No. I Have One.

by Applejack App

They Call Them Nude Bipedal Cultist Apes.

I walked down the park path in silence, ears pinned back as I thought about how weird this day was. Why was it, that all ponies thought I was alone in this world?

I was so deep in thought, I failed to notice Lyra the unicorn waving me over.The mint colored mare scrunching up her muzzle, as I simply passed her on by.

“Hey kid! What’s eating you?” She yelled over from the bench she was sat upon, oddly at that, lifted upright and not sideways.

“Um sorry?” I sighed and walked over, the mare patting the spot next to her.

I shrugged and pounced on up, doing my best to sit upright like her yet couldn’t help feeling off center.

“Sorry. It’s just everypony today has thought I have no family.” I pouted and gazed down to the grass of the park.

“Oh! That’s a bummer. I’ve had the same problem before.” She spoke up with a warm smile crossing her lips.

“Really?” I smiled back feeling a bit better by those words.

“Well not the family dead thing. That’s just weird.” Lyra narrowed her eyes to me.

“Oh.”

“No. Mine is that nopony seems to believe me, when I say nude bipedal apes are watching us from beyond the sky!” Lyra waved her hooves high in the air slowly.

“Wha?”

“Yep. Millions of them watch us once a week on a saturday morning, some even forming cults and calling themselves Bronies or Pegasisters.” Lyra narrowed her eyes off into the distance, voice deepening ever so slightly.

“They all follow a supreme nude ape. They write to him stories about us and odd adventures we would never have in a million years.” Lyra trailed off into a whisper as she turned to face me.

“...”

“Worse of all. Some of these apes formed a radio group hosted by a priest, but this priest is a wicked soul who takes glee in the suffering of…” Lyra tried to continue yet I quickly jumped off the bench and began to back away.

“I got to go…” I spoke in a cracking voice as I bolted off in the distance, trying to get as far away as I could.

“You better run! Before they put you in a box with their evil hands and try to raise you!” Lyra jumped off her bench and ran after me yelling wildly.

I swiftly lost her when I made it back to the Main Street.

This day was just getting weirder.

Comments

[Alex Warlorn]

If Scootaloo isn't an orphan, Rainbow Dash should have sued her parents for guardianship of Scootaloo by now.

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

this priest is a wicked soul who takes glee in the suffering of…

Lily Peet? Josh Scorcher? Ilikekimpossiblealot? Who could it be?

[DJDJ]

8194472 My vote is for either finaldraft or silver eagle

[Viper Pit]

umm dafaq is lyra going on about