• Published 6th Jun 2017
  • 1,397 Views, 108 Comments

Wanted: Dead or Alive - spike the lone wanderer



Spike and fallout are the most wanted criminals of esquestria,and they pursued by the mane 5, a group of bounty hunters feared by all. Will they save their lives or will they die while trying.

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4.Thanks, Bon Jovi.4

Everything was peaceful in the streets of Canterlot. The citizens circulated among the clothing shops and other fashion stores. They were all gathered at the central fountain to enjoy the sun and its warmth. But, It was quiet, too quiet. The earth began to tremble, and lightning struck the ground, creating smoke. Everypony looked at the smoke, and inside, they could see five threatening shadows with red eyes.

''Finally, we've arrived.'' Eberron said, they were all standing, then Dracal ran to the fountain to present himself.

''Bluargh!'' He vomits his breakfast in the fountain.

''Dracal, That's not how we say hello.'' Scale said.

''So that's Canterlot? It's white, what do you think, Wing?'' Dragonius asked. Wing climbed up on the fountain with swords in both hands.

''This nation now belongs to Golden Fang. King of the dragon, and your new king! Submit yourself or die!'' White declared to these peasants.

''Whoah, you didn't see her coming, Dragonius.'' They all looked at each other, then they began to scream and shout for their lives. In the end, only our heroes remained in the streets.

''Goldendammint white! Stop doing this!'' Eberron ordered.

''Yeah, you're not your father,'' Dracal said. She stung him with the tip of her sword ''That's hurt!''

''Stop this, we must go to the castle of the princess, not provoke the third dragon war. Let's go.''
Our heroes quickly arrived before the doors of the castles, and they took cover to draw up a plan.

''Listened to me, we must enter the castles at all costs, We have to distract them so that one of us can take them from behind. White, you know what to do.'' 'White took off her armor, and she emphasized her form. She stood up, and Dracal spoke to her.

''Yeah, show me the body of a princess.'' She slapped him, and she put on her armor again.

''I can turn them into sheep with my magic, This is the best solution.'' Eberron said.

''No, the last time you used this spell, Dracal ate a whole troop of soldiers. We can bribe the guards to let us pass Scale proposed.

''Dracal will kill them to get the money back. One time I saw him kill another guy for two gold pieces.'' White said.

''You really have a Dracal problem, Dracal?'' Dracal was gone.

''Where is he?'' Dragonius asked.

''Take that, you fluffy dick.'' Dracal fought the guards by himself, he stopped the sword of a guard with his hand, and he broke it with his axe. He put him on the ground with his skull, then he took his mass, and he broke the leg of the second guard. The third was on his knees, and Dracal kick him in the face. They were all on the ground.

''The door is open, no need to thanks me.'' They approached him to congratulate him.

''Do you know the word discreet, Dracal?!'' he asked.

''No, Now we must find a card for the pride of our fucking kingdom.'' The second guard was still conscious, he took a knife, and he threw it at White but, she grabbed it. Eberron turned him into a sheep.

''BAAA.'' He took the knife that he had thrown at Wing between the eyes. Everyone looked at her, shocked at her action.

''Sorry, force of habit'' They were going to pass the door, but Eberron interrupted them.

''You three, put those armor.'' They obeyed him, but Dracal wasn't pleased with his decision.

''why I don't have an armor, it's not fair!'' Dracal asked.

''It's for later the questions, Dracal. We have to find the library.''They entered the castle disguised as guards. They advanced into the corridor while listening and looking through the locks.

''I'm tired of this, The library is not there, the doors are too small.'' Dracal said.

''what are you talking about?'' White asked.

''The doors, they too small. We are in a castle, the library is behind a big door, because it's an important place. Just like the toilet of your father,'', They all looked at him, confused. ''Look, there's a big door, so it's necessarily an important place, and I'll open it to see what's inside.'' He approached the door, but a person shouted from within.

''I believe that is not the library.'' Scale said.

''Yeah, me too. Let's go.'' They moved away from the door. But, what happens behind this door, the answer to the next chapter.


'' I'II KILL YOU, I'll KILL YOU ALL, YOU'RE ALL DEAD, DEAD!'' Spike was lying on the ground with Luna on his back. She twisted his arm. They all looked at this humiliating defeat, then Rarity spoke to Fallout.

''Fallout, he's like that all the time, or it's the first time.'' She asked.

''You don't want to know.'' Applejack passed him a bottle of cider, and he drank a sip.

''That's the best you can do, Spike? I'm disappointed.'' Luna said.

''How was the Moon? You didn't feel too alone I hope. In any case, I find that these 1000 years rejuvenate you. That's all folks!'' Spike said, mocking her.

''You little shit!" She dislocated his shoulder.

''AHHHHHH! I don't regret the words I said to you, you crownless bitch!'' Celestia smiled.

''Oh Spike, speak better to your family, my little one.'' she said. Spike got angry.

''You are not my family!'' Celestia got angry too.

''Enough Spike! I am your mother, and you're my son, so you owe me respect.'' She said.

''You are the worst mother in all this fucking country, and I'm not your SON!'' Celestia approached Spike.

''I sacrificed everything for you Spike, I raised you like a prince. I gave you all the love I have for you. I put aside my role of princess for you, The kingdom and the security of these inhabitants was less important than you. I gave you everything, and that's how you thank me. By becoming a criminal like Thorax.'' Spike definitely lost his temper after her words.

''Don't you dare say his name in front of me! Thorax was my friend and a citizen of Equestria. But you quickly forgot this. You heard him declared in vain his innocence, but you remained deaf to his calls. And for that, you're worse than Chrysalis!'' For a second, the face of Celestia changed from sweet to demonic.

''I did what I thought was right, Spike. You can not understand. Put them in the dungeon, Luna. Oh and Fallout,'' Fallout looked at her. ''It's alway a pleasure to see you.''

''Thanks.'' Luna took them away, and Celestia spoke to the girls.

''Sorry for this family conflict, girls. Twilight is still busy with his advisors, and I doubt that the meeting will end quickly, come with me in my room. I have a mission for you.'' The girls followed her with several questions in mind.

I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Spike.'' Spike and Fallout were now locked up forever under the castle of the Princess, thus ending their criminal life.

''Goodbye Spike, and Fallout,'' Luna said.''See you tonight in your dreams.'' she left while making him a wink.

''Spike, your aunt scares me,'' Fallout looked at Spike who was lying on the floor like a starfish. ''Are you okay?'' Fallout asked.

''He was my friend, but for them, he was an insect. So, they killed him.'' Spike said.

''you're talking about Thorax, isn't it.'' Fallout asked.

''Yeah, Thorax.'' Fallout sat down beside him.

''I'm sorry, Spike. I should have been there to stop them.'' Fallout said, hoping to comfort him.

''And I should have been stronger and less stupid,'' Spike said while wiping a tear.

''Don't think about it anymore, it's the end anyway.'' Fallout said.

''No, we must get out of here to avenge ourselves, uh for our freedom!'' Fallout looked at him with a weary look.

''And how will you get out of here, you have the key on you wherever there's a secret passage,'' Spike began to touch all the bricks on the wall. ''Stupid question, stupid answer.''

''Not you, not you, not you. Fuck, it's going to take time. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together, forever and ever.'' Fallout began to help Spike, because of his words.

'' You take the ones on the right, and I, the ones on the left.'' Fallout said. A few minutes later, the dream turned into a nightmare.

''Shit, my dreams are now over. Goodbye cruel world' Spike said while crying on his fate.

''Thank god, Tirek received my prayers.'' Fallout said. Spike looked at Fallout, and a brilliant idea rises to his brains.

''Fallout, I have an idea!'' Spike said.

''God doesn't exist! I'm listening.'' Spike smiled.

''Hit me.'' Fallout hit him in the face.

''Shit, it's hurt! Keep on going. We must make the guard believe that we're fighting.'' Fallout hit him, again.

''I love this idea,'' Fallout said. ''Take that in your dragon face, you pussy.'' The insults alerted a guard who came to arrest them.

''Spike! I swear to Celestia if Fallout is hurt, you will suffer.'' She opened the cell, and Fallout and Spike threw themselves at her.

''Take the keys and her sword. She will know the joy of the prison.'' Fallout locked her in the cell. ''How is your family, by the way, Black forest?''

''Fuck off, Spike!'' She said angry at him.

''Really? kisses creme brulee for me, okay.'' Spike said while making fun of her.

''Let's go, We must get out of here.'' Fallout said.

''Yeah, first the money, then the bitches.'' They left, and black forest sat on the bed, but her action triggered a hidden mechanism installed in the wall, opening a secret passage.


The girls were in extremely private place of the castle, the trophy room. Celestia was in front of them with a helmet in her hands and a smile on her face.

''Girls, here is the helmet of Gaulder, The mystical king of the Broceliande forest,'' Celestia said.

The girls seemed shocked by this revelation, then Rarity spoke to Celestia.

''How did you get it, princess?'' Rarity asked.

''Golden Fang gave me this helmet with a mysterious book as gifts for a friendship between the dragons and the ponies. It's after many year research that I realized that it was the helmet and diary of Gaulder, and in his diary, there is a map leading to his kingdom.'' Celestia replied.

''It's a nice helmet but why we're here?'' Applejack asked.

''Gaulder had a staff so powerful that it was capable of reviving the dead. I want you to find it and destroy it for the good of the kingdom. Failure is not optional.'' She said.

''You forget one thing princess, we're bounty hunters. Not knights in shining armor.'' Rainbow said while crossing the arms

''But rainbow, you heard the princess. This staff is too dangerous for our kingdom,'' Fluttershy tried to convince her, but she failed.

''That's not my problem! All I want is the money for the head of Spike and Fall(sexy)out.'' She said while showing the poster of Spike.

''I agree with her, If the dead come back to life. We could party with them.'' Pinkie hopped like a bunny.

''Thanks, Pinkie,'' Rainbow said. ''At least someone listens to me.''

''Rainbow, do you love your lifestyle?'' Celestia asked.

''Of course, I love my lifestyle. I kill peoples for money and everypony loves me for that. Why I wouldn't love my life, princess?'' Rainbow replied.

''I see, but wouldn't you love to be something bigger, like a hero in the eyes of your country. I give you the chance to exchange your life for another even better, becomes a defender of the nation, Rainbow. Becomes a hero, becomes an element of Harmony.'' Rainbow looked at her then she lowered her eyes.

''Goddamnit.'' Celestia smiled.

''Good, I hope that the meeting of Twilight is soon over because.'' Celestia was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

''Sorry, The meeting ended faster than I thought.'' Twilight apologized.

''Twilight!'' The girls shouted.

''It's a pleasure to see you again, girls.'' She hugged the girls in her arms while shedding some tears. ''What are you doing here, You've caught new criminals?'' Twilight asked.

''Yes, but.'' Twilight's enthusiasm interrupted her.

''It's Storm King? No, it's Tirek? I know, it's chrysalis.'' Fluttershy shook her head, and she showed her Fallout poster.

''BY CELESTIA!'' She took the wanted poster from the hands of Fluttershy. ''I can't believe it, you caught him. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him at the gala.'' She hugged the poster in her arms, then she stopped.

'' Wait, the last time I saw him he was with,'' Twilight raised her head violently, and the girls retreated. ''He's here! I want to see him! I want to see this little piece of shit that he is!''

''I suppose we will not celebrate his return.'' Pinkie said.

''Where is he, Pinkie!'' Twilight asked with her eyes on fire.

''Twilight! Spike Is locked in dungeons with Fall (sexy) out, and for a long time. So please, calm down. I have something important to tell you.'' Twilight calmed down and listened to her mistress.

''As I said to your friends, I discovered a map that will lead us to the brocéliande forest,'' Celestia said.

''Impossible, it's only a legend, a myth for children's. Several adventurers and explorers have tried to find her. And in the end, they all went crazy.'' Celestia smiled.

''Because they did not have his diary, this map will take us to the forest. Twilight, if you believe in me, believe in Gaulder.'' Twilight looked at her, then she knelt before her.

''I believe you, princess. Where is his diary?'' Twilight asked.

''In the library, Twilight,'' Celestia replied.

''Let's go girls, we have a forest to find.'' She said.

''Amen.'' Rainbow said.


Dragonius and the others were still searching for the library.

''Fuck it, I'm tired of this shit! I suggest we burn the castles instead.'' Dracal suggested.

''Shut up, or I kill you. I'm serious.'' Dragonius said.

''Just as you ''killed'' White in your bed yesterday.'' White blushed.

''SCALE!'' Dracal laughted, then Eberron put his hand on his mouth.

''Silence, there someone.'' Dragonius looked over Eberron's shoulder and saw a unicorn with a blue starry cape.

''Finally. Yo, the unicorn!'' He turned to see Dracal approaching him with a big malicious smile.

''Y-yes?'' He trembled like a leaf.

''Where is the library, please,'' Dracal asked while showing his teeth.

''It's this door, Sir.'' The Unicorn replied while beginning to cry.

''Good!'' Dracal knocked him down with his head.

''For the love of Golden Fang, Dracal! What's wrong with you?'' They all gathered around the unicorn.

''What, He told me where the library is, that's all that matters, right?'' Dracal said.

''He's right. You three, don't move a muscle. Azarath metrion zinthos '' Eberron cast a spell that turned them into Pegasus.

''I feel, ordinary. Can I have a couple boxes of this?'' Scale said.

''What happened, Eberron?'' Dragonius asked.

''I turned you into Pegasus so that you can keep the door without anyone disturbing us,'' Eberron explained.

''what do we do if other ponies want to enter? Scale asked.

''You tell them a lie.'' Duh.

''Seem legit.'' White said.

''Good, now put yourself in position.'' They put themselves in position and Eberron entered with Dracal, who was carrying the unicorn on his back. The library was immense with several Bookshelf that was tight against each other.

''Nice but, what do we do about the body of the unicorn?'' Dracal asked.

''Puts him in a corner, we have no time to lose,'' Eberron replied.

''Okay, sorry not sorry, mate.'' He threw him like a ball against the wall. ''It's good, what do we do now?'' Eberron was sitting on the floor with his eyes closed.

''What the fuck are you doing?'' Dracal asked.

''Noh ri noh...I ti ston day...meezdik nykoma...nikon I ay...koda...humh.'' Eberron created a magic line that circulated between the bookshelves.

''What the hell is that?'' Dracal was confused by this thing.

''It's a locating spell, comes out helps to locate magical objects.'' The unicorn answered.

''You're not dead?'' Dracal asked.

''No, I'm sunburst by the way.'' Sunburst presented himself.

''Nice to meet you.'' He struck him again, and he put him under a table. ''Now, let's find that book.'' He followed the path created by Eberron, he crossed the entire library, and he ended up in front of the largest shelf in the entire library. The book was at the very top.

''off fucking course! Ready or not, here I come.'' Dracal went up on the shelf and climbed towards the victory, which was fifty yards away.


The girls were walking in the hallway while talking about Fallout.

''Fallout is so beautiful.'' Rarity said.

''He's not beautiful, he's the most beautiful stallions of Ponyville.'' Twilight Added.

''Of all the Kingdoms.'' Celestia corrected.

''I love Soarin, but damn! Fallout is 10/10.'' Rainbow drooled.

''And the most important, he loves party^and gummy!'' Pinkie said while While inflating a heart shaped balloon.

''He's perfect in every way.'' Fluttershy said.

''He's a sugar cube filled with love, spices, and everything nice.'' Applejack said while putting her hand on her heart.

''Yeah, he's the best of the best, and he is far better than Spike!'' Luna said.

''That son of a bitch.'' Celestia said. They continued to walk until he reached the library door which was guarded by three guards.

''What the,'' Luna said, They approached the guards and Celestia spoke to them.

''What are you doing here?'' She asked.

''Sorry, But no one enters the library by order of the solar princess.'' The guard with the blue wing said. Celestia looked at him, then she laughed.

''Ahahaha, Luna. I alway love your jokes.'' Dragonius and the others began to sweat by learning that the princess was in front of them.

''I'm never joking, Celestia.'' Luna said. ''Never.''

''Oh, I always knew you have the sense of humor, Twilight,'' Celestia said.

''Her jokes suck, princess.'' Rainbow said. Twilight shook her head to confirm this.

''I see, Are you mocking me, guard?'' Celestia asked.

''Well, yes, I mean no.'' Dragonius couldn't speak properly.

''I'm waiting for your answer.'' Her eyes were Firefly with a flamethrower.

''Yes, it's a joke. April's fool.'' Scale said.

''Well done, another joke like that and you're dead. Let me in.'' Celestia ordered.

''Of course princess, come in.'' White said. She opened the door to them, and the three dragons were shocked by what was in front of them. The unicorn with the blue cape reading a book.

''Hello princess, how are you today?'' Sunburst asked.

''I'm good, but why are you here, alone in the dark?'' Celestia replied.

''I love reading, and you, why are you here, Princess?'' sunburst asked while keeping his smile.

''Me? I'm here for a book. Don't worry, my child.'' His plan went as planned, she knew nothing.

''Great, but what book in particular.'' He asked.

''We came for a book given by the dragon king. For me, this guy is an asshole. Rainbow said, and a few second later, she had a sword under her throat.

''No one insult my father, you bitch!'' White said while resumed to her real form.

''GOLDENDAMNIT WHITE!'' Scale shouted while drawing his spear.

''NOBODY MOVES!'' Nobody listens to him, and they all draw their weapons.

''SUNBURST! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!'' Luna yelled.

''Stay calm Princess, everything's under control,'' Sunburst said.

''TIMBEEEEER!'' The larger shelf fell on the others, causing the others to fall like dominoes. They all watched this incident, then Dracal came out from under a shelf with the book.

''Sup, I have the book and oh fuck.'' His plan failed because his team sucks ass.

''Yes Dracal, fuck is the perfect word for this situation.'' Eberron facepalmed.

''Eh, how it could be worse.'' Celestia said.

''Remind me why you want to burn the library?'' Fallout asked while opening the door.

''Because I want it and oh fuck me with hot sauce,'' Spike said While looking at the girls.

''Spike!'' Luna said.

''Spike!'' Celestia said.

''Spike!'' Twilight said.

''Spike, I mean The lone wanderer, I mean Me!'' Spike said.

''It's official, I hate you all, except you Pinkie, and especially you, Spike.'' Fallout declared.


The End

Author's Note:

I don't regret her name.
Princess Twilight Sparkle by SongoftheShoebox Deviantart.
Sorry for the time, I was busy and uninspired as fuck.