Derpy's Device
Derpy’s Device
Twilight coughed and smiled cheerfully. “Attention, all ponies,” her spell-amplified voice echoed around the room. “The library is now closing. If you would be so kind as to put any books back where they belong or bring them to me for check-out, it would be much appreciated.”
The one pony who had come that day nodded, quickly set a book back on the shelf alongside the other perfectly-placed books, and trotted out.
She stood there for a second before stacking the papers that lay scattered on the desktop. After placing them in a drawer underneath, she snuffed a candle and went the kitchen.
As she turned, a light coming from the basement caught her eye. Huh, I thought Derpy left hours ago. Whatever she’s doing, she’s been extremely dedicated.
Her curiosity piqued, Twilight descended. “Derpy, I know I gave you permission to use my lab in exchange for those rare books, but you have to tell me what you’re—”
Derpy jumped back from the lab bench, startled. “Oh! Good morning, Miss Twilight!”
“It’s six in the evening.” Twilight raised an eyebrow
Derpy slammed a book shut and shoved it into her saddlebag.
Twilight grabbed the book from the pack. “Wait a second, please don’t treat books like that. And you’ve had this book for two weeks.”
“I’m really sorry, but I’m gonna need to take it out for a few days more. I’ll return it in two, I promise.”
Twilight blocked Derpy and sighed. “Fine. I've had no troubles with ponies asking about books that are checked out. But I can't say I'm not intrigued.”
“It’s a surprise for Dinky and I’m not telling anyone. Don’t want the secret to get out too soon.” Deftly flapping her wings, Derpy jumped and soared over Twilight. She quickly made her way to the top of the stairs. “Thanks for asking, though, Miss Twilight.”
Twilight frowned and looked from the device on the lab bench to the mailmare’s fleeing form. “Wait! Don’t you want to take it with you?”
“Can’t risk Dinky discovering! Anyways...” The rest of the words were lost as Derpy disappeared into the library’s main room.
The second she was sure that Derpy was gone, Twilight trotted over to the table and began to examine the device. If she won’t tell me... well, I’m sure I can figure it out in no time. It is something of Derpy’s, after all... can’t be too difficult.
However, this task proved to be more difficult than she had thought. The mysterious object consisted of a good-sized box with one side slanted much like the roof of a house made of what she thought to be aluminum, pre-made in a factory. The back stood straight up and down. A small, round nub adorned the top. Two slots stacked on each other nearly went clear through the device. Though in her opinion, it wouldn't be very practical for anything except storage of maybe one object per slot. On one of the sides perpendicular to the slots was a lever. But when she pressed it down, nothing happened.
Ah. Incomplete. Or rather, nearly finished but missing some parts.
Nothing else stood out on the device, and as Twilight stared at her reflection on the its surface, she wondered what it could be. A unique letterbox? A book holder? She furrowed her eyebrows and searched for anything that would make sense.
However, before anything could come to her, Spike called down the stairs.“Hey Twi, you gonna come eat? You're dinner is gonna rot at this rate.”
Crestfallen, Twilight shook her head, defeated, and trotted upstairs. “Yeah, I guess.”
At the table, she just sat there and picked at her daffodil salad, sighing while trying to come up with anything that might fit the device.
Finally, Spike became annoyed with her constant sighing. Slamming down a gem, he said, “Could you please stop? Some of us are actually trying to enjoy a meal here.”
“Sorry, Spike. I just have something that’s bugging me to no end.” Spike raised an eyebrow and she continued. “Derpy has been working on something for the last two weeks. When I asked her about it, she kinda became flustered and brushed the question off. And when I examined it, it didn’t look like anything I recognized.”
“Umm... should you really be doing that?” Spike asked skeptically. "Poking around in other people's business, I mean."
Twilight snorted. “Relax. I know what I’m doing.”
The silence grew awkward as she tried to avoid the rest of the conversation by shoveling large amounts of salad into her mouth. As she finished her salad, she tried a different approach.
“Could you by any chance tell me what books she has checked out?”
Spike narrowed his eyes and looked at her suspiciously, but answered anyways. “Yeah... Devices for Beginners, Baking Bread, and The Stallion of Marewood Forest. We only have copies of the last two at the moment, though. Derpy has the only copy of the first book.” As soon as he finished, he went back to eating his gem platter.
Twilight beamed at Spike. “Thanks! I owe you one.” She jumped up and headed into the main room. Once there, she quickly scanned the shelves.
I Probably don’t need the bread baking book. I Definitely don’t need a book about a thief and his adventures. But that book for making devices... if only we had another copy. She slowed down as she reached the section of books reserved for various crafts and looked closely at the spines. But I do know we have books that are similar.
Silently cheering, she pulled a book titled Simple Designs: Devices for the Mechanically Inclined. Happily, she trotted over to the basement door and went through. Sorry, Spike, but once I want to know something, I’m going to find out!
Setting the book down, she levitated the device up and looked at it again. It was still the same box with the same lever, slots, and nub. Then, she paged through the book, spending no more than a second on anything. However, nothing looked even remotely similar. The closest thing she could find was a simple magic device used for imbuing minor preservation spells into small objects.
Sighing, she grabbed a screwdriver and began removing the cover. It’s Derpy and she has no magical ability whatsoever. Maybe a quick peek at the insides will be more revealing.
When the cover finally came off, she just stood there in confusion. Except for the lever’s few springs and some cogs, there was nothing more. “H-how? What’s it supposed to do? There’s no way there’s a device this simple takes two weeks to make,” she gasped in disbelief.
Frowning in determination, she grabbed the screwdriver once more and began removing the cogs. “It can’t be this simple. It just can’t. Maybe something underneath...” Twilight mumbled under her breath as a cog resisted her attempts to remove it.
Tossing up her hooves in frustration, she threw the screwdriver across the room. “Fine! I get it, I get it. There’s nothing to see underneath except maybe a similar setup for the other slot.”
Picking the book back up, she flipped through it slowly. Maybe I just missed something. Systematic, that’s it. I’ll just stop at anything it could possibly be, even in the broadest sense, and see if it fits.
However, two and a half hours later her research proved fruitless. Slamming the book shut, she shoved it to the side and just stared at the device. “Fine... if you don’t want to—”
“Hey Twi?”
She looked up the stairs. Spike stood at the top, holding a clock.
“Just a reminder that you promised Princess Celestia that you’d meet her tomorrow morning at seven. And you promised that you’d go to bed early so you wouldn’t fall asleep or something while visiting.” Spike tapped the clock, staring at Twilight disapprovingly and then went back into the library.
Twilight sighed. “I guess I did. Thanks, Spike.” She quickly put everything back the way she'd found it and cast one last forlorn look at Derpy’s device before trotting upstairs through the main room, and up another set of stairs to her bedroom.
For the next hour and a half, her mind raced as she tossed and turned. What could it be? Derpy has never shown an aptitude for mechanics before. I’ve got to be missing something.
Finally, her eyes grew heavy and she drifted off to sleep.
---
“Come on! Tell me what it is!”
“Now why would I do that?” Derpy held the device just out of reach. “Just because I scored better than you on the I.Q. test... well, it’s not my fault you can’t identify this, Twilight.”
Twilight tried to grab the object with her magic, but nothing came to her. “But I am smart. Just give me ten more minutes!”
Derpy shook her head. “Sorry, but I can’t. It’s mine!” She slowly began to drift away.
“Come on!” Twilight chased Derpy through the blackness. Suddenly, she found herself in the workshop. On the bench, ten of the devices sat there. Each one had been disassembled. Hovering just over them was the book, Devices for Beginners.
“Derpy?” When there was no reply, Twilight shrugged and looked at the spread of machinery in front of her. Except that it wasn’t anything she recognized.
Turning to the book, she examined it. “Maybe...” However, the pages were nothing but indiscernible scribbles. “Guess not.”
Out of nowhere, the feeling that something was wrong tugged at her mind. “Shoot! The device shouldn’t be disassembled!” Beginning to panic, Twilight tried to shuffle around the cogs and springs into some sort of order. The only problem was that upon being touched, each one turned into a different piece.
“Stop it! This isn’t the time for illusions!” Twilight’s head spun in confusion. “What the hay am I talking about?” Cowering back, she resorted to curling up in the corner. “I-I just can’t do it! You win, Derpy! I yield!”
Derpy’s head appeared, floating just above her. “Shame... you were probably close. But I knew it was just beyond you.” The head shook in disappointment.
“No! I am smart! I just needed some time!”
The basement faded along with everything else. Derpy’s voice still rang in Twilight’s ears.
“Nope, I told you. Not intelligent enough.”
---
Twilight bolted up, dripping sweat. Frantically, she looked around and found herself back in her room. As her heart calmed, she looked at the clock. Just enough moonlight streamed through the window, allowing her to read it.
2 A.M. You’ve gotta be kidding.
Looking towards the stairs, she thought about the object. But I guess as long as I’m up, I might as well take another peek.
Gingerly, she got out of bed. As she started toward the stairs, she halted as she nearly stepped on Spike’s tail. In a panic, she backpedaled. In her haste, she accidentally tore the blanket off of him.
Shoot!
Spike shifted around, feeling around for his blanket.
Quickly, Twilight levitated it and set it gently on top of him. “Sorry.” Then she promptly facehoofed.
“It’s okay...” Spike mumbled, but didn’t wake up.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Twilight skirted around him. Backing up, she watched him to ensure that he was actually asleep. And then nearly fell down the stairs. Only a reflexive balancing spell saved her. Wrapping her forehooves around her mouth, she prevented herself from crying out in surprise.
Spike grunted in his sleep. Turning over, he mumbled something and then fluffed his pillow.
After staying completely still for nearly a full minute, Twilight felt she was enough in the clear to move on. Treading carefully, she stepped down one stair at a time. Weary of the possibility of being discovered, she felt the need to check back after every little action.
When she finally reached the bottom of the stairs, she wiped her brow. Close call, but I guess it wasn’t that bad. Looking back upstairs one last time, she moved towards the basement door. And nearly knocked over a stack of books she'd been reorganizing earlier that day.
A quickly-cast silencing spell allowed the books to slam into the ground without a noise. Her heart racing, Twilight carefully set them back on the desk. Is there anything else that can go wrong? She shook her head and cast another silencing spell on herself. Maybe if I had thought of this earlier... but the damage is done.
The rest of the walk across the room managed to pass uneventfully. Except for opening the door to the basement. Twilight cringed as the hinges screeched as if trying to wake up all of Ponyville.
For a minute, she thought it had woken Spike up. But when he didn’t appear at the top of the stairs to her room, she turned around, shut the door slowly, and trotted down the stairs.
Finally. No interruptions until I can figure this mystery out. This time, instead of grabbing the screwdriver or the book, she trotted up to the table and stared intently at the mess in front of her.
“Okay, instead of dinking around with books and examining each piece, I’ll try an identification spell. If I’ve seen it or something similar before, a bit of magic should uncover it. I dunno why I didn't think of this before.” Twilight grinned as her horn lit up and her mind racing through her knowledge of various objects. However, the spell discarded each idea.
“Hmm... if it’s something I should know, Derpy really added a unique flair to it that hides what it is. Perhaps a deeper examination.” She touched her horn to each part on the inside. She started with the cogs and the lever. When pushed down, the cogs would begin to turn as if lowering or raising something. As Twilight watched, her knowing spell darted from idea to idea.
And it looks like it’s—
The lever suddenly popped back up, and the device dinged. Twilight jumped back in surprise and then fumbled to silence it, lest it wake somebody up.
“Geeze! Does everything have to be so loud at two in the morning?” Her heart raced as she stood still, the device clutched close to her chest. Finally, she let go and resumed her magical examination of it.
Shaking her head, she moved on to the next piece: The slots.
And yup... they’re for holding something. I shouldn’t have expected otherwise.
She turned her attention to the last detail that stuck out at her: the lump at the top. However, her spell turned up nothing on it. As far as she was concerned, it was only for decoration or telling which end was up.
Sitting down hard, Twilight looked up and tapped her chin. This all seems so familiar! She tried her hardest to think of something, anything that might lead her to a conclusion. But in her like her spell, her mind turned nothing up.
Suddenly, she had a spark of inspiration. “Deliveries! It has something to do with her job. I can just feel it! The way it dings when released the lever, it's probably to remind her when something needs to be dropped off.” She opened her book to the section on timing devices and groaned. There wasn't much. Just a few pages.
So, she began slowly flipping through, taking the time to read the function of each device and compare it to the thing in front of her. Her eyes drooped as tiredness caught up with her and the words on the pages blurred. Her head bobbed a few times and she struggled not to yawn.
The last thing she remembered was something about devices that ran on magic before she fell forward.
---
“Ha! Like I said, you weren’t smart enough to figure it out!” Derpy reappeared right in front of Twilight. The device hovered between them. “I made it to taunt you. Do you like it? Did I succeed?”
Twilight hung her head in shame. “I guess you did.” Twilight looked back up quizzically. “But why? Why did you build something purely to prove that I’m not smart? Because I know I’m smart. I really am.”
Derpy jumped into the air and hovered upside down. She giggled and examined her creation. “Because everybody takes your information for granted. They never question what you say. If you told them that their purple pants weren’t sewn correctly, they would agree and go buy a new pair.”
“But I wouldn’t do that, would I?”
Derpy sighed. “No, you probably wouldn’t. But I’m afraid that you’ll someday make a mistake, and somebody has to take the fall. It most certainly wouldn’t be you, considering that it would be another pony acting on your advice.”
Twilight glared at Derpy. “And then I’d try to rectify the situation. I wouldn’t let something like that stand!”
“Sure, I know you would. I just want ponies to get in the habit of doing their own research instead of putting every bit of their trust in you.” Derpy shrugged. “Take that as you will.”
Derpy and the device began to fade.
“Wait! I have more questions!” Twilight tried to chase after her, but to no avail. Then, she stopped as a new voice began calling her name.
“Twillllliiiigghhhhht. Hello, anyone home?”
---
“Twilight!”
She bolted up and looked around in confusion. Sunlight streamed in from a window high above. “What! Who... Princess Celestia!” She immediately bowed down.
From behind the Princess, Spike spoke up. “I couldn’t find you when I woke up. I thought you had left already. Imagine my surprise when guess who shows up.”
“Spike...” Twilight tried reach out to him. However, Celestia stopped her.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m sure somebody will want to use the library.” Spike left to open the front door.
Princess Celestia looked kindly at Twilight. “I know that you can sometimes get preoccupied, but it’s nearly three hours after we were supposed to meet. Why?”
“I... well...” Twilight struggled to find the words. She glanced at Derpy’s creation on the table. She then sighed. “I was trying to figure out what this is. I lost track of the time.”
Celestia closed her eyes and frowned. “And is this your project?”
Hanging her head in shame, Twilight looked away. “No, but—”
“Twi... what happened to my project?”
Twilight looked up to see Derpy standing on the top of the stairs. She trotted down, just staring in disbelief at the mess on the workbench, oblivious to anyone else in the room. Finally, she whirled around.
“What did you do?” Derpy glared angrily at Twilight.
Twilight's ears drooped down and she scuffed the ground halfheartedly. “I... I was trying to figure out what you were building. And I, well, I let my pride get in the way of things. I couldn't leave it alone.”
Derpy shoved Twilight. “What do you mean? I trus—”
The Princess coughed, and Derpy whirled around in surprise. She quickly bowed down, stammering out an apology.
“Now wait a second, my little ponies.” Celestia shook her head in disappointment. “Twilight was wrong to take apart your project. But you’re overreacting, Derpy. Knowing her, she would have put it back together... if she hadn’t overslept.” She looked from pony to pony. “Now, can I trust you to keep a level head?”
Both ponies nodded. They dropped to the floor in a low bow. As soon as Derpy stood up, Celestia leaned over and whispered something. Derpy immediately brightened up.
“Sure! We can do that.”
Twilight watched curiously as the Princess and Derpy huddled over the device with the screwdriver. All the cogs and springs quickly disappeared inside.
“Hey... what’re—” She was shushed before she could finish the question. “Can I he—” Again, a shushing hoof.
Finally, they drew back from the lab bench. “Hey Twi, you wanna try it out?” Derpy gestured for her to step up. As Twilight did so, Derpy pulled out some bread slices from her saddlebags and put them into the slots. Then she pulled the lever. The device ticked in rhythm.
“Touch your horn here...” Celestia tapped the knob on the top, “... and pour a heat spell into it.”
Slowly, recognition spread across Twilight’s face. “How could I have been so stupid? It’s a toaster! Albeit, a weird looking one, nothing like I’ve ever seen. And I see you've added wire mesh to hold the bread in place. I would have guessed what this was if it had been there earlier.”
Derpy nodded and giggled. “I’ve been taking night classes, one of which deals with mechanics, and I wanted to try something out. When Mayor Mare botched an order of parts for her oven and ended up with double what she needed, I jumped at the chance and took the extras.” She shrugged. “My teacher recommended this book...” she said as she pulled out Devices for Beginners, …”and a bit of creativity.”
“Well it certainly is unique. Though I have one question. How are you going to use it? You aren’t a unicorn.” Twilight raised an eyebrow and looked at Derpy.
“It’s not for me. It’s for Dinky to practice her magic.”
Twilight blinked in surprise. “Ah, I forgot about your daughter.”
Celestia chose that moment to speak up. “Twilight, watch the bread. You’re pouring too much energy into it and—”
The toaster dinged and two pieces of completely burnt toast flew out. Celestia and Derpy immediately burst into fits of laughter.
Twilight blushed. “Whoops. So, ah, how about that meeting?"
Princess Celestia nodded and they all chuckled, leaving the toaster behind as they went upstairs to start the day again.
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You know what they say, all toasters toast toast. And I'm the god damn Audtior
A toaster?!? Not a muffin maker or something or another? Well, I uh... why not a muffin machine?!?
meh
Amazing. Simply amazing.
Ooh.. what a twist...
897856 Quit that!
Now I need to see more of Derpy one upping Twilight regularly. Darn cute story making me want to see my favorite pony lose to my favorite background pony.
898037
I can't. And I'm the goddamn Auditor
898053 How would you like it if I did it to YOU? And I`m the goddamn Auditor.
898149
Yay, I've got someone else doing it! And i'm the goddamn Auditor.
898156 How many people are in on it? And I`m the goddamn Auditor.
898156>>898149>>898053>>898037
Hey guys, as much as I enjoy getting notifications, I would appreciate it if you took this to PM. Please?
897872
Cause that's cliche! Why not deviate from the expected and have a little fun? At least, that's my theory.
897898
Sorry it just wasn't up to what you expected. I'll try better next time.
897901>>897933>>898102
I'm thrilled you guys enjoyed it! Hopefully I'll be able to make other stories that'll strike your fancy in the future.
898049
Indeed. I had too much fun writing this. Especially those dream scenes.
898176 If it's any consolation, I still gave you a thumb up
It did vaguely remind me of one of my own fics.
898176 Touche.
Ha. Hahahahaha.
Clever! Funny how such a rudimentary device could trump our favorite geek :V.
And at the end of this round, it's Derpy 1, Twilight Sparkle 0!
Dawwww~ That ending, always love a Celestia/Twilight moment. ; ~;
Derpy so awesome.
Ahh a Toaster. It certainly is (puts on sunglasses) a slice of life.
YEAHHHHH!!!!!
Quite happy it wasn't a muffin machine, if it were an omni-oven that would have been good too, liked it, thanks for the write up
"Shaking her head, she moved on to the next piece: The slots."
That's when I found out it was a toaster.
Also, I like the "Derpy toaster cozy" reference from Shed.Mov.
I CAN'T DO THE REPLY THING AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH
And here I thought Derpy was going to take over Equestria. Dang.
Very entertaining. I guessed it was a toaster when the baking book was mentioned, but wasn't sure as it was triangular. Also, this song needs to be mentioned. Guess what Mr. Heywood is drumming on?
Spike said Twilight's dinner was getting cold... And she ate salad... Was it a warm salad?
Hahaha, anyways good story. I been trying to read more Derpy/Ditzy/Dinky stories.
I knew something was fishy at the wire mesh part...
Hey there! I happen to be the artist of the cover you have up there. Just curious, are you one of the authors from Cassius' group? If so, just inform me so that I can modify my gallery entry to point to this story. Sourcing the cover back to the entry would be very much appreciated as well.
Anywho, I've marked this for later, and I'm looking forward to reading the story.
It is nice short story. But sadly short description (one that shows in compact view of readlater list) totally spoiled it for me
Shot, simple, and sweet