Ever since you were born, you and your family have always been through so many hardships in life. Whether it would be people being total jerks, things not going your way, or some other mysterious reason why. Because of this, you've never experienced any other emotion other than sadness. Until you move to a town with people who were actually nice to you. Thatās when you began to attend the local school called Canterlot High. The students there were really nice and you finally felt relief after all this time. You then began to feel something else when you meet a certain girl. A girl who could possibly make your life even better.
Cover image by https://www.deviantart.com/the-butcher-x
"I'd like to introduce you to the very first story that I've ever written on this site. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I was while writing it. I know most people start off with only one chapter when they post a story and my original plan was to post the whole story once Iām done, but I felt like posting the first four to see if you guys would like it.ā
This looks really promising! I also have my first story on this site in progress right now, but this story looks good! I like the style of writing, but just make sure you donāt fall into the trap of making a character too angsty. Not that he seems that way, just that was something I used to do when i was younger and on other sites.
Overall, though, great job!
9851572
Thanks! Iāll try my best to not make him too angsty but weāll see where it goes.
Awe!! Iām loving this.
<3
9857637
Thanks!
Uh oh!
Grammar got proceedingly better with this chapter
9863361
Thanks a lot! It's nice to hear that!
AWW ADORABLE ! Loved it lol.
9863897
Thank you!
This story was really good! I look forward to the next one, whenever it gets released :)
9866771
Thanks! Iāll try and work on it when I can!
Are you going to do something like this for all of the humane seven?
9871492
I might. Itās just kinda hard to come up with ideas for each of them. Iām just kinda writing down whatever comes to mind and hopefully itāll work. Iām kind of struggling with what to do for Twilights story, I already used to breakup plot for Pinkie so I donāt exactly know what to do for Twilight. But for right now Iām focusing on Pinkie for the moment.
Wow, thatās messed up, no wonder anon blocked it out
glad sunset was able to pull him out of his funk before he did something stupid. Looking forward to epilogue
This was a really good story! The simplest reason i can give for why I liked it is because it was so believable. Not just the romance between Anon and Sunset, but also the darker stuff too. Normally Iām the type that doesnāt read anything dark, especially when suicide is involved, but because of how well you wrote it I couldnāt help but love it anyway.
also the fact that Anon lives at the end helps too š
10083899
Thank you! Itās always nice to see good feedback!
10083899
By the way, I had somewhat of an idea for a hypothetical story that I might do. If you wish to hear it of course.
10083918
Sure, PM it to me
Wow~
I must say the story is very good
If I had to qualify it, I would give it a 20 of 10 š
This is good. Its well written, Its a nice story and there are no errors that I can see.
Definitely worth reading.
He seems to be getting his hopes rather high very early on doesn't he? Most who go through such a life tend to not expect anything good to happen. Some take a long time and just as much help to get out if such depression, if they ever do. Medication is also likely.
You met one student, seen a handful of others, and have only been on campus during school hours for a few minutes. That's a really big assumption don't you think?
10133064
I guess, but I think that at the time when I wrote this story, I didnāt want the main character to be too pessimistic or angsty. Now that I think about it, it wouldāve been more realistic but I didnāt want to make the main character unlikable either.
10133076
Yeah, I probably shouldāve thought about that a little bit more. To be fair though, this was the very first story that I ever wrote on the site so Iām bound to not think of certain things. Thanks for the feedback by the way.
10133399
First stories you tend to over look some things. I've thought of writing a few myself but I keep bouncing around ideas of what I'd like to write. From a displaced to transported. From 3rd person to transformation.
10133959
So whatās your take on the story? What do you think about it? If you finished reading it that is.
10161618
Well it's like I said hes making a huge assumption that it's a great school. Even if everything that happened was good or not bad, no one that's gone through what you said he did, would make such a turn around fast, let alone in just a few hours. Though to be fair its different for everyone. But I don't see it happening in a few hours. Not if what the protagonist has gone through happened over the course of years. I think the pace is way too fast for that. I haven't finished reading this yet.
(Iām just gonna do a little rant here, itās not your story in general).
Okay, what the hell is with protagonists not having any confidence?! Like, at all! Theyāre all just sad, mopey kids that bring down the mood! I canāt even read it because the charactersā are just so... I canāt perfectly describe it but, lighten up! And the depression, why does everyone have fuckinā depression!? Itās a horrible thing, yes, but why does every character in stories like these include that!? Lifeās a bitch, and you gotta learn to get through that dude! I just can't with all of these stories including sad people, it's just pathetic and hard to like! Why can't they have happy lives? Why is there always sadness?! Literally, it's always sadness! What about anger?! Does that just not exist anymore?!
Another thing, what the hell is with the name, āAnon, ā everywhere?! Are people just so lazy to pick a new and creative name that they just use some random personās name that they see?! Why can't people come up with different names, like Carlos or Elijah?! Caleb or Chelsea?! Eleanor or Paige?! What about names from other countries?! For different races?! Matter a fact, why are the protagonist's A L W A Y S a random simple white boy?! Can't it be different?! What about a black guy?! What about a British guy?! Literally ANY OTHER RACE ON THE PLANET!!
In short, the fanfiction on this website needs to step it up...
Way to lay everything down at once, Shimmy! š And quite the exposition dump too!
Be glad he was gullible enough to fulfill your wish for him to believe everything you told him (truth or no) from the get-go!
I would've said it like "A Sunset with Shimmer". It sounds better to me. ;)
10268158
That does sound good. Not that Iām complaining though.
Stargazer is your OC... Talk about sacrificing yourself for your art...
Great Story. I found it in my Read It Later section, and I KNOW I've read it before, I remember Drizzle Drops (adorable name for a Pegasus, by the way), but apparently I never commented!
I'm really sorry about that my good Pone, I usually leave my thoughts...
<ahem>
The story is quite good, you have a few grammer errors, but not many, and we need more Sunset fluff.
There, now my OCD can shut up. Up next, your Pinkie story!
C.C.
10210580
Challenge accepted.
10354046
Bet