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Yes, this is a self insert fic. However, I am trying my LEVEL BEST to keep my character from being a Mary Sue: I planned the OC present beforehand to make certain that he was an imperfect character with plenty of flaws and weaknesses. He's not going to have a romantic relationship with any of the characters; he has a crush on one but will never act on it.


First Published
4th Dec 2011
Last Modified
29th Jan 2012
#1 · 277w, 8h ago · · · Prologue ·

...wow. A self insert that isn't overwhelming.

You've done well in your mission to make a non-overbearing OC. Now fulfill the mission of entertaining the fic readefs.

#2 · 277w, 8h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Well, well. It's...exactly as I would picture things...aside from the fact that all of the mane six we've seen so far aren't at least trying to be friendly. Ah, well, accentuates Midnight's flaws.

I cannot rate this as of yet due to lack of plot. However, I'll be watching.

If my standards didn't prevent me from rating, I would give this an 8.5/10. Well done.

#3 · 277w, 5h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

I'd keep that mini rant out of the story summary. Nobody wants to see that. Great you want to avoid Mary Sue, but now everyone is going to be grading your character because of this.

Suggestion for the fic: Try working on writing in active voice (instead of passive) If you don't know what that means look it up. More power to ya.

#4 · 277w, 3h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

I'm actually liking this story, tracked :D

#5 · 277w, 3h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·


Didn't catch the passive voice.

Damn, I need to be more critical.

#6 · 276w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 6 ·

I'm guessing that it's one of mid's relatives

#7 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 9 ·

Yay voltaire! :pinkiehappy:

#8 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·

Who this fanfic is terrible. Didn't even get a laugh out of it.

#9 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·


Keep in mind this is my first fanfic. Before I started writing this, I'd never even READ one. Besides, some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism would be better than just saying "this is terrible."

#10 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·

>>57852 I'll activate the Troll Translator for you:

"This fanfic could use a bit of work. The chapters could stand to be longer, and the original characters might do with some more characterization. However, given that this is your first fanfic, and it seems to have only started, you still have plenty of time to work on it. The concept and what you've done so far is pretty good, but these two things are the main things keeping this story from being as great as it can be. It has a lot of potential."

#11 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·

^i'm with him except I think it's a pretty funny fan fic

#12 · 276w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·

I agree with the lazy one, you probably should have had more buildup to the Gala and to zebra mask's little reveal at the end there

"BlueBlood had simply looked down on him for his shabby outfit and bad attitude"

Wait. Blueblood has a reason to dismiss him?

And still Midnight wants to humiliate him?

Doesn't make him the right party in this, methinks. Makes him look like a prick, actually.

Blueblood really needs a chance to stand up to all the OCs who decide to hurt him because their creators don't like the character. That's not leveled at you specifically, but something quickly becoming par for the course.

>>59928 Well, Midnight's sometimes snippy without realizing it. People don't like that, and he absolutely DESPISES being looked down on. And BlueBlood looks down on EVERYone... yeah.


A match made in heaven, then. Maybe he should look into hiring security ponies? (Blueblood I mean)

On the other hoof, his reputation doesn't seem to suffer from incidents like this at all, seeing as how Rarity didn't appear to still be angry during Sweet And Elite...

#16 · 273w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 11 ·


#17 · 273w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 11 ·

Edits made. And I don't get the joke in the previous comment, eheh.:unsuresweetie:

#18 · 273w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 10 ·

Lol i love this fan fic its one of the best ive read... And ive read Alot

#19 · 273w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 11 ·

Interesting .....(putting dots is like pausing for dramatic effect)

#20 · 273w, 7h ago · · · Chapter 12 ·


#21 · 272w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 12 ·

>>99986 If you have a criticism, please elaborate on what problem you have with it, or else i just delete the comment. Of course it's not all that great, it's my first fic. And even if it wasn't, I prefer constructive criticism, not "it's bad." If there's a problem, I'll try my hardest to fix it.

#22 · 272w, 5d ago · · · Chapter 12 ·

Terably awsome of epic proportioms

#23 · 272w, 2d ago · · · Chapter 12 ·

Excellent imagery that really fit with the tone and lyrics of the song. Keep up the good work.

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