her eyes darted around the constrained space; she could hear the echoes. The voice was clearly physical. At least she could be sure Pinkie's antics hadn't got her skull beat up too hard. “Who in Tartarus is that?”

“An friend. Now, you listen near.”

“Oh, Tartarus no I'm not. Get the heck away from me before I claw you.” She put her claws up, happy as always to possibly put herself in an even worse predicament somehow.

“I am to know of what you are in position, and of air of yours—I can take away now.”

“Yeah, right.”

It became slightly harder to breathe where she was, and the ludicrous threat, even in all of its utterly butchered Equestrian, began to sound very real. “Alright, alright! Stop it!”

She immediately felt the air coming back, and took a few deep breaths before speaking again. “Alright. I'll do whatever you say, you crazy mule. Happy?”

“Super happy. Now, listen closely.”

She listened closely.

Comments

[Jess887cp]

Wow. Awesome

Foist? Humph. Just keep it up, I like it.

[Burraku_Pansa]

Any reason in particular that this was cancelled, or was it merely a loss of inspiration? I like what's here, at any rate.

[Amit]

1106604
Loss of inspiration. I might might might get back to it some day.

[Pashoo]

Well now. I'm gone for seven weeks and then I come back to this. I offer a word of encouragement, that you may one day return to this writing this story.

Encouragement.

[MarkKB]

This is certainly an interesting story, and I'd love to see more. All in your own time, I guess!