I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face but with words.
After getting their cutiemarks, the Cutie Mark Crusaders realize that the symbols on their flanks means something. That they are bound together forever, and the markings will not let them separate for even a moment.
Only death will do them part they think. But even then, will it?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Is marking it incomplete correct? It doesn't feel to me like there's more to be said.
Did enjoy; have an upvote...whenever it shows up.
8178795
Oops! Forget to set it to complete! Thanks for the reminder
I liked this story. There's a couple of missing apostrophes, but aside from that it was a lovely twisted read.
Poor Apple Bloom always gets the insane existential horror stuff.
8178805
Aaw yes, always gotta have a couple minor errors. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
You've got a really neat idea here!
Problem is, most of the escalation doesn't feel believable in the slightest, nor do many of the actions of the characters. For instance, why would the CMC's first response not be to tell somepony what was happening? Instead, they keep it a secret for no apparent reason, which just ends up making their lives miserable.
Slow down, focus more on build up, and thoroughly think out the logical choices the characters would make.
This was bittersweet af
The idea is great, but the execution is kinda lacking. The pacing is off and coloured dialogue doesn't look very professional. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased too, but overall, the story isn't bad.
8179315
Thanks. I know I struggle with 3rd person writing, (normally I write in 1st) but thanks for the critisism, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
While the story could be improved, the idea was great! I enjoyed it.
Maybe getting an editor would help make it even better.
8179475
Thank you! I might get an editor to help with future stories. I'm glad you enjoyed it
I think this might have worked better as a longer, maybe multi chapter story with a bit longer progression, but it was a good idea, and it captured my interest.
8180051
Thank you. I know it was a bit short, I'll work on making my stories longer in the future.
Longer and more defined would've worked better, but still a great story and interesting idea. Cursed cutie marks that literally connect you for eternity... Bloom and Gloom on steroids!
You know, it actually started off very well, but quickly jumped off the rails. Needs a serious amount of work.
Looking forward to reading the sequel!
So, it's litterally a story where they become a collective?......
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I'm a big fan of anything horror, and I have to tell you.... this is the best thing ive read all freakin day. Grade A horror! Great work man! Keep It up!
This was really fucking good. I don't think it's something that I'd go back and reread, but it's a great story. You characterize the CMC very accurately here. The only thing I can comment on that seemed a bit out of place was Applebloom being the one to kill her friends. Her will power had seemed the strongest, and I really feel like Scootaloo would have been more fitting to be the killer. But that's just my opinion.
The only other negative thing I can really comment on is your inconsistency. Sometimes you type Apple Bloom; sometimes you type Applebloom. And the grammar is also a bit off with the dialogue. You don't start a new paragraph just to add "She said" or whatever. It isn't really chilling or scary, if that was your intention. However, the fic itself certainly had a chilly air to it. I think you might need an editor though; there are too many mistakes here to point out, but here's one from the description:
Mean. The symbols (plural) on their flanks mean (plural) something.
An overall good idea executed fairly well and with subtle "scares." Definitely worthy of the Horror tag.
poor cmc, rest peacefully now the quite has come.
This story was fucked up. Like seriously fucked up.
Wow. Maybe I could incorporate bits of this into a story...
8178829
This is what I term 'Anon-a-Miss syndrome'. A lack of willingness to explain your true feelings and thoughts, and instead just go a different path, which in both cases leads to self destruction.
The core idea of this story is similar to the Eldar Wraithknight. The Wraithknight is controlled by one person and the souls of its prior pilots. But when the pilot enters the machine, he or she may not leave the machine and must remain next to them at all times. No wonder they go mad, just like AB does here.
8455700
This is the sort of horror that's hard to do; creeping dread rather than gore. The descriptions of blood and body injuries got a bit tedious though...
9212004
Why are you replying to everyone.
9212013
Oops! I must have pressed the wrong button.
I sense a polygamous lesbian relationship coming! It'll be so much fun!
9224385
This story suddenly makes this song seem so much more sinister:
This was great!
9130547
I love your MLP fanfic readings! Your accent is so pretty and makes the stories better. 🇬🇧
I'm surprised they didn't just cut their cutie marks off.
THEORY: The Magic behind the CMC's Cutie Marks were actually trying to bring the three of them together to become a new Alicorn Princess through Fusion.
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music to jam to when you run into a oncoming train after murder your two best friends
The plot was pretty good, though there were quite a few grammatical errors and unnecessary breaks in paragraphs when they spoke. The story feels a tad rushed, but overall was not a bad read.
lil miss rarity
Ok listen, I'm all for dark stories but GOD DAMN WHY TAKE SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A CUTIE MARK AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE?!?!?!!?! It's actually amazing!
10810124
chills