This story is a sequel to Can't Stand To Be Apart
After The Cutiemark Crusaders died mysteriously after getting their cutiemarks, Twilight finds a book that might explain it all.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Apr, 2017
- offline last seen Mar 30th, 2018
InkHeartBrony
I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face but with words.
InkHeartBrony
Joined 18th Apr, 2017 ·
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So, first and foremost: apostrophes, dammit.
Anyway...
Generally not a good idea to open with a bunch of exposition, especially when it's not particularly interesting exposition to start with. "As we all know," (or in this case, "As all ponies know,") is a pretty big red flag for this.
Also, either do another editing pass or grab yourself an editor, there's a bunch of mistakes and weird sentences here.
Oh, and general consensus is that 'cutie mark' is two words, apparently. The more you know.
I quite liked it. Sure it has a bit of flaws here and there but still grabbed my attention
8183267
Thanks!
This starts to address what I found the weakest point in the one-shot. I figured that Twilight would have figured out something was up and start researching. There was too much going on to be coincidence.
Well... the cutie mark in Twilight's case is more like something that fit what she was already like. Even before she got her cutie mark, she was already studious and wanted to know magic. The cutie mark just... eased that along.
Much better than the one-shot, much better in description. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Jesus Christ, that had shivers rolling all over my person. Weirdly enough coming from my knees. Well done muh dude
8216556
Thanks! Happy to freak the hell out of people! :twilight smile:
Hey, Ink Heart. Throughly enjoyed these two stories! It was a great twist of perspective on Cutie Marks, something that really makes the reader think. I did a reading on the two stories, check em out if ya want. https://youtu.be/hB3qngLS1ro
Great job, one of the better stories I've read!
Sorry that it took me so long to get around to this.
This fic was not pointless, but it seems to set the stage for something bigger that it never really reaches. It's hard to say my thoughts on it because I didn't dislike it per se, but I think it is far inferior to its counterpart, which was a great, fully developed story. This sounds to me more like the prologue of a longer story, yet the only story here is really Twilight reading a book, questioning her talent, and hearing a mysterious voice.
All in all, not a bad fic, but not a very noteworthy one. It does, however, leave me craving more, so that counts for something.
Like last time, I spotted a few mistakes:
"was from"
"represent you"
"come to think,"
"do discover us, they"
"an unfamiliar"
8481002
This story and the first one were one of my first stories up here. I know they are not very well written, and at the time of writing them I didn't know how to get editors or proofreaders. I know it was lacking, I have some trouble expressing my ideas, so I may write an improved, and edited version of both in the future.
8482339
It's certainly good to know that you've continued to pursue writing. Best of luck with it!
The feeling when you realize you gave your OC a portal cutie mark and already wrote that she hates staying in one place since she loves to travel
Will this go somewhere? I just pray the CMC are resting in peace. I suppose, even in death, they are never apart. But will this curse affect their EG counterparts?
Good idea this.
8482339
Same here with the trouble with expressing ideas that I have.
As others have stated, this feels like it should be the prologue to a longer story, maybe going so far as to make manifest the "author's" goal of getting rid of cutie marks. I was a little weirded out by the prospect of the CMC being bound together for life and the subsequent double murder/suicide (but then again, horror and grimdark are pretty much my least favorite genres (but for some reason this year, what with Halloween being around the corner, I feel compelled to read a few of the gruesome and ghastly stories). Anywho, you have shown a lot of promise with this idea and I look forward to seeing what you do with it.
I guess Starlight was right after all
I wonder how AJ and Rarity will come to odds when Rarity wants to track down Apple Bloom and avenge Sweetie Belle.
And if RD would want it too.
Unfortunately, this "sequel" got a little too specific and the later seasons of MLP contradict it, but I like it as an alternative universe.
(obviously alternative cuz CMC don't die, but that story could've still played out after season 5)
Love this, and "Can't Stand to be Apart" just heard and read the two.
10069351
This could be an alternate universe, you know that?