• Member Since 20th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen Saturday

Trail Grazer

Writer, analyst, reviewer, vector artist, I dabble ;)


"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect." What they don't realize is that if the slightest detail of a key point is changed, it alters history, and the future, forever! What if Luna hadn't grown jealous of her sister, in fact, what if Luna was a different person altogether? Would she have been trapped in the moon, would Discord have been turned to stone, would the Crystal Empire still be standing; would Equestria be very different? We're about to find out!”

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 17 )

Score!!! I found myself a AU with Sunset Shimmer as the Element of Magic!! :D :D

“…. What have we done…..”

What the Luminara planned for you to do. Well, I hope to read what happens next.

I have to say excellent job on the start of this story. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Apple Pasty is basically Applejack as a Pegasus. And Sundown is basically TWILIGHT as a Pegasus and the mentioned “Nebby” is essentially this universe’s Spike (though THAT last one REALLY IS just a wild guess) . Anyway, splendid work on the differences from canon while still staying true to the series’ SPIRIT.

Anyway, Sunset is almost certainly Magic while either Party Favor or Snow Banks is Laughter and Flash is Loyalty , but I won’t hazard any guesses on the others.

At any rate, splendid job on the characterizations. And, yeah, I kind of like the details of Trixie already knowing both Party Favor AND Captain Armor (the latter makes perfect sense because she IS the Princess’s personal student, but the former is a good character detail too) and the character details for Sunset (her relation to Sunburst, her less-than-stellar reputation [the details of which will be expanded upon in later chapters] AND her almost insultingly obvious crush on Captain Armor, among other things) are really good too.

I’ll definitely be looking forward to more, but I will be quite willing to be patient.

Great work on this chapter. Well this is the first time that Mane Six actually caused the release of the Big bad in a AU Mane 6 story.

I have yet to read the story, but...

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect."

“But it’s really more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey shtuff.”

If you use a quote from Doctor Who, you’re good in my book :trollestia::yay:

this stroy is great can’t wait for more

oh i like this story its very good

Just a couple of things:
"Please, I must see the Princess immediately, it's an emergency!" Sunset was at the gates of the Princesses castle, stopped in her tracks by a pair of guards.
“Party Favor, this is a centuries old sacred chamber for the most magical relics in Equestria,” Sunset said. I believe you meant to use Princess’, possessive singular, and secret, instead. Also, centuries-old, I think. Okay, three.:rainbowwild:

Now, onto the main event. I am deeply impressed, by this start. The geographic, historical, cultural and seasonal shifts were a nice touch. A town in the Everfree, near the royal palace, instead of having Canterlot and Ponyville, as well as the Winter Solstice for the great celebration, etc. Princess Luminara, as you dubbed her, has her own way of presenting herself, not so cryptic and ambiguous as Celestia. And yet, both Sunset and Twilight both express disgruntled dissatisfaction in their respective Princesses’ responses.:derpytongue2:

Next is the main crew, and side characters, which were fresh to read, overall. First comes this version’s Trixie, Applejack and Flash Sentry. Lullamoon appears to be more a bookworm than Sunset, yet also knows more about how to engage with others. Apple Pasty - a Pegasus, mind you - seems slightly uncomfortable encountering new ponies, at first, prompting her to run at the mouth, to some degree. Flash Warp is a scrawny, nervous squire, of sorts (okay, towel colt :rainbowlaugh:), aspiring to be a knight, someday. Then there are the respective versions of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie of this place: Snow Banks and Party Favor. While reflecting certain aspects of the two mares, both stallions convey their own personalities, as well. Banks’ characteristics are reminiscent of a surfer, to some degree, while Party displays moments of being in touch with his feminine side.

Thirdly, Sunburst as Shimmer’s brother was a good way to bring him in, I believe, while Sunset’s crush on this Captain Shining Armor looks intriguing (to say the least :applejackunsure:). I suppose we’ll learn more about Nebby, later. And lastly, Sunset Shimmer’s character, for me at least, seems to be familiar, yet also fits well into this story. She has the intelligence and curiosity, as well as the comfortable confidence in knowledge of literature shared with Sparkle, but seems more proactive than contemplative. Sunset is also more impatient, and with a fiery temperament, and less like Twilight’s irritant annoyance and anxious discomfort.

:twilightsmile: All in all, I say this is a very, well written piece, with excellent settings and solid characterizations. Most impressive. I definitely look forward to more. :pinkiehappy: God bless.

Comment posted by Mix-up deleted April 3rd

Interesting so far, not the best alternate universe but it could be interesting. I am not sure what to think of the changes you made of the different characters names, they are certainly different then in the show I am not against it but I hope we will seem more of a link to show counterparts to better recognize their character in some way. I hope you will be going more in-depth into their characters with their character flaws and strengths to them. I am not sure why Luna would actually give any authority to Sunset instead of Trixy as she seem to be a nobody to the princess, but for some reason knows her. I like the siblingship you created with Sunset and Sunburst with does a good counterpoint to Twilight and Shining Armor. I think the idea that the group unwittingly free Sundry by Luna's own machinations is interesting to me rather then just waiting for the enemy will come. I wonder how thing will unfold in the story.

The main issue that I have with the writing is that we don't really get Sunset's impressions of each other character she meets and explain the background of some of the characters in her perspective, it would help a lot to the value of the story experience. It doesn't need to be much just a little that would give a little insight about Sunset characters her reactions to the ponies around them.

I will be looking forward to see the next update of this story.

Excellent job on this latest chapter. I forgot all about this story and, wow! The chapter took a while, but was definitely well worth the wait. :-D Anyway, the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all really well done. Really enjoyed your spin on the first few Element Trials (not that the gang knows they were that, yet). Also, Flash showing this universe's counterpart to Loyalty by refusing to give up on trying to find a way to free his companions makes a lot of sense, as did Sunset pointing out how there was still hope that the Elements could still be there in another form. Definitely liked Party Favor stopping to help out that young Ashray as well as the gang reassuring each other as they were getting discouraged and the meeting with Caballeron as the gang was trying to get back to stop Day Blight.

Certainly looking forward to more of this.

Yeah, hehehe ^^; I don't know how it took me so long to finally get to this. But, I'm glad I finally got back into the swing of things, and I can confidently say, at least for the moment, chapter three should be out soon (at least compared to the previous wait ^^;)

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