Just Another Party

SuperPinkBrony12 #1 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

I think Pinkie Pie might be justified in her belief that her friends are taking advantage of her to some extent, I have a feeling that for some reason they just don't like Pinkie Pie as much as they should but they attend her parties to make her feel happy and because she is an Element of Harmony bearer.

behindcds

behindcds #2 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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914793

Well that certainly is a cynical way of looking at it, but I do believe that in the end Pinkie is liked because of her personality and not the food and games she provides. But then again, you never know with these ponies

And I also did not want to end the story in a way that Pinkie goes on a killing spree.

But besides that, what did you think of the story in general? This is my first real fanfic. (The other ones were horrible and do not count)

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #3 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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914839 You know I think the problem is that Pinkie Pie has hidden depths that her friends aren't aware of which causes them to pretty much tone out whatever Pinkie Pie says if she isn't planning a party or her "Pinkie Sense" isn't going off.

But this fic was good and it's nice to see the Cakes are concerned about her health, perhaps in Season 3 Hasbro will give us an epiosde where Pinkie Pie's parties cause trouble for Pinkie Pie and she either gets sick or refuses to throw any more parties and her friends have to help her get back on track or in other words get back to being "The Pinkie that they all know."

fallen starr

fallen starr #4 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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So, I read both versions of this, and I have to say, I like this one much better. It was well written, the flashbacks perfectly placed. I think at the end, at least one pony should have shown some concern for Pinkie after she fell, not just the cake...but it was pretty good in a sad way. I like it a lot. I think Pinkie Pie (well, all of them really) has some real depth to her if you open her up as a character, which you've done really well here. I'd like to see you or someone write a story where she can't throw anymore parties, like she's talking to gummy about, because of whatever reason. Just to see how her friends react. (In fact, if you don't, I just might). It was a really good story though.

behindcds

behindcds #5 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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914957

Hmm I did not notice that about the end but that makes sense. I changed it slightly (very subtle change) to hopefully make it better. And you are free to write that story yourself as I am currently working on a bigger project (not with ponies though).

Crimson Dawn

Crimson Dawn #6 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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This is better than the first time as it actually shows a consequence of Pinkies attempts at making her friends happy (her being tired and it now affecting her ability to put on parties) where the original was just her pushing on and nothing actually happening. That said I personally think the way you have this written feels more like a chapter in a bigger story than a one shot, at least how it is currently written. You are setting up this effective story showing Pinkie wanting to do more to help her friends but her body and life cannot keep up. The whole story is pointing this out but the current ending does not show any sort of resolution to this issue. Pinkie has a serious issue here and so I think you have plenty to work with to add to this story, add chapters, or do sequels to this. Can she keep this up? Will she keep it up? Will her friends start noticing and worrying about her? Will that cause Pinkie problems since she does not want them to worry about her? Will her friends realize her hidden depths? All sorts of questions are raised in your short story that you can answer.

behindcds

behindcds #7 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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915963

Thanks for the feedback. Also, what I was going for in the ending is that she has had this much trouble every party and has always pulled through just like she will in the future. She knows how much trouble it will be, but it has always been difficult and she will continue. Her friends will not realize how much trouble it is for her because then they might now want her to throw parties. Just like during her cutie mark incident, it works out smoother if everyone does not know. However, this does not mean her friends will not be there to support her. They might not know what is going on, but they can still give support (Rainbow catching Pinkie and Twilight catching the cake). If I were to write additional chapter, I feel like the ending would have to be completely rewritten in which she actually falls and breaks down.

Crimson Dawn

Crimson Dawn #8 · Jul 15th, 2012 · · ·

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916686

The funny thing is that you have done such a good job setting this all up that I don't feel you that you would need to change the ending. In fact the type of ending you are suggesting is all too common on fanfiction sites. In this case I feel that would progress that story too fast. Right now your story is showing Pinkie as she is developing weak spots and maybe a crack. What that alternate ending would show is when Pinkie starts breaking apart. That is too soon IMO I like the idea of a story with Pinkie slowly yet surely working herself too hard and your ending is perfect for that. It is like Applejack in that episode except Pinkie is too savvy to show it. On top of that in the end it could be seen that Pinkie is once again furthering her delusion that she can keep it up and she has the determination to try, but is that healthy and feasible for her?

Your story is very good on its own I just wanted to point out that you have done an excellent job of setting up an even longer story without even trying or even knowing it. I also find it funny since usually on this site I tend to think too many authors try to make their stories too long and here I am telling you different lol.

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