The EK

by Magi Tail Welkin

Robot Rumpus

In one of the offices of the Ponyville General Hospital Cipher yawned as his slowly trudged towards the door “Thanks Doctor, Nurse. I’d better be on my way now with the post. Seems to be more and more every day.” He yawned again.

Nurse Redheart and Doctor Horse walked up. The Unicorn stallion narrowed his eyes and spoke “Now don’t got over doing it Cipher, we won’t be able to tell how to help you out if something truly nasty comes along.”, Cipher being a Changeling, and thus having an almost completely different biology to Ponies proved quite the challenged to two of the best medical experts in Ponyville. Every-pony sighed with relief at their luck since Cipher merely suffered stress induced sleep deprivation, brought on by worry.

Fluttershy recently told Cipher she’d managed to arrange so her parents and her little brother could visit and meet him. And Cipher started worrying about what they would think out it, causing him to worry well into the night.

The doctor continued “Just take it steady. You’ll been fin it you just relaxed a bit more.” He wrote on a piece of paper “Now, this should help, a few vitamins and a tonic to liven you up.”

“I hope it does work.” He took the slip of paper with his magic, and yawned again “Thanks again. Goodbye.” And he left. Nurse Redheart waved “Bye Cipher.”

---

What with being so tired and seeing the doctor, Cipher became very late. And Muffins started to worry, she peaked out of the Post Office door and looked up and down the High Street ‘Oh dear, there’s no sign of him.’, she went back in and checked the clock ‘Just look at the time. Where has Cipher gotten to?’ and she went back to the counter.

As she flew up and over, and then started reorganising the letters. She heard the door open and sleepy voice say “Morning.” Then a yawn and “Good morning Muffins.”, Cipher trudged up and mumbled “Oh dear, I’m so sleepy.” He almost collapsed onto the counter “Sorry I’m late. I went for a check-up, end up getting my body examined by Doctor Horse and Nurse Redheart, almost ended up dissected. I just feel so,” he shut his eyes and nodded off, then jerked away “so sleepy.” He yawned again.

Muffins started worrying all over again “Oh Cipher, I’m sorry to see you like this. What with all the post to be delivered. I would do it for you, but Head Office has banned me from delivering. And as much as I’m okay with Parcel in his new job it’s times like this I wish he still wanted to be a Post-stallion. And we can’t get any pony else down to help, not even for only a day or two. No-ponies able to take your place.”
Cipher rested on his hoof and snored softly.

“Cipher?” Muffins called getting a load of letters and parcels ready “Wake up Cipher.” She put the post by his other hoof and said slightly louder “You’d better be going.”

Cipher jerked wake “What?” He looked about and then yawned again “Oh, yes. I’d better be on my way.” He gathered the post up magically and nodded at her “Bye.” He walked out the door and toward the cart. He put the post in the back and walked around to the front, he paused at Riolu ‘It must be nice to be an animal.’ He thought ‘Cats get to snooze all day in a warm comfy basket.’ He climbed up and charged the spark plugs, the cart rolled down the High Street, slowly since everything about Cipher seemed slow today, even his magic.

The quietness of Ponyville gave the town a sleepy appearance too.

Cipher made it to his first stop. Doctor Time Turner’s workshop. From the sounds inside Cipher could tell the inventing Earth Pony did have sleeping problems. Something clicked, whirred and beeped. Cipher climbed down took the needed post and walk up with a call of “Hello. Time.”

Inside the inventor stood amid a pile of boxes and machines. Well more boxes and machine than usual in his workshop.

The biggest machine looked like a mismatch moving art sculpture. Built in three parts.

Time Turner stood with some type of helmet and a load of playing card “Ah, morning Cipher,” he walked over the first section of the machine and part the pack of card into a slot “I’m sorry but I can’t stop.”

Cipher inched further in “What are you doing with all these boxes?” He could understand Time Turner and machines, but the boxes made a bigger mess than usual.

“Well,” Time said, “come and have a look at this, my latest invention, the Forget-Me-Not Thinking Machine, with FRED.”

Cipher came up and looked it over “Seem a bit of a mess.”

“Now, yes, but when you see it working it’ll all make sense. You see, Lyra told me Humans have this thing call a computer, a thinking machine, with a built-in memory, so I thought to build one of my own, I need building material to give it memory.”, he went over to a table full of different object “Natural when you work in the field of science you don’t want to drop a brick. So,” he pulled out a locked-off vice with a broken brick inside “I clamped the brick firmly.” He went to the second section and put the brick into place. “That’s the solid state installed.” Then went back to the first.

Cipher scratched his head, he turned around and found a pile of papers. He opened one “This looks complicated, what does it do?”

“Oh, that? That’s an incomplete drawing for an invention, I’ve been test running and improving the computer to make more accurate drawings so there’s no errors in the designs. It does it at the rate of knots, not like me a pencil. It can even go while I’m asleep.”

Cipher put the drawing away “Sound alright to me. Do you think it can deliver letters while I’m asleep?”

“Not the computer, but I can have it design just the thing for you need. I’ve always wanted to build a robot.”

“A what?”

“A robot, the name comes from the Stalliongrad word for drudgery and labour.”

“A robot Post-stallion? Sounds interesting.”

“It be possible,” he went to the first section and sorted the playing cards, if I sort out the cards correctly then the computer can design it. It would take a day or two.”

“What are the cards for?”

“Let me show you. I’ll have the computer design one of my ideas.” He took out a notebook and looked at a long code of numbers and shapes he took out the required cards and put them in a slot. He pulled a lever and the machine started up, the card fell into area with tapping birds, like those drinking bird toys. At the bottom a camera and a setup looking like some form of eye with swivelled about thinks to system of pullies and strings. The bird stopped some of the cards while some passed the eye.

Time Turner explained “The cards are scrutinised by single rooving eye, using the watch the birdy principle.”

The next section started up. “This in the memory core,” a small pony figure on scooter with a copy of the code sped along the section and along an area with opening and shutting doors, “That’s memory lane. With its open door to store the messages which arrive, and I was economic, instead of a billion cycles, we have one Billy Cycle.”

Cipher glanced to Time “Wasn’t he one of the earliest Post-stallions?”

“That’s right.”

After Billy delivered the message a cup lowered into the bowl of water and took some out. “That’s the mass memory, I thought something watery would be a sufficient mass. Also, it has a drain, called the brain drain, which facilitated the flushing of any wrong numbers and unworthy thoughts.” As the water spilled out a bunch of cogs turned, and a bunch of mannequin heads off different sizes started spinning, areas of heads drawn around with numbers, like those odd busts seen in medical museums “And here these tiny minds revolve around bigger ones and produce thoughts.”

Then at the top of the memory core something which resembled the head of an elephant started moving, and out of the trunk came an object resembling a currant bun. Time Turner shook his head “I think I’ll have to use something smaller, like a mouse.”

The third and final section started. The current bun fell onto a plate, this go brought up to a month like opening and then all many of wheels and pulls turned, “That was the information feeding to start up FRED, the Fantastical Rapid Evaluator and Dispenser.”, the FRED appeared to be a head on some kind reading a clipboard. An arm sprang out with a pen in its hand and started to draw out on the clipboard.

Time Turner looked to Cipher “I wonder if I could create a machine which combines magic and technology.”

“If thought you said science can explain what magic can’t?”

“Oh, I still do, it can explain and do thing never thought possible. However, I recently came up with theory that could actual link science and magic together. After speaking with Princess Twilight and Miss Glimmer I realise the magic is a more in exact science, so to speak.” He went over to a chalkboard and took a chalk “You see, science and technology,” he wrote them down “and magic” he wrote that separately “are to method of manipulating the universe, science and technology do it via external means, creating machines to do the manipulating, like say a windmill’s ability to turn the power of the wind into kinetic energy to grind wheat into flour.”

Cipher nodded.

“Magic is manipulating the universe via pure knowledge and willpower, mind over matter if you will. However, technology can do more than one pony, going back to the windmill.” He returned to the chalkboard, “To do something magically take about the same effort as to do it physically, of course the exception being Princess Twilight and Miss Glimmer, they specialise in magic and thus break those boundaries. But getting back to my point,” he drew an Earth Pony with an ancient hand turned stone mill wheel, and then a Unicorn with a pile of wheat “it would take the average Unicorn and the average pony the same about of energy to turn wheat into flour, the only difference being time.” He then rolled his eyes “And hardly any Unicorns would want to turn wheat into floor.”

He then drew a windmill “But with a windmill your able to create more flour in roughly the same time.”

“Until the wind dies.” Cipher said “Which is Windy’s mill has a waterwheel too. But what about this combination? True is works for the cart and the Mail Couch but their simple things. The spark plugs start and alchemical fire spell and powers the internal combustion engine. But something as complicated as “Thinking Machine”? How do even get the magic? Battery Crystal have been banned since the Great Fire of Bridle City Port.”, Bluenose, the naval officer who started it must know the trouble he caused when they named his fire, and called the “Great Fire” no less.

“Oh,” Time Turner “send that’s another great invention of mine, it works like a crystal radio, something I learnt about from my correspondence course. It gathers magical energy waves and feeds it into the machine.”

Cipher’s eyes widened “So this is wild magic?”

“Wild magic?”

“Princess Twilight told me about them. The residual magic energy particle left after a spell is cast, the different aura mix and mingle and fight to occupy the same space, it’s,” he looked for a term Time Turner would understand “Magical Quantum Mechanics.”

Time Turner’s eyes widened, as Gracious Bell’s Inequalities demonstrated, against Surround Stone’s Hidden Variables Theory, proved Quantum Mechanics is completely random, not even Discord could come up with the surrealism of Quantum Mechanics.

The Thinking Machine then started accelerating rapidly and the drawing became incoherent.

“Great Whickering Stallions!” Time Turner dashes to the controls “Don’t worry, I’ll just, now, which switch do you flick the stop it? I can’t remember.”

Cipher inched to the door “I think I’d better get out of the way. I’ll pop back when you’ve got it sorted out.”

As he left he heard a loud trumpeting noise, like an elephant call.

---

The Post Office is also the home of the Doo-Hooves family, they live above the shop.

Muffins walked through the living room with the day’s letters and parcels ready to be sorted for Cipher, she hoped he would be in better spirits this morning. She did here Princess Twilight talking about a possible optional day off on Sundays, that could help Cipher, and it would give her time off to spend the day with Dauntless and the kids, they only got time in the evenings.

As she walked to the counter a strange noise sounded. She looked up and gasped.

A suit of armour reared up at her with claws at the end on its front hooves. She screamed and grabbed a nearby broom “Get away! I’m warning you!”

From behind the armour Time Turner’s head appeared “It’s alright Muffins. Sorry it gave you a fright,” he took hold of an oil can as he spoke “you see this is the new Robot Post-stallion out for its test run.” He gave it some oil. “It’s to give Cipher a bit of rest. Why don’t we try it with some of the post?”

“Well,” Muffins said looking from letter to parcels “I don’t know about that. I mean trusting the mail to one of your contraption’s Doc?”

“Oh, I know some of my inventions can be hit or miss. But there’s no need to worry here. It’s all worked out by computer.”, Muffins tilted her head “Com-what?”

“I’ll explain later, but this fine fellow here can’t go wrong. Look I’ll show you.” He switched the robot on, the lights within the helmet came on and flash, the sound of cogs and pulleys turning started and the robot beeped into life.

Time Turner smiled “So us what you can do Mr Robot.”, the claws twirled and the helmet looked about. It started moving backwards, thanks to the wheels in its hind legs. It crashed into the wall behind it. Then trundled forward, and stopped at a basket filled with muffins sitting beside the counter. It tried to grab it but missed twice. It gave up. Turned around. Move forward. Crashed into the wall. Fell into its back and stopped working.

Muffins looked over from the counter “You know I had a feeling that might happen.”

Time Turner heaved the robot upright and looked at the control panel on the back “Just needs a small adjustment.” He flicked a few switches and turned a few nobs “Should this be up or down? Perhaps if I reserve the polarity of the neutron flow.”

Muffins smiled, looked up and shook her head “I’ll leave you to your contraption Doc. You don’t mind, do you? There is work to be done.”

The robot start up again, looked at the post and beeped loudly. It lurched forward and Time Turner back up “Look out, it’s off.”

The robot’s claw grabbed the letter and Muffin’s shouted “Hey it’s stolen the post.”, Time Turner tried to grab the letters. The robot suddenly turned and knocked the doctor to the ground. It found the door a struggled. Its arm knocked on the door and it pirouetted out losing some of the letters. Muffins cried “Stop it Doc!”

Time Turner brushed himself down and trotted out “Oh dear, I don’t know how that happened.” He exited and saw the robot speed down the High Street. He looked back “Don’t worry Muffins I’m after it. Bye.”

---

Out in the streets of the village Cipher and Riolu finished delivering the first lot of post around the main area of the village, but as they walked back to the Post Office to collect the letters and parcel for the outer areas of Ponyville, they found a trail of letters, with address to where they would be going, Kimblewick Hall, Sweet Apple Arches.

Just then Time Turner trotted up looking frantic and puffed out “Have you seen a robot about? It’s gone off with the rest of the post.”

“Really?” Cipher glanced down at Riolu, the Jakhowl shook his head. Twilight told him about this supposed Aura which the Jakhowls could manipulate, but with something like a robot, something which didn’t live, it could give off any aura for Riolu to track. Cipher looked down “Maybe if we follow the letters.” They did so, Riolu picked them up after they passed them.

Time Turner shook his head “Muffins is not happy about this.”, Cipher scoffed “I bet see isn’t.”, they heard wheels and a voice “Good heavens.”, they went to the corner and peered around.

The Reverend Farthing, looked bemused as the robot lowered its arm to his hooves and gave him a few of the letter. It moved off as the vicar looked at the address “None of these are for me?” He distanced himself from the robot and almost bumped into Cipher and Time Turner “Oh hello fellow, this tin monster just thrusted this letters into my hoof, and none of them are addressed to me.”

Cipher took the letters.

Time Turner nodded “Did you see which way it went?”

Then a few more voices shouted out “Get off me you beast!” and “Take that you overgrown tin can.”

From a side street Rarity ran out, followed by the robot and an angry Rainbow Dash. Rainbow took a dive, but the robot lurched and swatted her into a wall. The robot shook from the blow but carried on, only one letter left in its claw. It looked about and moved back and forth, as if confused.

Time Turner tip-hoofed up behind it. He reached for the controls. The robot turned to him. Gave him the letter and sped up. Time Turner flinched and shook himself at the speed “Great Whickering Stallions!” He then looked at the letter “This isn’t even for me!” He shouted at it “Come back you fool!” Then he blinked and shook himself again “Great Whickering Stallions, I never programmed it to come back!”
The robot went towards and house, and smashed through the garden gate and into a house.

“Hey up North!” the voice of Helmet Listener shouted, “What is it?”

“I don’t know.” North replied “But hope it doesn’t bite.”, Fortune screamed and First shouted “Get out of here!”, the sound of hoof kicking sounded and the robot clattered out of the back door. It looked about and headed down the back street.

Riolu gave Cipher the letters and the Changeling put them into his bag, he sided “We’ll never catch it at the rate it’s going. We need transport,” he looked about and smiled “Come on, the Mail Coach garage is just down here.” The two ponies trotted and the Jakhowl ran, down the side street. The three of them climbed up. They would need to put the robot in the passenger compartment when they caught it.
Cipher started the coach up and slammed the reins down, the cart roared into life and sped out of the village.

They passed Rarity ‘I hope they don’t take that tin machine with them in the coach. They’ll be rust and lost screw everywhere, most uncomfortable.’

Cipher kept his eyes on the road and called “Can you see it you two?”, Riolu nudged Cipher and pointed, “Oh dear.”

Filthy Rich jumped down from his mobile shop, which current rested stuck in a muddy field. Cipher slowed to a stop and looked down “What happened to you Rich?”

“I’m glad to see you. Frightening it was. This manic with burning eyes came charging down the road. I couldn’t help it, I had to swerve to dodge it and drove into the field.”

Time Turner leaned down “Which way did it go?”

“Look liked it was headed for the North-Eastern Windmill. Do you think I should get the Guard?”

Time Turner scoffed “I don’t think Captain Sentry would believe you.”

Cipher flicked the reins and the Mail Coach with all speed to the Windmill. Filthy Rich watched them go then turned back to his mobile shop.
Cipher turned back to Time Turner “Let’s take a shortcut across the field. We might be able to cut it off before it gets there.” They turned into the field and went across bumpy stone filled ground. The couch shuddered and Time Turner and Riolu held on for dear life.

They drove into the Miller’s yard via the back gate and stopped. The three climbed down and looked about, Time Turner spoke “Quick Cipher, before it does any damage.”

From one of the small barns a couple of chicken rushed out scared. Followed by the robot covered in hay. It looked about, claws spun and arms flailed as it threw the hay off. It turned and moved. Bumped into the barn wall and turned again before trundling off again.

Outside the house area of the mill, Dotty hung her washing out. She heard the strange sounds and noise of the chickens. She turned and gasped. The robot past her and snapped the washing line. Some of the cloths on the line fell onto the robot.

Ponies only wear cloths either for personal taste or for special occasions.

Time Turner, Cipher and Riolu came rushing up, the Doc spoke with guilt “Sorry about the washing Dotty.”

Cipher raised an eyebrow “Is that a shirt it’s wearing?”, Dotty nodded “I sometimes do the washing for the Waterbury family when Starry Eyes is away on duty with the Wonderbolts.”

Cipher blinked “So that’s Stone’s shirt?”, she nodded again “Yes, but it did look old, faded and tearing, Mrs Waterbury said I could have it. That thing’s got one of my aprons as well.”

The robot with the shirt and apron cover it bumped and crashed through the farmyard.

Windy walked up to the gate of his vegetable garden when he heard the commotion. His eyed widened as he saw it come towards him and jumped out of the way. The robot burst through the gate and went into the muddy ground.

The other trotted up, and watched. The robot’s wheel sank into the ground and it slowed. Windy blinked “Is that a shirt it’s wearing?”, Dotty sighed “I’ll tell you later.”

Final it stopped. The robot still lurched and waved about.

Time Turner sighed “Right, I’d better go and fetch it.”, Cipher tapped him on the shoulder “Well it was a nice try Time, thanks.”

Windy held out a hoof “No wait, leave it. It makes a great scarecrow. I had so much trouble with the bird and the rabbits, and it scared them off.”

Cipher looked at it and chuckled. Before he wondered how practical a scarecrow could be when it did look at all fearsome, like with its hooves up ready for a round of boxing, no it’s head is slumped so he looks like he’s asleep and strung up on a cross. But with the robot jerking about and looking alive he could understand.

And the robot seemed perfectly fine where it stood. Cipher chuckled “Maybe it’s found its life’s calling. We should check if it’s got a cutie mark.” They laughed and left the robot to its new duty.

Every so often Time Turner would come down and give the robot a charge and an oiling. Of course, he needed to be careful. It knocked him down before, and it managed to bruise Rainbow Dash. But on the plus side, no animal, bird or mammal ever went near the Knight of the Field, as the robot became known ever again.