The Featherblade Legacy

by Mysterious Stranger

Chapter 18: Chain reactions

When Sharp Wing woke up, he was lying in a bed. It was actually a nice modern bed, with a headboard, a pillow stuffed with pegasi feathers and sheets, which was entirely out of place inside the tribal hut it was in. Everyone who had come with him from Equestria was gathered around him as well. When Sharp Wing tried to move he noticed white bandages wrapped around his neck, his leg, his wing and his torso.

"Ow," he muttered.

"You're alive!" squealed Pinkie Pie as she wrapped her fore legs around him in a brutal hug of torture.

"Ow!" screamed Sharp Wing with a considerably larger amount of volume than a moment before.

"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight Sparkle protested as she magically pulled the overzealous earth pony back.

"Are you okay?" inquired Fluttershy, her eyes wide with concern.

"Not really," Sharp Wing croaked, remembering just in time to keep his sarcasm in check when talking to Fluttershy.

"I'm glad you're not dead." Night Mist said dryly.

"I'm glad you're glad I'm not dead."

"Ya cain't be feeling too bad if yer still making yer snappy comebacks," remarked Applejack.

"I always make snappy comebacks," Sharp Wing replied.

Then he remembered something.

"Hey, where's Fraz?"

"Right here," answered Frazzle Spark from outside a window.

"Didn't you get tackled by Typhoon?"

"Sure did."

"Did you beat her or something?"

"Sort of, she was kind of winning but I told her Duma was a trickster and that he had offered me treasure too. He had shown her where his village was as collateral, but when we went to get a closer look it turned out it had been abandoned for years. By the time we got back it was over."

"Where is she now?"

"Don't know, she just left after that."

"What about the cheetahs?"

"They left as well," chimed in Twilight Sparkle. "After you killed Duma the one with an earring announced he was the new leader and that hunting intelligent animals was a waste of time. Turns out Duma was the only one who got a kick out of it. Well, that's what Zecora said he said. I couldn't understand him."

Sharp Wing would have preferred the cheetahs had moral objections to hunting intelligent animals, but he wasn't picky.

"Well, I guess everything turned out okay then, right?" asked Rarity.

"I'm a stallion again, and I'm not going to lose my mind, so yeah, I guess it did," decided Sharp Wing.

"It was kind of cool when the bath mixture finally kicked in and you glowed and stuff," recalled Rainbow Dash.

Sharp Wing blinked. Did they still not believe in the ghosts?

"Why would it take so long to kick in?" he asked carefully, not wishing to look insane by mentioning his ancestors.

"It's basic science of course. You got a heavy dose of Poison Joke because you were lying in it for hours. That's why it took longer to for the bath mixture to run through your system." Twilight Sparkle explained.

It became clear to Sharp Wing then that they had all dismissed his rant about his ancestors completely, most likely because the was stressed out of his mind at the time.

"Oh, that makes sense," he lied, "I was wondering why it happened when it did. I suppose we're going home now?"

"If you're up to it, can you get up?" asked Night Mist.

Sharp Wing got up from the bed.

"I'm sore, but I think I can manage." he said.

"Great! Don’t worry about helping us pack up, we'll take care of it." Twilight Sparkle said generously.

After saying goodbye to the zebras and Zecora, who would be taking a boat back to Equestria later, the band of ponies and the two dragons starting making preparations to head home. Having been forbidden from helping, Sharp Wing had decided to just watch. After of few minutes of doing just this he felt a tap on his shoulder, causing him to turn around.

"Oh hey, Spike, what's up?" he asked the tapper.

"I uh, fetched your swords for you," Spike said awkwardly, holding out the weapons.

The sight made Sharp Wing stiffen. One sword was clean, but the other was coated in blood. The blood of an intelligent, living, breathing animal who was now dead, gone forever. Sharp Wing knew he had had no other choice but to kill Duma, but it still hit him deeply.

"Can I ask you something?" Spike asked abruptly.

"Um, sure."

"What does it feel like to kill someone?"

Sharp Wing suddenly felt very tired.

"I dunno, I guess it depends on why you did it. I don't really feel happy because Duma is gone. I'm really just relieved, and sad that there wasn't any other way to make him stop eating intelligent creatures. I would think that if you ever took pride in taking a life, you're not doing it right."

Spike stood there awkwardly for a moment, processing what he had just heard. Then he gave the swords to Sharp Wing and went off to go help pack. Soon the packing was finished and everyone got aboard Frazzle Spark. With his smoothest take off yet, he took to the skies.

"Zebrawbway is a very beautiful country from up here," observed Rarity as they all flew homeward.

"Bye Zebrawbway!" squealed Pinkie Pie.

"Worst. Country. Ever," huffed Rainbow Dash. "Good riddance."

"Can't say much for the culture," agreed Twilight Sparkle.

"Hey, Spike, when we get home we should find a lot of gems and eat them all." suggested Frazzle Spark.

"Ooh, let’s fill up a whole cave with gems!" Spike agreed enthusiastically.

Night Mist and Twilight Sparkle exchanged a worried glance.

"You're really going to stay as a dragon?" asked Fluttershy nervously.

"Absolutely, it's flaming awesome."

"But who is going to run your store if you remain a dragon?" reasoned Twilight Sparkle, ignoring the new dragon phrase.

"Don't need it. I'll live off the land and find a cave near Ponyville to live in. That way I can visit you guys and you can visit me."

"But I thought you loved running your firecracker store!" protested Sharp Wing, dismayed by the idea of his best friend moving away.

Frazzle Spark didn't answer.

Sensing he was on the verge of changing his friend's mind, Sharp Wing flew out of his saddlebag so he could talk face to face with his friend.

"We won't be able to do hang out anymore because you won't fit in any building," Sharp Wing argued.

Frazzle Spark was about to respond when suddenly he coughed, blinked in surprise, and rapidly shrank down and morphed back into a unicorn.

"Oh fang," he swore as he and all the passengers who were now inside saddlebags strapped to nothing fell screaming into the ocean.

Rainbow Dash managed to get out of her saddlebag and shot back up into the air. Without hesitation both she and Sharp Wing dove into the water to save the others. Sharp Wing knew Night Mist could swim, but Frazzle Spark couldn't. He wasn't sure about the others. The salt water stung his eyes, and made it next to impossible to tell one pony from another. Sharp Wing went for the first pony shape he could see, grabbed him or her, and pumped his wings to fly back up. When he broke the surface he saw that it was Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash shot of the water holding Rarity.

"Can you swim?" Sharp Wing asked Pinkie Pie with urgency.

"I can swim!" Pinkie Pie gasped with wide eyes.

Sharp Wing dropped her and went back into the water as Fluttershy came out holding Spike. This time he spotted a dark red blur. Sharp Wing tore through the water and snatched up Frazzle Spark before surging up again.

Night Mist came up with a gasp with Twilight Sparkle across his back, struggling hard to stay above water. Applejack appeared as well, and swam towards them to help carry Twilight Sparkle, as did Pinkie Pie. Sharp Wing did a head count. Everyone was either treading water or being held up by somepony else.

"What now?" inquired Rainbow Dash, still flapping her wings hard to hold her own weight and Rarity's.

"One sec," requested Twilight Sparkle as her horn started to glow in a bright pink light. With a flash of magic a large wooden row boat appeared in the water. "Okay, everypony in," she wheezed.

Nine very tired ponies and one dragon got into the boat. For a while no one said a word.

"Could somepony please explain to me why I changed back?" begged Frazzle Spark.

"I get the feeling you changing back was part of the prank the Poison Joke played on you," Twilight Sparkle said thoughtfully. "Instead of messing with some part of you that you were fond of, it gave you something you became fond of and took it away forever."

"But that's cruel!" protested Frazzle Spark.

"More than cruel, we're stranded in the middle of the ocean. Do you think you could conjure up some oars too, Twilight?" asked Rarity.

"It'll take forever to row all the way back to Equestria," pointed out Night Mist.

"And we lost all of our supplies," added Apple Jack.

There was a brief pause as everyone considered this predicament.

"I've got an idea," announced Rainbow Dash with a grin.

Moments later the Equestrians were zipping over the waves at breakneck speed as Rainbow Dash pushed the boat from behind.

"Woohoo! This is awesome!" Spike laughed, squinting into the wind to see ahead.

"We'll be back in Equestria in no time at this rate," figured Apple Jack.

As the Equestrians zipped home they broke down into idle chatter, talking about the dangers they had faced, and what they would do when they got home. Not a word was spoken about Duma's death. But Sharp Wing wasn't really listening to the others, for his mind was elsewhere.

Sharp Wing knew now he had been in the right when he killed Duma, but the fact of the cheetah's death at his hooves, or rather, his wings and then his mouth, felt like a burden. Sharp Wing figured it would be with him for the rest of his life. Well, that and the knowledge that ghosts were real. But perhaps the biggest change of all was the knowledge Steel Horn and the original hero Sharp Wing had given him.

Evil did more than just corrupt a single pony, it could cause a chain reaction that could pass on to others, and future generations. Emperor Sharp Wing had been the product of this. His son of the same name had altered Equestria's history by choosing the path of good, which started a new chain reaction. Yet the legacy of the Featherblades was still tainted by four generations of evil. Five, counting the older brother of the second Sharp Wing. Perhaps this Sharp Wing could change that. Maybe by making the right choices he could finish the job that the second Sharp Wing had started. Maybe one day, when ponies thought of the Featherblades, they would think not of villainous tyrants, but of heroes.

-The End

Comments

[bloodwarrior442]

This deserves a lot more views, it's freaking awesome

[Mysterious Stranger]

A comment with feedback in it! It is much appreciated.

[Fireeaters]

[Atomic Clock]

Really well done, I enjoyed reading this greatly.

[Mysterious Stranger]

1832280
Thank you for giving an old OC centered story a fair chance! Its nice to know people are still enjoying it.

[vren55]

i'll be keeping an eye on this, but I really need to write the next chapter to my story. .

And is that Caliban or Excalibur from Fate Stay Night?

[Mysterious Stranger]

1873450
When I saw that you had commented, I was all like, how could he/she have possibly reviewed it so fast? Also, I decided to review your story because its about the same length. (so far)

And the sword pic is just one I found with google images. No idea where it's from, or who made it.

[Mr Scribe]

This is my first review, so I'll only do the first three chapters.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: The Featherblade Legacy

Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable):
Grammar is not my strong suit, but I'll still you my score: I'll give you a 7/10.
There are no walls of text [thank god], each of the characters dialog is on its own sperate line which is great and your spelling looks good. The thing I notice that keep on popping up is how you spelled Applejack name, it has no space, I'll let it side if its your word processor fault.

Pros
The humor is descent, I chuckle a few times at the jokes.
Your spin on Equestrian history was ok, something new at lease.

Cons
Twilight was mostly OOC in chapter three, as well as the mayor in chapter one.
Finding it hard to believe that a pegasus can hold a sword with its wing, let alone dual wield.
Last time I checked, the Everfree forest is nowhere near Sweet apple acres and you're kind of pushing it with the manticore getting there unseen.
The pacing of the first chapter.
How did Steel Wing not notice that he was mare before Rainbow Dash told him?

Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
Ok where to start?
Firstly your cons, lets do them in order:
1. Twilight wouldn't have laughed at Steel Wing when she finds out it's him as a mare, you should of had Spike do that first, then had him call Twilight to which then, she would of ask what happen, also it seems that you mix up Twilight's and Rainbow Dash lines when they are at Twilight's house.

"Yeah, I'm a direct descendant of the Featherblades who ruled Equestria," Sharp Wing sighed.
"Seriously? That's so cool!" said Twilight.

^ Rainbow Dash should of said that line.

"Wait, hold up. If you're a direct descendant of the Featherblades that means you would be the ruler of Equestria if Princess Celestia and Princess Luna hadn't been born," Rainbow Dash deduced.

^ and Twilight should of said that one

"Maybe Princess Celestia or Princess Luna would know it?" suggested Rainbow Dash.

^ another one of Twilight's

With the mayor its kind of weird that she would turn down a guy who can help defend the town, when town has an attack of some sort every week, the best she could of done is say that she can't afford to pay him, due to the damages the town get, rather then say no and laugh in his face.

2. The dual wielding sword pegasus, still don't know how one can hold anything in their wings, but I will give points for creativity. Maybe you could have done something like mounted wing blades or something instead?

3. This speaks for it self, if you done something like a wolf or something that's not that large, then I can believe that it make the trek from the Everfree forest to the farm.

4. The pacing for the first chapter, personally I believe that this chapter should have been two chapters. Having the first chapter about Steel Wing figuring out what job he's going to do today, maybe a bit of his back story, maybe a run in with Frazzle Spark and Night Mist and then just leave in everything up until he goes off to the barn. Chapter two is the rest of one and the current chapter two put together, but to bridge them just say he got knocked out after his fall.

5. This one speaks for it self, while you did give subtle hints about it, wouldn't he know that he's a mare now due to the lack of balls? If I was changed into a woman when I was sleep, the next morning I would of known about it without someone telling and without a mirror.

Sorry if this review sound a bit harsh, but this is just my own opinion, you don't have to take it if you don't want to.

[vren55]

1891438 Um scribe, you seem to have forgotten to give a recommended story XD Don't you wanna promote sirraH?

[Mr Scribe]

1895994
Sorry I'm confused, what do you mean exactly? Can you explain what I'm suppose to do?

[vren55]

1896067 Well, since you've reviewed this author's fic, this author is obliged (under our group rules) to pay you back by reviewing one of your fics or any fic that you recommend. So if you want to ask this author to review your story From My World To Theirs, than you add at the bottom of your review form, Story I want you to read: (insert story)

[Mr Scribe]

1896075
my bad, I was going from your review you posted here rather then the example you had on the front page of the group.

To the author
Story I want you to read: From My World To Theirs

[vren55]

1896542 Woah I derped hard there! Sorry!

[Mysterious Stranger]

1896542
Your request has been noted, and will be fulfilled... eventually.

[Mysterious Stranger]

1927081
Thanks for all your feedback so far. It's very informative. Perhaps the dialogue in italics needs a little explanation. See, one of my favorite books is Ender's Game, and in that book you would see two disembodied voices talking every now and then. You could tell from the dialogue that there was two of them, but you did not find out who they were until later in the story. Its a plot device that I was trying to recreate for this story.

[Mysterious Stranger]

1936516
Ha, nice exit. I was nodding throughout your entire review. The chapter by chapter feedback was also very helpful. In fact, I think I might try doing the same when I review other people's stories. Thank you kindly.

*levitates up into the ceiling and flows through it like it's made out of jello*

[Mysterious Stranger]

2123538
Why thank you, and I certainly will continue writing if I can help it.

[Flamer_Brony]

I thought at the end Sharp Wing was going to tell AppleJack how he felt about her. Ah well, was a great fic, even though it was short.

[ForestPony]

Such a great story, glad I took the time to read it. Do you have more that follow the OC's in this one?

[Mysterious Stranger]

7587745

I'm glad you enjoyed it. My other stories that include the same OCs are Diseased, Twilight Sparkle is untouchable, The Stars of Nightmare Moon, and "A Storm of Stars" I'm almost a little reluctant to mention these stories because I'm not terribly proud of them, especially the last two, but there you have it.

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!