• Member Since 13th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Saturday

megabyte97


Pulverizing Pancake!


T
Source

Eris has been around for a very long time, mostly against her will, but when a chance comes around to take control of her life back she jumps on it. Eris always wanted to make a difference, and one thousand years ago there were plenty of ways to make a difference one only needs to look.

Even the smallest changes can have rippling effects, and Eris is determined to make waves in this new world.


A.N.
Character tags might change in the future.

Cover art drawn by the awesome Sipioc!

Edited by the amazing Emtu!

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 75 )

Looks interesting. I'll give it a shot.

I just want to point out there are some issues with the grammar your description.
You may need to read up on the use of the comma as that seems to be a problem. I can give a few pointers if you like.
Otherwise, this looks interesting. I will read it later today if I remember.

Seems interesting, I'll give it a shot.

I like the story so far, hope you can do some more soon. But don't rush yourself. :pinkiehappy:

Please come back, I love where this is going

8253601
Come back? Who said I ever left?

Interesting to see where this is going.

Slow down cowboy this crazytrains going too fast!
Can you spend a few chapters letting us get to know Eris and her motivations before were trust headlong into racewars and political hogwash? Perhaps with her talking with a cell mate?

Any how this looks kinda fun so far just hire an editor for a second opinion and slow the buck down with the story and we good.....I think:rainbowhuh:

8254798
After rereading the 3 chapters, I can see where you're coming from. I actually do have someone who I ask for a second opinion before I post new chapters, but I'm starting to think that we both might be biased seeing as we both know where the story is going already.

I'll try and work on the pacing of future chapters. Thank you for the comment, and have a nice day.

Mmm... the pacing is a bit fast, and the backstory is... hard, to picture fully.
Other than that, this seems quite... interesting.
As a new(ish) writer myself, I can imagine the motivation boost these comments are. Now if only I could get some on my work... xD

Speculation time. My brain's gone on tangent, so don't take this as me telling you what to do, but feel free to use these ideas if you feel inspired by them.

I wonder if Eris is going to go through her existence as the "First Alicorn" as a self imposed mute. It'd be interesting to see the reactions of other ponies trying to get her to speak only to receive head shakes, vague gestures and glares... She could put on the fiction that her "Cutie Mark" is a result of her learning to write simply to have a way to communicate. Then, once she figures out how to use her magic again and equally discovers how to shift back to her Draconequis form, and then again back into an Alicorn, she can use the two forms to influence things.

Her "Faust" face (because let's face it, you made her look like Fausticorn) would be the one other ponies know about, but once her nature as an "Alicorn" is discovered she could become some mysterious reclusive figure of power, while in the mean time she's more directly, yet covertly, influencing events behind the scenes in her "Natural" form.

Of course, once/if Discord shows up she would have the chance to "reveal" herself, if only to distract him from undoing all her hard work "making a difference" atoning for her past mistakes during this second chance. A few quips about using a sledge hammer when a ball-peen is what's necessary to engage Meaningful changes come to mind...

I'll reserve judgement for now but.. currently I'm not liking the way this story is going. is the idea of a story about alicorn's being treated like dirt in a racist pre draconian era sound and potentially enjoyable? yes. is the one you're telling good and making the reader want more? also yes... but that is not the story your Cover, Title, Summary or 1st chapter promises us.. what we were promised in the beginning was a story about a newly reborn draconiquis origins and how she interacts with a pre-Equestrian world... So where is that story? why has this suddenly twisted into a Story about Fausticorn dealing with racist unicorns? That is not the story we were promised up front and in truth couldn't be farther from what new readers would be lead to believe this story as from the only first impression we could get.

If this is the story you want to write then that's perfectly ok.. I'm just saying you should be much more upfront about it, otherwise you'll get people like me who came to read a story about a draconiquis and ended up disappointed when that isn't the case. at the same time theres probably several readers who'd love a story like this who are passing it up because they have no interest in reading about the subject you're presenting.

Liked.
Keep going.
We're all watching you.
...


...


Always.

love the story so far but I can't judge it till you have more chapters.
So with Optimism I wait for the next chapter.

all these chapters still feel like the first chapter so still can't form an opinion of the story if that makes any sense? i like reading it so thats a good sign i suppose

When things really kick up? also She's also Faust? and they mistreated their god.. what jerks

8292680
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or if I messed this chapter up so much it actually made sense to someone...

8293137

You didn't mess things up, just irl I am a messed up person and some of those things made sense.
P.S I don't do drugs or anything illegal I just am that 1/1000 person that isn't quite right.

Soo if anything I complemented you :D

Aw shit, this is what I'm talking about. Love me a good, well written Eris fic.

... I have a complete understanding of what's going on. I'm not sure if that's supposed to happen.

Leave a comment down below to show your support for the story and to help motivate me to write more.

Is good, More.

Nyan cat should stop by. Luckily Murphy responded to my plea of less chapters, so I got one. Grëåt ôńê as it įs.

Leave a comment down below to show your support for the story and to help motivate me to write more.

it tis teh goot

8324964
Alright I'll admit it, that video got a chuckle out of me.

I didn't know that the king who held Icarus and dad prisoner was a son of Zeus.

So far so good! I hope the trend of great chapters continues!

Is the mech and giant eel from something?

8344316
Well the eel is based off of two of the few video game characters that actually gave me nightmares as a kid: The Giant Eel from Super Mario Sunshine, and the Giant Eel from Super Mario 64.

The mech... I believe the mech comes from one of the more recent Kaiju movies although I'm not 100% sure about that one...

8344354
Pacific Rim?

Also, why do I have the sinking feeling the spirit foal is going to become the first Windigo...?

8344972
That's the one, and as for your feeling... I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Does Eris sound like the Eris from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?

8382324
...No. While she could pull off that voice if she truly wanted, I imagine her voice to be much like Morrigan's from the Dragon Age series.

I'm liking this story well enough, it's a bit confusing yes but I know that's because your trying to convey her sense of confusion about her situation. Otherwise your writing is good.

I am definitely interested. Slightly confused in spots, but that should fade as you reveal more. And yeah, your writing is quite good.

This a grand old story, filled with mystery and junk. Cool to think Eris is subconsciously using her powers to create new things.

While i don't always comment, i do try to comment on new chapters as often as i can. sometimes i just can't find the words to say, so trying to write a comment sometimes fails....

But nevertheless... this chapter makes me wonder what is happening to Eris and also a bit worried too:unsuresweetie:

I'm just happy to see another chapter. Given what you've written this far, I would say Eris started building the world around her, bringing things to life. It's Equestria, but not as we know it... yet. I also hear a hint at an encounter with Discord, perhaps?

Truly, Eris knows how to find herself some trouble.

the story as a whole was realy.. "liquid" in a sense. shapeless or formless and now its solidifying and we get more information about whats going on, I can tell this is more or less intentional though and my interest is piqued. :twilightsmile:

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