Rose's Broken Soul

by MorningRose

Future

As Threaded Needle trotted away Rose wondered what Needle's future held for her. After a fierce internal debate on whether or not she should look into Threaded's future she decided to look.

Rose having decided to look goes back into the living room sits down and says to silver in a tone so serious that it could cut butter "Silver i have decided to look into Threaded Needle's future. However when I'm looking into the future i cannot see, feel nor hear anything around me. Meaning if somepony wanted to kill me i wouldn't be able to stop them. That is why i want you to protect me if i ever look into the future. So will you protect me while i look my sweet Silver?"

Silver realizing the seriousness in Rose's tone answers " Rose so long as i live and breathe i swear my life to protect you wherever and whenever you need me to. After all you saved me from the loneliness and darkness that rested in my heart. So go look into the future you will be safe with me watching out for you."

Rose gives Silver a serene and peaceful smile says " Thank you Silver. You are truly the most noble and perfect guardian i could ever ask for."

As Rose finished her thanks she closes her eyes and focuses on Threaded Needle's magical energy that was still in the house. At first all Rose could see was darkness. But a couple seconds later Rose saw Threaded Needle. However the Threaded Needle she saw now looked way different but extremely happy. Her eyes that were once green as a flawless emerald were now now as pure as a cloudless sky blue, Her coat was still as white as freshly fallen snow, her black mane was now a light pink with a dark purple stripe and her tail which was once as black as night was now purple with a dark pink stripe. However the most shocking thing was her feathers which used to be green were instead a lovely shade of purple that matched Rarity's mane.

Rose after recovering from the difference sees that Threaded has a wedding ring on her hoof. Rose focused even harder on the vision and sees Rarity come in and on her horn is an identical wedding ring.

Rarity walks over to Threaded and gives the mare a very passionate kiss. Rose getting embarrassed from the intimate display looks further into the future.

What she saw amazed her to her very core. First thing she noticed was the Carasuel Beautique was instead of the single story was now three stories tall and in front were what looked like Threaded Needle and Rarity playing with their children and living a very happy life. Rose deciding she has seen enough ends the vision and returns to the present.

As Rose returned to the present the first thing she decided to do was get ready for her date with Twilight. Rose ran upstairs and looked through the wardrobe for the perfect dress for her first ever date. After about fifteen minutes of looking Rose decided to go with a white dress that enhanced her natural beauty. The dress had embroidered on it a pink rose in the twilight hour. It also had a lot of frills but not so much as to look foalish in design.

After Rose picked out her dress she heard a knock on her door. Rose seeing that there was still an hour and a half til her date went to see who it was.

When Rose opened the door she saw that it was Rarity on the other side. Rose noticed that Rarity looked extremely excited.Rose wondering what would make Rarity this excited says "Rarity what are you doing here? Also why are you so excited?"

Rarity giggled and said " Why darling I'm here to help you with your mane for your date. As for why am i so excited is because this is your very first date and it is with your true love. There is nothing more romantic anywhere."

Rose grateful to Rarity says " Thank you so much Rarity for your help. If there is anything I can do please let me know."

Rarity surprised by the offer says " Well there is one thing. Could you by any chance look into my future and tell me who my true love is?"

This time it was Rose's turn to be surprised. She looked at Rarity and said in a sisterly tone "My dear Rarity as it so happens I don't need to look into your future. For i already know who it is and the answer is Threaded Needle."

"Are you saying that the Threaded Needle from your vision is my true love? How do you know that without looking into my future,?" inquires Rarity in all seriousness.

Rose after taking a breathe says " Rarity I just got done meeting with Threaded about an hour ago. After she left i was curious about her future. So I went ahead and looked into her future and what i saw shocked me. You and Threaded Needle were married and living happily. But then you and her shared a intimate kiss and i looked even further into the future. Then finally the last thing i saw was you and Threaded playing happily with your foals. Anyways I thought you were here to do my mane."

Rarity after hearing Rose's vision says " I am Rose. As a matter of fact it is already done."

Rose shocked that Rarity had done her mane with out her knowing says after rushing to the Mare's room and seeing her mane " Thank you Rarity. I love it." Rose's mane was now cut so that her eyes were in view and made her look demure and shy at the same time.

"I'm glad Rose. By the way if you want to impress Twilight on your date take her to the hay burger and then to Sweet Apple Acres for a private romantic hay ride. Don't worry i talked to Apple Jack and she is willing to take the two of you on a romantic ride," says Rarity with a smile.

Rose surprised that Rarity had went through so much and went out of her way says in a grateful tone of voice "Thank you so much Rarity. I will do that along with a little surprise for Twilight at the end."

"Okay be sure to have fun Rose and remember Twilight loves you for who you are. So you don't have to worry. Just have fun my dear. follow your heart and you and Twilight will make it through anything,"answers Rarity leaving.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?

[MorningRose]

i don't know maybe because some ponies don't like trans stories. in my opinion and i know its biased since im the author but this is a great story

[MorningRose]

8394653
im doing my best considering i don't have an editor. i do have a proof reader that i pm the chapter to to see if anything needed fixed but he couldn't see anything

[MorningRose]

8394701
just a heads up i tidied up the first two chapters as best as i could and am working on the others.

[CoffeeBean]

>pairing OC with one of the Mane 6
why always this.

Also, if I were to make a genuine criticism, I'd say two things: get better with capitalization and for the love of Celestia write a new description. Your description is more important than your story by every metric. It is the FIRST thing people read, other than the title. If you're description is flat, boring, horribly written, and done with no care, as yours is, then you're never going to attract more readers. Sure, many people will say "well, I write because I love it, not to gain fame or attention" well, if that were the case, then you wouldn't publish it.

The second thing to mention is: what in the world is that first chapter supposed to be? There are things we do in writing, and using huge text to tell the readers what every character is like is not one of them. The film realm of creative mediums has a saying that goes; 'Show, don't tell' and the same applies for writing. Through dialogue tags and narration you should describe your characters, and continuously remind the reader how they look with little things such as; "Twilight flicked her purple bangs from her eyes" or "Fluttershy's normally yellow hooves were tarnished a shade of brown thanks to the mud in the garden".

Show, don't tell.

Other than that... I guess just keep writing and keep improving. The only way to get better is to practice, but to also never discredit the opinions of others. I myself have done that, and I can safely say its one of the biggest mistakes you can make as an author. People don't offer genuine criticism because they want to make you feel terrible or want to be a troll, they do it because they want to share their experiences with others and help out new/struggling authors, because they know what its like to start out, and they know how amazing it is to have some help along the way.

[MorningRose]

8395583
the first chapter is basically a setup for the actual story also known as back story. i also got rid of the huge size on it. i am working on getting better at capitalization, if you would like too see my first work check out Sunset's On Destiny. it had no proofreader, no editor or anything i wrote a chapter then posted it. Surprisingly it has more likes than this one