The Good Fandom Man

by Jake Witt

Studying: Golden Oaks' Visitors

After my dramatic fight, I disassembled my armor to different sections of what was my new home. My eyes glanced over to the unplugged USB the A.I. were trapped in and the ghosts couldn't touch. "Rouge, Giffany. I promise I will extract you from that USB," I sighed. "Of course, I'm probably asking-" A thought hit me like a brick. "What if I wake each me one by one? I have a suit of armor... but manually..."

Holding the helmet and Ultimatrix arm, I hopped out of my pocket dimension and tripped over my pocket spring. While falling down some stairs "I warned you about the stairs, bro!" like some red Homestuck idiot, my helmet latched onto my head. I took off my helmet and looked to my left to spot nine ponies. Those five other ponies, Twilight and Humungosaur Spike, a brown earth stallion with a spiked gray mane and tail wearing a lab coat and beige pants, and the final pony was a gray pegasus mare with blonde mane, tail, and eye that looked at me and my pet chimpanzee Mr. Mumbles, who was across the room in the opposite direction.

The stallion pointed a gun at me, "There's two more! There was nine and now there's thirteen!"

"We have to get to the bottom of this!" Sunset Glimmer exclaimed, her balled talon meeting her open one. "These mind parasites can not leave the tree!"

"You are indeed correct!" Princess Luna agreed. A starry-maned, one headed, Princess Luna that turned out to be a parasite by my headshot.

I got up, spinning my revolver's chamber, "There's actually ten of us." I shot Sunset Glimmer, Mr. Mumbles, and a hybrid Monopoly Man Michael Jackson. "My name is Oscar Conners and I'm not rehashing a 'Rick & Morty' scenario."

"I'm Sick Sanchez," he held his gun to my head. "And the number stays at nin*urrp*e. Funny how you're not a p*urrrp*ony and that only Twilight recognized you." Spike held out his claw, "Nobody gives a s Spike. You're on my list..." His unibrow furrowed further as he took a point-blank shot.

My body began to glow gold as all Time Lords do when they regenerate, "Dude, I really~ want to know~! Dun dun dundun~! Should I stay or should you go!!!" As I changed, my finger glowed with a mighty power that pushed Sick away and shot concentrated energy at Pizza Steve and a unicorn so fluffy it had to die.After the change was complete, I returned to my normal human form. "Time Lord DNA. You only live twelve times with a Zen Kai boost between transition." I dodged a sick kick, "Try that stung again and I may go Ultimate Time Lord on your butt."

"Alright, who do you think is *uuurp* real, genius?!"

"The bearers of the Elements of Harmony," I looked through my forms for Time Lord. "Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack. It's too early for them to have fond memories. I was involved with Spike's current form. I assume Derpy Hooves Ditzy Doo Muffins was real for many reasons I will address. I am real otherwise my Time Lord form would be crap... but I don't know nor care if you're real."

The gray mare, , pointed at Sick, "He's real. He's staying at my house and taking me to weird places the Doctor could never take me."

I smiled, "You travel with the Doctor?"

"Not at the moment; he dropped me off three years too early. Sick is a means to an end since the Rick Council confirmed his Morty being with my Doctor."

Pinkie rolled her eyes, "Not that this isn't fun and necessary exposition but I still need to set up A PARTY!"

"I think Featherweight can wait about five more minutes," Princess Skyla reasoned. Everyone agreed happily as nobody can fault her logic and divine wisdom... which was ended swiftly by Rainbow's pocket knife.

Rainbow Slash hoof bumped Rainbow Dash but the first was killed by my true aim. "No! No! Slash, stay with me! Do not die on me! You're going to live and finally prove to Gilda that maneuver can happen! You will live so we can impress the Wonderbolts with our Double Rainbooms!"

Fluttershy held Rainbow Dash tight as the parasite turned to ash.

I glanced at Sick, "I think a tiny bit of me just died."

"Deal with it," he replied, pulling out a flask. His hoof traveled the room, "Stop moving; I'm trying to count!"

I held two fingers on my Chrome Ultimatrix, "Ultimatrix Mind Meld: Unlock." I felt a brief shock as my body accustomed to the new Ultimatrix. I reached out my arm as a laser scanned the room and it's many occupants. On my command, FM Nanites swarmed the library, vaporizing every parasite in the area and traveling throughout the rest of the library before returning to the Ultimatrix. "Alright, the gloves are off."

Sick then fired his gun at me, again. "I bet they would die for their leader! This is a *urrrp* big act on youuur part. Good job convincing everyone, luring us into a *urrf* false sense of security. Well, you can just lick lick-"

My skeleton hand held him up by his neck, my mind creating a hybrid DNA creation that came to fruition. I bobbed my head to the silent music as an eye glowed blue, the spikes on my leather jacket rose in height before being engulfed in flames. "Ghost Rider, Sans, Luis. I wonder if this vengeful skeleton thing exists as a trope? I could give you my penance stare or just a very... bad... time..." Time fire engulfing my skull grew, emphasizing how bad the time will become.

"Yeah, I'd rather stick with the retard or one of Berry's mentally challenged spawn that just so happen to be my grandchildren." He didn't look a bit scared so I just dropped him. "Good. I already had to deal with Summer and Morty is off whenever. Like I give a-"

I used Gaster's powers to open a portal under Sick and so that the headache would go away. I turned to the ponies and Spike, who had Rarity on his bicept like a fainting couch. Reverting to normal, I waved, "Oscar Conners, the Great Fandom Man. I would like to be friends and talk to Rarity about a possible partnership involving a unique gem I can create... especially since my Ultimatrix has a DNA Lab..."