The Good Fandom Man

by Jake Witt

Studying: Golden Oaks & My Pocket Dimension

"What is up with these 'Guardians of Harmony' toys?!"

It's odd watching my armor look up from a newspaper to look at me, across my dinner table. Luckily, the white Power Ranger helmet gave it more character than Iron Man. Whoever was currently in control shrugged its shoulders.

"They gave Princess Twilight a spear and a weird scoop armor," I said, holding said toy. "Is she going to plow Sweet Apple Acres after fighting the changeling she's paired up with?"

"Don't forget about the Wonderbolts and their jetpack! Now they're channeling the air force!" Giffany added, making her three Wonderbolt toys fly with pure data will.

A tiny toy changeling queen flew past my head. "They even gave the front half of Chrysalis the stamp of Trixie's disapproval." Rouge commanded the toy back to her, firing off the two green wheels from the Chrysalis' front hooves and "knocking out" Giffany's Spitfire. "Don't worry for I, the Badass Spike, will save you!" Rouge's other hand proclaimed, holding a tiny armored toy Spike by his red cape. Toy Spike "saved" Spitfire before tossing his sword into Chrysalis' heart. "I've ended her reign of terror!"

The missing Zebra ghost from the tribal Fandom Man- Fan Man- resurfaced, dancing around the toy Queen Chrysalis.

I silently reached over, grabbing toy Celestia to reward Spike in my best princess voice... which wasn't much.

---

I climbed through my portal opening, furious as I stomped to my armor. "Who spliced Twilight with Klingon DNA?!" The Zebra began explaining something in a language I couldn't understand. "Anyone, I can understand?" The Zebra pointed to my armor. "Who was in control of it at the time?"

The Zebra made a curvy shape with his hooves, blue lines following. He then stood at attention.

"Cortana; got it," I nodded, appreciatively. "One of us needs to learn better communication. I know you understand me-"

I flew a distance after something hit my left side. If there was actual ground I keep bouncing off of, I bet I would get major friction burns. The obvious backhand would've kept my arm broken if I didn't accidentally transform five skips back. As the frail Spider Monkey, I broke two arms... but another bounce during my attempt to change forms on purpose gave me my Wolverine form.

"Vote to kill has been overruled." Cortana spoke from my armor when I got up.

"What is going on?!"

"Cortana snuck the imprisoned A.I. into the armor!" Giffany screamed, "Also the Klingon Nanites will die in a minute... uh... Can you leave us to our voting?"

"Motion passed; one-minute head start," Cortana shouted, shifting the suit to a battle stance. "Ghost voting pending. Pyro style motion carried."

---

What is Tiny Spark?! Her energy levels are high yet she struggles to levitate anything heavier than Twilight's coffee mug. She has amazing hopping abilities and reminds me of breezies... if they were grounded bookworms. She spends 90% of her time with Twilight, even as far as being with her when... They're inseparable; let's say that.

Spike is normal Spike. I haven't seen anyth- Did he just unhinge his jaw to eat a stack of pancakes?!? Sick! As in both awesome and unnerving.

I moved my focus to Klingon Twilight, who has calmed down significantly. My Cortana had a hobby of developing nanites to the point of returning their control to me or forming superior nanobots and using those nanobots to form a nanobot body. To see her worked used on Twilight Sparkle was equal parts fascinating and discerning. These were Generator Rex nanites; what if they did something worse to Twilight?

The pony of my study scratched the growth on her face, frowning. Eventually, her muscle mass returned to normal, she calmed further, and as the growth dissipated; Twilight coughed out the nanites. Their self-destruction were barely audible pops.

I walked up to Twilight, "Hey... Are you alright?"

She looked up, frowning, "I'm writing to the princess about my unusual disease. I don't know-"

"Actually, it is not a disease. There's some drama at my place and that somehow led to tiny robots temporarily splicing your DNA with an alien," I interjected, grabbing the scroll. "I'm waiting for it to blow over rather than watch it blow up in my face."

"Tiny robots? How tiny?"

"They can replicate an airborne virus," I answered, nervous internally. "However small that is. I'm sorry for the inconvenience and wish for my friend's work to not abused a second time-"

We heard a crash and a loud, deep scream. Looking towards the kitchen revealed a spliced Spike with Humungosaur DNA.

Twilight gave me an accusing look.

I sighed, "I didn't want this to turn personal." I ran up the stairs, tossing a pocket spring to launch me into my pocket dimension where it was severely renovated to the point that it looked like an old castle with futuristic upgrades. Nearby I found a terminal. I removed my omnitrix and inserted it into the terminal and using my scouter as an interface. When it came out, the terminal locked yet it was too late as I attached the new rig. It still looked like the Ben 10 Alien Force omnitrix but the face was thinner and the strap was thicker. The new chrome look was a bit much but it was worth the arc reactor addition. The face popped up, showing a green holographic ball that changed colors as I turned the ring.

"Mercy? Motion denied. All Oscar Conners will be contained or killed. Revenge motion carried." I leaped back as a familiar fist shot through the terminal in an attempt to grab me. "Prepare to be E X T E R M I N A T E D."

I quickly chose the red orb, pushing the omnitrix face down as a microphone poked out. "Henshin a Go Go, Bro!" A Viewtiful Joe styled suit appeared, the omnitrix on my chest with twin spikes making a V. I cast aside a long, flowing blue scarf for the same reason Edna Mode discarded capes. A white Power Ranger helmet formed over my head, matching the white gloves and boots on my red and blue suit. "This feels different than last time..."

My armor walked around the wall, Captain America's Shield on one arm and Genji's sword in the other hand. My voice spoke back, mettalic, "Maybe it's because you're not hiding behind this suit of armor."

"No, I was fighting a more competant opponent."

"Rapid voting: active. Motions CARRIED!" It dashed forward, knocking me to the ground in an instant.

"Fire!" My keyblade formed, shooting three fireballs. I rolled back, jumped, and summoned electricity in my blade tip as I spun forward in the air and tossed my keyblade. The armor blocked the last shot, returning with rapid sword strikes I could barely dodge. My foot slipped and I was sure to be stucken down- "Thunder!" Who am I kidding?

Lightning shot out of the keyblade, slowing the suit enough for me to counter. The blade struck the chest but no visible damage was seen. It tossed the shield and for a moment I was forced to yield a moment too long as my Matrix-worthy reverse duck left my legs open to be swept and before I could react, twin hammers dribbled me like a basketball. "Motions carried!"

For once in my life I was having trouble sitting up. I watched as... "No!" Gloves once mine turned the ring of an ultimatrix out of my grasp, for once I see the backs of the holographic figures. I slowly forced my arms to meet, my left hand reaching my right wrist.

"This human is weak of will and is thus not worthy of a power he can not comprehend," the suit continues, my projected voice being more and more robotic. "He was a brief amusement akin to a slinky or a penny." Imperfect Cell showed up, his hologram hunched and waiting. The inner face popped up twice, showing Perfect Cell. "Or it was like watching a bug crawl across the pavement." It's hand gently pushed down the ultimatrix face while I was still looking for a decent form in an unfiltered sea of forms.

...nothing happened.

"I will stop you!" I shouted, my transformation beginning. My "Viewtiful Suit" changed shape to accomodate the changed form. My body shrunk as my limbs became legs ending in hooves and a muzzel grew from my face. Slots opened for my poofy pink mane and tail to poke out as a giggling spell came over me, "Pinkie. Pie. Promise!"

I placed a crafting bench in front of me, tossing three party cannons and some sticks on it until I got my P.C.H. I slung my Party Cannon Hammer over my shoulder as I jumped off the bench. The armor dodged but a barrel roll can't stop me! My hammer fired from one end, meeting my armor's helmet with a hallow "thunk". Or maybe it was more of a "brunbrunbrun"! Or a "clunk"! Oooh! Whatever that fun sound is, you get the idea!

I swung the hammer, launching pastries at the armor's boots and tripping it up. Genji's sword was swung, never reaching me but getting cake in the armor's face. "I'm not cleaning that up!" I said with a cheeky grin. My canon shot out a big cheesecake cherrychanga. The armor caught it and looked up to see my alternate version of DeadPool, FandomPool, tackle the armor for the treat. "Hey, that's mine! Mineminemine!"

"How dare you make a mockery of the Great Fandom Man!"

"Say what what in the butt?!" I said between bites, laying flat on the ground to avoid a crescant kick. "I'm the Great Fandom Man!"

"You were."

I did a quaduple axle backflip and stuck the landing, grabbing "Fandom Man's" hand and pulling it into my uppercut, knocking the helmet off. "Oh, yeah? The Fandom Man never talked like that, used nanites on unwilling ponies, or acted as judge and jury."

"Just like you did with the other versions of yourself?"

FandomPool changed into Upgrade, "They attacked me first, both times. Tell me why."

"Wouldn't you be pissed if your friends, family, and reality disappeared? Also, the whole "only one Conners" thing for this timeline-" A blue lightsaber came out, the blade close to my neck. "Motion sent for revote."

"If it's possible to talk to them in stasis," I began, quietly taking over the armor. "I wish I could say- remind them of a place called Earth. A country named America with a state called Texas. I don't know about Original Character but I know what you mean."