The Good Fandom Man

by Jake Witt

Phoenix? Symbolism? Meh.

Between Fluttershy's hooves, the ashes of Princess Celestia's pet spilled. Everyone looked down at the ashes on the ground. The shy pony was about to cry but stopped when I stepped up. "Oscar!"

"S'up?" I looked down. "Oh yeah."

"C-Can you fix her?" she pleaded, a tear threatening to fall.

"Philomena. Get up, you drama queen!" Celestia commanded as she walked up to our group. Everyone watched the ashes rise into the air, do some little tricks, shot fire, and some other neat stuff as I was dragged away in a gold aura. "Where's your sun card?"

"My sun card?"

"Mr. Conners normally I would suggest you leave Equestrian soil but you have an immobile giant robot head that could level a quarter of our planet," Celestia said, coldly. "Less if I notice the build up of power."

I got down on one knee in respect but my response never came out.

"All I need to hear is 'yes' or 'no'. Add a 'maybe' or 'I don't know'-"

"YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY 'MAYBE'... ON THE MOOOOOOOON!" I shouted. Celestia surrounded us in a sound proof time bubble and vaporized me... then reversed time slowly. I regained consciousness in constant pain that died down as Celestia reabsorbed her laser to finish the time spell. "Yes, ma'am."

The bubble dissipated and I stare into two tiny suns with magenta halos in Celestia's eyes, "Become a legal Equestrian citizen or I drop you, boy."

"Two Celestias so synchronized that they become a new Celestia with double sun power, double kindness, double threatening... a Celestia with a true spine," I said smirking. "As your sister has yet to say: the fun has been doubled."

The ponies and Phoenix perched on Spike watched but it didn't matter. With a snap of my finger, the world around us froze in darkness, the only light made a circle fit enough to fit the princess and magic skeleton. "Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No. Aw,
screw it," I said, lowering my blue hood from my skull and letting indigo flames spill from it. My form's appearance was a mixture of Sans and Louis with a bow and bone arrows hanging from chains. I attempted to scowl but facial expressions are impossible, especially for a Ghost Rider. "I hate interruptions. I would say it's my turn but with all due respect; I just wanted one sentence in and no hostility."

"Hostility is killing you on the spot; illegal Humans are not allowed in Equestria."

I magically removed Vlad Masters from Celestia's body, pulling him close. Vlad screamed, "How did you know?!"

"You seem new; your possession was slipping," I said, making him suffer from my penance stare and return to Equestria's spirit realm.

Celestia smiled, "Welcome to Equestria; your sun card will be in soon. I hope you can be Canterlot's exorcist next week?" As she said that, I reverted everything to normal including my form.

"Add the tea cakes and I won't be a stranger."

---

Not Even A Week Leter...

Celestia leaped into an alley, sliding into a large box; the only sign of the princess inside the cardboard box was her back half sitting behind a dumpster and her horn sticking out the closed end. I followed suit, activating my cloaking device, that only made my Ultimatrix invisible. As I began to see the mob shadows, I found my invisibility cloak and hid under it; my steps were muffled as I moved next to Celestia.

Celestia flicked her tail at me, "I thought you were going to stop the ghost problem; not make it worse!"

"Hey, I didn't say I was an exorcist," I poked my hand out to point out the mob of possessed nobles and high-class citizens that flew upside down, danced, flailed, flew without wings or magic... maybe floating is the word? "This is not my fault; Prince Blueblood didn't heed my warning."

"What did he do this time?"

My answer was interrupted by Luna Moon blocking our exit, both heads crazily sniffing the ground. She stopped, both heads lifting up to sing for the coming of a new hour, "Esuaceb tsuj, reverof ti gnignis eb ll'yeht tub... saw ti tahw gniwonk ton... TI GNIGNIS DETRATS... SEINOP EMOS~! DNEIRF YM, NO DNA NO SEOG TI~! DNE T'NSEOD TAHT GNOS EHT SI SIHT~!"

We used that opening to pull the box off Celestia and book it! I put up my cloak as we ran.

Behind we heard, "Come play with us..." coming from the alley.

"I punch a ghost, put it in a vat, badda-bing badda-boom! Ghost therapy!" I explain while pumping my systems with potions from storage through my Ultimatrix to keep my stamina up and hide the fact I couldn't keep up with nor borderline pass Celestia's running speed and endurance. "If I can't help it move on; I let it stew in essentially Ghost Jail or Ghost Highschool. Depends on the pecking order."

I cast Curaga, creating a healing circle around the two of us, giving the Princess energy to talk- "That doesn't seem safe."

"It isn't unless you monitor it," I replied, stopping the pump before I could get drunk or my blood became an unhealthy amount of health... if that makes sense. "But it's more dangerous what Blueblood did."

"WHAT DID HE DO?!"

"He brought some guys over and wanted to prove I was a sham," I began fidgeting with my Ultimatrix to look for a Deus Ex Machina. "I had so many layers of security and yet they were no match for him shutting the machine down, taking out the battery, and unplugging it from the backup power in one fell swoop."

I accidentally tapped the Ultimatrix face down, the last image I saw was a "64". My body floated behind Celestia as it shrunk, every visible part of me melded together into a white mass with stubby limbs. I felt hollow inside... not in an emo way but a literal hollow inside. My voice echoed as I asked, "What am I?"

The Doctor ran past, shouting, "Master Hand and Glover." He turned left at the end of the block, vanishing.

I looked down at the fingers making up my limbs; I brought my left leg and arm back to the thumb behind my head and snapped. The area flashed, every ghost leaving their host. I transformed into Gravattack, using my gravitational field to pull the spirits to me. Some tried to possess me but fell for my trap: I discovered the Ultimatrix's clothing function by complete accident a month prior. With the help of Rarity, Twilight, and a ginger unicorn stallion (who initially showed up for a book) I figured out how to outfit a good amount of transformations.

Ten by ten shrinking to just one by one; the ghosts were absorbed into the layer of soul gems outfitting Gravattack's body. I knew they would be useful but not so soon!

---

Maleficent frowned, watching as light and vibrant color returned to Canterlot. She took off her backpack, taking out a small, green hand mirror. A smirk won over her face, "Show me the pest, who dare disturb my take over as Empress of the New World!"

The mirror showed Gravattack; his limbs reforming so he could stand.

"A mere rock beast? I suppose I should show him his place," then she paused, watching the blue light blind the mirror briefly, now showing a young man in the rock monster's place. He held a zip lock bag of the shimmering gems on the stone creature's body. "Shapeshifter? He doesn't appear to be a threa-" She stopped, staring as a keyblade formed for the man to scrape his shoes clean. "Oh, Hades, no. I'm not messing with that guy! Screw this; Magnificent Maleficent, out!"

She teleported away, leaving behind a pillar of key black smoke billowing from the ground.

Author's Note:

Who can guess Luna & Moon's song?