• Member Since 19th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen February 2nd

SPark


Not checking in here. I may post stories because my patrons are nice and like ponies. Otherwise out of the fandom, sorry peeps.

Comments ( 59 )

nice work:twilightsmile::twilightsmile:🎻:heart::pinkiesmile:

8212722 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

Something new from you? <Squees!>

8212946 :twilightsmile: It happens once in a while. I might have another one coming out later this week, though it’s much more niche than this one.

8213122
:raritystarry: I’m super glad you like it!

That was quite enjoyable. The interaction between Luna and Perique is done quite well, I feel.

Well done.

Cynewulf's OC is a bit of an anti-Sue
While the fic itself is good, I'm having trouble setting past the self insertion.... and I'm not refering to the marecock.

8213291
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

That was cute.

8213481
Thanks! I think so too, but I'm probably biased.

8213518
Probably just a bit :twilightsmile:

Luna is always best waifu.

:heart:

That was really enjoyable, nicely done! :twilightsmile:

8213544
Yesssssssssssssssssss. :pinkiehappy:

8213831
Thanks!

I am confused... Is this a mare or a trans? She has a penis, but is a mare? I just can’t really follow it.

SPark #17 · Jun 6th, 2017 · · 1 ·

8213934
A trans mare is a mare. :twilightsmile:

Cute little story.

Featured already? Well done.

Cool :) little clopfics are cool despite me not much liking them.

8214325
Thanks!

8214353
The feature box is a little buggy, so I don’t know if it would have been normally, but I won’t complain.

This was a nice fic:eeyup:

Its been awhile since I’ve ventured your way, but your stories have lost none of their charm!

awesome story. is there going to be a sequel? it has the potential

8215980
Well, as it's a commission, that depends mostly on Cynewulf. If ever, it won't happen right away.

*sees this get put in the "Stallion to Mare" folder*
Oh cool, I was wanting more of those...

Was not expecting that:rainbowderp:
Not a negative comment here, bust just because many don't understand what this is: Perique is not trans or hermaphroditic. She(?) Is intersex. This is a medically recognized, medically documented condition.

8217551
I’m wondering what led you to conclude that? Perique is intended to be transgender, but still in the process of transition.

8217944
There was no mention of that in the story and there are real people born with similar conditions, intersex and hermaphroditism which are documented medical, phisiological conditions. We're not likely to agree on the transgender topic (there are 2) so I will not further discuss it here.

8218145
I’m the author of the story. Both myself and the creator of the character agree that Perique is transgender. I would really like you to point out what in this story made you believe she was intersex, so I can correct it.

8213934
Yeah, it wasn't quite made clear in the story. That's why I came to the conclusion she was intersex. And that's how my head canon is keeping it.

8218154
:facehoof: I mean what line(s) made you so certain? I am not trying to argue with you, I am trying to ask you to please point out my error so I can fix it.

8218149
There was no explaination on how she got the way she was, simply that she was embarassed or ashamed (what I got out of it) of her anatomy. There are real examples of people being born with, for example, a female body and undescended testicles. So I interpreted it as intersex. And however the storybwas intended, that's how my head cannon is keeping it. Lets not ruin it for me now by arguing it, because I guarantee you we won't agree. I don't mean offense, but that's the way it is.

SPark #35 · Jun 8th, 2017 · · 1 ·

8218185
I see.

I am fine with you having your head canon, but in the future please refrain from leaving comments explaining the “real” state of a story for other readers when you don’t actually know it for certain.

Hee hee... horse nipples! :pinkiehappy:

Writing is pretty good. There are multiple points where a scene could have been detailed better than 'and we move the scene forward while saying this thing happened.' Show, don't tell, as they say. But I'm guessing that has to do with it being a commission/having a word count limit, and making proper scenes in all those spots would have doubled its length.

8615553
Well, I can see why you like Fallout Equestria. You like 'em long and dragging. Some people prefer a story that moves at a decent pace instead of slowing everything down to a crawl to spell out every single motion of every single scene.

8615777
Interesting that you zeroed in on that and not, say, University Days, comparing a romance to a romance. But I'm not demanding--or even asking--for a paragraph describing what the room looks like before the scene progresses. Even if I'm into that, what I am criticizing is that there are paragraphs focused on explaining something, like the exact thoughts going through the characters' minds.

I know you didn't ask for an example, but since you feel like calling out my choice of reading, I think it's fair to call out a single scene.
Let's go with when Luna is looking into Perique's dream. You spend a good bit of time describing the surrounding room, and then as soon as Luna's looking at her dream-self and Perique on the bed...it goes into Luna's thoughts. "Oh the scene? It's alluring. Luna kinda wanted to take over, but she knew better than to do it. She considered going to meet this pony herself during the night." Not a single bit of attention was on the actual scene, it was on over-explaining Luna's brain.
There's more than one missed opportunity to actually make the scene, where as the reader I'm told to just imagine how it looked because the writing is going to focus on some detail that doesn't matter nearly as much, or just gloss over the scene with a description that makes me ask "so why don't we get to hear what happened?"

I was not totally serious in saying it would have doubled the story's length. Yes, it would be longer if you actually wrote the scenes instead of passing over them, but you could have also eliminated some unnecessary fluff by putting it into the scenes. Once again. "Show, don't tell."

8616520
I zeroed in on one I'd read, or at least tried to read, and found tedious. Never even heard of the other, so I don't know if I'd find it boring or not.

"Show, don't tell" is a simplistic rule and all rules, but especially simplistic ones, are made to be broken. Showing everything makes a story drag, it's boring. Show when it's appropriate to show, tell when it's appropriate to tell.

I also find it pretty telling that you talk about my focusing on "some detail that doesn't matter nearly as much" and dismiss Luna's thoughts about what she's experienced as one such detail. It's an erotic dream, and we all know what happens in erotic dreams, yet apparently who put what organ where in what sequence matters, yet how people think about that doesn't? Odd way to go about telling stories.

I could say more, but I'll stop while I'm still civil and say that we are never going to agree, because you think things matter that I think are boring, and you dismiss the heart of the story as me focusing on some "detail" that doesn't matter. So I suspect we really have nothing at all to say to each other past what's been said.

8616595
I didn't say that the detail doesn't matter though. I said it doesn't matter nearly as much.
As in, here is one detail. It's important enough to point this out. It is not important enough to make up for not writing a scene. You could have, I dunno, made her thoughts apparent while writing the scene?

"Show, don't tell" is a simplistic rule of thumb. It's not 100% applicable to every aspect of writing, sometimes you do have to tell instead of show. But I would like to believe you--or almost any writer--could have the scene show Luna's thoughts in tandem with what is actually happening.

Go ahead and say more, you haven't exactly started out civil by claiming my criticism to be blind adherence to rules, pointing at my choice of preferred horse words, and presuming I'm just saying "you took too long to get to the sex, you cock blocked on the first scene."
If I just wanted a story that jumps to the sex, I wouldn't be here commenting, I'd have moved on to a story that had what I wanted. Is it so hard to believe a reader wants a romantic short to have scenes instead of frame skips?

The only reason we're unlikely to agree here is because I want to critically point out a place where you can improve your writing, and you want to criticize me for...liking a story you didn't enjoy and criticizing how you put your story together. Instead of making any sort of rational response to what I said, you just assumed the worst of me. I'm honestly surprised to find a bigger cynic than myself.

8616666
Your "criticism" will help me improve nothing.

And okay, if you want the gloves off, they're off.

Your criticism is nothing of the sort because as somebody who's been successfully finishing stories that other people have enjoyed for decades, I don't really feel like taking pat, bland, writing101 advice from somebody who as far as I can tell has never written anything, ever. You didn't offer me substantive means for improving, you just took a random pot-shot at something you didn't like, for no particular reason, and your first comment even goes on to say that you understand why I didn't want to make this a longer story, so even you know you're lying when you pretend you said it as some kind of helpful offer to make me grow as a writer or whatever bullshit you're spouting now.

You were negative solely for the sake of finding something negative to say, and then you're surprised I didn't welcome your "things my English teacher told me when I was twelve" amazing wisdom with open arms?

8616666 You have literally no idea what you're talking about. To an astounding degree. I am actually impressed.

Also, your notion of "show, don't tell" couldn't be farther off-base if you tried. You aren't even in the right ballpark. You're on the opposite side of the world with a baseball cap on and a glove in hand, wondering where the rest of the players are.

A winner is you.

8616759
You could have just started and ended with
"Yes, word count limited the story."
My initial comment didn't take any potshots, it was just a valid statement. There are parts that could have been done better. But then you start with "oh well you like this so obviously you're biased and your criticism is invalid."

I haven't published any writing on this website, and to be fair to your blind shot in the dark, I haven't published any writing on other websites. Does that mean I have no standard by which to judge a story, or is this just you whipping out your dick and shouting "Is yours bigger? I don't think so!"

If you're getting paid to write, you could be a touch more professional. Instead you let my first comment bother you enough to look at my page and make a comment based on that. Would you have done the same if the comment was from any author you respect, or would you have tried a bit of brown-nosing mixed in with common decency?

8616765
You want to quantify that, or are you just going to insult me like the author has been from the moment they first responded?

8616775 From a writing standpoint, you have no idea what "show, don't tell" means. You have basically come out demanding for detail that doesn't have any bearing on the story for the sole purpose of you wanting it. That's great, you want something.

Except that wasn't the focal point of the fic. The author showed exactly what was necessary for the story to be what it needed to be without going off into some side tangent.

8616769
You shit on my story entirely for the sake of saying something shitty. I wouldn't accept that from anyone, no matter who they were.

I noticed that we obviously have massively different tastes in what constitutes a good story, and pointed out that difference as, to be frank, the nicest of my available options in attempting to explain that I was not going to accept your load of manure. And yes, if you'd been a "popular" author or a friend, I'd have said pretty much the same. You like slow paced stories, I don't, what else is there to say? I've said exactly as much about people liking stories I hate to people who are friends. It's a thing that happens.

You could have agreed to disagree with me at any point, instead of taking the fact that you like stories I don't like personally and trying to somehow prove you're right.

8616785
You must have me confused for someone else. I did not make demands. I said that there were multiple scenes that could have been actual scenes instead of mind-reading and "then the scene that wasn't described changed."

8616775

are you just going to insult me like the author has been from the moment they first responded?

"You like Fallout Equestria" is an insult now? :rainbowlaugh:

8616797

You shit on my story entirely for the sake of saying something shitty. I wouldn't accept that from anyone, no matter who they were.

So saying 'Writing is pretty good ' is shitting on a story entirely for the sake of saying something shitty now, is it?

I noticed that we obviously have massively different tastes in what constitutes a good story, and pointed out that difference as, to be frank, the nicest of my available options in attempting to explain that I was not going to accept your load of manure. And yes, if you'd been a "popular" author or a friend, I'd have said pretty much the same. You like slow paced stories, I don't, what else is there to say? I've said exactly as much about people liking stories I hate to people who are friends. It's a thing that happens.

Not a word was said about the story's pace. I defy you to find a single thing I said regarding the pace. I have zero problems with instant romance/instant hookup stories, and in fact a few are favorites of mine.
But if your first thought was 'not to accept my load of manure' then I suppose your level of success is above criticism. There's no two ways around it. I was not rude, I was brief and charitable in what I said. It could have been left alone, or you could have replied with any semblance of goodwill. But there's nothing to be done, I'm clearly the one in the wrong and nobody can prove a whisper to the contrary.

You could have agreed to disagree with me at any point, instead of taking the fact that you like stories I don't like personally and trying to somehow prove you're right.

You were the one to start off talking about taste in writing. I was saying, rightfully, that taste in writing has very little relevance in regards to what I said. Speaking of which...
8616806
When someone makes a very minor criticism of your story while also countering their own criticism with facts and reason and your first instinct is to look at other stories they've read and begin with "Oh well you like that story so you couldn't possibly comprehend my tastes," yes, that implication is a bit insulting. But then, maybe I'm looking in the wrong place to find competent communication.

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