• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

Oroboro


Employed layabout with not enough free time to write about horses.


T

Getting rejected by Sunset seems like a pretty good reason for Twilight to hole herself up in her room for three days. But when Rarity comes asking for help to develop a website for Carousel Boutique, Twilight can't ignore a friend.

Both of them may find they have something to learn about rejection, how to deal with it, and if a friendship really can become something more intimate.


An entry in Monochromatic's "Interwoven Colors" contest.
Cover art by Novel-Idea.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )
Posh #1 · May 27th · · ·

What the hell? This isn't SunLight. Are you feeling well, 'boro?

Oroboro #2 · May 27th · · ·

8191952 I only have 2.5 SunLight stories you know. I CAN DO OTHER THINGS DAD

Posh #3 · May 27th · · ·

8191954 You're grounded until you clean your room and write that Fractured Sunlight prequel about Sunset quantum leaping into her past self's body to stop her from dying.

I really enjoyed this story. Your characters were spot-on, especially Rarity. Both of them had just enough naivete to make it feel like a realistic high school romance, which did leave me feeling a little worried at the end. After all, entering a business relationship and a personal relationship at the same time doesn't exactly sound like a recipe for stability. I fear that someone's heart is going to be broken very soon after the ending of this story.

Alternating between Twilight and Rarity's perspectives really made the romance work. Without it, it would've felt like Rarity's attraction came out of nowhere, maybe as a result of subconsciously seeing Twilight as easy prey after she had her heart broken. Though I don't think the story ever explicitly says that Rarity had been attracted to Twilight before this, seeing things from Rarity's perspective helped her attraction feel more natural.

One final element that I think deserves mention is the description of Twilight in the beginning. Though a lot was left unsaid, I felt like I knew exactly what Twilight's looked like, all because you brought up her body odor. That little detail filled in so many of the accompanying details in my mind, in a way that describing them individually would never have accomplished.

Good luck in the contest!

Lathier #5 · May 27th · · 1 ·

8191954 You misspelled something in the chapter's title... you misspelled SunsetShimmer.bae

Shilic #6 · May 27th · · ·

8191954 Never. Sunlight is only ship.
Seriously though, Sci-Twi Shipping Project sounds great. You know you want to...

very well done

There's not going to be a Sci-Twi shipping project after this.
...probably.

:ajbemused: Yes there is. :flutterrage:

8192034 Actually my OCD is pushing me to suggest that SunsetShimmer.dll might be more apt considering that it's an .exe file... you might have a .bat file drive the invocation of the .exe, but you probably wouldn't load one as a module. :twistnerd:

(Apologies for stinking up your comment thread here. Shun the nerd.) :raritydespair:

You know, this is kinda funny, but I happen to work at a company that offers a pretty neat solution to show spinnable 360 degree views of objects on one's website. Basically you just need to shoot a video using a turntable of some sort and it'll pretty much give you the tools to easily embed an interactive element consisting of your thing that people can spin around as they want. Not gonna plug it here or anything, but I found it amusing that Rarity here could've used the thing I deal with eight hours a day (even though I'm not directly involved in developing it).

What a lovely look at young love. I quite enjoyed this.

8192218 There better be. :raritydespair:
Other than the misconception in the Author's Note, a really great story! I thoroughly enjoyed the character progression and growth and those little details that were placed perfectly and with precision just added to the overall story.

Well, that was pretty fun to read. I think the transition from relationship state to relationship state in all characters felt a bit murky at points, but not enough to really detract from wanting to go on to the end.

Good luck in the contest.

There's not going to be a Sci-Twi shipping project after this.
...probably.

Well, I have nothing to live for then.

It was a very nice story and a good read. I enjoyed it.

Spot-on character voices, and overall just a sweet time.

I don't think there's a woman alive who wouldn't go at least a little gay for Sunset Shimmer. Why, we went to this wedding together one time, and…” Rarity's eyes widened, and she coughed. “Well, the less said about that, the better.”

This multiverse gets more confusing all the time.:rainbowderp:

It feels like Twilight licks her lips a lot in this story. She should get some lip balm or something.

This was cute. Sickeningly so.

Etsy

C:/run horsepun.exe

Eqsy?
Bitsy?

Something like that, :moustache:

Rarity took a step closer, her glistening strangely

I think you accidentally a word, :derpytongue2:

s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg

I'm big on Sunlight shipping, but holy hell, that was adorable

While not into EQG myself this was just too cute and was a perfect plot for getting them together.

:rainbowkiss: Hnmnng, this was so adorable

“Oh? Magic, hmm? Not exactly what I was expecting. But if you insist.” Rarity closed her eyes, and her geode glowed bright. Diamond constructs poured forth from her, swirling about her in a massive whirlwind.
“Perfect!” Twilight had to step back to avoid getting caught in it herself. “Let’s celebrate our new partnership with some fireworks!” Twilight’s own gem flared a fierce violet, and she took hold of all of Rarity’s constructs with her own magic.

I know, I know, I'm kinda obsessed, but.....does this sound a little like Steven Universe to you?
Yes. Yes, it does. Unsettlingly so in this passage.

Not my pairing of choice, but still a very sweet story of love, friendship, and image embedding. Thank you for it.

“Erm, Twilight?”
“Yeah?”
“You could really use a shower.”

Showers are stup--...They're unnece--...Well...they're overrated!
*Spike, listening right outside the door* Yeah! That's what I've been saying! I only get washed like, once a year, and I smell great!
*Incredibly judgmental Raristare*
:facehoof:

“For as much as being human means anything anymore.”

Pfff. Vanilla humans are so last century. Everybody needs to be a mutant, inhuman, wizard, cyborg, at least half-alien, investiture user, and/or batman, nowadays.

“Doesn’t Sunset keep telling you that you don’t need the hand motions though?”

Twilight as Vin, sure, but I did not peg Sunset for Kelsier. Or maybe Twilight as Elend and Sunset as Vin? Hmm. Perhaps if there was another universe in which Sparkle and Shimmer were together...
Back to this story, tho: Don't limit your speed-of-thought abilities to speed of hand! Also don't give your opposition more information than you have to! Jeez, Twi, when you inevitably start fighting supervillains, you want to be as capable as possible. In fact, just spend a full week or something without using your hands, only your powers.
Hold on a second. I'm getting some new information. This is supposed to be a story about romance? Not heroes and villains? That's boring.

*Me 5 minutes later*

Rarity was struck, not for the first time, with the sudden urge to close the distance between them and kiss Twilight Sparkle.

Kiss her! Do it, girl! :raritystarry:

When they finally managed to piece it all together, it read “I can't wait for the big end of summer barbecue bash, you guys! It's going to be so much fun! I heard they've got live music and fireworks and everything!”

Really, I'm just impressed that they managed to decode it, given that there is no way that came in the proper order. Also that Pinkie used a comma.

Although who knew? There might be a friendship lesson in there somewhere.

Friendship lesson? Who does those anymore? Just blast the problem in the face with overwhelming forcefriendship.

She windmilled wildly, and toppled into Twilight’s waiting arms. Rather than catching her with grace, however, the impact sent the pair sprawling.”

See, Twi? If you'd practiced quickened, non-somatic telekinesis, you'd look badass right now.

“Hey,” Twilight called out to Rarity. She readied her telekinesis in case Rarity decided to trip again.

Heh. :pinkiecrazy:

Darkness swarmed around the edges of Twilight’s vision, and she fell backwards. She might have gone a little overboard there. Whoops.

Naaaw. As long as you fall backwards. Falling forwards might actually be lethal, if Rarity hasn't been practicing her quickened large gem barrier generation and magical stamina.

For what it's with,

worth

I loved it. Every part of it. Bonus points for including Sunlight in a non-sunlight romance. More bonus points for including cool magic, and what felt like a reference to Mistborn with the hand thing. Loss of points for giving me horrifying flashbacks to the sound of Windows 98 booting up.
9/10 Because the remaining Humane [X-2] are not included. I know you can do better. :rainbowlaugh:

Posh #26 · May 30th · · ·

Rarity giggled. “See? Even as frumpy as you are right now, you still sparkle in the sunlight. You're beautiful darling. Now, let's get down to business.”

She sparkled in the sunlight, huh? What an astonishingly poor choice of words for Twilight's current predicament.

Yeah, c'mon, Rarity. Can't you tell that the sunlight in Twilight's room has been

F R A C T U R E D ? !

This is cute, I'm a big fan of the way you write SciTwi, this ship is not my bag but entertained me regardless, I wish there had been more time to explore the love story from Twilight's perspective (Rarity's apparently had feelings for her for a while, but Twilight's just like "yeah, man, I wanna fuck all my friends, of course I'll date you"), but I also understand the constraints of a contest with a word limit, so I won't hold that against the story, and the fact that you write these characters so very well helps ameliorate the issues I had with its pacing.

Also, sarcastic dog Spike is automatically the best thing in any story as soon as he appears.

Overall, I give this story a total of nine Windows 98 start-up noises out of a possible ten (that, by the way, gave me such a profound feeling of nostalgia; thank you for making me feel like a nine year old again :pinkiehappy:).

Posh #27 · May 31st · · ·

8195097 Rarity chews her thumb a lot, too, which is a character tic Sunset has in the movies.

Personally, I think Twi just has a labial fixation. :raritywink: And Sunset's thumb-chewing is probably contagious. Oroboro is actually writing a sequel to this wherein the entire school suffers from bloody, stumpy thumbs, and they try to lynch Sunset out of a misplaced feeling of revenge, but because their thumbs have been destroyed by constant gnawing, they are unable to tie a proper knot.

Oh, um, spoilers.

Interesting choice making this in one of the timelines where the SSP happened. I guess no matter who she falls for Rarity is never completely straight (partly an affect of this fandom, no doubt :rainbowwild:)

Speaking of, I don't feel like this quite measures up to the aforementioned fic. Don't get me wrong, this was very enjoyable, funny and sweet with a beautiful ending! But I just felt like A Suit With Sincerity was another league above.

Still, on its own merit, in its own context, I'm sure this one's gonna be a contender for the podium in Interwoven Colors!

WEBSITE TEMPLATES? KILL IT WITH FIRE!

8191954

There's not going to be a Sci-Twi shipping project after this.

...probably.

Does that mean no sequel?:fluttercry:

Twilight hissed, and made weak clawing motions at the air, her eyes tearing up from the brightness.

Hey, it's me!

“Do you have any idea what it's been like, going from having zero friends to having six who are all incredibly attractive girls and are all really good friends who love hugging and occasionally forming a magical emotional resonance that unites our spirits to fire a giant rainbow at some manifestation of evil? Some days I swear I'm literally going to explode.”

Don't I wish… I mean, down girl, down.

“Um, I think so? That’s what the logo always says, anyway. Why, is that bad?”

This hurts me on a deep and personal level… but I still find it hilarious, too. :rainbowlaugh:

They kept going like that, each message only a single letter.

I would be hunting down Pinkie and feeding her her blasted phone…

I really liked this one. :pinkiehappy:

Welcome to taco tuesday
on our Non-Sunlight related episode

Good for Twilight, not being afraid to take another shot at happiness. She even mended an old wound.

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