Part 1
The final bell rung at Canterlot High. This meant summer vacation had officially started. All of the students started leaving classrooms and exiting the school as fast as they could. Part of the mass of students were Sunset Shimmer and her friends, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy. All of them were talking about how excited they were for the summer and what their plans were.
“I'm going to see if I can tryout for the Canterlot rugby team” Rainbow said. “I've always wanted to play rugby.”
Sunset rolled her eyes, grinning at Rainbow.
“I'm going to start designing some summer clothing for the shop.” Rarity said with a lot of enthusiasm. “I heard there is a new type of breathable fabric I can use this year!"
“It's always clothing with you,” Applejack replied. “Especially in the summer months. I however am going to do some hard work on the farm. Like I do every summer.”
Rarity laughed at AJ’s comment smirking a bit.
“What was that about doing the same thing every summer?” Rarity said smirking.
Applejack blushed. “Point taken,” She said.
“I'm hoping to get the rest of my volunteer hours by helping out in the animal shelter,“ Fluttershy said. “I'm surprised I haven't done that yet.”
“Same”, Sunset agreed as the rest of the girls nodded along with Sunset.
“What about you Pinkie?” Rainbow asked.
“Don't know yet,” Pinkie replied. “I might help the cakes watch their kids. Yet at the same time I do want to open a summer themed cupcake business.
“What about you?” AJ asked. “Sunset or Twilight. Doesn't matter.”
“No Idea,” Sunset and Twilight said at the same time.
The two looked at each other blushing. Then they both started laughing. The rest of the girls were smiling at the two. After that event, the girls arrived at Rarity’s house. They said bye to each other as Applejack followed Rarity into her house. The rest of the girls assumed they were having a sleepover at her place since Rarity refused to have a sleepover at AJ’s. After that, in the span of 1 hour, all of the girls got to their own homes. First was Pinkie, then Rainbow and then finally Fluttershy. Sunset and Twilight were left. Sunset could tell Twilight liked it this way. She liked hanging out with her friends but also liked the quiet. The two girls were silent for a bit until Sunset finally said something after about a minute of silence.
“Hey Twi?” Sunset asked being a little quiet at first.
“Yeah?” Twilight responded turning to Sunset.
“Can I talk to you about something?” Sunset asked with a smile.
“ Sure. Go ahead.“ Twilight responded
Sunset took a deep breath before she said anything.
“I was lying when I said I didn't know what I was going to do this summer.”
“Wha?t” Twilight had a shocked look on her face. “Why? What’s wrong”?
“You'll understand when I tell to.” Sunset replied.
Sunset took another breath.
“Ever since the Friendship Games, I have been contemplating going back to Equestria. At least for a bit. I just-”.
Sunset paused briefly trying to calm herself.
“I miss the pony Twilight and Celestia.”
“So- you don't love me any more?” Twilight asked with a worried look on her face.
After she heard that, Twilight looked like Spike just died.
“No, No. I miss the pony Twilight as a FRIEND, not as my girlfriend.“ Sunset said in the nicest tone she could.
Sunset turned to Twilight stopping herself and her girlfriend. Twilight looked at Sunset weird for a second then realized what was going on.
“I will always love you,“ Sunset said with a smile, “I don't ever intend on giving you up. EVER. You are the only reason why I'm not sure if it would be per--”
Sunset couldn't finish her sentence before Twilight interrupted.
“Wait, permanent?!" Twilight said with shock in her voice. “You were going to go PERMENTLY?!"
Sunset tried to calm Twilight by holding her arm affectionately.
“Yes, if it weren't for me being in a relationship with you, it would be permanent,” Sunset said starting to tear up. “But, If I went, it would be temporary. If it were to be permanent, I would want you to be with me. I could never live without you Twilight.”
“But, I don't know how to be a pony. Or how to live in a world with ponies. I wouldn't know what to do.” Twilight replied stammering over her words.
Sunset smiled at Twilight. “I know. I would help you in any way I could if you did. But I doubt it. This is the problem I'm in. I want to go permanently but that would mean I had to leave you and I would rather go to hell then have that happen. EVER.”
Twilight smiled at Sunset.
“Thanks,” Twilight said, “I will think about coming with you. It would be hard for me but, if that means it would make you happy, I’d do it. For you.”
“Thanks,” Sunset replied smiling
The two went in for a kiss. It was a long one but was great to them. They didn't care if gays and lesbians were a controversial topic in Canterlot. If Applejack and Rarity could get away with it, so could they. It took a bit but after they came out of the kiss, they continued walking, holding hands walking to Sunset’s house.
The next day in the afternoon, Sunset was playing some Call of Duty online with Rainbow. They were winning 54 - 41 when Sunset’s phone rung. Sunset picked her phone to find out who it was. The screen came up as Twilight calling. She picked up her phone about to answer the call.
“I'll be right be back Rainbow,” Sunset said via her headset she was using. “I have to take this call.”
Sunset took her headset off and set in on the couch.
“Ok,” Rainbow replied as Sunset answered the call. “Be as fast as possible. I can't hold these guys off forever.”
“Hello,” Sunset said as she answered the call.
“Hi Sunset,” Twilight said.
Instantly Sunset could tell something was wrong. Twilight was sounding like her parents just died. She knew that wasn't why she was calling though.
“Hey, Twi.” Sunset replied. “What's wrong?”
Twilight didint know what to say after that comment by Sunset.“ Wha? What- what are you--”
Sunset interrupted Twilight.
“Stop acting dumb. I know when there is something wrong.”
There was silence on Twilight's end for a few seconds.
“I-I, don't know if I can come with you to Equestria.” Twilight said.
“What? Why?” Sunset’s voice was getting louder with each word.
“I really want to, I really do but, my parents--". Twilight was getting quieter as she went on.
Twilight was silent for a few seconds. Then Sunset heard Twilight crying.
“Twi, are you ok?” Sunset asked sounding very worried.
“I-I, I’m so sorry,” Twilight barely got out. “They don't, want me to go with you.” Twilight continued with her crying. “They don't think I should trust you.”
Twilight wanted to continue talking but her crying stopped her from doing so.
"Twilight, is there anything I can do”? Sunset said trying to stay calm.
“Get my parents to believe it is right for me to go with you. Please?” Twilight was getting desperate.
“Hey, Twi, who are you talking to?” It was Shining Armor.
“Sorry Sunset, I have to go,” Twilight said not giving Sunset a chance to say bye. Twilight hung up on Sunset.
Sunset put her phone on the couch. She didn't know what to do. She started to tear up. There was no way in hell she could convince Twi’s parents. She would try. She probably would fail. If I'd did fail, she had 2 choices. Ethier leave for Equestria without Twilight. Or don't go at all. Either route she didn't like either of them. She didn't even know how she was going to say about her leaving to the rest of the girls at the start and now she has this issue to add on to that. At the end of the day, she would go for the path that would make Twi most happy. Even if that meant no going back to Equestria.
It didn't take long for Sunset to arrive at Twilight’s house. That is because she ran as fast as she could. She ran about ⅔ of the way from pure energy and then the rest from adrenaline. It took her a few minutes to catch her breath but then she walked up the door and rang the doorbell.
“Coming!” Twilight said through the door.
As Twilight opened the door, her face lit up with pure joy. Sunset was going to say something until Twilight grabbed Sunset’s arm and dragged her into Twilight’s bedroom. As Twilight closed the door, Sunset said something.
“Are your parents here?” Sunset asked.
“No." Twilight replied.
“WERE they here?” Sunset was getting louder.
“ No." Twilight replied.
“Good. Why did you tell them”? Sunset was getting even louder without realizing it.
“It was eating me up. I didn't want to tell the girls so I called them. It just a coincidence Shining was dropping off something. They were my only option. I'm sorry I should've talked to you instead.” Twilight said softly
“It's fine. All we have to do is--"
“NO IT IS NOT FINE” Twilight said as loud as she could interrupting Sunset.
There was a silence. Sunset could tell Twilight didn't mean to freak out like that. She was just stressed over the situation. Twilight stared at Sunset blankly.Twilight then walked over to her bed. She hung her head down looking like she was going to cry. Sunset walked over to Twilight and sat down beside her. Sunset didn't know what to say so she put her arm around Twilight trying to comfort her.
“I messed up,” Twilight said quietly, "hard."
“It's ok. I'm here for you.”Sunset replied softly.
“Thanks,” Twilight replied as she hugged Sunset.
Sunset kissed Twilight on the cheek trying to get her to feel better. The only response Twilight gave was a slight smile.
“I want you to go,” Twilight said. “Go without me.”
“What?” Sunset said in shock.
“There is nothing I can do to go. But I want you be happy.” Twilight was getting sadder.
Sunset was not going to have happen.“No. No way. It's either I find a way to bring you with me or I don't go at all. I'm not leaving my one true love just to go to my real home.”
“Look, you can try but good luck. My parents don't give in that easy.” Twilight said softly.
“I'll try still. For you. My final choice will be based on what will keep you most happy.“ Sunset was getting softer now.
“And I'll be most happy if you are happy. Therefore you should go.” Twilight said a little louder.
The two were at a stalemate. Nothing was going to happen right now. Twilight was too sad. Sunset didn't care if it would be hard. She would try Twilight's parents to see if something would happen. But she was in no rush. She would give as much comfort as Twilight needed to feel better. She also was in no rush to leave either. She would try tomorrow. Twilight cuddled into Sunset. She let it happen. This time Twilight kissed Sunset on the cheek. Twilight looked up at Sunset.
“I love you,” Twilight said.
“I love you too,” Sunset replied as the two went into a long kiss.
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interesting very interesting you have my interest please do go on
Sunset trying to bring Sci-Twi with her to Equestria? Now that is a very rare idea. Okay, I want to read more of this.
8180704 don't worry. I am currently working on part 2. It should be out by next week
Okay, spelling and grammar checks are needed badly. There's a spelling mistake in the description even (it's spelled permanently). There are tons of points of dialogue that feel redundant as well...
Also many places where there is a period that a period should not be.
There's a reason the portal is a top secret level S.
8181097 thanks for the feedback. I will try to fix those things for pt 2 and 3
If I can help you, I'd like to offer some criticism.
First is two minor errors. It's nitpicky, but very noticable.
Like Mist said, spelling and grammar is very important as it sets the bar of "writer" and "non-writer".
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Here, I'd consider putting an empty line, a dash, horisontal rule or something else to separate it from the previous line. Maybe even having The next day as its own line.
This is to make the transition from one day to another more apparent, as you risk having people miss it like I did when I first read it.
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And for my last critique, I have no idea what is happening in this section. Maybe it's just me but I don't get if Sci-Twi's sad or happy, how her parents found out, who she called, where Shining fits in all this or why she's shouting at the end.
But the story's got potential from what I read! I'm intrigued where this'll go and I'll keep reading it at the very least.
Keep it up and hope I didn't come across as too harsh.
What did you expect AJ, it's Rarity we're talking about.
This will certainly be a tough decision Twilight will have to make in regards to her relationship with Sunset and her life in general as well.
You got two choices to decide from Sunset. Either return to equestria without sci twi or stay in the human world to continue your life there and your relationship with Sci Twi. Imo, I kinda prefer the second option as imo, it's always important to choose the side of love, even if the sacrifices you'll make will be tragic.
Maybe it's for the best this happens Sunset, I'm sorry.