"You know, Fox, when I suggested holding the grief at bay by sneaking a drink and picking up a cute girl, this is not what I meant."
"Not helping, Falco," Fox growled at his blue-feathered avian friend as the group was gathered around the tiny infant filly, who was busily suckling on a large bottle of infant nutrient mix Slippy had whipped up quickly. "Any luck on isolating those energy readings?" Fox asked his technologically inclined friend.
"Already done, Fox," Slippy confirmed as he shifted his eyes between data read outs and the books Fox had brought back as well. "It's magic."
Fox's eyes narrowed. "Really, Slippy?"
"Now don't be so hasty to dismiss, Fox," Peppy chided in a somewhat wheezy voice. The somewhat elderly rabbit sat back to watch the group under lowered eyelids. "There are worlds out there with strong etheric fields that produce individuals with an ability to reshape the world around them through application of said energy. It's called magic for a reason."
"Yeah, like that Dinosaur Planet I keep hearing about!" Slippy confirmed. "It was discovered recently, after all."
Fox leaned back, letting his eyes rove over the interior of the control center of the Great Fox, the carrier ship of Team Star Fox. Consoles blinked and beeped in the background as Rob64 - the robotic wingman that had worked with Peppy and James - monitored everything carefully. "Anything else useful, Slippy?" Fox asked hopefully.
"Well, all these books have a name written here for ownership," Slippy pointed out. "Sunset Shimmer."
The tiny foal suddenly dropped the bottle as she let out a happy squeal.
"Looks like we know who she is now," Fox murmured as he looked down at her. "Guess we just have to find the Shimmer family to get her home."
"And where are you going to look for them?" Falco asked teasingly. "Pony Planet? Where unicorns like her control the sun and moon and pegasi make the weather? Don't be ridiculous, Fox, she obviously doesn't come from anywhere in this universe."
"And what makes you say that?" Peppy asked curiously.
"Duh!" Falco countered intensely. "She was spat out of a mirror! Since when has that been a normal means of transportation, even with 'magic'? Especially for an infant?"
"Well, what are we supposed to do with her?" Fox demanded grumpily.
Sunset suddenly giggled as her entire body was surrounded by a teal blue aura, and she floated up to cling to Fox like a limpet, nuzzling into his fur.
"Looks like she's imprinted on you," Peppy commented easily. "Guess you'll be looking after her."
"I'm 15!" Fox snapped back, instinctively lowering his voice as Sunset started to fuss. He brought his arms up to support her as her aura faded. "How am I supposed to manage a kid? I haven't got the time-"
"Well, you did drop out of the Academy," Peppy pointed out flatly, staring right at Fox. "And you said you didn't want the Team. I'd say you have plenty of time to take some responsibility."
Fox winced. "But how am I supposed to take care of her? I don't know the first thing about kids, let alone magic!"
"I can help you look into magic, Fox!" Slippy offered eagerly.
"And I used to babysit," Falco added. "I know a few things about keeping kids in line."
"But your careers-" Fox began insistently.
"Already turned in my resignation from the Academy," Falco interrupted. "You didn't really think I'd keep going there when my whole point of being there was to best you, did you?" He gave his friend and rival a friendly punch on the arm.
"And I already finished all my science courses with full honors," Slippy added. "And I doubt I'd get much further in the flight courses anyway. I've never been able to keep my lunch down at high Gs."
"And I helped raise you, Fox," Peppy pointed out. "You didn't think I'd sit on the sidelines for this, did you?"
Fox managed a smile at the others. "...thanks," he murmured softly, trying to gently cradle Sunset in his arms. "Guess this is the first mission of the new Team Star Fox, huh guys?"
"Guess it's something worth fighting for," Peppy offered with a gentle tease.
"Oh shut up!" Fox snapped back irritably.
Sunset's eyes shot open from the sudden loud noise and she started bawling, her horn glowing blue as various objects sitting around - including Rob64 - began flying around crazily. "I am not designed for this!" Rob called out in fear.
Fox quickly began making shushing noises, trying desperately to calm Sunset down. "It's alright, it's okay, sorry I yelled..."
Thankfully, Sunset's tantrum didn't last long. After a few minutes of comfort, she smiled happily up at Fox, cooing as she reached for his face. Then a foul stench filled the air, and Sunset started crying again.
"Oh gods!" Fox gagged, desperately trying to block his nose. He did have the most sensitive sense of smell of the team.
"Give her to me," Slippy said quickly as the others desperately tried to block their own nostrils. "The scent doesn't bother me as much, and the chemical odors are rather interesting."
"Here!" Fox agreed quickly, handing Sunset over to the frog. Sunset stared up at him in fear, obviously very confused.
Slippy began making comforting croaking noises as he divested her of the shirt she'd been wrapped in, dropping it into a large specimen case for later research. Seizing a long cloth, he quickly bundled it up around Sunset's lower body into a makeshift diaper. "We'll need to get a few actual diapers at some point," he pointed out. "Otherwise, we'll run out of towels fast."
"I guess it's back to odd jobs to make money," Falco groaned. "I am going to miss the Academy providing room and board."
"With how often you complained about the meal quality?" Fox teased in shock.
"Try a few months on one ramen cup a day while the rest of the money goes to baby needs," Falco countered. "See how quickly you miss mystery meat."
Huh... You know, when put that way, it doesn't surprise me that they aren't, well... surprised by the idea of magic. Considering the Cerinians are likely all like Krystal...
Oh... Krystal. Well, this is gonna be fun!
Anyways, it should have been obvious from the start magic was a part of the Star Fox world, if subdued.
I wonder though... how will this change the relationships? I was never really into the comics, but I know Fox had a girlfriend named, I think, Fara, and that they broke up. I don't know why, and I've seen a variety of reasons in fan fiction, ranging from her being a cold-hearted bitch to Fox letting her go to protect her. But if Sunset does her Pony thing and harmonizes everything she gets near... that may head off any potential relationship between Fox and Krystal. And that makes my inner fanboy sad...
8236058
I haven't read the comics either. Don't know anything about this Fara.
Edit: Though from the looks of things, she didn't meet him until after they started flying as Team Star Fox, so I don't think you need to be worried.
I have plans.
You should but comedy on this story, it's funny.
8236058
8236061
I have read the comics and they different from he games, I don't know who Fox and Fara broke up. I read once that she died.
I think if I made a crappy pun here it would stink.
8236095
What? How? AFAIK, she was only in the non canon Nintendo Power comics.
...not that canon means much when Starfox 64 is a remake of the original, Katt gets a redesign from a lynx to a pink house cat, Command had ten different endings due to a time travel artifact, and Zero was a remake of 64 with its own time travel event. *deep breath* Run on sentence. Sorry.
8236117
So Star Fox (original) for the SNES, Star Fox 64, and Star Fox Zero are all the same events?
Thanks, that's good to know.
In the star fox universe, the characters have their legs surgically removed and replaced with robotic ones so that their blood does not get pushed down towards their lower bodies when encountering extreme g-forces. Will there be a chapter where Sunset has to undergo this process?
8236117
I read it like 15 or16 years ago that Fara died, I don't remember where I read it.
8236058
Or you know Krystal being a telepathic mage might pull a twilight and go into a long explination of how magic works how fox has magic, how Andross blew up her home planet to study it...did I mention that Adventures takes place before the Lylat wars...you know the event they keep remaking because people bitch about doing anything else.
Hey, hey, everybody~! We've got something to say~!
"And we don't care! Get in you arwings and get set for f@&King COMBAT!"
8236098 That response alone stinks.
Falco will be almost eating his words here. I hope when everyone finds out they tease him hard about it.
8236122
it's a case of why reinvent the main plot if you don't have to. Zero has the biggest tech changes from the originals thou, so looking up the lets play of those should work for event idea's.
...
Exhibit A.
On a less-than-related note, which VA do you imagine Fox having?
Hmmm... *Imagination Spot Harp Chord Scene Change Here*
"Do a barrel roll!"
"Barrel!"
"No Sunset, that's an Aileron Roll, do a barrel roll!"
"Barrel!"
"Sigh... Sorry Fox, I try to get her to do a barrel roll and she just goes for an aileron roll!"
"Barrel!"
"Oh don't you start too Falco!"
So is sunset anthro in this one?
I do remember that Club Nintendo had a Star Fox based side feature comic back in the heyday... I was a wee kid buck then, so couldn’t get to read but a couple pages...
8236271
This statement is entirely false. Having played Adventures I can safely say it takes place AFTER the events of Starfox/64/Zero. The entire plot is about an attempted REVIVAL of Andross'. The game's intro also blatantly states that they already defeated Andross.
8236534
You, sir, are absolutely 100% correct!
I noticed Peppy calling Fox Sly. I forget if that was a nickname or if it's an honest mistake
Now I can't wait to see his reaction upon reaching Equestria.
SO MUCH YES TO THIS STORY!!!!
Well, adventures of one space unicorn have ended not so long ago .....BUT now we have new adventure of another one also i hope that this will be another long series ( and thanks to author I already know it certainly will be good one )
ok I'm taking bets now. how much bits are you guys willing to put down on how falco reacts on when the get sunset home??
Infants are notoriously difficult to care for, but with as much group experience as the Star Fox team has, I think they'll do just fine. That said, Falco's gonna eat his own boots when they get to Equestria and learn just how right he was.
8236684
He is going to either die laughing or eat our fanfics.
8236435
The one from 64.
If only he knew huh? I forsee this getting brought up when they get back, and Falco saying something along the lines of 'I was just kidding!'
8236435
8236696
But how will going there affect them?
8236454
Yes, due to the mirror portal reshaping her to fit into the world she was spat out into.
8236534
Yeah about that Zero had this animated cutscene promo that mentioned Sauria which ended up being dinosaur planet in Assault so yeah.
Andeross is making plans to recover from what ever damage James McCloud did and use magic of Sauria to make the portals seen in zero. Those portals end up summoning the apperiods in assault as well as the big fish thingies in command.
And if you dare try to counter argue remember, Nintendo has a youtube channel look for the one that says the battle begins...
8237019
Just one problem with all that.
Adventure officially takes place eight years after Star Fox 64. And as Star Fox, Star Fox 64, and Star Fox Zero are all the same events...
8237028
I and someone literally forgot to tell nintendo this when they made the animation for zero.
And it supposed in the demo of the game on the eshop as well.
Hell this confused me as well and Nintendo made that remark.
I just figured the changed the timeline and never told us.
8237036
It's hardly the first time Nintendo hasn't bothered with temporal continuity until after the fact. Just look at the Legend of Zelda timeline.
Besides that, since Zero is the third remake, it could be a completely new timeline.
I wonder what happens when Wolf meets Sunset Shimmer.
8237061
Does anyone have Miamoto's email so we can ask him cause if it's a typo...well I have no idea what that means...but if it was intentional then maybe it was a hint of things to come?
8236738
this is a betting spot.
8236233
I kind of hope not.
Hope she just decides something else to fix that. Maybe a magic spell to nullify the G-forces in a specific area?
8237403
All I have are some heads that some Huts wouldn't take as confirmation of someones death.
I also have some Hut heads.
8237757
........... how much are the heads worth???
8237817
The Hut heads would probably have a high value to the Hut's rivals.
The others could probably be used to collect a decent bounty or sold as decorations.
Not completely sure though.
I can't wait to see Sunset's reaction to Crystal, hopefully it leads to her locking Crystal and Fox in a closet to get to know one another better!
8237968
so there for not worth anything in a betting area.
This is... not very good. Admittedly, a lot of the stuff I'm about to point out can totally be tied into creative liberties, but I think creative liberties go out the window a good bit when you rip your description of Corneria from Arwingpedia/The SNES Star Fox manual. Allow me to make a list for easy perusal.
1. Fox is never mentioned as being younger than 18 at any point in canon. In SNES canon, which this seems to borrow heavily from (because there are three canons at present, SNES, 64+, and Zero), Fox is 23, and implied to be around 18 when James (called Fox Sr. at the time) disappeared.
2. Again assuming you're running off SNES canon, the Star Wolf team didn't exist in canon at the point when James died, you're thinking of 64+ canon, in which Pigma betrayed James, presumably killing him, as opposed to Andross attacking Fox Sr., definitely not killing him. Star Wolf wasn't introduced to the series until Star Fox 2, because the SFX1 chip couldn't handle rendering them.
3. The description of Corneria is lifted word for word (more or less) from Arwingpedia, which was quoting the SNES game's manual. Dude, writing is about writing, not copy/pasting an existing description and prettying it up a bit.
4. I'm not the world's best brony, but Sunset is at least high school age, presumably 16-17.
5. I'm pretty sure the mirror portal reliably drops you off with dimension-appropriate clothing.
6. "A unicorn just got chucked out of my bathroom mirror, I shouldn't call the police about this."
7. Actually Falco recommending alcohol as a solution is perfectly in character for him, especially pre-Star Fox. Good on you there.
8. Local Teenager Stomps Through Streets, Furiously Drunk, Yells At Sky. Officials Say "Business As Usual." Seriously, that's like three crimes. Disturbing the peace, public drunkenness, and whichever the one is about alcohol and children.
9. A little bit late, but Celestia talks about Sunset like she's both her favorite student, a criminal, and her lover. Tone: It's important.
10. In SNES canon, Sauria didn't exist. In 64+ canon, it did. Please pick one and stick to it, you can't really merge them together because there are a bunch of different characters in different positions and all that.
11. Again, why is Sunset a toddler.
12. "Ah yes, let us keep the thief of magical artifacts housed in the same building as a poorly guarded magical artifact storeroom."
In short, do more research, play the games (like for real, don't just watch playthroughs), write your own descriptions, use logic when writing situations, and consider how you would reasonably react if, say, a horse got lobbed out of your mirror. I get that research and whatnot is time consuming, and I've played every game in the series, so if you need a Star Fox canon consult, I'm Cap#7113 on discord, hit me up there.
This can be good, and I've got no doubt that it will eventually be with improvements and tweaks, but for now, it's a fair bit lacking.
8239899
Your details are incorrect.
1. Fox was 18 at the events of Star Fox/Star Fox 64/Star Fox Zero. James went 'missing' exactly 3 years before.
2. Pigma betrayed James and Peppy to Andross, leading to him eventually joining Star Wolf.
3. The bit about the Corneria description is because there's only so many ways to describe a world.
4. If you looked at any of my other stories, you'd know this was another one where the pony character gets reverse aged when she's sent into another world.
5. If you'd read the first chapter more accurately, you'd see that the mirror was damaged by the spell shot, which screwed up some of the spells that made it work (thus why she's on Corneria and not Earth, why she's an infant, etc.).
6. Not bathroom mirror. Random mirror in the middle of a forest next to the city.
8. See above. Not streets, forest. No actual authorities present.
9. She talks about Sunset in different ways because her emotions towards her are complicated. That can cause tonal shifts within a conversation.
10. There is such a thing as a mixed canon using details from multiple canons blended together to make a more cohesive story.
11. See my answer to 5.
12. That's MLP canon, and hardly my fault.
In short, before you leap to judge a story, do your research on the author and decide whether their stories are for you, and whether or not your massive, inaccurate complaint string is warranted.
Especially considering you seem to have just made an account specifically to complain about this story here.
8240001
1. No, he isn't. There's very much canon material listing him as being 25 at the start of the SNES Star Fox (my bad, numbers were off, so I looked it up), and I believe he's 20-22 during 64 and Zero. These are not three different takes on one timeline with perfectly consistent characters, these are three timelines created as the developers changed their minds. It's also explicitly stated in Zero that the game begins two years after James died, making Fox 18 at least. Even so, what kind of civilization allows 15 year olds to enlist in the military?
2. The original Star Fox team in the SNES timeline was literally just James and Peppy, Pigma wasn't even mentioned until Star Fox 2, at which point his former attachment to James (who, one more time, was actually Fox Sr. in that timeline) is, at best, a rivalry, rather than a betrayal. Pigma only betrays James in the 64+ and Zero timelines, because he wasn't a part of Star Fox in the SNES game, and Andross instead attempted to kill Fox Sr. due to wanting to get with Vixy Reinard, his wife, who he had accidentally killed in a car bomb. (Whew, that was a bit of a mouthful there.)
3. I own a copy of the manual. That's basically exactly how it's described, down to the order in which things are mentioned. Sure, there are only so many ways to describe something, but there are far more than three. Allow me to demonstrate a few.
-A glistening white city built in harmony with the surrounding terrain, spread out across coastline, mountains, and islands, where fine seafood and ocean breeze are as prevalent as industry and technology.
-A veritable metropolis, nestled between cavern riddled mountains, ancient land that had traditionally sheltered its people. Now booming with military innovation, it stands nearly unopposed.
-A city centered around politics and agriculture, unafraid to touch the sky while treating the land below it with respect, filled with the hum of energy, and the buzz of civilization.
There's two descriptions borrowing from SNES canon, one borrowing from 64+, none of which come close to the wiki's description outside of unchangeable details.
4. Your works should stand on their own, apart from your other separate works, and there's nothing in your tags to indicate it as such. That's an excuse, not a reason.
5. Again, I'm more of a casual MLP fan, but I'm pretty sure the mirror doesn't control age in any way.
6. Cities don't tend to empty out into forests, I confess that I jumped to a conclusion here, but for what it's worth, my boyfriend also totally missed this one. Could be us, could be the writing, who knows.
7. You forgot a number, this is here as a placeholder because it'll bug me if I don't. Happens to everyone sometimes.
8. Fair enough. My bad.
9. Emotions can absolutely be complicated, but when the audience is not let in on this (and if we were, I'm sorry), it just looks messy and gets confusing. It's a bad idea to let us into a character's head without, well, letting us into their head.
10. Yes, but when it comes to Star Fox, that gets pretty hairy, given that the canons are so similar in so many ways that it can be hard to know what you're looking at in a fanfic, especially since major characters behave very differently based on which canon we're talking about, or are outright nonexistent. Is General Pepper a fat and fairly middling military leader with a sweet tooth, or is he a level headed and cunning strategist who knows when to quit? Is Andross an orphaned monkey raised by pig androids who built his own pig android as well as a weapon shape like his face, or an inventor who played god with his own genes when exiled to another world as a death sentence, or a scientist who was banished to another dimension for borderline terrorism only to become a god of his own world? Does Vixy exist? What about Dash Bowman, and Lucy Hare, and Amanda Toad, and Bill Grey, and Beltino Toad, or Grippy? This isn't an isolated situation, either, it happens with a lot of comic book alternate timelines and whatnot, and typically you either know what mix you're getting, or you're told which canon is being primarily followed. I can respect mixing canons, I do it myself, it's bloody fun and it gives you plenty of room to move around in, but there are things you need to inform your audience of.
11. Fair enough.
12. My bad, fair enough.
Providing criticism, although mine was a bit harsh in tone, is rarely a leap. I shouldn't have to go over your other works to understand large elements of this one, and if I did, it should have been said. Even if all my criticism is invalid, which it very well could be for any number of reasons, your work still needs to stand on its own, your characters still need to act in character, you shouldn't expect your audience to be, by default, familiar with you. It's arrogant, it decreases your potential audience, and it's just in poor form.
Anyway, I'm one of those people that tends to lurk heavily and only make an account when given good reason to make one. This, to me, was good enough reason. Maybe I'm being overly harsh, or overly picky, or half a dozen other things, but I'm still going to point out what I feel are faults to help a work improve.
8240085
1. I looked up the Arwingpedia Wiki. It states he was 18 at the time of the Lylat Wars, 26 at the time of Adventure. Your material must be flawed.
2. Your assumption I'm going by the SNES timeline shows, and should be reconsidered.
3. Considering despite watching the playthroughs (I can't play the games myself due to lacking the necessary game systems) I haven't gotten a clear picture of what Corneria looks like at the street level, I can only go with what descriptions I can find to try and paint the picture for the readers.
4. The works in question are established as part of an expansive multiverse. It does stand on its own as far as those details if you don't lock your mind in stone from one scene to another.
5. The mirror is a dimensional portal, and most logic indicates Sunset was older than teen years when she went through as there have been pictures of Sunset being Twilight's age in Equestria with a foal Twilight in the background. So yes, there is evidence to suggest the mirror can affect the physical age of those going through.
6. The description of Corneria flat out states that the cities are built to be one with nature. One can assume then that the only way to tell if you're in a city or a forest is if you can see a building.
7. Didn't forget a number. Chose to leave it out since it wasn't something I had to respond to.
9. Admittedly, since this is primarily a pony fiction site, I assumed readers would be somewhat familiar with the Celestia/Sunset situation or they wouldn't be reading a story with only the Sunset character tag, and understand why the situation is complicated.
10. And I fully intend to inform readers of what they need to know to enjoy the story as the story progresses. There's only two chapters and only 2.5k words so far. Cut me some slack there, it's a little early to be demanding answers that far reaching.
I'm also sorry I reacted so strongly. The long list of points plus negative description of my story struck me as an unwarranted attack, and I reacted defensively. I understand you're just trying to offer critique, but your points of critique - outside specific plot point questions - are fundamental to my overall writing style. Within universe, the characters are acting in character. The universe just hasn't been built up enough to see it if you aren't fully familiar with the MLP source material...which I felt justified in assuming my readers were considering the site the story is posted on.
8240159
Sorry I posted my message on the wrong page, sorry about that don't really know how that happened. My original question was are you got in to use star fox zero the game for Wii U in this story cause some of the vehicles like the mini robot thing would be adorable if sunset was the pilot.
8241114
Answered where it was posted elsewhere.
8236684
Give me twenty on a full blown freakout!