The Kiss
I stand there. The straps of my ruck are beginning to dig into my scales, but I don't care. My gaze is fixed on only the white mare in front of me. So beautiful, so kind, so dear. I can hardly remember a time in my life before her, and since I met her, I cannot remember a day in my life when just the thought of her has failed to set my heart aflutter.
I can read her face perfectly at this distance. There's realization, there's hurt, there's confusion... I expected to see those, though I wish not. There is one last thing on her face I cannot comprehend. I've never seen that look on her before. She's leaning in closer to me. Her lips are so fine. I stare deep into her blue eyes. They contain all the depth and turbulence of the ocean. My heart is pounding. My eyes feel heavy.
She opens her mouth. "Is that everything, Spikey-Wikey?" She's trying to act all casual, trying to spare my feelings, trying to convince me it's all fine, everything's fine. It isn't. I know that she's put three dress orders on hold to help me pack. I know she postponed a Canterlot Chronicle interview to see me off. I know she copes by pretending there's nothing to cope with, at least when ponies are watching. I don't respond to her query. "Is there anything else you need?" I notice her lips again. They're practically begging for something. She looks so alone. There's a little extra blue in both her eyes... She chooses to stand closer to me and look up into my eyes expectantly. "Do you want anything?" She leans in a bit closer still. Her foreleg curls around me. Oh how I am going to miss her touch! If only I could carry her with me. I feel hungry. She is delicious. Those lips...
I lean forward. "Rarity..."
"Spikey-Wikey?"
I close my eyes. I feel it even before I realize what I'm doing. My lips are pressing against something warm and soft. It's moving back. So this is what that feels like. It's new but nice... Rarity... She pushes back against me. Mares are nice. I wish I knew this sooner. I wrap my arms around her. No longer a baby dragon, I can encircle her easily. My claws rest against her shoulder blades. She's soft everywhere. I feel something warm and soft brush against my limbs and then my neck. She's pulling me into herself. Her mouth fights back against mine, deepening the kiss.
Never in my life would I have imagined this. I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know this is only going to make it hurt more, but I'm doing it anyway. It's forbidden. All my friends from childhood are watching us. I'm kissing a married mare in full view of her husband and foals. And as she was once a blooming young adult and I the child, I am the blooming youth and she is no longer in her full flower.
Cruel fate, separating us by years and circumstances, cannot separate our bodies in this moment. My claws dig deeper into her back, prompted by some instinct. I want her close to me. I need her. My heart may explode. My face is wet, and not just from the trails leaking from my own eyes. Is this what we could have had? I push back against her lips, adding some tongue to it. I deepen the kiss for all the dates we never went on, for all the kisses we never shared, for all the expressions of love our stars had prevented, for all the nights we never spent together, for all the sweet nothings swallowed by silence before they could be born. I feel her stroke small circles into my back, massaging me, soothing me.
I break to kiss her cheek. It's wet. I comfort her with my mouth, again, stopping her trembling lips from sounding an accompaniment to tears. Our tongues wrestle, frolicking like two mates. The hunger of my longing comes out as I dig my claws into her back, harder. I no longer feel just the soft fur, but also the barrier of skin as well. My touch is absorbing her warmth for the last time, my mouth is learning her taste for the only time. I lift her gently, bringing her towards myself. I open my eyes for a moment. Her blue orbs are as radiant as ever, though they are more lined with care and time than they once were. If only I could die now.
My love nuzzles me just like she had once upon a time perhaps hundreds of moons ago, back when we had that small concession to physical affection. Our kiss is intense, yet I know it's not all she has in her. I've seen those kisses she reserves for her husband. If only I could be him... What if I had said something? What if I had done something? What if I had really tried? What if weren't such a coward? Why couldn't I be a normal dragon and let greed do all the thinking for me? I apply my teeth gently to her bottom lip, sucking harder on it. I want her delicate flavor to linger on me. I want the taste of me to linger with her. Somewhere in there are the brothers, envy and jealousy, twin guardians of regret and discontent.
I kiss her harder, almost eating her face in a way. She responds to me, but only mirrors pale imitations. My tears thicken as I realize that despite up being pressed face to face and chest to chest, there is another gulf between our hearts, one I can never be able to cross and she will never allow to be crossed. I feel like an animal, feasting on her to satisfy years of lean carnivorous hunger and rare treats. My lungs are starting to burn. I caress her from the top of her mane to the middle of her back. Please, Celestia, let this never end; my whole life for these few seconds, please don't make this be it. We wrestle tongues one last time, her pressing and winning the final tussle. The taste of oats and strawberries has been engraved onto me.
We break apart.
"I love you."
"I know.
"Goodbye."
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- Excy · 2.8k words · 46 13 · 3.3k views
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Noice!
Good story. I'm not sure why I have a thing for doomed romances, but I do.
Aside from that and a missing 'I', I thought it was okay.
It bordered on dangerous affection in my mind.
All that biting and claw usage made me worried he'd draw blood, or that he was forcing himself on her as she tried to push away.
And all this while her family watched?!
Rarity, you slut!
8191346
Thanks!
8191351
Me too a bit.
8191359
Thank you.
8191376
Derp, fix'd.
Bingo! This was Spike finally taking from her the thing he had wanted for so long, and her reciprocating him to the extent she could. I originally thought about making this either saucy or a proper clopfic, but I thought it compromised the impact to lengthen the story, and even more so then depict intercourse, because that's a very full act; it's what he'd wish for, but this kiss is the most he can have. I intended to make him predatory and carnivorous here.
I wrote this story under the influence of this song:
Most people would probably recognize this song from Kelly's Heroes.
I want to know why he's leaving, why they'll never see another again, but it's perfect The way it is.
It's an okay story, considering its length, although I think it's been mis-rated. It should be T, not E.
This story could've been gazillion times better if it was about why they were in this situation instead of just the situation.
This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".
Name of the story: The Kiss
Score out of 10: 7.5
Pros: Very strong prose, right from the start, and lasting all the way to the end. The story started at fourth gear, and ratcheted up to sixth pretty quickly.
Grammar wise, very clean. A few awkward sentences every now and then, but nothing too terrible.
The powerful physical action was detailed and realistic, as well as Spike's inner thoughts during the whole situation. You do manage to capture the bitterness of life's regrets and the wishes we make in futility.
Cons: Even when he gets the mare, he really doesn't get the mare. Spike is routinely give the short end of the stick in stories and it doesn't really feel any different here. Sure, he gets a taste, but really it only serves to show him how much he missed, how much he failed. In the end, it feels like a cruel joke of some kind, especially if Rarity is supposed to be married.
Summary: A short, but powerfully worded story about love that never was. Enjoyably bitter-sweet, but kind of a slap to Spike's face.
8191787
Applejack do you kiss your Mother with that mouth
9432470
Nah, I just eat ma damn apples!
9432569
Then for gosh sake watch your language
9432619
Ma ears are burnin!
wait until the real fun starts
you party mouths
horse apples!
