Open for Business

Somewhere, somewhen, in the near-infinite scope of the universe, floated a tiny speck of dust of a tiny speck of dust in the mostly empty expanse. Usually, such a small thing would be boring, like any other hunk of rock, larger hunk of gas, or massive hunk of shining death-ball. However, this was a special hunk of rock, in that it was filled with the one thing that seemed to be absent in the grand scope of things: life. Not just life, in fact, but an entire civilization rested over the surface of this planet, known to them as Gariland.

It was on this wondrous planet that life went on as it usually does. The simpler organisms spent every moment of their existences blindly seeking food to extend their lives by the barest amount. The more complex organisms frolicked in the sky, the sea, and the earth, seeking not just to survive, but to live life to the fullest. And some organisms went beyond even that, being the ones who covered a large amount of the world in sprawling megastructures, enourmous transportation networks, and artificial landmasses.

It is in the cloud layers of this proud civilization that resided the most influencial of these organisms: the immortal, ever-loving Princesses Luna of the Night and Twilight Sparkle of Friendship. Together, they watched over the world of Gariland, to ensure peace among the entire population and guide them all towards a brighter future.

At the moment, however, they were not thinking about the future, but the past. They thought about all the events that had transpired up to this point, and all the good souls that were lost as they fought to protect their new home from the forces of Corot, 100-odd years ago. They sat like this in silence upon some small clouds, until one of them spoke.

"...I miss them all," Luna said, looking up at the stars.

Twilight looked toward Luna sitting next to her with a look of concern.

"Flurry Heart, Cadence, Cell-" Luna choked up mid-sentence, unable to say what bothered her so.

But Twilight knew, and inched closer to Luna to comfort her in her moment of distress. They sat like this for a little while, as Luna got the tears out of her system over time, together mourning for those that were lost. Eventually, Luna had calmed down, and they both stood up, satisfyingly popping their joints as they did so.

"We should get back now," Twilight reminded Luna. "You know how worried our aides gets when we're gone."

This elicited a small snort from Luna. "Yes, that they do."

They prepared to make the relatively short teleport down to their personal offices, where they managed the various bits of boring paperwork all leaders, great or otherwise, had to do constantly. That is, until the most unexpected event occured directly above them.

"Greetings, assorted species of this wonderful planet! I, your Lord and Savior Discord the Grand and Awesomely Mighty, have returned to say 'greetings, assorted species of this wonderful planet!'" a deep, sarcastic voice boomed over them, and they wouldn't doubt the rest of the planet heard it, too.

"Could it be?" Luna asked hypothetically, her ears perking up.

"Mite," said another, more artificial voice.

"Yes, and the little guy, too," the first voice said dismissively.

"Robot," the second voice countered.

"Pssh, whatever."

Both alicorns looked up to see a familiar slithering prankster floating above them, using a microphone with furry ears to somehow speak to the entire world. He glanced at them momentarily, gave a sly wink, and returned his attention to Gariland. "And boy, do I have an offer you can't refuse! I have spent the last bajillion years finding all the nifty universe things, and I now offer you all a chance to see them for yourself, in Discord's Tour of the Universe!" He spread his arms wide, and they spread their arms wider.

"Safe."

"Of course. There is absolutely no risk of any harm coming to any one of you who decide to join! Which is kind of boring," Discord added under his blushing breath. "So come one, come all, and let us be on our merry way!"

"Discord! Have you returned?" Luna asked, gazing up at him.

"No, I got swallowed by an evil black hole.," he immediately replied. "Of course I'm back!"

"We."

"Oh, shut your trap."

"Negative."

"Pft. Anyway, what're you two Princesses doing up here? Spying on your beloved subjects' lives, hmm?" He waggled his eyebrow at them, and it hit Twilight in the face.

"Discord!" Twilight tore the eyebrow off and flung it, screaming, away from her. "But if you must know, we were.. just thinking. About the past." Twilight turned her head down slightly, as her mind came back to what they were up there for.

"Ah. Thinking of ol' Sunbutt, eh?"

"We'd appreciate it if you refrained from such statements against our sister, Discord," Luna said coldly.

"Sheesh. Alright, I was just trying to be funny. What, have you outlawed jokes while I was gone?"

They ignored that statement, and Twilight attempted to change the subject. "So what is this 'Tour of the Universe' thing?"

"An even more important question," Luna inturrupted, "is how do you expect our subjects to reach you?"

Discord's broad grin snapped in half and fell through the clouds. Despite that, he lazily said "Oh, nothing much, just sent millions of copies of myself to every corner of the world to recruit all the youngsters."

Both alicorns raised their eyebrow. "Really," they said in unison.

--=+=--

Somewhere in the world, someone strolled across a nice forest sphere, oblivious to Discord's offer due to the trendy music blasting in his head.

"Boo!" A snaggletoothed goat head shot out of a nearby bush. "Want to go on the aaaadvnenture of your life?"

The person continued being ignorant of anything involving Discord.

"Hmph! guess I'll just be going then!" The Discord clone got up and turned around sharply, nearly bumping into another Discord clone.

"Hello!" the other Discord clone said, "Want to go on the aaaadventure of your life?"

"Ooh, that sounds lovely..." the first clone said, and it promptly vanished to the popping of red.

"Hope you enjoy it!" the remaining clone called out. It then turned around sharply, nearly bumping into another Discord clone.

"Hello!" the other Discord clone said, "Want to go on the aaaadventure of your life?"

"Ooh, that sounds lovely..." the first clone said, and it promptly vanished to the tune of an overweight fishcat.

"Hope you enjoy it!" the remaining clone called out. It then turned around sharply, nearly bumping into another Discord clone.

"Hello!" the other Discord clone said, "Want to go on the aaaadventure of your life?"

--=+=--

"Yep!" Discord's grin mouthed. "In fact, they should all be here right about..." He looked at the grandmother clock on his wrist. "...now!"

At that moment, both alicorns realized there was a cacophony of noises going off behind them. They turned around and bore witness to the sight of an unmeasurable number of Discords popping into existence behind them, all going around and greeting every other Discord.

"Is this another one of your tricks?" Luna asked. Beside her, Twilight's eye twitched.

Discord didn't reply immediately, and instead spent a few minutes guffawing loudly at the spectacle. When he finally calmed down, he finally answered their question. "Apparently, they all invited each oth-ther!" And he fell back down into a laughing fit.

Both alicorns looked at him tiredly.

Discord shook the last few chuckles out of his system and got back up. "I guess I'll just get rid of them now, then." He waved his hands at the rampant Discord clones and they all vanished with a cacophony of popping flashes, and they were alone again. Well, almost alone.

"At least one of them got some actual customers..." Discord walked toward a group of all manner of creatures of all ages, who were looking around confusedly and excitedly at the floor that was a cloud.

Discord cleared his throat and waited for the group to notice him. "Greetings, assorted species of this wonderful planet! I trust you all want to go on the greatest adventure of your lives?"

A chorus of affirmitives let itself be known, which Discord responded to with an ear splitting grin. "Wonderful! Now, come with me to my van!" The debris from Discord's throat exploded into fireworks, and the smoke from the fireworks condensed into a ratty space van with wings and rocket thrusters. "Everyone pile in!"

"Wait! Discord!" Luna piped up at that moment, causing Discord's eyebrow to raise itself by its pants. "May I journey with you?"

"What!?" Twilight exclaimed. "Why?"

Luna gave her own grin. "Why, because it sounds fun! You'll take care of Gariland in my absence, won't you?"

"I... but-" Twilight stammered confusedly, "But-"

"Twilight! I didn't know you liked butts!" Discord chided teasingly, causing Twilight to sputter even more. "Oh well. Let's-a go!"

"Bye," said Mite.

Discord closed the door to the van behind Luna and they took off with a series of sputters, quickly leaving the orbit of the moon and heading away from the sun. Meanwhile, Twilight sat right on the cloud, refusing to budge until she made sense of the situation.

Once the van passed the orbit of Jupiter, Discord turned towards the crew, which he made sure to give a comfortable amount of space and seating. He had donned a golden outfit with a decorative "A" on his chest, and was smiling pleasantly from behind the chair. "So," he began, "where to?"

Author's Note:

Well, here you go. Too fast? Too dialog-heavy? Not faithful enough to the characters? Doesn't have the correct tags? Tell me in the comments and I'll be happy to correct those mistakes.

Also, be sure to suggest potential locations to visit in space! I'll try to get them in. I already have some ideas of my own, being visiting a black hole and the Asantan system. What can you think of?

I put two references in this chapter. Can you find them?

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