• Member Since 8th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 9th, 2020

Oldtakufanboy


Original username Zoddtheimmortalone. I'm a fan of anime, but I enjoy the classics more. As for My Little Pony, I may not watch it as much, but I do like the show and I also love EG

Comments ( 8 )

Moondancer's change of attitude was sudden, she could've been a little more nervous, but this is great otherwise!

JackRipper
Moderator

As I stand in front of her, she gives me a smirk and unbuttons the first button, showing off a tad bit of her cleavage. My heart continues to beat quickly, as she takes the key and drops it between her breasts.
"Come and get then, big boy," she said, as her tail swishes back and forth.

Bruh I'm fuckin' shook. :rainbowlaugh:

She went from nervous to seductive in under half a second.

Okay. I know this is a clop but something doesn't make sense. First,

"She came back to me three years ago and made me a much better mare by explaining me more about friendship."

A few sentences later,

Before, I hated your guts, but when you reunited with the princess, you became such a kind and friendlier mare to approach.

then finally,

"I've lived in Equestria for about two years now and never have I read any playcolt magazines."

He has been in Equestria for two years, and Moondancer reconciled with Twilight three years ago, at which time she became nicer and friendlier. How could Brain ever known her as a grouch if he wasn't even in Equestria at the time? Also, they fell in love way too quickly. Moondancer I might can see, but Brain? If they fell for each other after sex, it's still to quick but believable.

Love this storie:twilightsmile:

I like the premise but needs some work on Grammer and story progression. Don't be afraid to use descriptive words to tell whats going on.

Cute little story. I liked it.

One minor issue though.

No one under the age of 70 uses the word bosoms. Every time I came across Bosoms, I kept picturing my grand father.

The Monk

And neither of them got to the book sale.

*they make it to the bookstore* "POSTPONED!!"

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