• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 7 minutes ago

FanOfMostEverything


Forget not that I am a derp.

T

Mysterious shops that aren't there the next day are common in many worlds that have at least some magic to them. They appear in a variety of forms, from shady booths in exotic bazaars to squirrely hucksters with infinite-capacity trenchcoats to cosplay supply tables at convention vendor halls. But the classic, poorly lit store overstocked with mysterious trinkets is a timeless symbol of the plot device salesman's art, and Equestria is no different. Canterlot alone has eight of them, none of which maintain a single address for more than a week at a time and all of which reinforced by wards that protect them from angry customers looking for refunds.

None of that is going to stop the pair of angry orange hind legs approaching the front door of one at rapid velocity. After all, you have to buy something to count as a customer.

Inspired by the Time Action Glory Challenge's "April Tomfoolery" prompt and the pictured Starbucks menu item, which really did exist at one point in time.
Rated Teen for very mild innuendo and much less mild bodily processes.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 67 )

8115832
Not by choice. Apparently, it sold out. Going by most reactions to the flavor, it was more for photo ops and satisfying morbid curiosity than because it was a taste sensation.

Still, in a sense, we drank unicorns into extinction.

Dan

As if there were any other expectations of something from Charbucks.

Now I'm wondering what the other five's essense-beverages would be. Applejack's would obviously be Applejack, Rarity's would be fine wine, Fluttershy's would be warm milk or something, and RD would be Red Bull. As for Twilight, I dunno.

That was sick, twisted, and I upvoted it.

I suppose that says something about me. :pinkiehappy:

"We want our friend back," said Twilight. "We can't keep Pinkie like this. Like a mare who... who likes sitting quietly and reading the encyclopedia." She fidgeted and licked her lips. "That would be wrong."

"The mitochondrion is the powerhouse of the cell."

Aww... Twilight... I bet Pinkie would be perfectly happy to discuss things with you, if you only asked?

"Defenstration is the act of throwing someone out of a window," said Pinkie.

"If Rainbow Dash can't Sleep" Ref? :rainbowlaugh:

"Horses," said Pinkie Pie, "cannot vomit."

Sunshine Smiles conclusively demonstrated that ponies are not horses.

:rainbowlaugh: META!

After several seconds of everypony standing around, Applejack looked to Moonlight. "So, uh, how d'you fit into all o' this?"

"My sister and I don't have a lot in common." Moonlight looked at the frantically swallowing Sunshine and gave a hint of a grin. "I like getting a chance to bond with her, even if it's by tampering in Faust's domain."

"Y'all are sisters?"

"Twins."

"Well how 'bout that."

Yes. The Pinkie Pie + Maud Similarities. Wow. :rainbowderp:

*snickers* Nicely done overall. I like the idea that the smooze is a minor elemental too.

Sunshine floated of the ground and hung suspended

off

This was wonderfully eldritch.
Just like Pinkie.

8115888 Twilight's would be lsd...because friendship is magic, and magic is only taken seriously by folks on drugs.

Heh, nice one-shot. :)

Carl thanks you for clarifying what species he is, by the way.

"I'm asking her to sign my copy of The Shadow over Hinnysmouth," said Moonlight. Nopony felt up to arguing with her.

I think At the Hills of Hysteria fit better. Shoggoths, y'know.

On a side note:

"Sour birthday cake and shame"

Sounds about right. :twilightsmile:

I've seen this pair in fanfics before, but it's the first time I've seen Sunshine as a (moderately) evil (sort of) genius. It's a great story, but I'm not sure I like this character interpretation (although I suppose it's meant to be nonsensical. :derpyderp2: )

I love the reappearance of Sunshine's magical store from Sharktavia 9. I'd love to see that take root within fanon, as she's a perfect choice to run that kind of establishment. I'd also enjoy seeing more of your take on the twins.

Beyond that, I laughed at several points here. I mean, it earns its random tag pretty firmly, but it's worthy material.

at least her sister's book got signed, right?

...What?

Anyway fun story, would read it again.

Your description made me think of this comic: https://xkcd.com/1772/

Her body wasn't grey so much as colorless, her coat lightly achromatic and her limp curtain of a mane a darker shade of nothing.

Oh no, they have unleashed the dreaded Pinkdrazi! Er, not so pink anymore, I guess...

That would be wrong.

Yes, Twilight, it would. As much as I want to disagree with you.

And the sick burn from Moonie!

I should really stop giving this play-by-play.

8115847
8115832
Yes. The promotion started on wednesday, and was designed to last until monday, but most stores ran out on the first or second day.

Pinkie Pie, an equine abomination of unspeakable Harmony! :pinkiecrazy:

But yeah, this was utterly ridiculous from start to finish. Well done! :pinkiehappy:

The unicorn frappucino :)
Woo

"Even the party pony acknowledges my destiny! Now watch as I claim my birthright!" She began to suck.

Began to? :trixieshiftright:

Everything after Sunshine Smiles pukes

:twilightoops::rainbowderp::pinkiegasp::pinkiesick:

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I sincerely have no idea what the fuck I just read. Except for the "the fuck" part. Because...the fuck.

Yeah.

8115847 Good thing it's gone. I wouldn't want Pinkie to have to eat that many people's vomited-up Laughter Elementals, only for Starbucks to realize they used an Earth Pony for what they claimed to be a Unicorn product.

Feels more like a pastiche of three fun scenarios that would have each served as perfectly hilarious stories in their own right, but all kind of distract from each other in a single product.

Also, more of an Earth Pony Frappucino.

"Horses," said Pinkie Pie, "cannot vomit."

Sunshine Smiles conclusively demonstrated that ponies are not horses.

:rainbowlaugh:
You had me there.

wtf did I just read .This was just crazy.

....... Why do I have the strange sensation that I had something to do with this?

Has anyone gone and tasted the Unicorn Frappucino? It looks horrible.

Well, that was enjoyable.

8117064
i wasn't impressed. wasn't enough flavor

8115888
Technically, Sunshine's method works for anypony's essence, though your selections are certainly thematically appropriate.

8115899
Indeed. It says you're my target audience. :raritywink:

8115908

Aww... Twilight... I bet Pinkie would be perfectly happy to discuss things with you, if you only asked?

But not having to ask meant never having to take a terrible risk. Twilight isn't exactly good at taking romantic initiative.

"If Rainbow Dash can't Sleep" Ref? :rainbowlaugh:

More that Estee and I both think "defenestrate" is a funny word.

Yes. The Pinkie Pie + Maud Similarities. Wow. :rainbowderp:

They weren't intentional on my part, though the parallels are there even in canon.

8115942
Not my intention, but I do like the idea. Though it does beg the question of what element the Smooze is made of.

8115946
Pinkie's like Kirby: A benevolent, pink eldritch horror who only wants to eat and make friends.

8116141
Thank you! I was wracking my brain trying to come up with a suitable riff on Mountains of Madness, but I was so fixated on working "Discord" into the title that I missed that one. Is it okay if I use it?

(Also, good to know I nailed the taste.)

8116273
Deep inside every unicorn is a megalomaniac trying to get out.

But yeah, the characterization was strictly so I could set up the real-life all-syrup Super Squishy. I don't think most instances of Sunshine resort to demonic pacts to bolster their natural positivity.

8116307
Oh, definitely. Pinkie even drew the Elder Sign next to her signature.

Granted, the tome was then quarantined and eventually moved to a secure thaumohazard containment facility, but it's the thought that counts.

8116502
No, no, no! I love getting play-by-play reviews. They help me see what hit and what missed. (And yes, devoid creatures are always colorless no matter how much pink mana you spend.)

8116511
Most of the other harmonious aberrations don't realize what they truly are. Yet. Twilight's a bit ahead of the curve, what with the mutation.

8116604
Heh. I suppose the question is whether the last one was served to a guy named Haggard.

8116829
The question is, who'd be more outraged, the unicorns or the earth ponies?

8116783
As a wise man once said:

8116845
Hence the possessive in the title.

8116973
I have no idea.

8117830
:rainbowderp:

How have I never seen this combo before? I even already have a Meteor Crater.

Y'know, Trait Doctoring would work with this too. There's no restriction saying you have to pick one of the standard five colors, only that you can pick a color...

I have no idea what the hell I just read, but I like it! :pinkiehappy:

8115888 Jolt Cola, the beverage of students (and princesses) everywhere! Twice the sugar and all of the caffeine of the leading brand!

I KNEW YOU'D WRITE THIS XDDD

Well, not exactly like this, but you know what I mean :pinkiecrazy:

So...Pinkie is a laughter spawn?

Somepony had to write this. Good to see you did. Damn good job, Soldier, you're doing Faust's work right here.

Dan

8115888

Twilight Sparkle: absinthe.

Or maybe Hemlock juice. (As an alicorn, it surely wouldn't kill her)

Dan

8118100
Good old Jolt did indeed get me through highschool.

It's not sold around here anymore that I'm aware of.

Huh. I didn't know the plural of pancreas was pancreata.

"Yeah!" said Rainbow Dash, smacking her forehooves together. "So fix Pinkie and we'll beat your face in!"
"Um, I think you meant or we'll beat her face in," said Fluttershy."
"I know what I said!"

:rainbowlaugh:

I guess if Starbucks called it the Pinkie Pie Frappucino, it would violate copyright laws, as well as give away the main ingredient.

“The power! The absolute power!
The medium is MINE to command!
TO CONTROL!”

I see what you did there. At least Sunshine didn't get sucked into a lamp.

Congrats on the feature!

"Defenstration is the act of throwing someone out of a window," said Pinkie.

That may be, but it will always sound like something to do to calm down overly aroused stallions... permanently. :pinkiecrazy::fluttershyouch:

8119012 Hmm... a proper nerd drink.

Earl Grey tea.

Appropriately demented. Also, can confirm that "sour birthday cake and shame" is an appropriate descriptor for the drink.

8116783

"Even the party pony acknowledges my destiny! Now watch as I claim my birthright!" She began to suck.

This story's biggest sin is that the "she" delivering this joke is not Starlight Glimmer.

8117922
Thanks again! :pinkiehappy:

8117923
Just remember that "choose a color" effects only work that way under Un-rules. And that depending on your eye color, you can also make brown or grey mana. Also, you can change colored contact lenses whenever you could cast an instant.

8118646
Goodness no! She's a much higher order of laughter elemental. Technically, she was a shaman at the beginning of the series, but the Rainbow Power transmuted her into an expression of thalian energy.

8119048

Huh. I didn't know the plural of pancreas was pancreata.

"Pancreases" is also acceptable, but I'm a sucker for unusual plurals.

I guess if Starbucks called it the Pinkie Pie Frappucino, it would violate copyright laws, as well as give away the main ingredient.

Indeed. Besides, you'd basically have to serve it with a cotton candy garnish, and buying enough for every participating Starbucks would not be cheap.

I see what you did there. At least Sunshine didn't get sucked into a lamp.

Good to see someone caught one of the references in that rant. But yeah, it definitely felt appropriate for one who tasted true Laughter.

Congrats on the feature!

I'm still kind of dumbfounded that this got to the box. Not complaining, mind you, but dumbfounded.

8119986
Not if you pronounce it correctly.

8121316
Good to know I got it right.

This story's biggest sin is that the "she" delivering this joke is not Starlight Glimmer.

This was for the Time Action Glory Challenge. Besides, I think I've done enough to Starlight in my stories for the time being.

8121454 Pronunsikayshun iz stoopid! :derpytongue2:

Defenestration is the act of throwing someone out of a window," said Pinkie.

There's a word for that? Huh. I need to add that to my vocabulary right away.

Login or register to comment