• Member Since 7th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen February 23rd

Note Of A Ghost


One word to describe myself... (doesn't follow instructions well)

T

Huge thanks to my co-author, Wendell Hodges for helping with the development of this story.

For many, many moons an unknown spirit has wandered the Everyfree forest, protecting those that call it home and forever watching those who don't.

Ponies wonder why the forest feels so alive. They wonder what makes a wild manticore stop halfway from preying on an innocent young mare. They wonder who is watching them from the tree line, but never has any of these or similar questions been answered... Until a group of hiking companions cross a vicious beast.

(Cover art is not mine in any way, shape or form.)

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 73 )

"Are you... Okay?" It's voice was rough and deep, but also slow and full of wisdom. When receiving no reply, the being spoke again. "Do not be... Afraid... I am..."

I. Am. Groot!

So what this story bout anyway?

I know this is completely unrelated to the story, but I feel it only appropriate considering it revolves around Ents.

Around the time when the movie came out, my family and I were nuts over Lord of the Rings, and still are to this day. Personally, I consider it the nearly perfect trilogy of movies next to the original Star Wars trilogy and the Dark Knight trilogy.

That's not the point... anyways, when the movie came out, I was still pretty young. And I remember that at the house I lived at, there was this one tree that allowed me to climb to the top of my roof whenever I felt like it. I named it Tree Beard, and every time I would climb it, I would look down at my parents and say I was climbing Tree Beard. It caught on, and that's what we named out tree...

All six mares looked to top of the waterfall to see Spike as he was about to jump. The drop was about thirty feet, so nothing too dangerous, but still enough to cause alarm to the more paranoid of the group.

Add 'the' between to and top

Hmm. This has promise. May need to slow down just a tad, but otherwise it will be interesting to see how this goes. :pinkiehappy:

8250944
I’d go with Treebeard myself but he was talking rather fast for him, everything else fits with though.

I'm pretty sure the writer just committed Deus ex Machina by giving Spike wings just to save Rarity... If he had them to begin with there is no reason Twilight would have worried about him being up so high. Other than that I'm enjoying this story. :heart:

8250959
Huh. Cool

My big sisters named this one huge rock close to our home "Big Kiss"

No idea which of my big sisters came up with the name:rainbowlaugh:

8251746
It may not seem like it, but I pictured Spike with wings before I came up with the idea of him saving Rarity. And the whole Twilight being worried is because she is the more "paranoid" of the group, as it was put in the story, thus creating concern where it would normally be deemed invalid. I'm also quite glad you enjoy the story! And to show how glad I am I have some jokes for you.

If you don't like dark humour, don't read:
-whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a sledge hammer, the other is a watermelon!

-Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

This has potential, just take it slow and steady.

You know, to write 1,5 k words and land on the hotpage... I shall watch you. Nice choice of words and well described all over. As stated somewhen before, take your time, as you roll along.

8251588
Indeed. Will be interesting to see how this one goes. Probably should have it's own genre by now. 'Plant Beings living in the Everfree Forest'. There has been enough stories about them by now lol

"I am on nopony's side, because nopony is on my side, little dragon."

DO IT.

please have a groot refrence please have a groot refrence please have a groot refrence

Psst, found you your cover art! :yay:
Right here!

so i guess spike is a few years older, or he managed a brief greed growth without going over board like last time.

8251809
Big kiss? Cute but, why exactly?

8252297
"We're not dragons; we're ponies!"
"Ponies? Never heard of a pony before. Sounds like drake mischief to me."

8252506
I was implying that he was talking to Spike.

8252673
It's another quote from the same scene in LotR mate.

"We're not orcs, we're Hobbits! Halflings! From the Shire!?"

"Hobbits? Hmm... Never heard of Hobbits before. Sounds like Orc mischief to me."

On the story itself:

Needs some pretty heavy polishing but it's not bad.

Two weird things that stood out to me:
Spike saying "Fuck" instead of "Buck" or another softer exclamation. (He is fairly childish in appearance and behavior.)
Spike has wings in this? If he does that's fine, but they should be introduced via a method other than a passing mention during his rescue of Rarity.

Pretty much what I'm thinking is: it jumps straight into the "meat" (the Everfree and the Ent) of the story too quickly. Some characterization, setup, and context prior to the "big moment" via a scene in Ponyville and/or on the way to the pond would help greatly.

"I guess I'm just a bit nervous. A small family of squirrels came to my cottage early this morning, they were worried

about the forest."

Formats errors appears

Please oh please let his name be Treebeard!!!

8253227
that only works if he actually has a "beard"

I feel that, regardless of what ent-mythology has inspired you, fleshing out it's/his/hers dialogue would help a lot with the "ancient and wise" feel it has so far. Also slowing the pace would work wonders but, I personally wouldn't be able to tell you how, as I usually end up with a much too slow pace in what little I write.

As a side note, the grammar isn't spot less but, it's perfectly understandable.

Meh. Seems a little rushed. I figured there would be a little more mystery about the ent.

*<>* if this is about some ultimate ring o power ...oh boy

Cool. I loved the Ents from Lord of the Rings. Nice to see them again.

Keep it up!

8252876
I have to agree. I felt as though I was jumping in too fast, but I also felt that because it's pretty much a given that everyone knows the characters except for the ent, so I though "why not just give a swing?"

8253293
I'm surprised at how well I'm doing since I was never any good at English... At all.

Comment posted by Note Of A Ghost deleted Jun 26th, 2017

Pretty good so far kinda fast on the development thats all i have right now,,

8253492
You're doing far better than par.

The best advice I've heard or given to self editing: listen to your chapters with TTS just before posting them. You'll pick up errors in a flash when you hear them spoken aloud. There are a few extensions or plugins for Chrome and Firefox to do it directly on the page, to make things easier.
So thanks for that.

I find it kind of funny how Spike took a serious injury and Twilight still has him send a letter. Kind of messed up as well but still. Nice job by the way!

so far? too rushed. other wise, OK

Not bad. The pace is a little too fast, but otherwise, it has potential.

I recommend adding something to build up to the confrontation.

Ooooh, this looks interesting! Got me watching.

Also, if you're looking for names for our nice Ent, I vote for Quickbeam.

8301610
Cause your Ent seems rather hasty for a traditional Ent, and in the LotR novels Quickbeam was the name of a hasty Ent.

8301634
Fair enough... But unfortunately I've already got a name for him.

8301681
Ah, okies. i bet it's a good one.

Interesting cant wait for more.

Oh so its dragon age like veil now that you showed the abomination and described it more, or similar at least

8343041
Yeah, I've been playing inquisition in my spare time... And obviously enjoying it too.

so then grey willow is a sylvan? thats kinda different then an ent.

Can I ask what's up with the sex and gore tags before I start?

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