(Not just psychological horror this time)
Minted Wrap, mute because of underdeveloped vocal cords, works as a janitor at the innocuous Solar Plant Industries headquarters. He ends up trapped by a force in flux warping the building's floors while trying to kill him, trap his soul, warp his body, twist his mind, and a multitude of different things. What's worse is that an outside force has entered the building at nearly the same time and have confused the janitor for one of the monstrous abominations spawning in the warped construct. All the janitor can do now is try to leave the building without undergoing fates worse than death.
Chapters (6)
What kind of horror story is this?
8191517 A horrifying...horror story.
This story left me with a lot of questions.
First off, is this "flux" something like a particle flux or is this building like a form of a portal that leads to many different time-lines and realities but can't control how it all works together, thus creating those amalgamations? Is it all playing in Minted's head? Is it real?
How did it start? And will there be an end?
I'd really like to know what thoughts you put into this little horror story here.
It personally reminds me of a creepypasta called "60 Second War".
8192171 I don't read creepyspaghettis so I don't know what that is.
The answers will come later.
8191517 What do you mean specifically, though?
8192206 Can't wait for more chapters to follow!
8192484 Working on the second one right now. It's a shame that no one reads horror stories, though. :/
8192519 Sadly, yes. ;-;
This is neat. I have no idea what the hell is going on but the imagery is fantastic and the idea of a mute protagonist in a horror story is super interesting
8194152 Yay! My ability to detail things has gotten way better! *claps with the back of the hands*
I hope he survives!
8194247 Well, I WAS going to do that, but now I just want to ruin your hopes and dreams.
8194256 You evil...PSYCHOPATH c:
8194340 :>
8194352 c:
8195332
I'mma Read it tomorrow
8198448 Yay
Pony mutism is awful, as hooves make for poor sign language.
I would have thought a mute would keep a card in their pocket declaring they are mute to show to others, but that would have killed the story.
I sense Mint Wrap is not being correctly identified by the building.
A pony is known by the exhalations of it's spirit; a pony that is mute has its spirit trapped totally within itself, the heat and glow candle of its soul muted to the otherworldly vision of the building's senses.
It may even consider Mint Wrap a mere animal, or even one of the tormented souls in residence; he triggers no general alarms.
I am surprised to see the Fetid Pony,s exposition proved my previos chapter's comment's conclusion correct, but not the reasoning behind it.
When i saw the corruption was reduced on lower floors, i thought it meant the flux trigger event had sarted in the upper floors, until i realized the soldiers must have gotten into the building from the ground floor entranced and worked their way upward.
Also interesting to see each floor's or hall's unique corruption flux is anchored to an individual entity.
I am having difficulty picturing the bear-bull daemons chimearic formula.
8200715 You think it needs more detailing?
8200752
nah, its just unclear if bipedal, quadrupedal, or eldritch in configuration.
8200756 Oooooh. I was thinking quadrupedal. It's true that I didn't indicate how many limbs it had. That being said, it doesn't use THEM to move :>
8200775
yeah, the limbs stayed still, and the toes moved it like centipede legs, as if it came from a Felix Colgrave animation.
8200782 I just checked who that was. He's the one who did the weird 'Double King' animation.
This was a fun read! Some sort of epilogue would be nice but it's far from necessary. Honestly this was just a really interesting read, I'm sorry to say I wasn't terribly frightened overall but the creature designs and the situations he constantly found himself in kept me reading with excitement.
8205575 I'm still working on getting better with horror. I was hoping that at least the Celestia ghost would give a few creeps, but it was mainly the fate that awaited those that confronted them that I wanted to be scary.
What did you have in mind for an epilogue? If I make one, it wouldn't be very long.
Maybe just a small note of what happens to Warp after, like is he ok? Did the rescuers just let him leave with what he saw? Did some of the things with the flux come with him? Nothing super essential just fun little info like that.
I think the creepiest part for me was definitely the beginning when he meets the "visitor" and that whole interaction, really caught me off guard.
I think a small problem I had with it was the way the muteness panned out. I really liked how it influenced his situation in the early chapters, but towards the end it really stopped mattering to the story. Again that's not a huge issue, I just would have liked if it came back into play a bit more.
Regardless of those criticisms though I thought it was a very fun and exciting read, your writing style is definitely unique and with this kind of paranormal jaunt through hell it definitely lent to the fun
8206396 I figured it had less impact in the end. The only experience with mute characters I have is the Three Crusaders from my Steamlord series. With them, I could convey behavior through their actions and reactions. Here, it was more difficult because I was trying not to exaggerate on that trait as I felt it would detract from the character and the events.
I can add, like, a few extra lines of dialogue to the last chapter concerning Wrap's future, though.
Oh, and just so you know, and because I don't want this part to be a mystery; No. The warp didn't follow him. It's confined to the building.
Edit: Iz done.
This was an excellent ending! Wonderful horror!
No wonder the Flux did not want him. A silent soul cannot be added to the chorus of screams.