The True Me

by lightningman

Chapter 56 - Timberwolves

“Can Sam be affected by illusionary techniques?” Sage asked. “If she can, then I can give her all the education she needs by the end of the day.”

"I'm made of smoke and wood and pure magic. So take a guess." Sam deadpanned at him.

“Yes.” Sage and Alex answered.

“‘No’ isn’t in a reality warper’s standard or urban dictionary,” Sage said. Sam facepalmed, but the smoke just pushed against each other and her hoof went through her head.

"NO YOU IDIOTS! I'm immune to Most illusions unless they are cast from something like our dimension's elements of harmony and I'm willing. And I have a lot of control over said elements. So yeah."

“I’m trying to think of ways to screw your logic over while sticking to the rules,” Sage said.

“Just warp reality,” Alex said.

“Mmnn.” Sage groaned in refusal.

“Wuss.” A quick punch from Sage sent the god flying into the distance.

“I feel better now,” Sage said.

"Sweet baby Jesus," said SoundWave. "Peter will defiantly love it here, you should give me an extra card to give to Peter" he continued. "Not sure how my other three friends will react to this world, but they'll probably want to at least check it out" he finished.

"Three?" I groan. "(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP) Fine. But you'll have to stay for a while longer while I make them."

"I can live with that," said SoundWave.

"Sage? can you show those two around the place while I get to work on those cards?"

“Piss,” Sage said before turning to the new duo. “Alright!! First things first, the big man’s place.” Sage guided them inside lightningman’s house.

"I ain't gonna fit through the door, that's most likely gonna be a problem at a lot of places... especially ones with low ceilings," said SoundWave.

“I can have Albion shrink you to half your size or more,” Sage said. “Also, we should be quick, I’m positive that dragon breath is hauling (beep) back here to beat me.”

"I have no doubts about that," I smirk as I walk inside and go to a room at random that was large enough for experimentation. I close and lock the door. "I'll be out in an hour or so! Just give them the tour! And if you see a parasprite Come to me Immediately!"

"Parasprite? I came here at the right time then" said SoundWave.

"Don't start destroying them until I'm there!" I call as audible sounds of tools banging came out of the room

"Destroy them? Nah man im gonna help Pinkie lead them away, they don't call me SoundWave for nothing" said SoundWave.

"Then at least let Vinyl work with you."

"Now that you mention it, why didn't she help in the original episode?" Asked SoundWave.

"Because she probably couldn't help because her equipment was destroyed,"

“I can help with that should the problem pop up,” Sage said. “Anyway, SoundWave, about that shrinking offer.”

"Oh, been a while since I actually watched any of season one," said SoundWave. "Probably why I forgot that" he continued. "Oh and Yes please," said SoundWave. "Shrink me to human size" he continued.

“Albion, half dimension. Twice, please.” White and blue wings, matching the colour pattern of Alex’s, appeared on Sage’s back before the blue ‘feathers’ glowed as a deep, smooth voice spoke.
“Half Dimension.” SoundWave shrank to half his size before stopping, but still too tall to fit through the door.
“Half Dimension.” SoundWave shrank once again, this time stopping at the perfect size to fit through the door without destroying the doorframe. The wings folded up, now looking like an elytra. “There, that should do the trick. Thanks, Albion.” Sage said.

“Happy to help, Masaru,” Albion said.

"Awesome!" Said SoundWave as he followed everyone inside.

“So over here we have a couple Xboxes and- AUTHOR! Skip the tour or watch lightningman.” Sage said. “Or you could check in with your friendly neighbourhood God of Rage if you want.”

"I'd rather not watch the dude that is literally named that god of RAGE and that you pissed off." A crash came from outside. "I rest my case."

"STOP CRASHING IN MY YARD!" I yelled from inside of the locked room.

"Today is gonna be fun, don't you think Mason?" Asked SoundWave.

"... sure," replied Mason not really paying attention.

"That's the spirit," said SoundWave. "Sage, Alex, commence the tour" he continued.

“I’ll say it again. Author, watch lightningman. I have a feeling I’m going to go on a rant and I don’t want to bother you with it.” Sage said.

"Fine." The author groaned as we switched over to where lightningman was. He was currently surrounded by tools that he had created using his lightning and aura. He seemed to be creating the cards with some modifications so it was guaranteed they wouldn't malfunction. He was also creating a machine where he could create them more efficiently with half of the effort as usual. See, usually, he would strain himself on 3 cards. But with this machine. He could create 7 before having to relax and letting his aura and lightning come back.

"Good thing you can create seven, cuss you need to make four," said a guy dressed like Deadpool peaking out from around SoundWave.

"Ware the (bleep) did you come from Peter!" Yelled SoundWave.

"Do you really want the answer to that Wave?" Asked Peter.

"I (bleep)ing hate you," said SoundWave.

"Anyway, im Deadpool, but you can call me Peter," said Peter as he introduced himself to us all, minus SoundWave.

"... we should have a warning system or something, to let us know if someone is coming," said Mason staring at Peter.

"We do, but this is Deadpool we're talking about. He's the original Pinkie Pie." Sage said.

"That is an excellent idea," said SoundWave.

"True that," said Deadpool.

"Welp, anyone wanna go play on the Xbox?" asked Mason.

"X Box? (beep) yeah!" Said Deadpool. 'Did we just beep?' Asked a voice from nowhere. *You shouldn't be surprised, we are in an E rated story* said a second voice from nowhere. "Shut up you two," said Deadpool.

"I'm not even gonna bother questioning that," said SoundWave.

"And we got two more authors. Great," deadpanned Mason

"Its only one author most likely! They know Barricade, so their probably the same author,"I yell. "(BEEP!)" An explosion occurred in the room. "IM OK!" Another one. "Less OK!"

"Actually there just the voices in my head," said Deadpool. "I like it here"

"Aaaaaaand I'm gone. If anyone needs me, I'll be playing Black Ops 2," said Mason as he left.

"I never played that one," said Deadpool.

"I haven't played any of the black ops games," said SoundWave.

"Then sit the (beep) down, we're gonna play a few rounds," said Deadpool.

“TDM ON HIJACKED!” The redhead duo yelled before rushing over to an Xbox. After a few hours of playing games and yelling, with the occasional explosion in the background. (Which had nothing to do with the game.) I soon came out of the locked room with 6 cards. I walked up behind them all.

"YO! Deady! Mason!"

"Hold on! Ha! Suck it Peter!" yelled Mason as he knifed Deadpool's character.

"Don't call me Deady" said Deadpool as he took one of the cards.

"Why not?" Asked SoundWave as he took three of the cards.

"It sounds too much like daddy and only my partners, if you know what I mean, call me that," said Deadpool.

"You're guaranteed to meet Pinkie Pie, you know that right? So get used to that being your nickname here." I deadpan.

"My Pinkie calls me Petey and besides, my Pinkie is my partner," said Deadpool. "So I don't care if she calls me that" he continued.

"Primus I forgot how much I hate you," said SoundWave.

"Yeah well, the pinkie pie here doesn't know you. So I'm introducing you as Deadpool. Besides. 'Petey?' That sounds like your Spiderman."

"Exactly why I don't have a problem with it," said Deadpool.

"....You and Brandon would never be friends." I groan. I then balance a card on top of Mason. i'll still need to figure out your dimensional coordinates, but it should take only half of what that took." Suddenly there were screams from outside.

“Hey, lightningman. Parasprites.” Alex said.
“Free biomass is what I call it,” Sage said.

"But... Parasprite plague doesn't happen until the day after Fluttershy finds one." I furrow my brow. "This is something different." Without a word I run through the door and smash it open, booking my way to whatever was happening.

"Time for us to go save Ponyville," said SoundWave.

"I don't really do much saving," said Deadpool.

"Shut up and save some ponies," said SoundWave as he followed me.

"God damn it," said Deadpool as he followed as well.

When we all got to ponyville, I saw a pack of Timberwolves.

"Fuck." I was surprised a bit when I wasn't censored, But I got over it really quickly. "They must be mad about Jasper!"

“We call the fight!” The divine duo said as they stepped forward.

“Kill or spare, lightningman?” Sage asked, keeping his eyes on the Timberwolves.

'The un-censoring was my doing, names MadClap' said a voice from nowhere. 'I'm one of Deadpool's head voices' he continued. *Why did you un-censor an E rated story?* Asked Deadpool's other head voice. 'Because I hate not being able to fucking curse Dr. Bong' said MadClap. *You are extremely annoying* said, Dr. Bong. "Now is not the time guys, got a town to save," said Deadpool. *'Fine'* said MadClap and Dr. Bong.
"You think timber wolves hate sound? Cuss im about to turn it up to eleven" said SoundWave as he activated a gun on his left arm.

“They hate fire,” Alex said as the back his and Sage’s mouth began to glow a bright yellow.
“Let’s torch em!” The duo exclaimed before unleashing a rushing stream of fire at the wolves.

"Madclap? Thanks. That's a whole fuckload of a lot easier without having to watch what you're saying. And if we do kill them, their magic will just leave and reform somewhere else." I then smile and crack my knuckles. "So go crazy. After this batch, we're going into the forest." I pull out my cards and activate them all. They all float inside of me, multiplying my power more than a hundredfold. I crack my neck and smile under my mask. Lightning was zapping out of every crevice of my suit and my eyes were glowing lightning yellow. with tinges of Blue at the edges.

"Fire huh?" Asked Deadpool as he pulled an Elon Musk flamethrower out of a pouch on his side. "Then let's torch these motherbuckers," he said as he burnt a timber wolf until there was nothing left.

“So we’re torching the Everfree or raiding it?” Sage asked, taking a break from firebreathing.

"Raiding it," I growl as I began to punch every timberwolf I could lay my hands on. "The girls still have a lot of adventures left in that forest, so I want to leave it. All the creatures in it are fair game though." I grabbed two of the Timberwolves and slammed their heads together, causing them to go limp and their heads to explode into splinters.

"Fine, less fun, but fine," said Deadpool as he continued to burn timber wolves.

"At least you have some common sense, who knocked it into you?" Asked SoundWave as he blew apart another timber wolf.

"A chick named Ayumi," said Deadpool continuing his wolf killing spree.

"Sounds like a person from an anime. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised with all the shit I've had to deal with during the past few weeks. Let alone this week alone with all these people." I yell over the flames and the punching.

"Fair enough," said SoundWave.

"She ain't an anime character," said Deadpool.

“If I snap when we raid the forest, give me some space after. I say this because I’m known for snapping when multiple targets are presented for me to kill. It’s why many demons call me the Death King.” Sage said.

“Geez, dude. Berserker much?” Alex said.

“YES.” Sage replied, his voice distorted demonically, along with his eyes becoming orange fox eyes surrounded by black sclera.

"..... Are we gonna commit genocide?"

“I’m part German, you tell me,” Alex said.

“We aren’t gassing Jews or passing juice. We’re torching firewood like the Boston Tea Party dumped tea.” Sage said.

"NO! I draw the line at genocide" said SoundWave.

"Your no fun" said Deadpool.

"I dont give a shit, we are not gonna gill an entire species!" Said SoundWave.

*I agree with Mr. Wave* said Dr. Bong. "'Shut up good doctor'" said Deadpool and MadClap.

Soon enough it was down to the last timberwolf. All of the magic from the rest of the Timberwolves were streaming into this one. It seemed to be getting smarter, stronger and faster than normal. He looked around at us and his fallen brethren and fled into the forest.
"OH NO YOU DON'T. GET BACK HERE YOU ASSWIPE!!" I yell as I followed him leaving everyone else to clean up the mess. A piece of paper came down and landed in Deadpool's hand. It said this.
"Hey guys. Can you torch these remains? If they stay there unharmed, when I destroy this timberwolf, the magic will go back to them and make them come back and harm the town again. Thanks. -Lightningman"

"Sage, Alex, let's get to work," said Deadpool. As I walked into the woods, lightning was flowing through my body at a faster rate than I had usually experienced naturally. This speed only happened if I purposely pushed it through my system faster by making my heart beat faster. But since my heart was beating faster naturally, the lightning was going through my system faster and make myself glow. I was visible to every creature within the everfree. Especially one. The one that instead of continuing to run, had jumped sideways into some bushes. I checked them and he was gone. Now I was in the middle of a dark and admittedly creepy forest, with a timberwolf that went above and beyond his normal capabilities that want's to kill me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little unnerved. I considered going back for help, but I shook that thought away, Surely I could take on one timberwolf? Everyone else was taking care of the scraps. I slowly went deeper into the forest on the lookout for the glowing green eyes that would signal a death. Either it's death...Or mine. There was a lot of things I could protect against. But a sneak attack from a timberwolf? I would be injured at least. The timberwolf had the territorial advantage. It knew this forest. I didn't. Soon enough, I could hear some growling a flash of claws came out of nowhere. I ducked down and managed to dodge it. But when I straightened up, the timberwolf was gone.

"WHERE ARE YOU!" I frown. I didn't have any sort of location magic. And I couldn't use my lightning on the ground for a sonar pulse since my lightning would just be absorbed by the ground. I was blind. I sigh and try and calm my heart down. Slowly, I started to stop glowing. But there was a disadvantage to this. I could hardly see now. I gulp and continue looking. I soon heard some quiet growling. I looked toward the noise and saw the eyes. I immediately pulled out my wand and yelled.

"REPULSO!" An explosion took place and when the smoke left, I breathed a sigh of relief. There was the magic hanging in midair. I had got him. I was about to leave when Sam came out my wand and began studying the magic.

"Sam what are you doing? Come on!"

"...What if we took it?" A beat.

"What?"

"What if we take this magic and gave it to Jasper? He would become smarter and stronger."

"Yeah, but he might become like the rest of the Timberwolves."

"Can we just try?" Sam turned to look at me with puppy dog eyes. I sigh.

"Fine." I go and grab the magic. I make a cage out of my aura and begin to bring it back. Once out of the forest I whistled for Jasper. "HERE BOY!" He came bounding up and saw the magic. He tilted his head and looked at me. I release the aura and the timberwolf magic flew into Jasper. I could see an immediate difference. His eyes became smarter. But instead of Green, they turn a light blue. Jasper looked at me... and smiled. He bounced on top of me and began licking me.

"Aww. Your welcome boy. Now go ahead and get your dinner ok?" Jasper nods and leaves. I sigh and walk into town, seeing the other guys.

"It's done," I call to them.

Author's Note:

how do you like the action scene? The uncensoring bit is sticking around for the rest of this story. But it'll come back in later stories. It was a pain to write the (Beep.)..... FUCK!