- Member Since 5th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen 50 minutes ago
Israel Yabuki
Canon x OC, that's my specialty, both in art and in MLP stories
Israel Yabuki
Joined 5th Oct, 2016 ·
Offline
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Israel Yabuki · 3.5k words · 25 6 · 2.2k views
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This seems very interesting. I'll have to check it out when I have time.
Pretty hot, bro. I like it.
m.quickmeme.com/img/e1/e18de059722346adff9296e6a92695f7d36c10993bdccbc7c727527889a0fbd9.jpg
As for surprising? I expected this, so...
This looks really good. I can't wait to read more.
loved it!
you need a bit of edition tho. That'd make it even better.
And now,we finished off with a marriage... Awesome!
I can't thank you guys enough for enjoying the stories I've written. I came up with this story mostly because I had a little spare time to write something that would warm the hearts of Sparity fans. I also did this to improve Rarity's character as the Element of Generosity. Anyways, thank you guys so much.
A love story indeed!
"Don't be so modest, deary. You're one of the very few men out there who'll ever had the pleasure and opportunity to take my virginity.
Okay so... that's not how that works, there's one... that's the idea of virginity. To that point four fingers in a virgin is rather extreme, hell its a lot period.
The fic is a little fast paced, the wording is a little awkward at times (You messed up tenses at least twice) but the idea for the story isn't bad and the execution was decent and you wrote everything how you wanted it to be, sweet and loving including the sex and that's really good. Overall, you did a pretty solid job on this chapter.
8240233
I do admit, it does feel a it rushed. Thanks for the critisism.
Aww, this is such a beautiful love story. Is there going to be a sequel to it?
I know this story is a bit old--hell it's over 6 months old--but two things find kinda odd to me:
1/ Take a look at this passage:
Really?
Rarity's glad's she's becoming a woman??? Uh, if I remember correctly, that's kinda the reason that you dumped Spike in the first place--because you are a woman, and Spike is still a boy in your mind. Just a strange line...
2/ In this, it says that Spike is babysitting Flurry Heart because Shining and Cadence went on a second honeymoon (and probably working on making Skyla a reality...
), but seriously where did she go? It's almost like we forgot that they are not alone. And for that matter, how old is she (Flurry Heart)? I guess that Flurry's like 8 years of age; a little girl still needs to be monitored at least, yet Spike and Rarity went into some rather intimate role-playing while Flurry's by herself.
Maybe's it just me, and I need to just suspend logic for a bit...