1 - III - Love Hurts
Part One: Revelation
Chapter III - Love Hurts
Twilight was pacing around the cold stone floor, making sure the wound was alright. She then ran a few laps around a column of crystal, then revealed her wings, and tried a few flying laps. She landed, and smiled at Cadence, who nodded. Twilight buzzed her wings, then hid them once more. “I think I’m good. Any damage or strain now shouldn’t open the wound back up. If something does open the wound, we have bigger problems to worry about.
“We need to hurry, the wedding should be starting any minute— damn!” Traditional wedding music began to play upstairs, and Cadence let out a sobbing gasp. “We really need to hurry. Now, for a way out of here.” Twilight cast a teleport, but was disappointed when she reappeared in the same place she left. She tried making a fire portal, but it just spit her back out next to the entry portal.
“Okay, so Chrysalis has found a way to block magical transportation. No problem, we’ll just do this the old fashioned way. Come on, let’s go.” Twilight built up a charge in her horn, then sent a pulse through the air. A mental map of the caves formed in Twilight’s mind, or at least just the areas her spell reached.
“Oh my, these caves are large. Alright, there’s a cave exit this way, but we’ll have to fly over a few gaps to get there.” She revealed her wings again, then began running towards the exit.
As they ran, Cadence cleared her throat. “I know you shouldn’t ask a mare how old they are but… you are definitely older than twenty. How long have you lived?”
Twilight chuckled, then turned down another path. “I was there for your coronation, Cadence, and older still. Your hair was done in a lovely braid, one that I use in a couple disguises. I’ve kept my eye on you for my entire life, just because of your connection to emotions. Lots of queens did, in fact. You’ve had an audience, Cadence. Some of us are cheering for you, but, to be honest, most of them want to see your head on a platter. Chrysalis included."
Cadence blinked in surprise, then looked to the ground in thought. “Oh. Then, why did you join Celestia’s school if you’re that old? What did that get you?” They turned another corner, and flew over a large pit with a cart track spiraling down its side.
Once they had crossed, Twilight answered. “I used to be really bad at unicorn magic. To the point where I could hardly manage a simple levitation spell if it was unicorn based. I really did go to that school with a plan to learn magic, and look at me now! Element of Magic, personal student of the Princess!”
“You never learned unicorn magic in all those years of your life?”
“No, it’s strange. Until Rainbow Dash pulled her sonic rainboom, I could never figure out how to properly use changeling magic to convert emotional energy into unicorn magic. It was easier to use pegasus and earth pony magic, since they are pretty straightforward, and passive. There’s more detail in unicorn magic than ponies seem to think."
They flew across another gap, one leading to what appeared to be a path to the outside. “I remember when I asked Auntie to teach me to use my horn. It was strange, suddenly having access to two entire new fields of magic. Like seeing an entirely new color.”
Twilight hid her wings, and they moved to ascend the staircase. At that moment, they were blocked by the old bridesmaids, Minuette, Lyra Heartstrings, and Twinkleshine, who stepped from the shadows. They spoke in an eerie unison. ”You’re not going anywhere.” They dived at the two members of royalty, before another voice reverberated in the air.
”And neither are you, minions of the darkness!” The three bridesmaids looked surprised, then flashed gold to show three teal changelings, before flashing away in a shower of sparks.
Princess Celestia, the other Bearers, and Spike stepped into the room. Spike shouted out, and ran to embrace Twilight. A healthy amount of love energy poured into Twilight from the ponies assembled. Twilight blinked. “Princess? How are you here? What about the wedding? The music is playing overhead!?
Celestia nodded. “The guests are entering the ballroom as we speak. I hope neither of you are harmed?” They shook their heads. “Good. Then we must go, if Princess Cadence is to catch her wedding.” Cadence sobbed, but laughed at the same time.
“I have waited too long to hear those words. I wish I could’ve heard them in a happier moment, though. But let’s move, we need to stop Queen Chrysalis, and…” She glanced at Twilight. “Settle things with the changelings.”
Celestia nodded firmly. “And Twilight? I fully expect you to explain yourself after this is all over.”
Twilight squeaked, and shrunk back. “Wha— Spike did you— I meant no harm, Princess!”
Celestia raised a brow as Spike shook his head. They all began to climb back up to the outside. “Don’t worry, Twilight. I didn’t tell them. But I do want you to talk it out, this has gone on for too long.” Fluttershy looked between them, and frowned, her wings fluttering nervously.
Once they were out of the cave, Celestia turned to the group. “I will teleport you into Canterlot Castle, make your way towards the ballroom. Prepare to combat Chrysalis and her changelings, and make sure you protect the ponies from harm. The Queen will likely attack them to distract us from her own self. I will join you, and deal with her, as soon as I wake my sister. May the heavens protect you, my little ponies.”
The world flashed golden, and the image of the vast Equestrian horizon, and the caring face of Celestia, disappeared. When the light faded, they were inside of Canterlot Castle, in an empty hall. The Bearers moved to find the ballroom, but Twilight and Cadence stopped them.
Twilight looked around the halls. “Something is wrong. There’s no guards, no ponies coming in late, or any sign of life at all.” She lit her horn, and lifted it into the air. “There’s no ambient emotion in the air, either. Besides ourselves, of course. It’s like nopony has been here all day. This isn’t right, there should be loads of emotions here, where is everypony?” She asked nervously.
Spike flicked his forked tongue out, tasting the emotions in the air. Cadence shrugged. “I’m not sure. From what I know of cha— of Chrysalis, she could have done something to the guests, then absorbed the ambient emotion.”
Twilight shivered. “Dead emotions don’t leave ambient energy. What if nopony ever came through here at all?” The others stared at Twilight, then shuffled nervously. All at once, they broke into a sprint, and made their way towards the ball room. Twilight kept her magic open to emotions from an outside source, but cursed when she found them.
“Cadence, check the emotions in the air now. Anticipation, hate, and… pity? Anyways, they’re dead, which means that Chrysalis has changelings up ahead.” The group turned a corner, and, sure enough, a few guards were stationed outside of the ballroom. Their emotions were dead. “Wait here, I’ll take care of them. Cadence, think of being with Shining again.”
An intense burst of love entered the air, and Twilight quickly drank it up before it could reach the guards. She stepped into the open, and caught the guards attention. One cursed. “You! You are not allowed to be here, by order of the Queen. Offer yourself up willingly, or we shall be forced to take you ourselves!”
Twilight smirked, and tapped into the love that Cadnece had produced. It was powerful, and expansive. The guards, who were rushing towards Twilight, were tripped, gagged, and hogtied by a series of magical bindings.
She motioned for the others to follow. They stood in front of the ballroom doors, and all took a deep breath. Twilight searched for emotional energy, and found a single source inside. The attendants were changelings, waiting for the perfect moment to strike Celestia. She grabbed the doors with her magic, and pushed forwards. The doors exploded off of their hinges, then sailed backwards, behind the group.
Shining Armor and Chrysalis gasped, and charged spells against the group. Shining’s spell died when he saw the other Cadence. He then looked between the two, and asked the important question. “What in Equestria is going on!? Twilight just blew open the doors, after being gone for the whole day, there are two versions of my fiancée, and…” He noticed the multitude of attendees charging spells against the new group.
Cadence stepped forwards. “Shining Armor, that is not Cadence, and most of these ponies are not party goers. They are changelings: they take the form of somepony that is cared for, and use that energy to gain strength!”
Chrysalis sighed, then dropped her disguise in a green inferno. “Ugh. I had hoped for Celestia to be present when I destroyed the ponies she held dear, but I guess I will just have to savor your deaths myself.” She pulsed with magical energy, sending Shining Armor, the poor stallion, soaring through the air, and into a wall. He fell unconscious.
Chrysalis swept her hoof at them as the crowd began to revert to their changeling forms. “Get them! Kill them!” As the changeling horde charged forwards, a bright flash of light caused everybody to freeze. The two Princesses were hovering in the air, their battle armor fully donned.
They both charged up a powerful spell, and spoke in unison. ”Your reign of terror ends today, Chrysalis! Surrender, or be destroyed.” Chrysalis sneered, then fired a beam at the Princesses, who met it with magic of their own. The beams met, and began slowly inching between the sisters, and Chrysalis.
On the ground, the changelings were having a tough time. Twilight was destroying changelings by the dozen, swiping blades of magical energy through their bodies, while Cadence fired magical shards of crystal. Applejack was kicking and bucking all who got close, Rainbow was fighting the changelings in the air, Rarity was slapping the horde with enough force to crack chitin, Fluttershy was… tripping them? Pinkie had, somehow, gotten a hold of her party cannon, and was blasting fruit cake at the crowd. Spike whistled as the battle began. "So that's what a changeling drone looks like. Huh, I expected something a little more 'me'." He rushed forwards, and began breathing fire at the horde.
A changeling got too close to Twilight, who slammed the soldier to the ground. A quick hoof to the head caused the changeling to go still. The Bearers, Spike, and Cadence slowly began pushing into the ballroom, though their view of the Princesses and Shining Armor remained entirely obscured by the horde.
Shining Armor had woken up from his injury and quickly noticed the twin green beams meeting, and beating, the gold and blue beams of the Princesses. He gathered whatever mental power, and magic he had, and shielded the Princesses before the changeling Queen struck them down.
Chrysalis' magic erupted into fire, and covered the two shields entirely. The stress of her magic on Shining’s proved to be too much, and both shields collapsed. Shining collapsed with a shout, clutching his horn in pain. The Princesses were blown backwards, into the horde of changelings. Chrysalis followed them, intending to finish them once and for all.
Cadence finally caught a glimpse of Shining and pushed a wall of magic forwards in response. While the wall held, she quickly spoke to Twilight. “I am going to cast a spell that will get rid of the changelings, and I must go to Shining’s side to cast it. When I drop this barrier, shield yourself!”
Twilight held out a hoof. “Wait, no! There’s still other hives in—” But the shield had dropped, Cadence was by Shining Armor’s side, and casting the spell. Twilight was sure of what spell it was. It had been used 27 years ago in order to clear out the Rambling Rock Hive: Transitalia’s hive.
Twilight heard Chrysalis shout out in anger even as she prepared a shield spell. “Kill them! Kill them before they can finish the spell!” The changelings pulled away from the doorway, and dived towards the couple seconds too late. Twilight threw a hastily made shield around the Bearers, and Spike, and hoped for the best.
An explosion rang out from the ballroom, and a wave of something searing, burning, purging surged past Twilight, and around the shield. Pure, unbridled, weaponized love energy. Twilight felt her disguise catch fire, and burn away as her energy stored far exceeded a safe limit. The Bearers stared in horror as Twilight Sparkle burnt apart, revealing a horrible black-and-purple figure underneath. The changelings caught by the blast were thrown against the wall, and out the door even as they too burnt apart.
Tears welled up in Citlali's eyes as her disguise burnt away completely, allowing the love energy to destroy her actual body. She used the energy to power the shield, which kept the wave from harming the Bearers and Spike. Her body was burning, she could feel flames tearing it apart, ripping her wings, mane, and antenna to pieces. Then the sensation stopped. She collapsed to the ground, her senses in a daze.
Everything was playing in slow-motion, and sounded distant, and muffled. She dropped the shield, and turned to see a horrid sight. Corpses of changelings were falling, Luna and Celestia were laying on the ground, covered in cuts, bites, and burns. Chrysalis was nowhere to be seen. Cadence herself was screaming at Shining who… Citlali sobbed.
He had literally been at the epicenter. He was completely engulfed in the fires of love, and was flailing about, a distant scream filling his throat. Citlali charged her horn, shedding excess magic in the form of lightning, which arced across the floors and walls. The love in Shining pulled way, and exploded through his horn, into the ceiling above.
Twilight collapsed to the floor, and felt her injuries take her consciousness away.
It was entirely silent as the second Queen collapsed to the floor. The remaining ponies dared not breathe, cry, or shout. Celestia and Luna were both unconscious, and beaten on the floor, the Queen that had been impersonating Twilight was smoking from the spell, and Cadence was staring in horror at the still, blackened form of Shining Armor on the floor.
After a few minutes of silence, Cadence spoke in a low, stuttering voice. “How did I never notice? I've known him my entire life, I should have noticed if he had been replaced.” She slowly slumped over to the ground, her jaw still hanging open. "How could I have been so blind?"
The Bearers looked closer, and noticed the changeling that lay on the floor in place of Shining Armor. Spike cried out, and rushed towards the… lavender Queen on the floor. “Citlali, come on Citlali. It was just a bit of love, you’ve been through worse. Get up, we need you!” He shook her side, and pressed his claws to her side. Emotional energy began to flow from him as tears flowed from his eyes. “I need you.”
Rainbow dashed to Spike’s side, and pushed him away from the Queen. “Get away from that thing, Spike! She could still be dangerous, we don’t know if she’s faking it!”
Spike stood up, and became engulfed in lavender flames, causing the Bearers to jump back with a gasp. When the flames died down, a changeling, similar in size to the burnt changelings on the ground, eyed them all expectantly. His horn was smooth, and looked like a curved dagger, but had a hole in the front, breaking the blade into two sections. His head fin was uncovered, though a mane wouldn't hide the tall crest anyways. His tail was long, and flat, and had a streak of his dragon self's purple running through a pale lavender.
Rainbow stared in shock, before rushing towards Spike, hooves outstretched. Fluttershy stepped in front of Rainbow Dash, and spoke in a clear, steady voice. “Rainbow, can you please go down to the city. Look for any medical ponies. I’m sure this Queen, Twilight, will explain everything when she wakes, but for now, we need a doctor.” They stared at each other for a moment, before Rainbow sped out the window, towards the city. Fluttershy motioned to the others. “We need to check on the Princesses, and Shining. We need to know just how much they’re hurt.”
Spike turned back to his Queen, continued pouring all of his stored energy into her, and watched carefully as the wounds began healing. His reserve was draining too fast, and she was healing too slow. “Come on, please! We can’t let Chrysalis win, not after all this time. We have to beat her!”
Rarity and Fluttershy rushed to Cadence and the changeling. Applejack went to Celestia, and Pinkie went to Luna. Fluttershy began comforting Cadence, Rarity began shakily inspecting the changeling. Applejack checked Celestia, and was thankful to find that she wasn’t terribly injured, as she began to stir, and stand.
“Princess, wake up! Luna’s hurt, Shining and Twilight are… missin’, for lack of a better word.” Celestia’s eyes snapped open, and she rushed to her sister’s side with a cry.
Celestia looked over Luna’s injuries, and began healing them, ignoring her own burnt form. “What happened, where are the rest of the changelings, where is Chrysalis?”
Pinkie shrugged, and spoke in a shaky voice. “I dunno. One moment, there were tons of them, hissing and diving at you and Luna, then Twilight jumped in front of us and blocked some sorta wave that came from Cadence and Shining. Then Twilight and Shining turned into changelings, Twilight collapsed, Spike went to her side, then also turned into a changeling, Rainbow went to find a doctor, and I’m pretty sure Chrysalis escaped through the window.”
Celestia looked at Twilight and Shining, and shook her head. “Do not harm them, we need to ask them questions. Do either of you know where the hospital wing of the castle is?” Pinkie nodded. “Good, go and get as many medical kits as you can, and return here.”
Pinkie and Applejack ran out, and it became quiet again, exempt for the quiet comforting of Spike and Fluttershy.
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I still think making Shining Armor a Changling is a huge plot hole. You can try for the "he asked me not to check" angle but it's very flimsy. Even more so when you make Twilight and Spike the only ones who know the truth. Then it just sounds ludicrously unbelievable.
He needs to either know he has to hide it or not have to hide it. The Twilight covering for him ceases to work when he's in the relationship without Twilight's knowledge and the "don't check my emotions" excuse is not only super suspicious to someone who's dealt with Changlings like Cadence but it makes little sense that he would ask her that without knowing.
For the sake of constructive criticism, an example of a solution that would keep everything else roughly the same would be to make Shining Armor and Twilight's "parents" exceptions to the dead emotions. If you still plan on the whole ponies turned into Changlings idea from before the revision then make them still emit emotions for some reason.
Just food for thought, I'm not expecting you to change anything and I don't really want you to because I don't want to re-read the chapters again, just thought I should mention it.
8224660 Yeah. I now realize that that entire line is unneeded, because of Twi/Cit's feedback effect with emotions. Even if she checked, it would show up as charged.
I'll fix that. And no, Shining won't know his truth yet, but somebody else does...
Alright, chapter 3! The first two were pretty good, so I've got high hopes now. I'm glad that the rework happened at this point, it's working pretty well.
The fight hit me a lot harder this time for some reason. I was a lot more scared for Twilight this time. I guess you just described it all in better detail this time. Well done dude.
___________________________
Add the quotation mark.
*face of Celestia, disappeared.
Go back to third person. *Twilight asked nervously.
Also, you used "everypony" here, but sometimes you used "everyone" and similar words. I suggest using one way or the other for consistency.
*fiancée
First person
You should say "The two princesses" or something because you could be talking about any two sisters here.
Specify "they" as "The Bearers" or "The Mane Six", since this could refer to the Changelings.
*from his injury.
Oh, also, the comma.
*and magic, he had
A lot of stuff here is very repetitive, you can take it out. Things like the first sentence can just go completely. Other than that, parts of sentences are repetitive and can be removed.
Comma
*casted
Comma
Comma
*terribly
There is to be sentence repeating.
8236303 What the— how'd that happen!? Fixed.
I would have liked it more if Twilight would have invaded the Sparkle familly and Shining and her parents werent actually Changelings, I just think that would maybe make it more interessting.
Jesus the suspense! What a writing! Holy crap this is quality read right here so far.