• Published 30th May 2017
  • 3,389 Views, 48 Comments

I need help. - Lieral



After months of nonstop nightmares, Sunset just have to decide one last thing, she tell to her friends or fight against it alone.

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Epilogue- Hospital

Sunset opened her eyes, and looked around. A completely white room, all her friends are at her side, and Cadence too.

"Now I know how do a terminal patient feell's like!" Sunset said.

"Well, some terminal patients has less wounds than you!" Cadence said.

Sunset giggle but then she said with a more serious voice.

"Thanks for everything, Cadence. But I can't pay for nothing of this!" Sunset said worried and finally sit in her bed.

"Don't worry with that. It's a pleasure. But maybe I ask some favors in exchange!" Cadence said smiling.

Ok. Now I'm afraid of Cadence too.

"Well sugarcube, ya scares everybody. But did ya think that this is over?" Applejack said.

"Probably I won't has any more nightmares, but I don't think that this is over!" Sunset said honestly.

"It was that bad?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yes, but now we don't need to worry. Let's talk about it later!" Sunset said.

Suddenly a party cannon explodes.

"YEEESSS. FOR NOW LET'S PARTY. A 'GOOD RECUPERATION PARTY' FOR YOU!" Pinkie screamed and all girls told her to be quiet, and Sunset giggle a bit but stoped due the pain and caugh with a hand honding her own stomach.

"Well... I maybe pushed myself too hard..." She said with another caugh.

"Maybe? Are you serious?"Rainbow dash said sarcastically.

Cadence goes until the opposite wall in a desk for a while.

"Ok, you won... I was stupid and could be in better shape, happy now?" This time the sarcasm comes from Sunset.

"Well darling, We really should look to the good side of this. You could be a corpse for now and look at you!" Rarity said.

"Yes, now I'm just half corpse!" Sunset jokes.

"Yeah, and now, after all this, I think I deserve a explanation!" Cadence said coming back to the group.

"You don't tell to her?" Sunset asked.

"Well, we're kind worried with you, and after you fainted, we needed some help, and we need to make Rainbow Dash stop cryi..." Pinkie began but Rainbow Dash jump and interrupted.

"ANYWAY. It's good see you better you know?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh, I has a idea. We'll go outside and explain everything to Cadence. Twilight stay here with Sunset, please?" Rarity said and she, Cadence and Applejack pushed everybody outside.

..........................................................

"Good. Now we just need to hear what those two say, for behind the door!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh, please. You're all new in spying the others? I put a camera inside and I can see everything on my phone!" Cadence said while picking her cellphone.

"Hey that's invasion of privacy!" Rainbow said.

"And?" Cadence asked.

"I like it!" Rainbow said and all the girls tried to see in the small cellphone.

..........................................................

"Well, that was strange! All of them get out faster than the sound!" Sunset said.

"Yes... Look Sunset. Why did you go alone?" Twilight asked sadly.

"......"

"You cheated me! You promise that we will go through this together, but you let me sleep and go alone!" Twilight said furiously, her hair falling in her shoulders.

"I... I just..." Sunset couldn't complete her own phrase.

"Just what? You can't trust in us? You don't trust me?" Twilight asked.

"Look, Twilight. I trust in you. I just can't afford to let you be wounded just because of me!" Sunset said.

"But I wanted to help! Instead, you let me watching you suffer alone. Each wound and I think that I maybe could be able to help, but I can't, you know why? because you let me behind!" Twilight said really furious.

"I'M SORRY. I JUST CAN'T SEE YOU SUFFER BECAUSE OF ME!" Sunset screamed.

"AND I NEED TO WATCH YOU SUFFER ALONE?" Twilight shouted back.

"I JUST CAN'T SEE WHAT I MOST CARE IN THE WORLD SUFFER FOR ME! APPLEJACK, RAINBOW DASH, FLUTTERSHY, RARITY, PINKIE PIE. AND MAINLY YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK I SAW EACH ONE OF YOU DIE, SUFFER, BECOME CRAZY OR LEAVING ME ALONE? I JUST CAN'T SUPPORT IT AGAIN!" Sunset screamed.

"Mainly me?" Twilight asked.

Oh crap. I'm a idiot.

".... Well... You see..." Sunset tried to say.

"What you mean by 'mainly me'?"

OK, it's now or never.

"Look Twilight... I... I like you okay?" Sunset said loudly.

All the girls outside the door hold their breaths.

"You what?" Twilight asked without believing in her ears.

"I like you! Not like a friend, well, as a friend too, but I want something more! The kind of like that we go out in date's, or just see a movie to stay together a bit more and... I... I... Just..." Her courage is over now she just blushed furiously.

Twilight hugged Sunset with all her strength.

"You idiot. Why you don't say it before? I just... I like you too... Not as a friend, but I... Was just afraid!" Twilight said.

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that you will never like a nerd and a girl like me and... You will leave me alone... And don't wanna see me anymore!" Twilight said blushing, She just can't let it pass like that.

Sunset hugged Twilight back.

That hurt's a lot, but it doesn't matter.

"Are you an idiot? There's no way that I don't like you... Doesn't matter what happens, I will be there for you!" Sunset said.

The girls looked at each other.

Twilight approach her head to Sunset's, and Sunset was closing her eyes when...

"Is that a camera?" Sunset asked.

Twilight looked behind and saw a camera above the desk.

"CAADDENCEE" Twilight screamed.

"NOW RETREAT!" Cadence screamed to the others and seven girls run from a hospital.

Sunset smiled while seeing Twilight running away to pursuit the others.

Doesn't matter what happens.

Sunset would protect everyone with her soul.

And won't regret even during a second.

Comments ( 19 )

8199068
Really thank you for the tip, and i'm sorry again about this.
But I don't know how to find a editor, if you know can you tell me about a good one?
And thank you again by your review, it means a lot to me.

8200005
I'm sorry for this, can you explain what I've done wrong? Maybe I can fix it and make it better.

8200022

Don't split the text that much, use more paragraphs, the grammar mistakes is one think since you are trying to write in a foreing language, but you don't need the story to be all sentences.

8200180
Oh, really thank you. I thought if write that way I would make less mistakes, and thanks for the honest reply. If some day I write another fanfic (considering the 'dislikes' I don't know if I will do another one) I seriously will follow your advice.
Thank you again, and I honestly wish you liked the story.

8200270 I liked the story, :D and I'm trying to give a like, but the button is not working D:

Before I read this, what is the Gore and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

Before I read, why is this rated M?

8200519
It wan'nt that bad, I has some ideas that I don't use but I let the tags only for precaution.

8200898
It's only my mistake, sorry, I'm gonna fix it.

I quite liked the story it was very interesting.

8220537
I really thank you, and I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. That's my first fanfic and this means a lot to me.

8236410
Thank you for everything, I'm searching a editors group but I'm also new in the site, so I ask just a bit of patience until I found one.
Anyway I wish you enjoyed the story.

8200409 For future reference, if the Like bar is gray and doesn't respond to upvotes/downvotes, it's because fimfiction hides the votes of stories with less than ten total. It's meant as a way to help low-traffic authors because small sample sizes are very inaccurate, but because it's never explained anywhere and leaves barely any indication that you voted, it's often just confusing.


8236477 I'm fairly busy, but if you're still looking for editing- and more importantly, want to become a better writer- I wouldn't mind cleaning and polishing the first chapter and giving detailed explanations of why I did what. PM me if you want to take me up on that.

8277602
I would like it, yes!
But before anything, I'm new on the site and I need to know: What is a PM?
And I would also like to explain myself, about the comment I've done about about "considering the dislikes" I wish you understand that I was pretty stupid at that time, and after receiving the news about the death of a friend, I also saw that there's more than the double of dislikes than likes, and I thought, looks like I'm useless here too!
But it was just the sadness talking, not me.
Anyway, I would really appreciate a help from someone more experienced than me.

8385189
Well, about the "kitten" I'm gonna fix it now, thank you for this!
About the rest I'm sorry I'm sorry you did not like it, I tried to put some tips during the story, but I think they're not enough, I'll try to fix it too.
Anyway thanks for your comment.

Nothing to complain about your story, so when it comes to it I'm saying the usual : that's a favourite for me ^^.

I think I'll read it again to get better this whole monster, and what's really tied with Sunset and her demon self.

8886907
I'm glad you like it.
I want to edit that story soon,, not only ffor a better understanding, but also to explain a little better everything.

8966166
of course! Like I said. The idea is good and solid. Just get an editor and you'll be golden. ^~^

10615100
Oh, should of figured after what she encountered later in the Chapter

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