• Member Since 28th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Saberking2012


Life may kick me down, I may not be well known, even if what I write is pointless, I pour my heart into everything and stay loyal to my friends until the end. As a Saber, I will not quit nor surrender


E

Scootaloo and her friends just finished middle school and are having a party to celebrate. However, something deep inside her has been bugging her and while she has her friends, there is one person she would want to share it with but isn't here to enjoy it with her...

Editor-Applespice03 ,GhoulDash97, TheMajorTechie
Proofreader-Amethyst_Dawn

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )
Comment posted by Chrome Masquerade deleted Last Sunday

That was beautiful. There are very few stories that have actually made me tear up a bit, but feel honoured to count this among them.
The characters were on point, the setting was well-detailed, Scoots' story was emotional and deep.
I can't see any reason not to give it 10 on the :yay:itude meter. And let me return with a poem from one of my favourite stories.

I'm going to have to tell you something that you might dread
I'm going to have to tell you that the dove might be dead.
I know the thought of seeing it again just makes you smile
But it hasn't returned yet, and it's been gone for a while.

The fact that you still love the dove makes this very hard
For me to tell you that dove's return is not exactly in the cards.
But let me tell you something before a tear dares hit the floor
If you look beyond this point right now, there will be birds galore.

You may find a wise old owl willing to share its mind
An eagle, although regal, can be proven to be kind.
A penguin will defend you as if you really are its egg
And a pigeon will always feed you even if it is just bread.

I never met a kookaburra that doesn't love a good time
Nor a pelican that doesn't have a place for one to hide.
You can marvel at all the things that a finch has went and founded
And you can be honest with an ostrich because the ostrich is well grounded.

And I can continue like a parrot telling more
but I'm not here to discuss pigs, so I'll stop being a bore
So get it in your head, the dove might be dead
But it's not the only bird out there, kid
and any bird can give you the wings
of freedom... which that dove never did.

I'll save this one for my flight home. :raritywink:

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

8240738 Well I can't say exactly as to not spoil the story but it's nothing over the top.

8240541 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. If you liked this, I'm sure my previous story will be something you like as well. Also, what happen to your earlier comment?

8240889 I... Don't remember what i was going to say. :rainbowhuh: I dunno what to tell you. :twilightsheepish:

Man, I wish I could've seen the action sequence between Apple Bloom and the guy holding a knife, that would have been riveting. :rainbowlaugh:

Character description and scene setting are on point, though you still suffer the same problem in this story as you did in "A Talk Between Sisters."

Scootaloo just graduated middle school, yet the way she is written indicates that she is much older than what you describe her to be. She's far too introspective for her age for it to be realistic.

My advice to you would be to play to your strengths and write a story through a full-fledged adult's perspective, since you got everything else going for you.

Other than that, it was a very heartfelt story, and I'll be eager to see more in the future. :twilightsmile:

8242376

Character description and scene setting are on point, though you still suffer the same problem in this story as you did in "A Talk Between Sisters."

Scootaloo just graduated middle school, yet the way she is written indicates that she is much older than what you describe her to be. She's far too introspective for her age for it to be realistic.

Um... yea question-If she was older, how would that work? I mean granted it can but a older character(I.E, 18+) wouldn't have the same effect as someone who is in middle school. Of course, I never stated when this happened so it's kind of up in the air but in my option, it has a much more emotional effect on a younger person vs someone who is older(I can expand on that if you like). Of course, that's just how I see it. Aside that, I do see your point(to an extent). Any other pros/cons you saw?

My advice to you would be to play to your strengths and write a story through a full-fledged adult's perspective, since you got everything else going for you.

Other than that, it was a very heartfelt story, and I'll be eager to see more in the future. 

Noted. I just feel a lot more... what's the term...? Confident(?) With kid characters (with the exception of mane/human 6/7)

8245013 thanks. May I ask what you liked about it?

8245911
An absense of Glimglam.

Also, high-quality writing.

8246089 Glimglam? Also, thanks but my editors are the reasons for this as well.

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