• Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Alchemystudent


Loves to read and write, I decided to try writing fanfiction after a long hiatus thanks to ponies

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Source

Spike's birthday has become a more happier time since his growth spurt. Now he is free to enjoy it with friends, family, and loved ones. However, an unexpected guest arrives to bring something new to the festivities, his mother. What secrets does she hold about his birth and why are her eyes an unique color.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

hummm interesting, not my favorite "Spike's Mom" story. that's still Small Scale by Twinkletail https://www.fimfiction.net/story/314797/small-scale which includes one of the best lines by Spike about his mother

If you'd like, I can read this on YouTube for you.

Didn't this used to be longer?

8193345

Please go ahead! Just pm the link to your channel and to the vid.

8193259

I'll have to read that later

8193496 Dr Wolf did a really good reading of it too, I don't have a link but a quick search will find it.

Not bad, And kudos for the clever title. You do need a bit of work for cleaning up a bunch of grammar errors, but a good story overall. Hope the comments stay spoiler free.

:heart: nice it almost made me cry :raritycry:

8193496 Will do. It should be up by tonight or tomorrow, depending on how long editing takes

Okay, this was nice. I was thinking when I read the story it was going to be a sad story about Twilight accepting Spike needed to be with his real mother, but throwing in everyone's favorite Bug-Queen? That was awesome and also shows us the reason why you never anger a mama bear or hurt her cubs.

Favorite line would have to be when Applejack suggests although she won't allow Twilight to kill Chrysalis, she might not have the same mercy.

Good story but has the potential to be something epic. I would highly suggest you put some real thought into the story telling, draw out some of the scenes, and and a lot more detail (where are they, why's thorax there, how did he get captured, spikes point of view, is he dreaming while he's being fed on? Etc, etc)

I want or reiterate, this was a good story but could be so much better. Don't stop writing... ever.

8194652

First off...EEEE!!!! My favorite Spike and Rarity writer just commented! This is so awesome. Thank you.

Good story but has the potential to be something epic. I would highly suggest you put some real thought into the story telling, draw out some of the scenes, and and a lot more detail (where are they, why's thorax there, how did he get captured, spikes point of view, is he dreaming while he's being fed on? Etc, etc)

Thanks for the advice, something that I will be thinking about that on the next story.

I want or reiterate, this was a good story but could be so much better. Don't stop writing... ever.

I have no plans to stop, ever. I did once, and I regretted it for a long time. Never again.

This is a very good story, but has a lot of potential to be better. The biggest problem I see is that it feels very rushed. The story moves from scenes to scene at breakneck speed and has more than a few small grammar errors.
Plot wise my only real question is how did Twilight know Chrysalis would be at her old lair? As far as Twilight knows Chrysalis could have set up her new base anywhere in Equestria.
If you ever decide to re-do the story I would really suggest slowing everything down and take your time with it.

To quote yon du he may have been your father but he wasn’t your daddy. Applies here

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