• Member Since 20th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 28th, 2012

Bass Kick


Every pony in Ponyville has a story... so what's Screw Loose's story, before she became a mad mare? And what does her past have to do with Discord, the Spirit of Chaos?

I'd like to know what you've thought of this.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

:scootangel: First fanfic, that I read about Redheart and Screw Loose. Strangely enough, I never knew her name was Screw Loose. Anyways, great story. The editing was amazing. I love how Screw Loose is, the pet.:rainbowlaugh:. I love this story and i hope it gets popular, which means you get a favorite, a like, and this comment. Good luck in the bitterniss of the internet:derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh:.

Arrivederci :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

(btw, I tried to look up the definition. It's amazing because the only result on the word, was this story :). You have started a new word.)


Off to a good start!

5/5 Big Macs

Just so you know, you have two typos. Bared instead of barred, and docor instead of doctor.

Also, this story intrigues me. I will keep an eye on this, as I have high hopes for it.

Is gewd! Looking forward to the next part!
Now then, "sinister yet jokingly" should either be "jokingly sinister" or "sinister, yet joking".
"cleard his throat" (cleared, of course.)
"haulted" should be "halted".
"paternaly" should be "paternally".
"violent high pitched noise" should have a comma after "violent".
"gobbled the food up sat up" could be "gobbled the food and sat up" or "gobbled the food up and sat (adverb besides up, like erect, or straight)".
"Vigilance foolishly said to the intern" Foolishly doesn't really make sense here, implying he is making a mistake by saying what he said. In the context of the paragraph, I think something like "teasingly" would fit better.
"She looked deep into the patient's eyes. She instantly felt sorrow for the pony." This seems awkwardly phrased. Looking deeply into somepony's eyes implies a more lengthy endeavor. Maybe "She looked deep (or deeply) into the patient's eyes, and felt a (adjective) sorrow for the pony." Something like "profound" or "resounding".
"occured" should be "occurred".
"classified in the term of" should be "classified with the term of" or "classified in the category of".
"positioned herself to look around imagining" should have a comma after "around".
"cusioned" should be "cushioned".

Like I said, I like the story, and I'm looking forward to the next part, these are just suggestions for things that jumped out at me. :twilightsheepish:

>> Shumiry

Good eye :rainbowlaugh:! And thanks for the extensive help :twilightsmile:

Earned: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

Well, Redheart could use a little background info, for connections sake, but so far so good. I might as well shamelessly recommend you read "Element of Generosity" and see how I gave an OC without a name a compelling (In my opinion at least) background story.

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