Original Publish Date: Dec 25, 2012 (As "Magic Is Believing")
Don't be fooled by the huge dislike ratio (It's just trolls and bullies downvoting and walking away to cause trouble) Give the fic a chance
(Revised, rewritten version of Magic is Believing)
It all starts on a magical planet where a group of humanoid alicorns band together to protect their world, and the galaxy from the threat of an evil sorcerer sealed away for a long time, and having many adventures along the way and making new friends as the journey begins!
...eventually crossing paths with the Equestrians
Chapters (28)
Somehow, I knew you'd upload this. Willing to bet you'll upload seasons 2, 3, and 6 soon.
Good job.
BEST STORY EVER!!!! Please continue. I can't
wait for the next chapter
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I got more Starfleet stories where this came from
-6 complete seasons (A 7th one int he planning)
-5 whole movies
-A Power Rangers series (A Super one coming)
Yeah
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I've already done that in Season 5 (Sort of, he gets worse than sick)
Also, all the chapters have already been made, I'm just loading them, that's all (I'm not writing it out)
8176222.
So whats the chapter's name?
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Season Five: Episode 18: "The Day Lightning stood still"
Can you make a chapter where Rhymey goes off on a mission alone and learns that was a big mistake?
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Please, understand... all the episodes are already made, I'm just uploading them slowly (I'm not writing them out)
Plus, Rhymey IS going to go on a mission in this season, but it won't be a mistake. It'll be the best thing that's ever happened to him, and someone else
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Kk. Can't wait
AMAZING
Pretty nice to see a chapter devoted to Celesto.
LUV IT
What was the name of the chapter where Rhymey throws up?
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there IS none
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Oh
AMAZING! LUV IT!
This was a pretty good fic overall.
My Brave Pony Starfleet Season 2 coming up right?
Im so excited
hmm, would you mind some criticism? No flames or angry accusations, just my very own opinion...
Well, here goes:
Honestly, I’ve found this rather lacking. A lot in fact. I believe some of it comes from the fact that this is a story attempting to do short episodes fit for a TV show into a book, but I remember from your blog this is exactly what you like, so I won’t add much on this.
Instead, I’ll focus on other things. Also, I’ll be making this a review of not just this chapter but all previous ones.
First, may I suggest you get a beta or a proofreader? The story has quite a few spelling errors that should be corrected.
Example:
First, it’s degrees, second, numbers below a hundred tend to be written literally rather than numerically and third, 75 Degrees Kelvin means even the air would be freezing while 75 degrees Celsius would be deadly to humans. I have therefore no idea what that means. You could simply explain the temperature as you did without a numerical value and not lose any meaning in your sentence.
Ok, this line is rather strange. I mean, so far I imagined your characters would probably be like, fighter/mages: skilled in both magic and physical aspects, but this line indicates the opposite. Like using one is an insult to the other. Does it mean magic users are weak physically?
Another big point, your story feels redundant, needlessly repeating itself. For example:
Honestly, I had understood what you meant the moment you said entirely alicorns. In fact, I found it curious they would even know what’s an Earth Pony or a pegasi or a unicorn if the only race they have, and thus have met, were alicorns. So why is that sentence there?
Another one:
This one felt particularly bad. Ok, you want to say your Alicorns eat meat. ok. That I don’t mind. How you told me however, that I disliked. Perhaps you’ve heard of the writing rule show, don’t tell, well, that’s pretty much it. You’re telling us, not showing. In fact, you make Lightning enter a restaurant right after, so you could simply describe various dishes that use meat there and we’d understand. In fact, you do that. You do show there is meat on the menu. So why the extra telling?
Honestly, I can’t picture it. It describes a bunch of body parts, telling us there’s some kind of armor, but the shape, color, material... none of that is there. I’d say describing those would be more interesting and easier for a reader to understand that listing off which parts are armored. I assume the visors are black though. Yeah, I managed to imagine the visors; those had better description.
I was rather curious when those characters (Rhymey, Buddy, Starla...) who had pretty normal jobs that seemed to consume most of their time are also part of a military organization. Normally being a soldier/policeman is a full time job, especially when said members are supposed to become some elite fighting force (are they going to be powerful later on?). They wouldn’t normally have the time to do other jobs and excel in them. Though I imagine you just like it like that and won’t budge on it so let’s skip that.
I’ll also skip the codes. I skipped them in the story anyways because they were complicated to remember and I couldn’t find any purpose they could serve. First I thought it might be some military code, but then Lightning was surprised to find the others were part of Starforce despite their codes.
Also, perhaps it was lack of room, but I find a lot of things are missing or too short. Easiest example:
Basically the whole swamp area and the mountain felt... easy? At least, for genetically enhanced space alicorns I kinda expected more power. I’m underwhelmed. Very much so.
I can see why those ponies are rookies. I’m not even sure how they even made it to the military in the first place. Were they drafted?
Anyways, we’re reaching the climax. The first fight scene! I should I say, I tend to like reading fight scenes. I know it’s generally not as flashy as a visual fight, but even just words when written well can make me feel as though I’m right there in the thick of it!
However it seems I won’t be able to do so here.
ok... what does it mean that he was skilled? who’s on the offensive, who’s pushing? how are they moving? Does one of them only parry the least amount necessary, letting the enemy’s weapon come dangerously close but allowing them to counterattack quicker???
Are they really powerful?
Ok... I’m guessing no, they’re not that powerful then... At least, the attack doesn’t seem strong at first, then it didn’t do much damage either... Well, ok...
Let’s move on to Lightning vs Titan. (the other fight scenes are similarly underwhelming and I don’t really feel like repeating my opinions)
well, he managed to dodge those bolts, which is kinda cool. Then again, it sounded like he had issues with quicksand, rock-slides and falling boulders on his way, so perhaps he’s not that good and the attack is just slow? I cannot tell. I really cannot tell. It’s quite frustrating in fact.
Then a kick somehow hurt Titan when multiple magic attacks combined didn’t hurt. Is it me or is magic weak in there? again, I’m really confused. Confused, and annoyed at being confused.
The uniforce attack was... ok. It didn’t feel anywhere near the DBZ levels of powerful (not even pre-Frieza levels). I mean, they fought in a cave and from what I see, not a single scratch was made on the cave itself. Perhaps the attack was on some conceptual level thus did no damage except to the intended target? Well, either that either it’s just not strong to blast a cave. I don’t know.
So, there it is. My impression. Sorry if it’s not the kind you’d like, but that’s my honest opinion so I can’t do anything about it. Are you open to editing or correcting some aspects of your stories?
I understand you want the episodic format, the antro-alicorns and a few other things so I won’t bother asking, but perhaps grammar and spelling, and improving those descriptions? And the fight scenes especially!
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I’ll answer by PM (But I agree, no flames, no fighting, let’s keep it calm)
And the legend begins*a part of me actually wants to leave some mini adventure of my oc self that is not canon in the comments for each chapter but feels it wouldn't be right* the characters are set the villian has revealed, and the stage is set.
I like rep-stallion:)
Cool chapter :)
Having shields that protect the innocent and having supplies if it takes to long..........total genius. And starla don't let your vengeance go too far or you will be come thing you hate.I seen it happened a couple of times.
If it was titan and saw mysterious performance I would be like: great job misty you granted me more power to escape this prison buuuuut*gets a paper fan that is used super smash bros and hits misty*Why the f did you tell them weakness!? Other than good chapter*leaves a tiny cup of soap for Krysta
0-0 okay I know how lighting lost his planet and family but I didn't know celesto was actually this ruthless it is very interesting. He train lighting with tough love tho I think a bit too tough but I can see it was only to push him out of love and trying to release his true potential. Also yes lighting good on you for putting your friends first I will so remember your great deed
Well*claps*Abra your good pretty good I give a 10/10 on how well you utilize your talent In battle and it was weird when I heard he had money troubles and thought okay just get a part time job and then boom there he was washing dishes
Also I just realized titan minions must have attack more than it was written
I wonder if Artie would like splatoon also great fix and I now know who is the brains of the trio
I wonder if materials in unicornapia is better than equestria's
It seems we have some party crashers here
Impressive😊(and i found a goal for kimochi and with that everyone wins minus evil)
Okay basically find the magical mucguffins,save the world,party done
Ah love in a carnival,how lovely😊
Oh my gosh! Lighting did not finished him off! *hugged Artie* this was yours and buddy's win!
Well things are getting grim (loves coldness of destruction)
The hell even is this story?I read it because of the dislikes to find out if it was that bad. And it was kinda. This story has plenty grammar and spelling errors which is surprising considering I didn't read much of it. I find this story to be a jumbled up mess that was piled in together just to write what you want.
Some tips, get an editor/proofreader. And try to actually make sense into a story.
Well that happened cool:3
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Tried/failed/didn't like: They take too long to respond, (I want these posted in the shortest possible time, if not sooner) and they don't understand what things are about in the fic. So they CANNOT help.
Then how do you get the gall to say things about something you didn't actually read properly?
Sorry, but you and I have different defs of what makes sense
That's exactly what ALL my fics are for.