The Trifling Affair that Happened on a Thursday that while Undignified and Disappointing in its Outcome was at least Not Boring - or - The Great Breezie Declaration of War.
THE great hall was set in a grassy hillock and was like a foal’s fable and fantasy doll house on the inside. It was spacious enough to comfortably seat Fluttershy provided she didn’t try to fly and paid mind to the feasting tables around her ankles. It could snugly enough take Princess Luna provided she kept everything of hers folded and minded, in addition to tables and ankles, not poking the ceiling with her horn. The hall could just about squeeze in the two together provided some casual touching wasn’t a big deal between them (it wasn’t, good friends that they were) and could be forced to by sheer bloody minded stubborn determination fit several hundred breezies: the breezie throne, the breezie court, the breezie royalty (to keep the throne warm) their sworn-in guards that flitted about (looking very prim and proper, with gleaming scowls to show off), the nobility and their sworn-in guards (putting in a good show also, scowls and flitting), the hangers-on breezies and their guards (bargain scowls, one and all) all in addition to Fluttershy the translator and Princess Luna the diplomat provided some implicitly — possibly illegally — friendly touching was involved between the two.
All this meant that Princess Luna was:
A long, long ways from home, sitting in a hole in the ground, while folded up on herself like a book bent backwards against its spine. Just as unnatural, just as uncomfortable. At the same time she was trying not to hoof-break nor butt-break any more feasting tables, nor relics or treasures, nor gouge out another priceless expanse of delicate mural ceiling accidentally, while breezies bumped against her. Accidentally on purpose, the little monsters. Not to mention how she was seating Fluttershy in her lap to an extent where, in no uncertain terms, intended or no, they were now incontestably very good friends.
All while resolutely keeping a dignified expression on her face as she stared into the tiny beady face of the breezie with the largest tiny hat, which made him their king or something.
Actually, the Fluttershy part was none too bad. The buttery pegasus was plush and squeezable. Fluttershy’s ears were up and her wings were trying to stiffen, a fact Luna knew intimately because they had nowhere to go and so strained against her chest vainly. Luna had a feeling they were going to have to have a quiet talk after all this sorry breezie business.
In fact, Fluttershy was talking already. Translating had been Luna’s reason for bringing her, as it stood.
“...insufferable, ingracious. An offence against all hospitality, against civility, against civilization itself. Um....” Fluttershy turned to face up, putting her big sad eyes just under Luna’s nose. “Um.”
With a very slight and awkward shuffling, Luna was able to angle herself with only a minimum of further damage done or wings stiffened. The little king was still squeaking in their silly breezie way. “Fluttershy, that sounds less than good.”
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy squeaked in altogether different manner.
“You are blameless. Just focus. What says he now?”
“Oh, I really am sorry, Luna. He says that their armies will darken the skies of Equestria, they’ll lay such devastation upon us ponies as our language doesn’t have words to detail the absolute breadth of, that they’ll annex our kingdoms, make the farmlands infertile with the salt of our tears...” She crooned something and the king’s tirade only continued.
“Oh, princess!” swooned Fluttershy.
Luna cocked an eyebrow. “What did you say?”
“I suggested maybe he would feel better after a teeny tiny little nap, but I don’t think he liked that.”
Luna sighed. “No, I expect he did not.” The breezie spears were not toothpicks; though they did utilize those in some of their heavier siege weapons, being otherwise much too heavy for the individual breezie to carry. Though some of the heavy assault shock troopers Luna had spied earlier, and now flitted into the much-overfull great hall used armour going in so heavy as flower petals, folded like origami.
Fluttershy terror-squeaked. “Look out!”
“There really is no chance for peace?” Fluttershy stammered the plea through translation, but the king flitted there, his unwavering, unmerciful composure not softening.
“Oh fine.” Luna rolled her eyes. “War it is.”
She leaned forwards and blew. Breezies scattered in tumble and panic; the guards flitting heroically to the king’s aid resolutely shielding him for all their little bodies’ worth before being blown away.
Breezies bounced against the walls. Guards fitted with purpose, these Luna met with purposeful little puffs so that they cried out, carried away by prevailing winds. Panic spread like wildfire through the great hall, but it could be even more likened to dandelion seeds spreading on a summer’s day, or soap bubbles from those little hooped sticks and dipping pots foals love so much and grown ponies only forgot to love.
Puff the magic pony did, and occasionally flicking a wing also, sending more legions tumbling over one another.
A breezie managed so much as to delicately brush against Fluttershy’s fluffy back and it scrambled to take hold. She withered from its touch and shook in a panic. “Oh, the violence!”
Luna narrowed her eyes. Carefully, with her hoof, she pried the little creature away — much to its war-crying chagrin — and shook it away. Tried to. Shook a little harder, until she finally dislodged the colourful little trooper of its grip and sent it on its way, tumbling into the mess of the tangled and frustrated fallen. “Yeah, we’re done here.”
Stealing a last antagonistic glance at the king — Luna made a face and stuck out her tongue — she gripped her trembling companion tighter and teleported away.
Twenty minutes later on a different hillside, Fluttershy was through the worst of her shock and had even quit hyperventilating. “That went poorly,” Luna volunteered.
She sighed as Fluttershy throttled her leg and got tears on it. “It was dreadful! Whatever are we to do if they come for us?”
Luna considered. “Close our windows,” she said decisively. “Fans, maybe. The little portable ones, yes.”
Fluttershy only whimpered. “How dreadful.”
Luna stifled as much of her weary chuckle as she could, putting a wing over the little pony whereby to lead her. “Come on, Fluttershy. I will take you home, and put all this to bed.”
“What about the war?” she asked.
“That silly thing?” Luna fixed her companion a friendly smile. ”It’ll blow over.”
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....oh come on. Seriously....
Bad pun. I love it.
And the sequel, The Breezies Declare War On Yakyakistan!
8181835
8181838
8181841
Now with cover art
Hahaha love it!
For some reason I'm hearing the breezie king talk like invader zim.
Wow. Just… f-ing really? The very last paragraph makes this. Beautiful.
8181849
8181899 Works for me!
8182043
All this for the pun? Wondrous.
8181899
I wasn't, but now I can't unhear it,...
8182140 Or a pun for all this
8182202 It is strangely fitting!
This must be why they sent Luna specifically.
8181899
Heh. Yeah, I can picture that too.
~Sticks muzzle out of her box.~
War...War never changes.
~Slowly slides muzzle back in and slinks away.~
8181847 That last pun was the ultimate punchline in this whole war, wasn't it?
The truly disappointing thing here is your spelling of the word disappointing.
Jokes.
-Adds this to favorites Library-
Bravo good sir. You had me cracking a few smiles, bravo.
Honestly expected someone else to make this comment by now. Oh well here I go...
2static.fjcdn.com/pictures/That+s+punny_0ee046_5672658.jpg
given there wings are insectoid luna you could probably have the pegasai create rain and end the war in an hour.
I clicked on this story because... BOLD LETTERS!
Oh god, oh god the pun. I should have seen this coming.
Also, no like-dislike bar in the featured box got me to click on this. What a beautiful find.
I see Minato Namikaze was involved in the naming of this story.
Got a chuckle out of me at the very least.
8182863 Celestia had no hope of fitting in the great hall
8183042 !
8183134
8183231 Bold letters make bold words. Bold wordss make bold deeds!
8183266 I'm told that puns are a sickness. I'm inclined to believe it
8183273 I don't know who that is but, yay for chuckles.
[youtube=Ru21bZ3B8KY]
8183356
This has introduced me to Army of Darkness. I'll have to watch it sometime!
too adorable, it should be put on trial for war crimes for being too adorable.
That last sentence was easily the most harmful part of the entire war.
I'm sorry, but it needs more to get a smile out of me, nice idea though. You did a good job getting the idea across and building up the scene, but it just didn't work for me.
You underplayed waaaay too many things. For example, toothpicks can hurt, so can splinters. Why did they ever agree to meet there as opposed to anywhere else. That bit with Fluttershy and Luna being friends was meh.
Well, I guess I can't say too much. I have my own comedy story that relies heavily on a punchline near the end, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo Make an Abomination Hurray for shameless self-promotion. It has similar problems to this one, but I guess that's the nature of comedy stories that rely heavily on a punchline at the end, it work's or it doesn't.
Breezies are about the least threatening thing since butterflies were invented.
The title alone got you a like. The story got you a fave. The implied FlutterLuna and cover got you a follow. More!
That was probably the cutest war I've ever seen.
I can't say that I've read a fic about Fluttershy and Luna before; such an interesting duo you've chosen. And I do so love how they interacted here, and I can buy the fact that they were paired for such a task. I also loved the "war", which had me giggling quite a bit. This fic was both cute and funny, both of which are things I love.
It's not without its small flaws however; the story considers Flutters and Luna to be very good friends, yet the story doesn't do very well to explain how that could be. The same goes for some of the fic as a whole; I feel like maybe this story was too short, and that there could've been more to this story. It felt like parts of the fic were missing even though it only had one setting, if that makes sense.
Regardless, this is definitely getting a fave!
Write on!
8183754
Um...I apologize, but it just sounds like you're putting down stories in an attempt to raise up yours in a higher pedestal. When you self promote yourself while reviewing in someone else's work, it may sound like:
"Hey, your fic has some problems, but if you do such and such it'll be much better. Good job! By the way, I have a story of a similar genre; would you mind reading it?
"
But it actually translates to:
"Ugh, this fic was mediocre at best, why even try? My fic is WAY BETTER than this piece of garbage. I'm gonna put a link to it so that no one has to read this piece of shot.
"
There are way better ways to self promote your stories. For example, Shameless Self Promotion Brureau is probably the best place to do such. There's shameless self promotion RIGHT THERE in the title.
But it's not cool to just critique a story, only point out what you don't like about it, and then promote your own story. How would you feel if someone did that to you?
Congrats on creating a title so long you broke the featured fic box's code
Well done sir/madame. I'm kinda surprised that no one else got that.
Also, this was great. Some nice comedy to lighten my mood. Thanks!
8183128
I clicked on this story, read the whole thing, and then dove into the comments specifically to look for this comment. Thank you,
8184758 I'm sorry but I would have to disagree with you on critiquing another story. I would feel great if someone was kind enough to point out mistakes and errors of mine so I can fix them, I would also feel great if someone suggested possibly better ideas than what my own mind can come up with. I realize I hadn't done much of that with my first comment. I pointed out the biggest thing about the story to me though, was the fact they decided to have the meet in a cramped space, or not have Twilight Breeziefy them. Maybe I missed that sentence?
Also I never said this story was bad nor did I ever say mine was good, which you've stated as much. Obviously, this story has done something right to get the recognition it has gotten. That aside, it personally didn't even make me crack a smile. It could be that I have a messed up sense of humor or something, b/c I certainly understood and got most jokes this story had.
8185157 You can criticize or praise whatever you want, once you link to your own story, that's self promotion on another users story and we don't do that here.
It's a good thing these breezies didn't try this during allergy season.
It'd be a sneezing slaughterhouse.
TRIFLING GNOME BREEZY
This whole thing was a setup for that dreadful pun, wasn't it? A curse upon your house! And another for whomsoever invented terrible wordplay!
8185157
...okay, you clearly missed the point.
that or I aim bad. Let me further explain.
Critiques by themselves are fine. But a TRUE critique is when you point out the good and the bad of a story. If you can ONLY say negative things to the story, or if the review is mostly nitpicking, regardless of whether or not you stated it was a bad story, you should suggest how they can improve.
You SHOULD NOT promote your OWN work on someone else's story. It's rude, and the way you critiqued the story leads everyone to believe that you're both obnoxious and self-conceited, which are things I'm sure you do not want to convey. You must remember that when someone reads your reviews/critiques/anything of anything, the way you word things and do things is CRUCIAL to getting people to like you and your work.
It's like learning a new language. Being new, you may say something offensive to the people who fully understand it. Of course, you'd never offend anyone purposefully, but now you've created a bit of a reputation in that small group you've offended, and not the good kind either. If you CONTINUE to say those offensive things, without realizing it, your only worsening your reputation with those people, until eventually most of the population pretty much despises you.
By critiquing the story as merely being "meh" to you while ALSO advertising your story, you are inadvertently saying that this story sucks and that no one should read it. It does not matter if that's not what you intended; that's what you said. You are creating a negative reputation for yourself by doing this.
Now there's a joke I never thought I'd ever see here.
That was funny. The "gleaming scowls" I particularly liked. Very nice and pointed.
8186067 I did point out in my comment some good things about this story.
Also I only referred to one particular joke, not the story as a whole.
I know people don't like self promotion b/c it appears selfish, which to some degree it is, but is it really when the story being promoted was only made to get a laugh out of people?
There's far worse things someone can do. Like down vote a story they haven't even read, or read but didn't like for whatever reason and then not telling the author why, leaving the story in a negative light for future potential readers. I don't down vote any story, as I believe a story can always be improved upon later. Though, I guess I probable should up vote more stories.
8186209
...YES! It is incredibly, utterly, BAD! I can't believe you're even justifying it!
You aren't listening at all!
By self promoting yourself in the WRONG WAY, which is what you're doing, you're setting up an image that makes yourself concieted. Self centered. A TOTAL DOOSHBAG. You should ONLY self promote on your blogs, or HERE. You SHOULD NOT do it on someone else's story! EVER! It doesn't matter what your intentions are, it DOES NOT change how selfish the act is! Unless someone is ASKING for story suggestions to READ, or blogging, or are doing it in a group specifically for it, you should NOT SELF PROMOTE, lest you look like a total jerk.
If you're TRULY critiquing this story, tell me exactly HOW you pointing these things out and then promoting your story helping this person improve?
8186340 Again I'll have to disagree with you. Short Comedy stories are a particular kind of story that I feel promotion/self promotion would be perfectly acceptable considering what people can logically assume there main purpose is, which is to get a laugh out of other people. If ambion has a problem with it he/she can always take out my comment and/or ask me to take out/edit my comment and I would do so.
That aside, if you've read my story then you'd realize that both these stories have at least one very similar joke, if only presented differently. They also are in the same vain of joke, which is the punchline at/near the end. I would have no problem if someone flat out promoted their own short comedy story on mine, in fact, I'd probable check it out. I provided a constructive criticism b/c I realize it would be incredible rude not to, while promoting my own story. Though, like I said I wouldn't mind if someone did the same without providing any criticism to my story what's so ever, though obviously, it sadly would be at their stories own risk.
Anyways, I get what you're saying, but I think we've taken up enough comment space here.
8185798 Your arrogance will be your undoing!
8186558
Alright. Fair enough. Don't agree with you AT ALL, but you have a point about us taking up a lot of room. I'll just let this go.
*sees title length*
I shall comment again after reading.
I read all of that story.... for a pun?
I have never been so glad. Thank you.