1: But He Certainly Can Try
Rain poured down on me.
I wiped the droplets from the back of my head with an absent-minded swipe, gritting my teeth, and pulled my ball cap down a bit lower over my eyes. I settled myself back against the wall of the compound, eyeing both ends of the street that stretched out before me. Ruined buildings loomed overhead, with broken windows and missing doors gaping like hungry maws. Thunder crackled overhead, making my shoulders tense out of some deep-seated primal reflex.
This wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend Wednesday afternoon, but orders were orders.
The chill bit into me, even through my layered jacket and bullet-proof vest. I idly tapped the toes of my combat boots against the asphalt. It was still and quiet all around me, and I somehow knew that this wasn’t going to be a good day. It was something deep in my gut that made me shift my stance slightly, bringing a hand to my pistol and unsnapping the holster for faster access.
Headlights approached from down a cross street, and I tensed up, watching carefully as a vehicle turned a corner and approached the compound. I relaxed almost immediately, recognizing it as one of ours, and shifted my position so I could open up the gate. I tapped in the code on the keypad, and old motors roared to life, slowly lifting the mechanized gate. The driver stopped next to me and rolled down the window, releasing a wash of cigarette smoke from his chapped lips as he smirked at me. “Jake.”
“Ryan. Everything go okay? No incidents?” I said, leaning close.
“Five-by-five, man. We got what we needed.”
“Great. They’ll be happy to hear that.”
Thunder rolled overhead, drowning out whatever Ryan was going to say, and he chuckled at me. “You poor bastard. Standing out in the rain like this?”
“Yeah, well, sometimes you get crap duty, but I’m just trying to make an honest buck, right?” I said, rolling my eyes.
“No kidding. Aren’t we all? Oldest profession in the world, right?” Ryan said, taking a long drag on his cigarette.
“Second oldest. Whores were first,” I snarked back.
“Yeah? You’d know, right?” Ryan tossed back, winking at me.
I could feel the hairs on my arms stand up, suddenly, and I turned in place, looking down the road. There wasn’t anything around, though, just Ryan and I. The feeling of unease grew, and even Ryan picked up on it. “What’s up?”
“I dunno. Get inside the compound. I’ll close the gate.”
Ryan frowned, but rolled back up the window and pulled forward, moving his vehicle inside. I tapped a button on the keypad, bringing the gate rumbling back down again. There was a static feeling in the air, and I could see lights, suddenly. Strange, dancing lights.
“Oh, crap,” I muttered, and crouched down, touching my heels together and hoping to god that the lightning would pick any number of other things to hit near me.
The lightning didn’t come, but a bass, rumbling sound roared in my ears. The lights around me intensified, and below me, impossibly, a circle formed on the ground, about six feet in diameter and glowing with amber energy that sparkled like a firework. Lines suddenly traced themselves around the interior of the circle, forming patterns, stars within stars and other geometric shapes, like fractals, dividing internally. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and I felt a pulling deep inside my body.
The light flashed, blinding, dazzling me and leaving me blind. I cursed, covering my eyes. It smelled like ozone, and I could feel the liquid on my hat and jacket flash-evaporate in an instant. I gasped, falling onto my knees with a grunt. The air felt like it had been sucked from my lungs, and I breathed in, nearly on the verge of hyperventilating. There was a squeal of excitement, high-pitched and girlish. I opened my eyes, only to see stars and the barest outlines of a room. Somebody was jumping up and down in front of me, laughing gleefully… and maybe a bit maniacally?
“I did it! I actually did it! Oh, Princess Celestia is going to be so proud! A ten point summoning spell using Starswirl's Conjunction and Clover’s Mirror Reach!” shouted a happy little voice, giggling. A child?
I wiped at my eyes again, trying desperately to clear my vision with some success. My lungs still didn’t feel right, as though somebody had punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me, and I continued to pant and gasp. My vision started to come into focus, and I stared at a… big cat? I blinked again. No. Not a big cat. Quadruped, four legs, big colorful eyes, lemon-yellow skin, and light green hair. My brain tried to make sense of what I was looking at, but my mouth moved on it’s own. “Are… are you a goddamn unicorn?”
The unicorn leapt back, yelping. “It talks!”
I blinked, and felt something inside my head break a little bit. I sat back on my ass, staring at the thing in front of me, feeling my heart rate double, and then triple. “Well. That’s new,” I managed to gasp between breaths as my vision turned blurry, and then white.
I realized, somewhat blearily, that I’d been hyperventilating the whole time, and I was about to pass out. Too little, too late.
Least dignified entry to a new world, ever.
I slipped out of my room in the castle, glancing down the halls as I checked that my timing was right. I spotted Corporal Sapphire Spirit, her armor gleaming as usual, reporting in to the Captain of the Royal Guard as he made his rounds. They were at the far end of the hallway, about twenty feet away. I’d left my shoes off, and my socks muffled my footsteps as I darted away from my room, closing the door and rushing to the corner of the hall. I peeked a quick glance as I rounded the corner, just in time to see Corporal Sapphire salute the Captain, her back completely to me. I snickered to myself as I pulled on my shoes and took off at a quick jog. I was home free!
I whistled a tune to myself as I strolled down the streets of Canterlot, taking in the sights. It was a good day, because today, I was going to meet Rarity for coffee. We’d bonded over some interesting times. A few days ago, I’d met her at a fancy-schmancy tea party. As adorable as you’d think that would be, having a tea party with a bunch of dressed-up little ponies, it was a less-than-stellar experience. Two out of five stars. The only saving grace of the whole ordeal had been Rarity.
She and I had been thrust together by the meddling of Princess Celestia. I’d had assumed she was just another noblemare, looking to rub shoulders with some movers and shakers at the party, but she ended up being full of surprises. She had wit and charm in spades, and she and I had left early, arm-in-hoof. We’d shocked the hell out of a few ponies, which was a bonus for me, and had escaped my guard, Sapphire Spirit, to get some coffee.
Unfortunately, Joe’s had been closed. Some kind of inspection hadn’t quite been passed, no doubt the result of a trumped-up Canterlot noble appointed to a high position trying to throw his weight around. But Joe’s was an institution, and they’d reopened within days after some letters had been exchanged with Princess Celestia herself.
Whomever the inspector was, they’d forgotten how much Celestia loved sweets, and Joe’s doughnuts were a bit of a favourite.
So, Rarity and I had had to call a rain check on the whole thing, and agreed to meet up as soon as we’d heard that Joe’s was open for business. Rarity had been extremely disappointed that she wouldn’t get a chance to mend my suit, and had insisted that I wear it again. I’d agreed. I still didn’t really see what was wrong with my suit, but… mares. Who knew with them? They were smarter than all of us gentlemen by a mile, and they knew it.
It was time to meet Rarity.
Rarity beamed at me as I approached, meeting her a few blocks away from Joe’s. She looked stunning, wearing a white sun dress and yet another floppy hat, a light tan color that matched nicely with what she was wearing without clashing with her coat. She looked me up and down, her pleased expression souring a bit. I frowned, looking down at my suit. “What?”
“I’m sorry, darling. I’d forgotten that I told you to wear that,” she said, reaching out with one manicured hoof to touch the hem of my jacket.
“Well, hello to you too, Miss Rarity,” I grumbled, smirking at her.
Rarity looked up into my eyes and giggled. “Where are my manners? Hello, Jake. It’s good to see you again!”
I smiled and offered her my arm, in an imitation of our previous encounter’s beginning. “Shall we?”
“Such a gentlestallion,” Rarity cooed, smiling as she took my arm.
We walked slowly, Rarity taking in the sights of the city. It was rare for me to get out, and I enjoyed the leisurely stroll as Rarity pointed out interesting stores and fawned over window displays. I smiled and commented to her, “You know, I was really impressed with you the other day.”
“Oh?” Rarity asked, looking up at me with curiosity.
“Yeah. You walked out of that ballroom like you had no qualms leaving with a weird creature like me. Didn’t even look back. I’d expected you to… I don’t know, drink it in a bit more?”
"The only thing I felt like drinking comes in a mug, with sugar and cream," Rarity said, smiling at me and squeezing my arm a bit for emphasis.
I laughed. “Nice. Still, though… what with you being there, and all the high-profile nobles, I’d expected more... uncertainty. You’re a businessmare, right? A lot of opportunity to promote yourself was sitting in that room, being a bunch of snooty jerks.”
“Well,” she said, giggling nervously, “I certainly had high hopes… but, like I told you, I was… bored.” She sighed as she said it, and I caught a bit of a sag to her shoulders.
I raised an eyebrow at her. "You know, for somebody—ah, sorry—somepony who was bored by the pretense of that tea party, you certainly were interested in what those ponies thought of you."
Rarity's ears tilted flat. I suddenly realized that she was uncertain about her choice to leave with me. She bit her lip, but then her gaze traveled up to meet mine, and she smiled. "Well, you're... not wrong on that count, I'm afraid."
I frowned, "I hope that I didn't ruin your big chance to get in with the nobility."
"Oh, no, Jake. You did me a favor." She must have caught my uncertain frown, because she placed a hoof on the breast pocket of my ill-tailored jacket in a placating gesture. "Really, darling. I would have absolutely preferred to go with you for a cup of strong coffee, instead of spending any more time being ignored by those ponies."
I looked into her eyes, trying to gauge her sincerity. She seemed to be earnest about her desire to get out, at any rate, though I knew there was more to the story than she was letting on. I shrugged. "All right, then. Coffee and some conversation. I want to know how a fine mare like yourself ends up being ignored by a bunch of pretentious asses like them."
Rarity smiled in response and picked up her pace, pulling me along past the shops and ponies of Canterlot. We received a few uncertain looks, and more than a few scandalized gasps as we walked together, but I ignored them. This was par for the course. Rarity clung a little tighter to my arm.
We turned a street corner, and there was Doughnut Joe’s. A gleaming bastion of civilization, in the middle of the gaudy architecture and flamboyant excess of Canterlot’s streets. I grinned, and was about to press forward when a flapping of wings overhead startled me. I halted in place as a pegasus guard flew overhead, did a tight wing-over, and landed before us. Our way was now blocked by a familiar pegasus guardsmare in gleaming golden armor. Corporal Sapphire Spirit cast me a stern look. "Jake! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! You know you're not supposed to go anywhere without an escort! Namely: me."
I scowled, gesturing to Rarity. "Oh, come on, Sapphire. I'm not going out alone, here. I've got a classy mare that wants me to treat her to some coffee at Joe's."
Corporal Sapphire seemed to finally take note of Rarity, as Rarity swept the floppy hat from her head, holding it to her breast and allowing her curled, violet tresses to fall free. It was a stunning effect, as her mane caught the light and shimmered. Rarity smiled sweetly at Sapphire. "I'm terribly sorry to be a bother, miss. Jake and I were just heading out for a tête-à-tête over coffee, which I was going to treat him to."
For the first time ever, I saw Corporal Sapphire Spirit lose her composure. Her eyes widened, her mouth fell open, and she leaned back a bit as the tips of her ears trembled. I glanced down at Rarity, taking in her pose, and then eyed Corporal Sapphire as she tried to recover. I couldn't read pony body language very well, but she was definitely star-struck. Corporal Sapphire's voice cracked a bit as she rasped, "Miss Rarity! I'm sorry, I had no idea!"
"Oh, no, darling, think nothing of it!" Rarity said, smiling benevolently. "You seem like a very reliable mare. Jake is lucky to have you... assigned to him?" she ventured, looking up to me for conformation.
I smiled, and even though I had no earthly idea why Corporal Sapphire would react to Rarity like this, I knew I would milk it for everything it was worth. "Rarity, this is Corporal Sapphire Spirit, my daytime guard. Corporal Sapphire Spirit, this is Rarity."
Rarity let out a happy little gasp, her eyes widening as she looked at Corporal Sapphire. "Sapphire Spirit? What a lovely name! Why, my favourite gemstone is—"
"Sapphire! You said so in issue 148 of Mane And Tail Magazine!" Corporal Sapphire blurted, and then slapped both of her front hooves over her muzzle as she sat back on her haunches, looking mortified. I bit my tongue very, very hard to keep from laughing. Oh, this little interaction was going to pay dividends.
Rarity looked surprised, but recovered, blushing slightly. "Oh, I see you know who I am. I'm curious, are you interested in my couture, or...?"
Sapphire swallowed hard, fighting through her embarrassment as her eyes darted between my amused expression and Rarity's curious one. "I... love your dresses," she managed to squeak out, her white muzzle turning beet red.
Rarity's smile deepened, becoming a truly genuine thing, and she laughed, waving a hoof. "Oh, you are an absolute delight," she said, and her eyes narrowed, roving over Sapphire with an appraising look, before her expression brightened again, "And such a beautiful figure, too! Why, darling, you are simply inspiring me where you stand."
Corporal Sapphire froze up. I was briefly concerned that her heart had simply given out, and I reached out and gave her breastplate a nudge. She gasped, sucking in air as her wings fluttered at her sides, and her face reddened even further. "Really?" she said, her voice reaching a pitch meant for whistling to dogs.
"How could I not? You are the very model of the modern pegasus guardsmare! Sleek, graceful. Steel hiding silk!" Rarity said, dramatically gesturing to Corporal Sapphire. She approached, placing a hoof on Corporal Sapphire's shoulder. "You must come and visit me at my Canterlot Boutique."
Corporal Sapphire looked like she could have died in that moment, and moved on to the pony afterlife a happy mare. "Really?"
"Really. Please, when you find yourself with a day off, pay me a visit. I would love to get your measurements and, if you are willing, use you as a model. It is not exciting work, honestly. I'm certain, being a guard, you'd find it rather b—"
"I'll do it!" Corporal Sapphire interjected, leaping up and standing tall on all four legs, almost at attention.
Rarity beamed at Corporal Sapphire. "Wonderful! I will certainly look forward to it. But, alas, we must be going, now. Come along, Jake."
Rarity trotted ahead of me, smiling happily, and I followed. Corporal Sapphire waved enthusiastically at us, before turning and trotting away, a prance in her step as she went the opposite direction, disappearing around the corner of a building. I sped up a bit until I was walking beside Rarity, and I grinned. "Holy crap. You just made Corporal Sapphire's day, and you got her off our case. I don't think she'll even remember she was supposed to be following me for a few hours."
Rarity cast me a sly grin. "Tell me you're not impressed."
"I wouldn't lie to you, Miss Rarity," I said, glancing over my shoulder. "I just hope Corporal Sapphire isn't too crushed when you don't actually want to use her as a model."
Rarity halted in her tracks, and turned to me slowly, one manicured eyebrow arching. "Did that seem disingenuous to you, Jake?"
"Well," I started, but Rarity held up a hoof, stopping me before I could start.
"I was being honest. Corporal Sapphire is a lovely mare. Athletic and sleek, the very picture of pegasus pony beauty. She would make an incredible model, and I intend to produce at least two pieces inspired by her. Something dressy, but practical, like she is," Rarity said.
I nodded, properly chastised. "Oh. I, uh... I just assumed you were trying to get her off our backs. I'm sorry."
Rarity smiled at me. "Already forgiven, darling. Now, hopefully without further interruptions... shall we go and get some coffee?"
I returned her smile. "Yes, ma'am."
A thought struck my mind, and before my brain could catch up, my mouth started moving on its own. "So, wait, Corporal Sapphire is hot?"
Rarity snorted and giggled, shaking her head. "You have much to learn about ponies, my dear."
I scowled. "Yeah, yeah. Give the new species a hard time, why don't you?"
"I think I will," Rarity said, a wicked little smile crossing her muzzle.
This mare. I shook my head, smiling despite myself, and followed Rarity down the road towards Doughnut Joe’s.
Doughnut Joe's was my kind of place. It was the closest I had come to finding a slice of home in Equestria. It was a diner's diner, with clear glass display cases showing off baked goods and sandwiches, a jukebox playing upbeat tunes, and the unmistakable scent of coffee filling the place. I held the front door open for Rarity, and as she stepped inside, she tilted her head back and inhaled slowly, taking in the heady aroma of freshly brewed coffee. She smiled, more to herself than for my sake, and murmured, "Marvelous."
I agreed. Joe's was an upscale diner on the outside, true to Canterlot's architectural standards, but inside I could have been anywhere. The white linoleum floors, the booths and glossy tables, and the knick-knacks and sports memorabilia hanging on the walls contributed to the homey feeling. We'd arrived right at the peak of a lunch rush, and a few employees darted about, smiling happily as they delivered food and beverages to waiting ponies. I lead Rarity to a booth in the corner, looking out onto the streets of Canterlot, and took off my coat before sitting down. It was a bit of a squeeze to get into the booth, but I managed. Pony architecture sometimes didn't agree with me, but the plush padding of the seat made up for it. Rarity sat across from me and eyed my undershirt and revealed vest with a critical eye. I grinned at her. "Should I start flexing? Put on a show?"
Rarity's eyes widened, and she burst out laughing, shaking her head. "Honestly, Jake!"
I snickered, "Sorry, I'm just not used to mares who aren't Princess Celestia or Raven giving me the side-eye like that."
Rarity recovered her composure and smiled. "I can't help myself, I'm afraid. Your white undershirt is at least mostly acceptable. That vest, though... it looks like they stole a pattern made for a minotaur and sized it down to fit."
I looked down at the vest. "Honestly? I don't see what you're seeing."
Rarity giggled. "That's perfectly all right. Not everypony has an eye for clothing like I do... but for those ponies that do, you stick out like a sore thumb. You said that some tailors at the castle made the vest and jacket for you?"
I nodded, half paying attention to Rarity as I searched for a waiter or waitress, spotted one, and waved them over. Rarity continued on talking. "Honestly, that's simply depressing. Those ponies are probably in dire need of some remedial sewing lessons."
A mare waitress trotted over to us. She was a blond maned, blue earth pony with her mane pulled back into a loose bun and a easygoing smile. She dropped two menus and two sets of silverware in front of us "Heya, Jake. Welcome back. Who's the lucky mare?" She said with a wink. She had a bit of a nasal voice, something that vaguely made me think of New Jersey.
I grinned back at her. "Margarine, this is Miss Rarity. Rarity, Margarine. She's my second-favourite pony at this place."
Rarity smiled and offered Margarine a polite nod. "Charmed!"
"Likewise. Any friend of Jake's is a friend of mine. Where's Sapphire off to?" Margarine asked, looking around for my absent guard.
"Indisposed, I'm afraid. The nobles are revolting," I said, smirking.
Margarine rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah? What's got their tails in a knot this time?"
"Nothing. They're just revolting," I said, hazarding the bad joke.
Margarine stared at me, deadpan, and then stuck her tongue out impishly. "Lame. Zero points. You owe me an extra bit for puttin' up with you without Sapphire to keep you in line!"
I laughed, slapping my palm on the table and making Rarity jump a bit. "Marge, that's why I love you. Can we get two cups of whatever's strongest? We can decide on the rest while you handle that."
Margarine grinned and cast Rarity look. "You must be a nice mare, dealin' with a colt like him."
"You must be nicer, letting him tell bad jokes like that!" Rarity said with a laugh.
Margarine trotted away to get our coffee, and Rarity smiled at me. "When you told me the other day that this was your place, you weren't joking! First name basis with the wait staff? I'm not in nearly enough to be considered a regular."
I smiled, leaning back into the cushy booth and getting comfortable as I pulled a menu closer to myself. "What can I say? Joe's feels like home."
Rarity looked surprised when I said this, and cast a glance around the place. "Really? That's fascinating, darling. They have diners like this where you're from?"
I nodded, my smile turning a bit wistful. "Yeah. If I close my eyes, I can almost pretend that I'm at the diner back home." Rarity went quiet, looking at me, and I met her gaze for a moment before realizing that I was bringing the mood down. I coughed, straightening up a bit. "So, how about you? Where's home for a classy mare such as yourself?"
Rarity frowned, and I could tell she was about to object, when Margarine returned with two steaming mugs of coffee and a small pot of cream, all balanced on a tray on her back. She maneuvered it off her back with her mouth—a move that still impressed me, despite the number of times I'd seen her do it—and set the tray down in front of us. "All right, two cups of the good stuff and some cream. Do either of you need sugar?"
I smiled, vowing to tip Margarine extra for her impeccable timing. "Please?"
Margarine retrieved a shaker full of sugar from an apron pocket and deposited it on the table. "All right, I'll give you both a few minutes. You just wave and let me know when you're ready."
"Thank you, Marge."
Margarine trotted away to help other customers, leaving Rarity and I alone again. Rarity picked up the mug of coffee with a blue glow of her magic and added some cream and sugar to it, before blowing on the surface daintily and then taking a careful sip. Her eyes closed briefly as she swallowed, and she smiled a small smile of satisfaction. I smirked, adding a bit of cream to my own cup, and took a swallow. The strong, dark roast had a nutty, perfectly acidic flavor tempered by the cream.
Perfection existed, and it could be sold for a bit at a diner.
I sighed happily, setting my mug down on a napkin. When I looked up from my coffee, Rarity was eyeing me, a small frown on her face. I glanced down at my shirt. "What? Did I spill something?"
She shook her head, snorting. "Very well. You may escape this time, Mister Jake, but we will be learning things about you at some point."
I plastered the most innocent look I could manage onto my face, blinking exaggeratedly at Rarity. "Why, Miss Rarity, whatever could you mean?"
Rarity smirked and rolled her eyes, but thankfully changed the topic. "As to your earlier question, I grew up in Ponyville. It's just below Canterlot, across the valley. It is a very small town, very quaint and mostly quiet."
I smiled. "Sounds nice. How's it mostly quiet, though?"
Rarity grinned. "I promise, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"I'm a guy that got pulled through a magic spell into tiny talking pony land," I said, deadpan. "Try me."
She laughed, shaking her head at me. "Very well. Princess Twilight Sparkle moved there a few years ago, and it has been non-stop adventure ever since. This was before she was a princess, mind you, but if you think becoming royalty slowed that mare down, you would be very wrong!"
I smiled, noting how much she relaxed when discussing her friend. "I don't doubt it. So, what, you and Princess Twilight... have adventures? What are we talking about, here? Sewing exciting dresses? Doing your manes? Pillow fights and sleepovers?"
Rarity's smile became unreadable, and she took a dainty sip of her coffee. "Something like that."
I chuckled. "That sounds pretty good."
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Really? I'd think you'd find that boring."
"Nah. I can appreciate the quiet life. I mean, before coming here, I was..." I trailed off, frowning.
Rarity leaned forward, shaking a hoof in my face. "Ah ah! No! You do not get to deflect this time. I gave you details, and now it is your turn."
I shrugged. "It's not exactly something I wanted to talk with you about. You ponies are all very... peaceful."
Rarity sat back in her seat, frowning. "Come now, Jake. Do you think I will judge you based on your past?"
"You might. Can I talk about something else, instead?" I said, my eyes pleading.
Rarity considered this for a moment, before she nodded. "Of course. If it would make you uncomfortable."
I reached across the table, catching her hoof in my hand briefly, and gave it a grateful squeeze. "Thank you. Really."
Rarity's eyes glanced down at my hand on her hoof, and relaxed a bit. "Think nothing of it."
"New topic. You pick," I offered, a consolation prize.
"Diners back home," Rarity said, without hesitation.
I smiled, "Now, how'd I know you'd pick that?" Rarity didn't reply, simply taking another sip of her coffee and staring at me with an eager expression. I was struck, once more, by her blue eyes. Rarity had an intensity to her that I didn't expect, and it was starting to fascinate me. I cleared my throat, realizing I was staring, and continued on with my story. "You might not believe it, but we have places just like this where I come from. Little diners, coffee, the kitschy decorations and comfortable atmosphere. Hell, even the booths and jukebox. Our music is very different, but similar, too, if that makes sense?" Rarity nodded eagerly, and I allowed my eyes to roam around Joe's, taking in the place. "It's strange that I'm on another world, about as far from the people I know and the places I visit as I can be, but this... this is the same. The coffee tastes the same. The people—ponies are the same, in a lot of ways. I've been exploring this city in small doses, you know? Trying to take it, in, because everything is the same, but new. I don't feel like I'm far away, I feel like I'm... close. So close to home. So close that it hurts sometimes, you know?"
Rarity reached across the table with both hooves and clasped my hand between them. I startled a bit, glancing up to meet her gaze. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she was smiling. When she spoke, her voice was soft, velvet. "I don't know. Not exactly, but... maybe I do, too."
I let her hold my hand. Maybe I needed it, right then. I cleared my throat and wiped at my eyes, and smiled at her. "How's a lady like you understand something like that? Something to do with the nobles and the tea? I’d love to know why you were there that day, being ignored."
Rarity nodded, taking a slow breath in. "I've been working very hard to be noticed by those ponies. For a long, long time, all I wanted was to be accepted by them. I still do want it, if I'm being honest, but that isn't how this city works. Here, you are born a noble, or you are not," she said ruefully. I leaned into her a little bit, curious, as she continued. "I was not, and so they put their backs to me. Oh, certainly, they will come to me for dresses, and they will talk of my sense of taste and capabilities... but they do not respect me as a pony. I am not unlike a piece of jewelry that a noblemare keeps in her jewelry box at home. I am good for special occasions or as a topic of conversation, but when the day is done I am returned to the box. Disposable," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper.
"Fuck 'em," I said.
Rarity blinked, startled by my outburst, and looked up into my eyes, an uncertain smile crossing her face. "P-pardon me?"
"Forget those jerks. They don't deserve to be around a mare like you, Rarity," I said earnestly.
Rarity laughed, shaking her head and reaching up with one dainty hoof to wipe carefully at her eyes. "How terribly crass, but... kind, too. Oh, if only it were that easy. But, alas, in my line of work, you must deal with such ponies, and so I play my part, and in doing so I am always generous with them. I go the extra mile, you see, not because I hope that it will ingratiate me to them, but because I know that I am a better pony for it. I strive for self-improvement in all things. Fashion, business, beauty, relationships. Moving upward, always. I envy them and their connections, but in some ways I can appreciate that I am far more free, and far less constrained than they are. That being said, I still wish—deep down—to be accepted by them," Rarity said, staring into my eyes.
It occurred to me, then, that Rarity was beautiful. I held her hoof with my hand, listening to her, as she finished.
"So, like you... I feel that I am always so close to my goal... but so far away, too," she said softly.
"So, when can I expect invitations to the engagement party?" quipped Margarine, startling both of us.
We both looked towards the grinning waitress who'd snuck up on us, and then back down at the table where we were holding hands... hooves... whatever. With a nervous laugh, I let go of Rarity's hooves, and Rarity blushed, giggling and picking up her napkin to dab at her mascara. Margarine snickered. "I came over here to see what you two wanted to order, and I find my boy Jake puttin' the moves on," she said, before giving Rarity a friendly nudge on the side. "C'mon, miss, you can do better than this yeti."
I snorted, "Don't be jealous, Marge. You only wish I'd held your hoof like that first."
"In your dreams," Margarine shot right back, beaming at me. "So, what can I get'cha?"
Rarity glanced at me, but didn't move to pick up a menu. "I know what I want."
"Me too." I practically knew the menu by heart at this point, and I knew what I liked.
"I swear to Celestia, if you both order the same thing, I'm going to be sick," Margarine said.
I eyed Rarity with curiosity, and she shrugged. We both spoke at the same time.
"House salad, extra cucumber, no onion, vinaigrette dressing."—"Joe's famous three egg omelette, double the mushrooms."
Margarine sighed in relief. "Oh, good. You're normal ponies. I was afraid that we were gonna have some kind of love song on our hooves in a second."
I swatted her side with the menu, snickering, "And give it wings. We've got all kinds of romantic stuff to do later."
Rarity raised an eyebrow at me. "Tell me, Jake, is... tailoring a particularly romantic endeavor where you're from?"
I shrugged, "Nah. What could be romantic about a lady putting her hands all over a guy, getting his measurements and sizing him up?" I waggled my eyebrows at her.
Rarity blushed, and swatted me on the shoulder. "You are terrible! You must tip Miss Margarine very well if she puts up with such... such... sass!"
Margarine chuckled, taking our menus and offering a parting shot as she left, "Oh, he knows how to use the tip all right, miss."
Rarity's mouth dropped open briefly and her face turned beet red. "That was... crude, and also very witty. I see why you and her get along so well, Jake."
I laughed, "Yeah, Marge is great. She was probably the first friend I made here."
Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Not Princess Celestia?"
"Well," I ventured, frowning as I considered that, "that's like... like saying that your mom is your first friend, right? Not exactly incorrect, but not quite correct, either."
Rarity laughed, nodding in understanding. "She's a bit of a mother to the whole country."
"I picked up on that pretty quickly. I mean, she calls you guys 'my little ponies'. How cute is that?" I said, chuckling.
Rarity smiled warmly. "She really is very dear to all of us. Her and Luna, both."
That reminded me of a question that I'd had that had gone unasked for a while. "I, uh, I hope this isn't a sore subject for you ponies, but... what's the deal between Princess Luna and Princess Celestia and everypony? There's this... weird tension."
Rarity nodded in understanding, tapping the edge of the table with one hoof. "Ah, yes. That's a bit complicated."
"I got that feeling, and I didn't want to ask Celestia such a personal question. She's done a lot for me, so I didn't want to make her uncomfortable."
"I can understand why you would worry, but I am certain that Celestia would have been more than willing to explain the situation. You see, Princess Luna has only recently returned to Equestria. It is a bit of a long story, but to sum it up as concisely as possible; A thousand years ago, Luna was the less popular of the two sisters, and her jealousy and her wish to be held as an equal turned... ugly. The details are a bit muddy, but Luna allowed herself to be corrupted by a dark power that promised to make her as loved as Celestia. As a result, she became evil, and wreaked havoc on Equestria. Celestia was forced to banish her for a thousand years."
I squinted. "Holy shit. A thousand years? That doesn't exactly sound like Celestia."
Rarity chuckled darkly. "She is a formidable mare, indeed. She wasn't exactly forthcoming about the reason Luna was banished for a thousand years. Twilight tried explaining it to me, once, but... I'm afraid that when it comes to the arcane, I'm a bit of a laypony."
"Sorry, please continue," I said, realizing we'd gotten a bit off topic.
Rarity cleared her throat and spoke again. "Her banishment ended two years ago, and Twilight Sparkle used a magical artifact to destroy the corruption when she returned. Princess Luna was without her power for nearly a whole year as a result, and only recently began working at her sister's side as the co-regent of Equestria."
I nodded slowly. "Well... that would certainly explain the strained relationship vibe I'd picked up on. Princess Luna has been very nice to me, though. I used to stay up and spend late nights chatting with her when she held her night court. I'd noticed that she didn't get nearly the same volume of petitioners, and I could tell that it bothered her, but she never really explained."
"I think it's still a bit of a difficult conversation topic for both of them. They have been working together very closely, but Princess Luna has a bit of an... image problem. Both in her own mind, and in reality," Rarity said.
I considered my interactions with Luna, remembering how surprised she'd been that I had simply elected to spend time with her. She'd been very kind, and also a bit cautious, as though she was afraid of something. Not me, but thinking back, it might have had something to do with the whole ordeal she'd gone through. I could appreciate being a bit afraid of those darker aspects of yourself.
Rarity picked up on my pensive expression, and smiled. "Thinking about things in a new light?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so? It just seems really tragic, that's all. Luna is a good pony, and I'm not the kind of person to judge people on what they did in the past. God knows, I've done things I'm not proud of, but I learned and grew and changed as a result," I said, my voice low.
Rarity rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner. "There you go, being mysterious again!" she said, giggling.
I laughed, prodding her on the chest. "Don't go trying to drag my secrets out of me!"
"Moi? I would never!" she said, laughing.
"Celestia above, Marge wasn't kiddin'. Do I need to get you two a room?" said a gruff and familiar voice.
I turned, beaming, as Doughnut Joe himself trotted over, bearing our order on his back. Rarity gasped happily, sitting up in her seat. "Joe! How lovely to see you!"
"Miss Rarity?" Joe said, obviously shocked. "What are you doing hangin' around a yeti like Jake? Ain't you interested in a better class of stallion?"
I scowled at Joe in mock anger, a slight smile tugging at the corner of my mouth, and muttered, "Asshole."
"Yeah, yeah, takes one to know one, pal," Joe said, smirking back at me.
Rarity raised a single eyebrow at our little exchange, and frowned. "I will have you know that Jake has been a perfect gentlecolt."
Joe and I both looked at Rarity, surprise writ large across our faces. "Really?" Joe asked.
"Not even remotely!" Rarity burst out laughing, slapping a hoof on the table. This produced a dainty tap, which only succeeded in making me bite my lip in amusement.
We all shared a laugh, and Joe served up our food. I grinned at the mess of egg and mushrooms on my plate, relishing the coming meal. Joe beamed at the two of us, "Sorry I didn't come out earlier. Lunch rush."
"No worries, Joe. How's things?" I said, grabbing my napkin and putting it in my lap. It wouldn't do to get egg all over my good pants. I only had the one pair.
"Busy, as usual. What are the two of you kids doin' in my diner together?" Joe asked, eyeing Rarity and I with interest.
"Jake, here, rescued me from a boring tea party the other day, and we decided that we'd rather be here having coffee than drinking tea with Princess Celestia," Rarity explained, pouring the dressing over her salad as she spoke.
Joe's eyebrows raised up in surprise. "No kiddin'? You left tea with the Princess to come here? I'm flattered, really!"
"Oh, please, darling. Don't sell yourself short! Your coffee is my lifeblood when I'm working in Canterlot," Rarity said, smiling at Joe.
Joe blushed, nodding. "O-oh, well, of course. You're always welcome here, Miss Rarity."
"And I appreciate it," Rarity replied, tucking her napkin onto her lap and levitating her fork in her magic. “Unfortunately, when we arrived, you were closed, so we rescheduled and came here today.”
“Yeah, sorry about that whole mess. Glad you decided to come back!” Joe turned away from Rarity and gave me a stern look, and he put a hoof into my face. "You treat Miss Rarity right, Jake, or so help me, I'll cut you off from my sweet nectar of the alicorns."
I laughed, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. "Who do you think I am, Joe?"
"Some kinda lucky, to get this nice mare's attention. She's a national treasure, got it?" Joe said, still serious.
I realized that Joe wasn't messing around as much as I'd thought. "Yeah, I get it. I promise, Joe, I'll be a gentleman," I said, returning his serious stare with an earnest one of my own.
Joe seemed satisfied with my answer, and he grinned, trotting away as he spoke. "All right. You two kids have a nice lunch. I gotta get back."
Rarity waved at Joe, before turning to look at me with a surprised stare. "Goodness, darling, he gave you quite the dressing down!"
I shrugged, "No joke. I felt like I was meeting your dad."
Rarity laughed, her muzzle wrinkling up cutely in amusement, "Oh, no no no, darling. My father would have been about twenty times worse."
I chuckled, taking a bite of my omelette, and muttered around my food, "Remind me not to take you on a date."
"No promises, darling," Rarity said with a wink, tucking into her salad with relish.
I swallowed hard, nearly choking, and stared at Rarity. She ignored me, her expression inscrutable, though the corners of her mouth curved up in a tiny smile. I shook my head and focused on my food. For several long minutes, the comfortable silence of two people enjoying a meal surrounded our corner of the diner. Joe's omelette was excellent, as always, though a part of me wished that I could get a side of bacon with my meal. There would be time for that later, though, when I got back to the castle and wouldn't have to offend Rarity with my dietary needs. Margarine dropped by to refill our cups of coffee and check in on us, but we were mostly left alone in the midst of the bustle of the busy diner.
The quiet between us stretched languidly as we neared the end of our meal. I finished a bit before Rarity and sipped my coffee, content to people watch. Pony watch? Whatever. Rarity sighed happily as she pushed her plate of salad back a bit, leaning into her seat. "Delicious, as always. Joe has a knack for comfort food."
I eyed the salad. "Comfort food? I'd always assumed that was things like biscuits and gravy, or chicken noodle soup."
Rarity blinked. "... Chicken noodle soup?"
Right. Vegetarians. "Never mind," I said quickly, hoping to cover up my faux pas.
"No, I'm curious. Are the noodles chicken shaped, or...?"
I grimaced. "Can we go with that?"
Rarity eyed me, obviously confused about my discomfort, and her eyes locked onto my teeth. She sat back a bit in her seat, suddenly. "Oh. Oh, I see."
I sighed, knowing the jig was up, and opened my mouth, pointing to my canine teeth briefly, before closing my mouth. "Yeah, that's what those are for."
Rarity covered her mouth and composed herself, blushing. "I'm sorry, darling. You certainly aren't the first carnivore—"
"Omnivore," I corrected.
"Er, omnivore, that I've met. Nothing to be ashamed of!" she said, giggling nervously.
"I... yeah. Is that okay with you? Really?" I asked, speaking plainly.
Rarity moved her hoof away from her mouth, setting both of them on the table. She closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled slowly. When she opened them, she wore a serious expression. "Absolutely fine, darling. I promise. I've spent the last two years around Twilight Sparkle, and her assistant is a young dragon named Spike. He is as kind to me as anypony ever has been, moreso even, and he has teeth twice as sharp as yours."
I stared into her eyes. "Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Rarity chuckled gently, reaching out and placing a hoof on my cheek. "Jake, you needn't worry. As I said, I've been around teeth twice as sharp, and they have never done me harm. Perish the thought! Little Spike would rather throw himself from a cliff than do me harm."
I raised an eyebrow at that statement. "Wow."
Rarity giggled, blushing. "Spike has had a bit of a crush on me for a while. He is a sweet and kind friend, but he is very young. He'd be more of a suitable age for somepony like my younger sister."
I smiled. "He sounds cool. A dragon, huh?"
"Indeed. He is very, ah, cool, and a dear friend. You and he would likely get along very well," Rarity said.
I shrugged, considering that. "Yeah. Maybe next time I see Princess Twilight, I'll ask her if she can bring Spike along for a visit. She's usually all business when we're together, maybe he could get her to loosen up a bit."
Rarity laughed, "Spike is very good at getting Twilight to loosen up. He's practically her sibling."
"Speaking of siblings, you said you have a sister?" I asked, leaning in with interest.
"Oh! Sweetie Belle! Yes, she is a delight. Very, ah, precocious. She recently got her cutie mark, along with two of her best friends. It was something of a big event in Ponyville, for... various and complicated reasons," Rarity said, smirking at some joke that I wasn't privy to. "Let's just say that she and her friends had been working very hard for a very long time to find their special talents, and we were all very anxious for the day that their little crusade would end." She laughed to herself in a way that lead me to believe that it was a long story, so I didn't push it.
"So, is she into dressmaking like you? Did she get a frilly petticoat for a cutie mark?" I said, smirking at my guess.
"Nothing of the sort, actually. Her cutie mark is very unique and very special. Her and her two friends gained almost identical cutie marks at the same time, which is unheard of. They determined that their unique talent was helping other ponies understand their own unique talent, as a team."
"So, what, they're like... Cutie Mark Counselors?"
"Yay!" Rarity added, with a giggle.
I blinked, staring at her. "What?"
She blushed, laughing. "Nothing! Sorry, darling. Yes, they act as counselors of sorts. It's been a real treat to see them grow up and find their place."
I smiled, glancing down into my cup of coffee. "That's really sweet."
Rarity was quiet for a moment, and she reached out and touched my cup of coffee with her hoof, getting my attention. I looked up, smiling, "Hm?"
"I lost you for a moment," she said, looking at me with curiosity.
"Oh, yeah. Just..." I exhaled slowly, "Sorry I'm being such a bummer right now, but I miss my family."
Rarity smiled a gentle smile, "That sounds very equine to me."
I chuckled, looking into her eyes. "Thanks. I mean it. You've been sharing all these great things with me, and I'm just getting wrapped up in my own thoughts. Your sister sounds great."
"She really is. She spends a lot of time with me whenever I'm in Ponyville. I haven't seen as much of her as of late, what with working between my boutiques and Ponyville."
"Yeah? It's a pain to have to work so far from home," I said, nodding in understanding.
Rarity quirked an eyebrow at me, and then her eyes widened, and she grinned, "Oh! You misunderstand, darling. Terribly sorry, I wasn't very clear. I have a business in Ponyville where I live, and one here in Canterlot."
I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and I whistled. "Wow. You run two businesses?"
"Three, actually. I have a boutique in Manehattan, too," Rarity said, trying desperately not to look proud of herself and failing. I didn't blame her. That was impressive.
"Damn, mare. You're a bigger deal than you let on. Three businesses, all selling your clothes, and in three different cities? That's incredible."
Rarity waved a hoof in a dismissive motion, "Oh, no, please. No need to flatter me, darling. I'm no different than anypony else. I've had a measure of good fortune and success, thanks to good decisions and better friends helping me along the way."
I laughed, shaking my head. "And she's modest!"
Rarity giggled, giving me a playful shove on the shoulder. "Oh, please!"
I shook my head, staring into her blue eyes. "You're too perfect. Please, do something dumb, just to prove you're not a goddess or something."
Rarity blushed, looking away from my gaze, and I snickered. "Sorry. Too far?"
Rarity recovered quickly and smirked at me. "Honestly, Jake, you are too much. Plus, even if I did something spectacularly silly... this is Equestria. Who is to say I'm not a goddess?"
I laughed at that, shaking my head. "Wow, okay, strike modest. Good work, Rarity, you've proved your, uh, equinity."
She rolled her eyes and looked to the end of our table as Margarine arrived, dropping off our check. She smiled at us. "You two having a good time?"
"Yeah, Marge, thanks!" I said, reaching for the check.
Rarity's hoof darted out, snagging the check before I could, and she pulled it onto her side of the table with a little aggressive grunt. I pulled my hand back, my eyes widening, and she smiled primly at me, reaching up with one hoof to pull a strand of her mane that had fallen forward back into place. "I will be handling this, thank you very much."
I scowled. "Oh, no, that's not how it works. I brought you here, I pay."
Rarity returned the scowl, "Ah, that is not how it works with me. I coerced you to bring me here with my charm and beauty, and so I shall pay the check."
"I definitely swept you off your hooves with my foreign ways and crushing wit. My treat," I said, reaching across the table for the check.
"I insist," Rarity said, pulling the check out of my reach and into the air with her magic.
"Wuh-oh! Trouble in paradise. Looks like I won't be getting engagement invitations after all," Margarine said, laughing.
I sighed, eyeing the check floating in midair. No way I was getting it. "Magic is cheating."
"Absolutely is, darling, but I'm afraid that all is fair in love and restaurant payments," Rarity said, retrieving a small purse and pulling a stack of bits from inside.
That was very true. I shook my head, laughing to myself. "Fine. Marge, take her money, but don't tell her that I'll be back tonight to bribe you not to accept her bits the next time we come."
Margarine and Rarity both shared a look, and Rarity giggled, eyeing me. "Next time we come?"
I realized what I'd said almost immediately, and found myself on the blushing, stammering side of stupid responses. "Y-yeah. Y'know. Next time!" So smooth. What the hell was wrong with me?
"So much for crushing wit," Rarity quipped, giggling as she paid Margarine.
I desperately tried to find some way to recover, and snapped my fingers. "Ah! But you said that all was fair in love and restaurant payments! What's that supposed to mean, Miss Charm and Beauty?"
Margarine patted a hoof on my shoulder and shook her head, looking sorrowful. "Moment's passed, hun. You're off your game. Time to pack it up and go home."
I exhaled in a huff, defeated, and Rarity smirked. "Well, not quite. He's coming home with me, first. Or, rather, to my boutique, as 't were."
Margarine smirked. "Oho, and what's that supposed to mean?"
"Yeah, what is that supposed to mean?" I chimed in, desperately trying to recapture my wit.
Rarity rolled her eyes, not playing into our teasing whatsoever. "I'm fixing his suit. It is, as you've likely noticed, atrocious."
Margarine nodded, "Yeah. It's bad. You'd be doing us all a favor to fix that eyesore."
Rarity beamed at Margarine, and looked at me with delight as she pointed at the waitress. "I like her."
I looked down at my suit, trying to see what Rarity was seeing, and grumbled, "I still don't see it."
Margarine smirked. "Of course you don't. You're a stallion. Stallions are oblivious," she said, before taking our check and trotting behind the counter to the register to settle our bill.
Rarity giggled and stood up from the booth, waiting while I gathered my jacket. I moved to put it on, but she reached out a hoof and stopped me. "Just... just leave it off, Jake. For me? If I have to look at that thing on you for one more instant, I'm liable to tear it off of you."
"Wow," I said, waggling my eyebrows at her, "that's super hot, Rarity."
Rarity shoved a hoof into my stomach, perhaps a little harder than I deserved, and I doubled over, clutching my sore gut and laughing. She rolled her eyes, "Come along, now, Jake. It's not terribly far to walk, but I'd rather take it slow. It is unladylike to trot after a meal!" She smiled, turning her muzzle up at a haughty angle, and walked towards the exit to the diner.
As we exited, Corporal Sapphire Spirit arrived at the front of the diner. She looked angry, her cheeks puffed out in exasperation and her ears trembling with indignation. "Jake!"
I stopped, staring down at the pegasus guardsmare. She was visibly vibrating with anger, and her wings flared out at her sides, almost as though she was puffing herself up to make herself look bigger. It was sort of adorable, though, and I had to try very hard not to reach over and give her a pat on the nose. "Sapphire. I was wondering when you'd catch up with me. Took you that long to figure out what we'd done?"
Sapphire scowled, and pointed a hoof at me. "You're coming back to the castle with me, mister. The Captain has been crawling all over my tail after I left you unescorted! I'm liable to get broken back down to a private!"
I winced. "Crap. I'm sorry, Sapphire." Rarity peered around me at Sapphire, smiling uncertainly. I turned to face her. "So... rain check on the suit?"
Rarity's lips formed a cute pout, and she frowned at me. "Hm. We seem to be getting interrupted regularly, Mister Jake."
"Sorry, but... I really don't want to get Corporal Sapphire in trouble," I said, gesturing to the fuming pegasus.
"Oh, well, of course not! That would be awful," Rarity agreed, smiling at Sapphire. "You'll take good care of Mister Jake, won't you, Miss Spirit?"
Sapphire seemed to remember that I was with Rarity, and she blushed, stammering out a reply. "O-oh! Yeah! Of course, Miss Rarity!" she said, saluting awkwardly.
"And don't forget to drop by the boutique. In fact, bring Jake with you. We can solve his wardrobe problem, and get a head start on designing those pieces like I promised, hm?"
Sapphire nodded, grinning happily, "Yeah! Uh, that... that sounds amazing!"
Rarity winked at me and turned away, calling over her shoulder, "It sounds like a date. Ta-ta!"
I watched her trot away, a stupid smile spreading over my face. I turned and eyed Sapphire, noting the similar expression on hers. "So... uh... back to the castle, then?"
Sapphire snapped out of her daze and coughed into one hoof, trying to compose herself. She nodded. "Y-yeah."
I gestured. "Mares first."
She scowled. "Yeah, like I'm letting you out of my sight again. Move it, lover colt. Hut-two!"
I mock-saluted to her and walked ahead, smiling to myself as I began the walk back to the castle. Something struck me, then, and I turned and looked at Sapphire. "Hey, wait. Did she say it sounded like a date?"
Sapphire stared at me, dumbfounded, and then let out an unprofessional curse. "How in Equestria did you get so lucky?!"
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And the Jake/Rarity ship continues to go full steam ahead. Again I half suspect that was Celestia's plan the whole time.
Same quality as its predecessor. Good work!
ANOTHER VICTORY!
Cheers lad
8135431
8135572
8135632 There are massive re-writes underway, as this story was rejected by a pre-reader. Please come back in an hour or so and check it out once things have been straightened out.
8135681 Clearly, this pre-reader is a drunken sailor going from dive to dive, screaming inaudible words about grammar nazis and proper storylines.
8135688
I wouldn't say that, but the entire beginning of the story has been significantly rewritten, adding roughly 1500 new words of content and significantly spacing out the time between Man Cannot Live On Tea Alone and Man Cannot Live On Coffee Alone.
8135704 I shall trust your judgement and berate myself for not being funny.
8135714 It turned into a positive thing. I added a lot of content, so it has significantly improved the story throughout.
8135784 Interesting re-write. It adds without taking away from the main storyline. Nice little insight into Jake's old life.
8135806 Yeah. A passage of time, a new start to the whole story, and even a little in-character recap for new readers. I like it.
lovin it! Foking lovin it!
Loved it start too finish. Hope to see the next part soon.
Me: Another one!
Prop: I just gave you another one...
Me: Yeah, 'was good, but what about 'second' "another one"?
Tracking.
We need a "Fancy Pants sad" emoticon now.
hahaha! Have you ever read Ready Player One? There's a similar situation that almost happens in that book.
I guess he hasn't learned of the Elements then? Weird.
Please let this be the joke I'm thinking of...
I love you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TYPOS
Remove that comma
*tête-a-tête (and even after taking French for 5.5 years, I almost forgot the alt code for the "ê")
Ok, this one, I'm not 100% sure about...I think it should be
*Rarity and me
The way I learned it: remove the other person's name, and which one would make more sense?
So...good luck with that.
8135991 Ahh, if only.
8135992
That was fast yo. I might edit that original comment in a bit, I see a few editing errors, but nothing major.
8136001 Thank you, anything you spot in the way of typos would be a big help.
It is my sworn duty to stamp out typos. Queen Typeoria can never triumph!
8136006
I've got 2 in the original comment (under the dashed line), and I'll see if I spot any more later.
8136053 Got 'em! Thanks!
8136184 I like you. You loyal.
8136188 Yeah, if I like a story that only has one chapter, and will continue to update, i tend to follow/track it
8135704
Gilbert and Sullivan? You cad!
The syrup sure is thick at this diner.
Human with a troubled past may be a bit cliche, but who cares when he's such a smooth operator? Now, off to Ponyville with ye, where teasing pals and adorable sisters await!
I'm confused about how tall are Jake to ponies. Are they just as tall as us or are they just small?
Some parts seems to suggest that their closer to our height.
Anywho, I'm loving this so far! I love the laughs and jokes in the story and hope to see more.
Awhs were had~
What's after coffee?
Maximum cute.
8136080
Yo, this chapter was great. You've got great chemistry between all of the characters, and the pacing is perfect. I also added just one last edit that may or may not have to be fixed.
I'm looking forward to chapter 2!
ist gutt meng
I cannot, and will not, approve of human x pony relations, but this is well done and well written so you will receive an up vote.
Eh. Doesn't scan to the tune.
Aw, darn. While I had not yet read the original, I was looking forward to it because I thought it was going to be one of the very, very rare HiE's where a human didn't end up in a romantic relationship with a pony (excluding Displaced where plenty of humans are too busy being idiots to fall in love).
But now I see I was mistaken. At this point, I just want to read more non-romantic HiE's for the sheer novelty since I've read myself sick of their counterpart. What's do you think the ratio is between the two? A hundred romantic-HiE's to every one non-rom?
Guess it's not surprising though. It's not exactly the writers' fault so much as it is the fact that such stories get significantly less attention to their counterparts. Most bronies don't care about humans and ponies being just friends and would rather read stories in line with their own fantasies.
Being only Kind of a Brony myself, such things don't interest me as much.
Great chapter! Loved all the interactions, great work!!
So I seem to remember saying in the last story it was too good not to have a sequel, well I see it here now and I was not disappointed, that is a good thing for you! Have a favourite with a side of upvote!
8136671
8136815
Hmm. Is it possible to write about a romance, but not a relationship? Acknowledge or discuss feeling without action behind it? Love takes many forms and has many ways of expressing itself. I might surprise you.
That being said, it's equally possible that I'm going to write something totally romantic in the classic sense. There's a lot to explore and many ways to tell this kind of story, and I'm going somewhere in-between these two ideas.
I pride myself on writing characters that are complex, and part of my curiosity and fascination with Jake is that (some idealization aside because nobody can be that smooth) I'm trying to keep his reactions in the realm of authentic and realistic. I mean, it's fun to write about a romance, but a romance between two different, sapient species?
Pay attention to what Jake identifies as attractive about Rarity. Think about what they share as people, commonalities in physical form. It's not as cut-and-dry as it might seem, and it's this aspect that I want to dig into, because so many gloss over that as an avenue for storytelling and character growth.
All of that said... if you don't like human x pony romance, you're probably not going to like chapter three, because we're going to bring this whole thing to the fore in that one, and you guys might be a bit uncomfortable with that. No shame in it.
Anyway, there's my two cents.
8136671
8136815 Also, the original story stays firmly in the realm of friendly interaction, two adults having fun and being a bit flirty. It would be right up your guys' alley!
Lovely chapter! I know it seems some people are a little disappointed that it went the HiE x Pony romance path, and to each their own, but I personally can never get enough of these. Looking forward to the next installment
Loved the prequel and i'm loving this sequel. Can't wait for more of their SASS!
8136992
Still haven't read the stories, but my biggest problem with the bulk of HiE-romance stories is that they simply aren't believable in how the pony falls in love with a human. I'd be fine with them if the human was actually a good fit for whatever member of the Mane6 they ended up with instead of some generic dude nine times out of ten.
Like, let's use Rarity for example for when she's shipped with human guys. Okay, here is this pony who is an ever-growing success story for entrepreneurship, a hero, is supposed to be beautiful by pony standards, and truly loves high-society and fashion, so it seems she should have certain standards, and yet, writers expect me to believe that, not only is she completely willing to look past appearances to the most extreme degree, as in the decidedly alien ones of a human, but that all she is looking for in a lover is for them to simply be "nice" and show interest in her...
Okay, well then, if these are the only standards she has, why then is she not already dating a nice stallion? Ignoring the head-canon of skewed gender-ratios, surely there are plenty of male ponies who are both nice and who would have shown interest in the attractive and successful mare, yes? I mean, if she is open to the idea of a relationship, it would not be long before she was in one.
So then, why is she single and so eager to jump on some random human's dick? It just doesn't make sense, and this goes for all the rest of the Mane6, and Princesses too. People keep writing these stories where the human love interest is just some guy with nary a thing in common with the pony they're porking, and yet it's written that way again and again. Ponies fall for humans simply because they are not an asshole, and interact with them on a regular basis. These are the pony-standards which have apparently never been met by a stallion before Anon shows up.
If you expect me to believe a pony is going to be willing to look past a human's odd appearance and fall for them opposed to the many equine-options surrounding them, then make sure the human is deserving of the attention.
Make the human Twilight falls in love with an academic. Make them someone who doesn't avoid Twilight's questions on human culture with scorn and instead someone who is just as eager to share his knowledge as he is to learn about her pony culture. Not some guy who mooches off of her and lives in her basement.
Make the human Rarity falls in love with a gentleman. Make them someone who understands high society and enjoys it instead of someone who scoffs at the notion and who Rarity must constantly drag to soirées.
Make the human Rainbow Dash falls in love with someone who shares her competitive nature. Make them someone who embraces physical exercises and enjoys training with Dash instead of someone who avoids workouts like the plague.
Make the human Fluttershy falls in love with someone with a lot of compassion who wants to take care of her as much as she does her animals. Make them a kind and kindred spirit who doesn't just twiddle his thumbs, eagerly awaiting for his marefriend to pamper him while Fluttershy tends to her animals friends.
Make the human Pinkie Pie falls in love with someone who can match her energy with some of his own. Someone who can understand her scatterbrained-yet-orderly antics and actually help her plan the next big party.
Make the human Applejack falls in love with a hard worker with strong family values. Make them someone who she can rely on around the farm to really pull his own weight instead of someone who she's just given a pity job.
Don't make these men two-dimensional canvases for you to place yourself over, make them their own characters who deserve the love of the phenomenal mares they end up with.
And then Gilbert nudged Sullivan, and sang:
I am the very model of a guardsmare of fair Canterlot,
A pegasus of high esteem and reputation without blot,
And so I'm here to guard you, Jake-
Whatever mistakes that you make-
I am to cover ...or to break,
Whoever shames fair Canterlot!
(That sounds just lovely, Saphire!)
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I get the feeling that you two should hang out or something.
And nice work, spotting the reference!
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It's part of the brony condition that the bulk of us are losers in both love and life, so many of us devolve into the stereotypical neckbeard way of thinking that, even though we are unattractive physically because we don't exercise, don't cultivate interesting hobbies because we are lazy, and don't have good jobs because we lack ambition, we still think girls should like us because we are nice guys, and because this hardly ever happens in real life, we write fanfictions where it does happen. Why shouldn't these mares fall in love with our sparkling personalities? So what if we don't have anything else to give either mentally or physically, our presence alone should be enough, because at least we are nice guys, right? Really, look at the wildly popular Your Human and You story, It's about a Equestrian Princess who falls in love with a McDonald's worker who literally shit on her floor on purpose, but stood up for her once when an entire town inexplicably watched as their hero and ruler was verbally abused. Wow, he sure is a keeper.
Also, if anyone reads this and thinks, Hey I'm successful! or I'm in a relationship! You are exceptions, not the rule. Congratulations. What are you doing here?
8137179 Whew, you have a dark view of the fandom, friend. This probably isn't the place for this discussion, at all, but I figured I'd say something, anyway.
I think everybody likes a bit of romance, and though there are a lot—a lot—of self-insert wish-fulfillment stories on fimfic, it's just sort of human nature to enjoy those things. It's along the same vein of Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey, which are wildly popular because they allow people to place themselves into the shoes of the main characters. It's not really a thing that is central to Bronies. They're the fan-fiction equivalent of a trashy romance novella. I wouldn't just start shaming people for enjoying things that are pretty much built to draw them in. There's no harm in a little fantasy, as long as that escapism isn't taken to an extreme.
Maybe there's a little tongue-in-cheek self-deprecating thing going on with you, or perhaps it is less tongue-in-cheek and more serious. Regardless, it's sort of depressing that you associate bronies so heavily with this negative stereotype and assume that the successful/happy people are outliers. I think that your perceptions are colored pretty heavily by whatever group you associate most strongly with inside the fandom itself, because the majority of the people that I speak with inside the fandom are either young people who are students and finding their way in the world, or are adults who are reasonably successful in their jobs or relationships.
I'm not saying that I have the right view of the fandom, either, but I'm just expressing my viewpoint, which has pretty much been the complete opposite experience from what you've expressed.
8137179 Amen to that brother
Congratulations now both the stories in this series are on the front page.
8137284 Sheer insanity. The first part was OFF the feature box, and it CAME BACK.
You guys are amazing.
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Hopefully that will inspire you to keep writing.
you did it! you promised it would happen and you did it! i LOVE YOU!