- Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
- offline last seen Dec 22nd, 2023
Mr Curious Writer
I'm just someone that's curious on crossover stories involving MLP
Mr Curious Writer
Joined 14th Oct, 2015 ·
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You have my attention good sir.
This seems like it will be a great story. I will look forward to more chapters
Had my attention then Blueblood happen
Maybe I don't want to. XD
You can't tell me what to do... *turns the page.*
Your not my mom. Hahahaha kidding
8244358
Sorry, he was just grumpy given the circumstances. I'm sure second time they meet will be different.
8244401
Lol Glad to see your trying out this new story too knives.
This is good. I like it.
I believe you meant to put "wound"
You have an extra quotation mark there and I'm not sure what that second sentence was supposed to say.
So far I'm enjoying the story.
There should be a quotation mark at the end of the sentence. Really loving the way this is going.
So you make your OC likely have hearing damage and we're supposed to believe that he as nearly $90k in firearms at age 22? Yeah. Pass.
Btw a real MP5 starts around $37-40k these days. Another $27-35k for a real M4, not AR-15, etc. considering he's 22 now, it's highly unlikely he'd have those firearms in a perfect world anyhow. NFA transfers are 9-15 months right now, and you have to be 21+ to do them.
Oh and it's magazine, not clip.
Edit:
After reading the whole thing, you might want to find an editor. Errors here and there, descriptions could be better, etc. Don't even get me started on the firearm parts.
Could be good, just needs work and tuning.
I think you meant to put Luna somewhere in there. Sorry for the mistake spam just trying to help.
8244793
Thanks for letting me know I'll fix that as soon as I can. as for the gun part, The only thing he bought on his own was the Desert Eagle, the rest he got from his rich family over the years. However if there is anywhere that said that he purchased anything other then bullets or the eagle. let me know cuz I don't want to confuse people on that fact.
8244797
No don't worry about that, That's helpful for me. you see something I missed please do bring it up so I can fix it asap.
8244430 It's a good story so far.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/a4/a4d2781e3febcfc9c4b43f127c52f632c6fcded9d1c310b1a88ffdb0eececad4.jpg
That bit regarding telling Celestia that shes quite free to hate him, you did that bit twice in the story. Did she forget?
8245051
I think it's me that probably have missed that. if you don't mind, can you show me where this happens? So I can focus on it more cuz I can't see it.
This is me trying to make heads or tails of the note. Does this mean we can expect a chapter every 3 weeks? Also, will Dan bring up how Fluttershy only talks to him about his morals and nothing more?
8245219
If I'm on a roll with my writing that I get it done by in that very week and it gets past the editors swiftly then generally that's a possibility. All I can say for certain is that until my other story reaches it's end, expect a chapter between a month to a month and a half. As the Fluttershy thing, that's gonna be inevitable that both their ideals are gonna clash again in due time. Basically, he'll probably nip the issue with her in the bud as soon as possible to avoid future pointless conflict.
really intersting setting, that i gotta give you good sir
Grammar grammar and more grammar. My english is not my native language and the grammar still stings my eyes.
Other than that, the story seems rather interesting, if a little fast paced. Needs a bit more fleshing out.
8245427
Sorry about that, I basically had to post this on a different browser when I made it since my previous one wouldn't let me even post anything strangely. so I had just recently reinstalled Grammarly and going over these things again. managed to fix the prologue through the third chapter and moving on to the 4th as we speak.
Well, other than grammar, kudos for the story. Looks pretty interesting as long as the 'misunderstood avenger' cliche doesn't get too far.
8245719
Please, that hurt me if that cliche dragged on too long, lol. It won't happen.
Cool story so far, I've only read up to chapter 2 but its great so far.
With the odd grammar mistake, I'm loving it keep up the good work.
8245900
Who said the gun range was officially in Detroit?
Feeling a witcher-ish vibe.
With guns. And people aren't assholes.
So, interested in seeing this progress.
8246022
That is by far the closest analogy to the story I've heard so far. Kudos good sir. I hope you enjoy when we get into the "Hunts" :)
8244869
It's more of the legality side. Can't buy NFA weapons for someone or gift them. Hell, without the legal owner present, they are a felony to touch or even have access to.
Literally you, and only you can have access to the safe they are in, plus a whole bunch of other requirements. While he could have gotten a semi auto MP5 pistol or rifle clone, or AR-15, there is pretty much no way for him to have the real NFA weapons at 22.
Btw, if you have any firearm questions just ask. Almost 20 years shooting, 8 years as a FFL dealer, and 15 years as a big game hunter. (I'm a not exactly a young guy lol)
8245900
Well, it is Detroit, so the streets kinda double as one. Just like Chicago.
8246528
Hmm, so for accuracy's sake if I stuck to those three kinds of guns being in his vault along with the hunting rifle I mentioned in the story as well since he's over 21 now officially, should it be fine if he hypothetically had the money now to purchase those NFA weapons. because he will eventually because that is basically what will happen soon in the story as well. Ignoring the fact of how much money it would cost and how strange and suspicious it would be for said 22-year-old to acquire such funds to purchase them?
8246751
Legal side of it, yup. Weird, yup, but I've seen stranger in the gun world.
8246802
Lol, perfect then. Hopefully, it'll give you a good laugh cuz it's kinda out there how he'll get the funds.
How to know a author knows nothing at all about firearms:
Uses the words Sniper Rifle ✔
Says clip instead of magazine ✔ ✔
Character uses a Desert Eagle ✔ ✔ ✔ (bonus points if also "dual wielded")
Sorry, I wouldn't say anything normally but when you try and push your character as knowledgeable on such matters...
8246893
Haha you even got 4 likes, Nice. Yup you got me there, I'm just a know nothing author on the subject. Not a veteran, never been to a gun range, never hunted in real life, never touched an actual gun, All I had to go on were various video games and movies involving them and yet my dumbass wants to try write a story using them. *shrugs* heck I think I even made Arxsys write that forum post about the clip and magazine thing the other day, and if not, then that's one hell of a coincidence, which I highly doubt is the case XD.
Basically what I'm trying to say Adamanthys is don't worry, I am aware now. Thank you for for bringing it up however, truly. I can't learn if no one says anything about it.
8247080
Huh... no kidding? Didn't know that either.
8247102
I could, but I kind of had another idea in mind.
Its always the Desert Eagle, aint it?
8247159
Is it? it's normally a revolver or the Glock every time I read stories with this.
8247132
Well, I do remember that much about suppressors.
Outside of some editing issues and minor mishaps your on a good start here.
Course he will have to deal with himself when he goes back for the rest of the arsenal/assorted/necessary equipment (reloading equipment and such sundry will be required if he plans on using his guns for a extended period of time)
8247116
Both are correct! One is British and one is American!
I'm going to give this a read later, but I hope that the Romance tag has just as much impact to the overall story as the Adventure tag.
8245497
It might be helpful to explain Rabies as something similar.
An infected animal becomes overly aggressive and will attack anyone or thing near it, and is a threat. There is a treatment for rabies, if it is caught in time, but said treatment is long and extremely painful. If it's not caught in time, and the infected animal is left alone, it will die a long, painful death. At that time, the only course of action is a swift death.
Now, I had choice. Do I choose to save your lives at the cost of that Thing? Or do I choose to to let it live and let it kill you, and others in Ponyville? One life, bent on the destruction of everything around it, or the lives of many, peacefully going about their business? That's my job.
8247717
I definitely intend it to be meaningful, but it will take time to happen. True love I believe isn't instant.
8247719
Wow that's actually a good analogy for it. Now I wish I thought of that as his rebuttal during the arguement scene lol
8247931
Of course love takes time. What I meant is that I hope the story focuses on Romance; not just being in the background or in side-story chapters.
8247963
Definitely, when the moment the realization hits, it will definitely have that impact you speak of.
that last line though. I would have had the same reaction, though it's more of an apathy thing than anything else.