• Member Since 20th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Captain_Hairball


A Warning to Others

Comments ( 18 )

The title almost scared me off - this is much better than that drivel!

That cover art had me rolling, especially given the context.

Rarity’s mane stood on end. When she’d first gotten into bed with Applejack, it had been a drunken lark; they’d meant to share Trenderhoof — just two straight mares having a good time with a willing stallion. And she would never suggest Trenderhoof had been zanything but skillful and considerate as a lover. Indeed, his effeminate demeanor belied an absolute passion for female flesh. But after an hour of foreplay, orally pleasuring both of them, and then rolling them over and taking turns mounting them for a heroic amount of time, he had been a sweaty, shivering, barely conscious lump. And Rarity had been in the mood for more fun. Of course, she had been aware since her days at Smart Cookie University that she was not exclusively heterosexual, but she had no idea about her vigorous and very handsome friend Applejack. She had hazarded a kiss, and her curiosity had been richly rewarded.



dont think there should be a z here

“You didn’t come,” said Applejack.

its actually spelt “cum” when referring to sexual fluids

Well there is my my proof reading how about that story though. Damn this one was great, I bet I would have the same problem as applejack though, wanting to feel tough so I hold out on the safeword until the very end.

8213851
Not really; they’re both the same word, with one being more slangy than the other, “come” being the original usage.

8213822
Another mistake was Rarity using a croup on Applejack.

Otherwise, great story, very nicely done.

8214319

I’d like to be beaten with a croup. :facehoof:

8213851

My opinion is the slang term ‘cum’ refers only to male sexual fluids, making it odd for me to use as a verb in a lesbian story. :trixieshiftright:

8213822

8214319

Thanks for the edits. I write over 1000K words a day, and while not all of it is pony, I tend to wear out my proofreaders! Feel free to tell me of anything else you see!

8213620

I haven’t actually read it; I only read erotica with horses in it. :derpytongue2:

8214329
If you need an extra set of eyes, I’m always available

8214320
I’ll point out that you did it twice a couple sentences apart

8214357

I’ve been VERY SLEEPY lately. A sane person would just not write, but you know. I THINK I got them all, but I’m not sure, I’ll do another search of the story after the coffee kicks in.

8214324
whatever floats your boat, captain. I understood the story anyways.

I read this a while ago and still remember how hot, yet very, very sweet it is- my favorite combo!
Both of them were very in-character, which is phenomenal and really appreciated in this kind of story. I love their whole relationship, with Rarity being a believable, strict, but loving mistress. This line, especially...

here she’s been fantasizing about breaking her brave friend, but it wasn’t so much fun when it actually happened.

The whole thing felt so real, and right. Normally I think of Rarijack as such as chaste couple (which is why I was roaming around seeing what mature fics there were) but this is still so sweet and, ugh!! Have I gushed enough yet?
Seriously, so well done! :raritywink:

That was some serious good sm fanfic hehehehe :pinkiehappy:

This was great. I'm liking rarijack more and more lately. And they're both written very well here

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