Confrontation
She told me everything. My former-mentor, Princess Twilight Sparkle, told me everything about the battle that happened years ago. That an evil centaur in the name by Tirek had tried to take over Equestria by taking everypony's magic, including the other princesses, her, and her friends. Not to mention that he had also destroyed her original home that had made her feel welcome in Ponyville. When I heard this, I was so angry that my top was about to blow. I asked Twilight where he was, so I could have a talk with him. Oh wait, even worse, a confrontation. Which means, I'm going to accuse him of what he did to the world. And I'm doing it for Twilight. Why, because nopony tries hurt the pony that made me feel special again after so many years! But, to be honest, I actually love her romantically. Twilight doesn't know that, but I'll tell her when I'm ready. Twilight told me that he's a prisoner in Tartarus, that might be an obstacle to the normal pony, but having trained under a Princess has its privileges, such as access to the restricted cartography section of the Canterlot library. I thought it was about time that I meet that monster, so I did. Twilight even gave me her blessing when I told her I was going. It took me a long time to get to Tartarus, but at least I finally made it after a long trip.
I used my magic to open the door to Tartarus. I entered and glanced at it's features, it was like a cave, but the path I'm walking on was between two bottomless pits. The hoofsteps I took made echoes around the rocky walls. I've never been in such a strange place since Twilight took me to a timeline that showed nothing but a sky in the color of brown, sand, and a horrid gust of wind that made me feel so cold. I looked ahead and saw what looked to be a zigzag staircase that lead to a flat surface of a mountain with it's top cut off. It had a cage resting on it's surface. The being inside that cage was the monster from Twilight's story, Tirek. I approached the staircase and walked on each step until there was none left.
The centaur heard me approaching. I can see his cheeks igniting, which gave me a hint that he's smiling grimly. "I hoped you had the guts to come see me, Princess-" His sentence was cut off as he turned around to notice that I wasn't Twilight. I knew he was gonna think I'm Twilight, even though I'm not. He glanced from my head down to my hooves, checking out each feature of my body, like my pink fur and my manestyle that's different from Twilight's. "You're not Princess Twilight."
"Nope. No, I'm not.", I hissed.
"And you're not an alicorn princess.", he added.
"What do you think?! Do I look like one?!", I growled.
"Well, you do have a horn, but you don't have wings.", he said, pointing out some of the features that I have and don't have. "So, no, you're not."
"That's right! Be sure to get that right every time you see me!", I retorted.
"Look, I need an answer from you right now.", he scowled. "Who are you?"
"My name is Starlight Glimmer.", I said, introducing myself to the red and black menace. "And I know what you did a few years ago, Tirek."
Tirek was surprised to hear that I know his name. "Princess Twilight has told you about me, didn't she?", he asked, folding his hands.
"Yep, I'm one of her friends.", I said, walking to my left a few steps. "Did I mention that I'm her former-student?"
Tirek raised an eyebrow. "I don't recall seeing you at that battle a few years ago.", he chuckled maliciously.
I huffed out some air. "That's because I was doing my own villainy business in another area.", I grumbled.
Tirek gaped in surprise. "You mean you were a villain long ago?", he asked me.
"Yep.", I huffed. "Until Twilight gave me another chance to see what friendship is like."
"Well then, why didn't she do the same for me?", he asked.
I gaped in shock and anger. I turned back around to face him. "SAY THAT AGAIN?!", I growled fiercely.
"I repeat: why didn't Twilight do the same for me?", he said with an evil grin, showing his razor sharp teeth. "If Twilight were to come here and offer me a second chance, I'd love to."
"Are you kidding me?", I hissed. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THERE'S NO WAY TWILIGHT WOULD WANT TO DO THAT AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE, YOU MONSTROUS, HEARTLESS, MAGIC-STEALING SON OF A BITCH!"
"Tell me. What did even I do?", Tirek asked me with a furrow-brow.
"ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID YEARS AGO?!", I asked, screaming. "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID! YOU MADE DISCORD JOIN YOU TO HELP YOU TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA, YOU IMPRISONED THE PRINCESSES, AND TRIED TO DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO DESTROY TWILIGHT AND HER FRIENDS!"
Tirek rolled his eyes at me. "Well, I bet that's what you tried to do to Twilight and her friends when you were a villain.", he chortled.
I didn't say anything, I just stared at him angrily. I tried my hardest not to grind my jaw, it hurts to do that.
"And I must say, you and I do have something in common.", he added. "We're both villains that tried to get what we need to become rulers of Equestria."
"You and I are nothing alike!", I shouted. "Besides, I'm a changed pony, I'm not a villain anymore! And just so you know, my villainous power was way different from yours."
"Well, go ahead.", he grumbled, crossing his arms. "Tell about the villainous power you had in the past."
I grunted through my teeth. "I founded my own village, forced a bunch of ponies to move there, and brainwashed them into thinking that cutie marks were a bad thing.", I snarled.
"Wow, just wow.", Tirek chuckled, feeling impressed with the villainous scheme I once had. "What made you come up with an idea like that?"
"IT'S BECAUSE MY BEST FRIEND, SUNBURST WAS TAKEN TO PRINCESS CELESTIA'S SCHOOL OF MAGIC AFTER HE GOT HIS CUTIE MARK!", I snapped, as tears began to well up in my eyes. "I LOST HIM BECAUSE OF THAT DAMMIT!"
"So, he became a student at a school.", Tirek snorted. "What makes you think it's such a big deal?"
"I never got to see him for a long time because of that!", I cried. "I had the chance to run up to him and say goodbye, but I hesitated and blew it! So, I humiliated myself and continued on with my dreadful life." I took a few seconds to breathe before continuing. "And look where it got me, no friends, no family, just bitterness and depression!" I tumbled to the ground and began to cry.
Tirek rolled his eyes and turned his back to me like he didn't care. That's because he's not supposed to care for anypony who's good. "Depression you say?", he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You act like he's a brother to you."
I got back up on my hooves and wiped the tears off my muzzle. "Even though he's not, he's just my best friend.", I sniffled. "And speaking of brothers, I heard that you have-"
"Don't. Even. Think about telling me that I have a brother!", Tirek growled, turning back to me with a glare. "Because, I don't!"
"Yes you do!", I shouted. "Twilight and Princess Celestia told me about your brother, Scorpen! They said that he abondoned brotherhood with you, which makes it the reason why you became so monstrous and heartless!"
The centaur clenched his fists angrily and pointed at me accusingly with a finger. "You have no god damn idea what I've been through!", he shouted. "He betrayed me, because he became friends with those ponies, including that old wizard pony! That bastard also told the princesses on me after I refused to take his offer!"
"And what was the offer?!", I asked.
"To abandon our plans and join him as he acts nice towards those ponies!", Tirek shouted. "HE'S THE REASON WHY I'M STUCK IN THIS PIECE OF SHIT PRISON!"
I watched him seethe through his nostrils, smoke was coming out of them. It wasn't for long until I spoke up. "Well, guess what, you deserve it for being so monstrous towards all ponies in Equestria!", I shouted. I took a deep breath to lower my anger level. "I'm pretty sure Twilight and her friends wouldn't want to see after what you did to them. In addition to that, I'm completely sure Discord wouldn't want to either. He told me that you manipulated him just to get his magic. He also told me that if you try to come up to him and have him join you again, he'll do anything to crush you into dust. And the princesses will do anything to make sure you don't escape this place." I turned away and began heading down the stairs. "I hope this prison gives you time to reflect on your stupid and selfish actions. Goodbye, Tirek."
"Wait a minute!", Tirek protested, stopping me halfway in my tracks. "I do have one question before you go: If Twilight was the one battling me long ago, how come you came here to have a word with me if you weren't with her at that time?"
I let air escape my nostrils slowly. "I did it for her.", I answered.
"Is there a specific reason for that?", Tirek asked.
"I did it for Twilight, because I love her passionately!", I scowled.
Tirek raised an eyebrow in confusion and concern. "What? You love her passionately?", he asked. "What are you talking about?"
"By passionately, I meant by romantically!", I retorted. "I have romantic feelings for her! Alright?! You damn happy now?!"
"Wow.", Tirek said, feeling speechless. "I don't believe it. I find that quite ridiculous. You, a mare, having a crush on an alicorn princess. That's just pathetic. You're pathetic!"
"The only creature that's pathetic is you.", I scowled, continuing to head my way out of this horrid prison. "Again, Goodbye."
Tirek watched me leave him, his claws clutched to the bars of his cage. He lowered his head as he heard the echoes from my hooves taking their steps.
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Okay, um... You wrote this story in first-person from Starlight's POV, and yet you mention how Tirek feels and often somehow have Starlight see the expression on his face when he's turned away from her. And... How do I put this? What exactly is the point of this little scene? Just that Starlight wants to yell at Tirek?
This is poorly written and the story doesn't go anywhere. I can live with the incorrect punctuation and all the sentences with randomly missing words, but ultimately Starlight doesn't make a very compelling argument, and I'm left wondering why this conversation even happened.
9234448
9234413
Ditto.
Well, that was interesting lol.
9234448
What are you talking about?! This is a masterpiece!
Fin.
thumbs.gfycat.com/PointedInstructiveAustraliancattledog-small.gif
This is just Stupid Sorry. :|
9234448
Really? I couldn't get through the story because the punctuation bothered me so much
I was curious about why this had so many downvotes. Now I know.
9234833
This was the best summary of a story I have ever read.
I don't want to be rude. But...
WTF is this, an Evictus story?
9235286
I don't know, but it really bothers me that I spent six months pouring my heart out on a 30k word fic and got maybe 300 clicks over a month long period, but this garbage gets recommended and receives better view metrics in 24 hours. I've given up trying to understand this website's nonsense algorithms.
9234413
precisely.
9235286
I don't understand why people think I'm like Evictus. I don't write stories like he does anymore.
9235210
And what do you know?
9235435
But...
Hoo boy.
There's no real point to any of this. Starlight has no direct personal stake in anything that Tirek did to Twilight. If she went to Tartarus to yell at anyone, it would have been Cozy Glow. The reader goes through this ordeal and learns absolutely nothing new and gains no insights into either character. It all comes off as a colossal waste of time.
9234448
Hey, I worked so hard on this story. I don't understand why this has so much hate. Is it the profanity?
9235443
How did she get to Tartarus? Why did she go there?
What was the point? I don't have answers for any of these questions.
9235305
Same. I spent weeks writing a story that I really enjoyed writing, and it only got less than 30 likes and less than 300 views since I published it in November. Maybe it was because it was an OC's POV?
9235446
This comment makes me think Yoshi is Evictus' alt account...
9235446
Simple, there is no reason for this story to happen. It just comes across as Starlight being a Twilight White-Knight for a 1,417 word story.
9235789
I'm not EVICTUS! Why does everything think I'm Evictus? I mean, come on. His writing is more different than mine.
9235812
Because people want to see if the bad fic they habe heard about is really that bad.
In cases of stories like this it's not really a good things being popular as it just means people are passing it around to show how bad it is and talk about it.
9235446
You are writing this in response to a comment that lays out exactly why the reader didn't like the story in the clearest and simplest terms possible. What is it that you don't understand here?
9237040
Why everyone hates the writing in this. I tried to make it generic.
9237281
Here, I'll just repeat what you seem incapable of reading:
It's badly written because it's totally pointless. You spend over a thousand words saying nothing about either Tirek or Starlight.
9237395
I edited it a little bit.
My brain spins as I try to figure out what the hell this line means.
9237908
Can you write a better version of that line so I can copy it and edit it in the story. I'll write proofread by JD McGregor in the story's description.
9239816
Impossible, since I literally have no idea what you're trying to say in that sentence.
Here, lets break that thing down:
I've never been in such a strange place (Okay, we're starting out clear enough) since I took off in that cave (Wait, what cave do you mean now? The one she ran off into at the end if The Cutie Map, part 2?) after I lost my chance to get lost in it, (And here's where the sentence goes completely bonkers. After she lost her chance to get lost in it?) along with my villagers', including Twilight and her friends', cutie marks. (She lost her chance to get lost in the cave along with the cutie marks of the Mane 6 and Our Town's inhabitants? But... What? She just ran away into the cave at the end of the episode. And are you seriously saying that cave was as strange as Tartarus?)
And the thing is, that one line isn't the problem here. The problem with this story is that Starlight has no real motivation to do this, and her conversation with Tirek is just sort of insipid. What's the point of her going down there to yell at him and say "BLARG! YOU ARE BAD AND WILL REMAIN BAD AND I AM BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE I WAS BAD, BUT NOW AM GOOD!"
Because, truthfully? That just makes her come off as a dick.