• Member Since 10th May, 2017
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

currentlemon



E

Lyra Heartstrings was one of those ponies who stood out in Ponyville. She did not seek attention, nor is she some super hyper pony that garnered it. It was her strange hobbies that made other ponies think oddly of her. Strange fascination with creatures that stood on two legs, weird obsessions with things called “hands.” It's these weird obsessions that make Lyra stand out in town in a bad way. There was only one pony in town that could tolerate the mare. Her best friend, Bon Bon. But even Bon Bon has her limits. So when an accident sends Lyra to the hospital, Bon Bon ponders about the future of their friendship.

Authors Note: This story was inspired by the following comic.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Lyra was always an ecstatic mare, but her sudden fascination with these bipedal creatures made it difficult for Bon Bon to deal with.

I think Eccentric would work better here, personally.

Not a bad read, not bad at all, really :ajsmug:
It was simple and plain, nothing worldbreaking, but that generally fits the Slice of Life tag territory. Surely I don't regret reading it :raritywink:
In general, the grammar and spelling were good, including direct speech, which is a rare phenomenon in first stories. There were some troubles with tense consistency here and there, but I'll explain more about them in a PM that shall follow shortly after this comment.

Style-wise, there were spots where one can notice some 'rawness' in your wording. For example, let's mention the repetition in the form of thoughts about something being followed by a character reproducing them in dialogue. However, believe me that this is something you'll pick up little by little with every sentence you read and write.

In a "boring" format which slice of life tends to become, you still need to entertain the reader. Some people like a simple-minded comedy, some like soap operas and so on. That means, you can add such elements to the story. Or you can add some unexpected twist at the end. However, those are all factors that have a major impact on the plot. If you want to keep the original plot, you can do so by going quite deep into the minds of characters, but also by descriptions. Again, they could be highly detailed, satirical, include some references... they are the part where your own style can shine the most. (People who know me can approve how obsessed I'm with descriptions...)
So, to conclude all this, you surely have talent that can be polished with a little practice. I'm looking forward to the stories you'll come up with!

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